Finn
It was worst case scenario moment.
My mother, standing in the doorway, her jaw on the floor. And my precious little girl Lilah, staring at me uncomprehendingly. Thinking that it was her mother in the bed. Her little mind must have just flipped to an old memory, of her mother and I in bed. We used to often let her come into the bed of a morning, to snuggle.
I bustled them both out, to give Amber a chance to get up and get dressed. My face was burning as we made our way to the living room.
“Finn.” Mum turned to me. “It’s a bit indelicate, isn’t it?” She raised her eyebrows, and looked at Lilah.
“You are the one that barged into the bedroom with her,” I said, crossly.
“Because I didn’t know if you were home,” she said. “I thought I heard a noise coming from there. I certainly wouldn’t have opened the door if I had any suspicion of...” She trailed off, giving me a disapproving look.
“We are engaged, Mother,” I said, evenly. And, really, as far as she knew, that was the truth. There was no reason to look so shocked and disapproving at having caught me making love to my fiancée.
Lilah tugged at my sleeve. “Is Mummy here?”
I crouched down so that I was on her level, staring into those baby blue eyes.
“No, Mummy isn’t here,” I said, slowly. “Remember how we talked about Mummy, and how she is in the sky now, in heaven? She can’t come to see us anymore, Lilah.”
My heart broke as I saw her bottom lip start to tremble. I had thought that we were over this, that she had finally understood that her mother wasn’t coming back.
“I want Mummy,” she wailed, tears spilling down her face. Oh God, this never got any easier.
“Hey, honey.” Amber was suddenly there, all dressed. But she refused to look at me.
“Do you want me to read you our special story?” She said to Lilah. “You know, the one that we always read when you miss your mummy.”
Lilah looked at her, choking back the sobs. But she slowly nodded her head, and let herself be led to her bedroom. I breathed a sigh of relief. I just didn’t know how to handle moments like these. I suppose it was why I had buried myself in my work since Erin’s death. But Amber had known. This was obviously something they had done together, to help Lilah cope.
A wave of tenderness washed over me, at the thought of Amber sitting down with Lilah, reading a story to help explain why her mummy was never coming home.
Amber was a rare one, that was for sure.
“Well, it looks like everything’s back to normal,” said my mother. She picked up her handbag. “I need to get back to your father.” She paused, looking at me. “You’re not going to like what I’m going to say, Finn. But I think it’s best to speak my mind.”
“Go ahead,” I said, rolling my eyes. My mother always thought it best to ‘speak her mind.’
“It’s too soon, Finn.” Her voice had a determined edge. “Lilah hasn’t recovered, and I don’t think you have, either. And what do we know of this Amber girl? She’s probably just as flighty as all of them.”
“All of them?” I raised an eyebrow. “What are you talking about, Mother?”
“You know. The help,” she whispered, dramatically. “They can’t be relied upon. You think they have settled in and then suddenly, they disappear.”
“Amber isn’t ‘the help’ anymore, Mother,” I said. I could feel anger growing inside me. “She’s my fiancée.”
“Yes, well, that doesn’t change a thing. She started out as the nanny, and they’re all the same.”
“Mother,” I said, trying to control my temper. “Thanks for your good opinion. But I am engaged to Amber. She is a lovely girl, not flighty or temperamental. Look at how marvellously she just dealt with Lilah. I won’t hear a word against her.”
She clutched her handbag, tighter. “You will do what you want, of course,” she said. “But hasn’t she said that she wants to go back to the States, to pursue her law degree? What happens to you and Lilah then? If you are going to take a new wife, Finn, you need someone who will devote all of her time and effort to you and Lilah.” She pursed her lips.
I heard a noise behind us. I turned, to see Amber standing there, looking confused.
“Amber…” I said, but she just looked at us, before returning to her bedroom.
“Thanks, Mother,” I said, frowning. “I think Amber heard everything you just said.”
But my mother simply walked down the corridor, her head held high.
“I meant every word I said.” She kissed me on the cheek. “Think about it, Finn. You and Lilah deserve so much more.”
I closed the door on her, glad to see her gone. What a mess. Lilah, upset because she thought she had seen her dead mother. Amber, pissed off with me because she had overheard my mother rubbishing her. And I tried very hard to not think about what had just happened between us, prior to my mother’s interruption.
Her silky smooth legs. Those beautiful breasts. The unbelievable sensation of plunging into her. I still couldn’t believe that I had taken her virginity. It was the last thing I had expected her to say. But I had been past the point of no return. She was driving me crazy, and I had to have her.
But what now?
Would she still want to speak to me, after what she had overheard? And how did I feel, having deflowered her? It added a whole other level of complication to an already severely complicated situation.
I went over to the bar, and poured myself a whiskey. I might have bitten off more than I could chew. I just didn’t know what to do.