As soon as the plane touched down, I rushed home wondering where Kael’s been because I haven’t received the morning call I got every day since I’ve been with Kota, which is unusual. He sent me a text saying that there’s a contract he’s busy with, but other than that he’s not called. He’s so protective and all consuming. For him not to reach out is strange. As I push tentatively through the front door and step inside, I’m met with the deafening silence of an empty house.

A week is a long time away from him and I’m sure he’s feeling it too. I miss him. “Kael?” Silence greets me. It’s an eerie sound in the large living space. “Babe?” Once again my voice echoes and calls to an empty house. An icy chill of fear runs deep in my veins, and I wonder if something’s happened. The thought niggles in my mind, and even though I was ready to come home sooner, I didn’t let Dakota know I was worried about him.

I was torn. She needed me, and I needed him. But after everything we’ve been through, I figured he was just busy with his contract. There are times when he hides in his studio, and I get that, but this feels different. Something is off. As soon as I pad into our bedroom—and find it empty—doubt slowly seeps into my mind.

Doubt about us. About him.

It’s stupid, I know this, but I’ve always had this weakness when it comes to him. The memories of the last time he walked out slam into me full force, leaving me breathless and afraid. My blood chills, wondering if someone from our past has caught up to us. Perhaps one of my old clients. Or maybe…my father? No. It can’t be. Would he do something to Kael? I haven’t seen him or tried to contact him or my mother since I was freed. After learning what he did, I wished he were dead. Perhaps that’s not good, but I couldn’t help myself. My anger at the man I loved for eighteen years of my life is overwhelming.

Racing back into the kitchen, I pull out my phone and hit dial on his number. After two rings, it goes to voice mail. When I tap the call button again, I’m met with the same automated message that he’s not available and to leave a message. My mind duels with possibilities of what could have happened to him. Of him packing and leaving, which doesn’t make sense. Things were good between us. At least, they were the last time we spoke, which was yesterday morning. Almost twenty-four hours have passed and all I have is a text message.

My body wracks with a sob so harsh and so deep, I feel it in my bones and collapse on the tiles.

He’s left. He must have.

Why would he be avoiding my calls?

I try his phone again—this time it goes directly to voicemail. Not a ring, not a beep, nothing. Just silence.

It doesn’t make sense. He wouldn’t just walk out on us. Could he? I’m tempted to call Dakota, but she and Axel are working through their own hurdles. For the first time in a long time, I’m truly alone. I’ve spent years depending on myself, but once I got used to having Kael back, I let my independence slip just a little, and now he’s gone and I feel as if I’m lost.

I push up from the floor and head into the bedroom. Pulling open the closets, I find his black duffle gone. There are jeans and shirts in messy piles, which is unlike him. As if he packed in a hurry.

I head toward the bed and flop onto it. Thoughts of him leaving me poison my mind. Images of him walking away make breathing difficult. Maybe he realized he was better off without me while I was away. Or there’s someone else. Someone better. Did I even mean anything to him?

Doubt is a bitch. She strolls in with confidence oozing from every pore. Gripping you by the heart and seducing your mind with negativity so deep-rooted it blackens your soul. And as I lie there in the darkening room, I find her my best friend. The last time I lost Kael it almost killed me. This time, though, I think it will succeed.

Tears sting my eyes. The salty wetness flows like an emotional waterfall down my heated cheeks. The ache in my heart is unlike anything I’ve ever felt. It steals my breath. It shakes me to the very core of my being. It’s as if the silence is mocking me, taunting me, telling me how unworthy I am of a man like him. All those years ago he walked out without so much as a backward glance. I know it wasn’t his fault, but in the confusion swirling through my mind, it feels as if he’s done it again.

Granted, the last time was because of his father. But this time it’s on him.

Pushing off the bed, I let my anger and fear get the better of me. I head straight for the liquor cabinet and find the man I’m looking for. It’s childish. I should call Kota and Axel, but right now, all I want to do is wallow. I want to cry. My heart hurts, as if it’s been ripped from my chest and sliced open, bleeding my emotion onto the floor at my feet.

Grabbing the bourbon, I murmur, “Hello, Jack.” I grin at the bottle and crack the lid. He couldn’t even leave me a fucking note. A Dear John letter. There’s just nothing.

Padding over to the kitchen, I find the small shot glasses Dakota bought me for my birthday. When I read the message on the side, I can’t help giggling through the tears. Smile if you swallow. “Yes, Kitten, I do indeed. Mr. Jack will be my man tonight.” Once I’ve gotten what I need—glass, bottle, tissues—I flop onto the sofa and down shot after shot. I swallow them all, and along with each burning gulp, the anger and frustration and all the years of pain without the man I love, make their way into my bloodstream.

xxx

“Phoenix.” A soft whisper at my left ear rouses me from a dreamless sleep, or I may have passed out. I’m not sure. “Paige, baby.” The voice is louder now. It’s right inside my head, drumming at the inside of my eyes, and it hurts.

Throb. Bang. Throb. Shit.

“Jesus, baby, how much did you drink?” A sweet smell hits me right in the gut, and the alcohol I’d consumed the night before swirls like a tornado in my stomach. A shiver wracks my body, and I’m suddenly freezing. Water running alerts me that I’m no longer on the sofa, but in the bathroom.

When I dare crack my eyes, I find Kael staring back at me. Concern etched on his perfect face. “Kael?” The word feels foreign, and I’m certain I’m dreaming. I’m lost to the agony that engulfed me last night. “You’re real?” His touch is warm, searing my skin.

“I am, baby. Why the hell did you finish a bottle of bourbon on your own?” he questions, confusion furrowing his brows in earnest. A second wave of nausea hits me. I push him away, falling to my knees at the porcelain bowl. My body convulses painfully. My hair is tugged back, but I swat his hand away.

The shower is still running, but I don’t care about that as the pain morphs into anger. “Fuck you. Get away from me.” His body stills beside me, and confusion mixed with anger swarms around him. I’ve spoken out of turn. He was the one who left without so much as a fucking note, and now suddenly he’s trying to be caring.

Arms encircle me, and once again, the whiff of sweetness fills my nostrils. His shirt. It’s coming from Kael, and more anger hits me, punches me so hard my body convulses with a cry, a sob, a fucking painful reminder that he left and now that he’s back, he smells of someone else.

“What the fuck is wrong with you, Phoenix?” he bites out in frustration, and I meet his dark glare.

“I said, get the hell away from me. If I have to smell someone else on you, I’ll rip your fucking balls off!” I hiss in anger. Instead of the angry retort I expect him to blast me with, he chuckles. The sound feels foreign in my mind. He shouldn’t be laughing. How can he do this to me? He was with someone else and now he’s laughing at me? Rage consumes me, and I see red. Fisting my hands, I plough them into his solid chest, and he allows it. Only two punches with each hand before he grips my wrists so hard, I yelp.

“Stop. Stop it now or I will tie you up and fuck you raw,” he grunts and tugs me over to him. My legs automatically straddle him. His gaze burns into me, boring a hole right through my gaping chest. “I wasn’t with another woman last night, baby. Well, not in the way you think,” he murmurs, burying his nose in my neck and inhaling my scent. “You smell. Let’s get you showered.”

“I’m not going anywhere until you tell me why you smell like perfume. And it’s not mine,” I bite back, ripping my hands from his. I scramble off him and rise to full height.

When he finally stands up, he rakes his fingers over the beard he’s been growing. “I was with Samael and Freya. I probably smell like Layla, their daughter.”

“Oh.” My anger slowly dissipates, and my glower softens into a sheepish stare.

“Jesus, you’re a little firecracker. Aren’t you, baby?”

“Why weren’t you answering any of my calls?” Peeking up at him through my lashes, I meet those dark eyes. He watches me for a moment before sighing. He knows I’m stubborn, there’s no way he’s going to get away from an explanation right here, right now.

“I was doing something…” His words taper off and I watch something flicker behind his expression. “Illegal. I needed to focus so I turned my phone off.”

“Illegal?” I squeak, causing the throb in my mind to return with a vengeance. “What? I mean. You were with Sam?” He nods.

“I’ll explain once you’ve showered and you’re awake. Please baby, it’s important.” This time he implores me, and I relent. I nod and he offers an ominous smirk. “But, let me tell you something.” He pulls away, meeting my emerald gaze. “If you ever think I’m cheating on you, I’ll spank your ass so fucking red that you’ll not be able to move for at least a month. I don’t want anyone else, you’re mine. You’re my forever. My love, my life, my heart. Do you understand me?”

“Yes, I just—”

He interrupts me by placing a finger on my lips, silencing my words. “There’s nothing else to say on this matter. Tonight I’ll punish you accordingly, because you’ve got me hard as fuck and I can’t do it now. We need to talk.” His face falls, and I realize this must be serious.

“What is it about?”

“Get in the shower. I’ll be right back.” He leaves me in the steamy bathroom, and I shed my clothes which smell of puke and bourbon. My stomach roils at the stench, and I quickly deposit the offending items in the laundry hamper.

Stepping under the spray, I allow it to wash the sadness from my mind and the ache from my heart.

He didn’t leave me.

How could I have even thought that?

Because he’s done it before. I realize the agony from the first time I lost him has propelled a fear of abandonment that he’ll do it again.

As much as he’s promised me forever, sometimes that bitch called doubt steps in and tangles her claws in my mind.

“Get out of your head, Firebird,” he growls from behind me. I spin on my heel to find Kael in all his naked glory. His body is perfect, with a smattering of dark chest hair, which gives him a manly look that leaves my thighs clenching.

“I’m…”

“Turn around, face the wall and bend at the waist.” His command is strong and harsh, but the slight growl that rumbles in his chest tells me he’s ready to mark me. And I so want him to do that. To make me ache and scream. For him to show me how much he owns me.

I wait for the slap or the tip of his cock to tease me, but it’s only when I feel a finger at my puckered hole do I gasp. “What—”

“Teaching you a lesson in respecting your Master,” he tells me easily. I can hear the smirk in his tone. I’ve fucked up I know that, and he’s going to enjoy punishing me. “Place your hands on the tiles and hold on, baby,” he murmurs as he slowly teases a finger into me.

The sensation of him fingering my ass is too much causing me to mewl loudly. The sound bounces off the tiles and through the cascading spray, I revel in the sensations racing through me.

Another finger joins the first and as he scissors me open, my legs begin to tremble. I’ve never had an orgasm from anal alone, but the way Kael is taunting me, I’m sure it will happen. But, as suddenly as it started, he pulls both fingers from me and replaces them with something cold.

“Just breathe, relax.” We’ve played with toys before, but this feels bigger, thicker. The metal plug slips past the tight ring and I’m immediately filled to the max.

“God...” A moan falls from my lips.

“That’s Sir to you, Phoenix.” He chuckles and rains a harsh slap on each cheek. My body quivers, and I instinctively push back against his crotch. A feather light touch strokes my bare lips and circles my clit. An orgasm taunts me, tightening everything below my belly button, but as soon as I grasp the feeling, his fingers leave me wanting, panting, and aching. “Let’s see how long you can last.”

With that, he steps out of the shower and grabs a towel, wrapping it around his waist.

“But—” I rise to find myself alone and needy. Torture. He’s torturing me.

Jesus, I’m in for a long day.