CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
SERAPHINA
It wasn't naivety that forced my bare feet forward over the grass. And it wasn't hubris either. A better description of what powered my undernourished, exhausted body into a full sprint across Aiden's lawn was what I can only call a death rally - that last moment of absolute clarity that occurs just before a person's soul is forever ripped from their body. The last fight before they are lost forever.
I was about to die under that tree. Maybe not physically, but spiritually. As Anthony had said to me, my heart would still beat and my lungs would still draw in air, but my soul was being ripped away by that vile game Aiden was playing.
This was my death rally - my final moment of clarity before my soul was ripped away entirely. It was the piston pumping my legs, the ragged, labored breath that beat through my lungs. It was the moment when I acted in a way that gave me some small semblance of pride, even if I knew I'd eventually get caught.
I wish I could say that I'd run far, or that I'd put up one hell of a fight when caught. But's that not what happened.
Possibly running only two hundred feet, I made it past a row of tall shrubs before being tackled to the ground from behind. I vaguely remembered hearing my name being called as I ran. And I vaguely remember the exotic cadence to the caller's voice.
Caged between strong arms, I was brought to the ground with ease. I braced for the impact, but it wasn't necessary. He twisted his body just enough to take most of the impact for me.
Despite his attempt to cushion my fall, pain shot through me, an electric current that thrummed within my bones. Anthony didn't give me time to react more than opening my eyes to see his face. Before I could open my mouth to scream, he had me pinned beneath him with his hand covering my mouth.
"You need to stop and think before you move or make a sound."
If not for his weight already pinning me to the ground, I would have been stuck in place by the fierce intensity of his gaze. I struggled beneath him for a few seconds, but without the strength to push him away, without the will to look at him with utter hatred, I relaxed, and his body relaxed along with mine.
Our chests were pressed so tightly together that it felt like for every breath I inhaled, he exhaled at the same time. It was a moment of give and take, of synchronicity between two people who were opposites and yet still the same.
"If I uncover your mouth, do you promise not to scream?"
Nodding my head, I blinked away tears that stung my frightened eyes. I hated those tears. Hated the weakness they portrayed.
His hand pulled free of my mouth, allowing me to drag in a deeper breath. Slowly, he lowered his arms to my side, using his elbows to support his weight so I was no longer crushed by the sheer size of him. Studying my face for several seconds, the skin between his eyes wrinkled with frustration. "What in the name of Hell are you doing? You couldn't have possibly thought you'd make it off his property. You're smarter than that, Sera."
A bark of humorless laughter burst over my lips. "That's what my last owners said, that I'd never make it. But I tried anyway. And look at me now."
"Yes, look at you now. I pulled you from thin air after you tossed your body off a cliff. I bathed you and tended to you when you refused to do it for yourself. And now, I'm stopping you from making another mistake that endangers your life."
"What good is my life if my soul no longer exists?" Tears burst even more as I asked the question, every beat of my heart a painful reminder of the life I'd lived. "What good is my body if the person I am inside is dead?"
Anthony didn't respond, but I saw something I couldn't name. A shadow perhaps, or a spark of sorrow, flashed behind his amber eyes.
"Don't you care about me at all? Not the skin and bones that cage me, but the woman I could be if I wasn't locked in utter agony every day of my life?"
Eyes searching mine, Anthony shifted above me, but didn't release me to run again. I didn't blame him for the caution. If he let me go, I would just attempt another escape, sacrifice myself to Aiden's ire just to say I tried to fight for the woman I'd become over years of devastation and torment.
Finally coming to some unspoken conclusion, Anthony sighed, one hand reaching up to brush the hair from my face, to dry the tears that wet my cheeks.
"How am I to care for a woman that never cared for herself? Even before Aiden found you, you had nothing-"
"I had a son," I argued, "a life that wasn't spent crawling for the whims of some abusive freak who only cared to hurt me."
"You gave birth to a son, yes. But you didn't have him. He was taken from you, Sera. Even before you left the hospital, he was given to someone who could care for him because you didn't give enough of a damn to care for yourself."
Shock widened my eyes, the lump caught in my throat, preventing me from demanding how he knew all the intimate, painful, details of my life.
"And when Aiden found you in that park, you had a needle hanging out of your arm while the soul you claim to care about was on its way to whatever afterlife awaited you. So don't tell me you give much of a damn about it now. Don't even try to hold it against me that I haven't fought hard enough to protect something you've been determined to throw away for years. You've had your entire life to save yourself, whereas I’ve only had a few days."
He pushed off of me, and when I thought he would climb to his feet to drag me back under the tree where Aiden waited, he surprised me by sitting down at my side. His hair was a mess around his head. His shirt was stuck to his chest and shoulders from sweat. Even mussed, he was the most beautiful man I'd known.
"Why do you care, Anthony?" I whispered the question because I wasn't sure it should be asked. I wasn't sure I was ready to hear him tell me that he really didn't care as much as I thought he did.
In a long line of years filled with the bleak, dark shadow of trauma, heartache and regret, Anthony was the first glimpse of light I'd seen.
He hesitated, his eyes darting away as a myriad of emotions shadowed his expression. After several seconds, I believed he wouldn't answer, but then his lips parted and a breath of pure angst blew over the soft skin.
"There was once a time in my life where I was no better than Aiden. I was a younger man. Proud and arrogant. I didn't care as much as I should and I believed that I was so practiced in what I do that I couldn't make a mistake."
Anthony paused, his eyes still averted, as if he were looking at some distant memory rather than the present moment. "My arrogance cost me my heart. And I have punished myself since that moment. I haven't trained a courtesan - haven't taken a lover since that day."
Pulled away from the past, he finally looked at me, utter sorrow shimmering over the amber color that sparkled beneath the sunlight. "If ever I could find redemption for my crimes, it would be because I succeeded in an area where I'd previously failed."
Not fully understanding what he was saying, I pushed my body up off the ground and reached out to touch his cheek with my palm. My voice a bare whisper, I asked, "Am I your redemption?"
Rather than answering, he held my stare.
"Am I?" I asked again.
With eyes shadowed by doubt, and with lips so smooth and plump that I wondered what they would feel like against my own, Anthony responded, "You are Seraphina, a courtesan and a woman who has captivated me like no other has been able to do in a long time."
It wasn't a statement that answered my question precisely, but it was a statement that touched my heart. For the first time in what was most likely my entire life, another person had looked past all the masks I wore, all the mistakes I've made, and saw the woman inside me.
I am Seraphina...a courtesan who would only truly serve one Master...
Inching my body closer to his, I held his stare. "Will there ever be a day when I can call you my Master?"
His lips pulled into a thin line, his brow wrinkling with dismay that I had to fight not to reach up and smooth away. There was true sorrow in him, sorrow so deep that only another person who carried its weight would see it for what it was.
I, too, carried that pain, and the ache of his heart matched mine, beat for bloody beat.
"I can't make you promises," he finally admitted. "But if I were to try and strip you from Aiden's grasp, I have to, at the least, warn you of who I am." His hand gripped mine, his thumb rubbing over the knuckles of my fingers.
Unsure as to what he would say, I waited silently for whatever warning he could make. It couldn't be worse than what I'd already lived through...it couldn't be worse than a hole in the ground filled with the bodies of your friends.
"I'm a difficult Master," he began, his eyes holding mine as if daring me to continue seeing the man before me. I didn't give ground or refuse to look away from the naked truth he was telling me.
"I demand absolute submission, Sera. Not game playing. Not a mask that is worn in order to appease the Master that controls you. I will see through whatever mask you wear, and I will punish any games you attempt to play against me. Your pain, your tears, the whimper that falls from your lips - none of those will be enough to make me hesitate in my authority over you. Regardless of your past, I will exercise that authority whenever and however I see fit. Will you be able to handle that? Will you be able to truly submit?"
Although I winced at thought of violence at Anthony's hands, I realized very quickly that he'd just now given me something no other man had given me before.
Anthony gave me a choice.
He gave me the honest truth so that I could make that choice without the blinders created by lies.
When you've been handed nothing in life but unfulfilled promises and abuse at the hands of barbaric men, the simple truth has more value than diamonds or gold.
"I will," I answered, "I can, if it's for a man like you."
He nodded, his throat visibly working to swallow down the thoughts stirring behind his beautiful eyes.
"It won't be easy, Sera. Especially my first demand."
Dread trickled down my spine with spindly legs that reminded me of all the awful and horrible things that you find in damp, dark places. Biting the inside of my cheek, I swallowed down the fear that threatened to suffocate me, blinking my eyes once just to bring moisture to the places where they burned.
"What is your first demand?"
He didn't grin. Didn't smile. Didn't offer me even a small drop of comfort before answering, "You must submit fully to Aiden."
My heart stopped - literally - the pain in my chest tightening until the chambers found the ability to beat again, to pump blood through veins collapsing beneath the burden of the one demand I wasn't sure I could survive.
Breathing in deeply as if oxygen alone could settle the tremor in my body, I opened my mouth several times before my voice found the strength to crawl across my lips.
"I'm not sure I can do that. I hate him."
"I know you do. But what you feel for him isn't the issue, it's how you behave despite your feelings. And, to be honest, I don't believe it's him you hate."
My eyes narrowed, my brow wrinkling with contempt and confusion. "Who else would I hate? He's the one that sold me off to monsters. He promised me a pretty life, but led me into one filled with vile and disgusting men. For years, I'd convinced myself that I was just being punished for some bullshit rule I failed to follow. I made myself believe he would come back." A lump of anger caught in my throat, but I forced myself to speak around it. "He never did."
Anthony studied my face. His hand came up to cup my cheek, and his thumb brushed across my lips. "What I see is not a woman who hates a man, but a woman who hates herself for still loving that man."
I felt the crimson stain across my cheeks. It burned my skin, my anger such a searing flame that I was surprised Anthony didn't pull his hand away in pain. Through clenched teeth, I argued, "I do not love him."
"Not in a way that makes you want him as your Master again, no. But in a way that scares the shit out of you because you don't understand why it still hurts to see him care for another."
It made me uncomfortable that Anthony could plainly see truths that I hid from myself. Like a surgeon, he sliced me open, poking at parts inside me I knew were there but had never fully acknowledged.
"It's normal to feel the way you do about your first Master, Sera. Every courtesan does. Rarely, does a Master keep the courtesans he trains. It is not our role to fall in love. Our purpose is to prepare the courtesans for the men who will eventually care for them. But as those courtesans find their place within their new life, beneath the hand of the men who own them, there is always a small part of their hearts that remain with the Masters that procured them. We are the first men to whom those women exposed themselves fully, the first men with whom those women found total sexual freedom."
My head shook weakly, my mind wanting to scream in refusal while my heart beat in time with the truth he was telling. "I don't think I can handle bowing at his feet. Not him, not without wanting to scream in rage each time I do it."
His eyes shimmered beneath the brilliant rays of the sun, a touch of amusement curling the corner of his lip. "Such obstinence, Sera. If you're not careful, it'll be a part of you I'll have to direct my focus on."
Patting my cheek softly, he pulled his hand away, and that glimmer of the human being beneath the Master's mask was gone. "When that rage overtakes you, you'll do yourself a favor by remembering it's a result of your heart's reaction to Aiden more so than anything he's doing to you. But if you truly want to submit to my whims, then you will swallow that rage and bow if he demands it of you."
Already knowing I would do whatever it took to please the man beside me, I asked, "Why would you want me to submit to another Master?"
"Because I need time, Sera. There are complications in this, rules that not even I can break. And if you hope to escape the worst forms of punishment, if you truly want to submit to me in all ways that I ask, then you must submit fully to the man who owns you now."
I was traveling through a dark tunnel, it seemed, one filled with jagged edges and sharp teeth. Monsters peeked through the crevices and reached out with their massive claws, shredding me into tiny pieces as I ran to the one distant light I could see.
If I stopped, I may never reach that light, but if I endured, if I refused to lie down and give up all that mattered inside me, I had every chance of reaching the end, of climbing out of the shadowed pit to finally raise my face to the sun.
"I'll do it," I promised, determination a current beneath my skin.
Anthony nodded. "Then I'll do everything I can to fulfill the promise I've made to you."
Glancing in the direction from which we'd both run, Anthony sighed heavily before saying, "I think it's best we get back. Aiden doesn't appreciate being kept waiting."
Climbing to his feet, he helped me to mine. I waited for him to take the lead, obediently following at his back. My head was tilted down, my eyes were up just enough to watch where I was walking.
I wasn't new to the expectations of the courtesans. Anthony didn't need to instruct me as to polite and submissive behavior. I already knew my place, and I already knew I would do whatever it took to prove my total, unquestionable submission to him. He was the only escape I had.
We reached the tree to find that Aiden and the blond woman I remembered from the dark room were the only two people beneath it.
"It's about time the two of you returned."
Aiden’s eyes shot to me and I slowly dropped to my knees in respect. With a picture perfect smirk full of satisfied amusement, he said, "How well trained you are, Sera."
His shrewd gaze darted between Anthony and me. "Has something happened that I should know about?"
"No," Anthony answered immediately and succinctly.
Interest arched Aiden's brow, "If you say so."
His expression lost all hint of emotion. "Sera, go back to the tree. We weren't finished with our game."
My eyes clenched shut, my legs trembling as I gathered together what little courage I had to even attempt playing with Aiden. "May I speak, Master?"
Silence followed for several beats, Aiden's stony expression unchanging as his gaze dissected me. "Yes."
Willing myself to speak, willing myself to set my pride aside and do what Anthony had demanded of me, I said, "I have something I'd like to give you before I go to the tree. As an apology for running away."
One smooth movement and he was on his feet walking toward me. Confidence was the line of his shoulders and authority was his stride. Reaching me, he knelt in front of me and gripped my chin with his hand.
His voice deceptively soft, he asked, "Are you fucking with me right now?"
"No, Master."
His response was slow and precise. "Because if you're fucking with me right now, I'll not only fuck you beneath that tree until you're begging me to stop, but I'll also tie you to the damn thing and let you stay there overnight to think about what you've done."
Terror laced with fury shot through my body, but I clenched my fingers and forced my lips apart on a response. "I want to give you something."
Allowing his hand to slip from my chin and slide down my neck, he squeezed softly in warning. "And what could you possibly have to give me?"
One blink to alleviate the dryness of my eyes and I swallowed down the terror clogging my throat.
"The names of the owners I escaped."