Chapter 39
Detective Casey
People came. People went. Anna’s mother didn’t leave her side for days. The looks she threw me when Anna wasn’t paying attention sent my anger through the roof, but what could I do? She was never away from her daughter, and the last thing I wanted to do was upset Anna any more than she already was. The woman who stayed in a daze was one I didn’t know. She was silent—closed off. It broke my heart. All I wanted to do was hold her, but how did you hold someone who didn’t want you close? Every time I got within feet, brown eyes would jerk to me. The presence behind them told me to be cautious. There was something in her depths I didn’t like. Something that made the detective in me hesitant. I knew a threat when I saw one, and Anna…I had a bad feeling she was withholding secrets I couldn’t even begin to imagine.
The girl No One mentioned pushed into my thoughts. I tried to ignore it, but nothing could erase my memory of his admission. Anna had killed a girl. A girl she loved. And I’d seen her kiss that one outside the bar. A part of me wanted so hard to reject his words. To deny what was in front of my face. But I couldn’t. Loving her was my curse, and I knew it was going to come down to one thing: did I follow my heart, or do my duty? If Anna was dangerous, her victim deserved justice. Could I do it, though? Could I turn my back on the love I felt? I had already thought I lost her once. This could be our second chance. I could make her better. I had to make her better. And it wasn’t like she would kill again. I wouldn’t let her. Besides, she would have me.
I was a fool and letting my own secrets sway my decision. I knew that. Nothing would stop a murderer from getting their fix. But was that Anna? Was she so far gone? Before all of this, I would have said absolutely not. Now, I just didn’t know.
“Can I get you something? Water? Food? You haven’t eaten much in the last few days.”
My voice brought her eyes up from where she stared at the floor. Blonde hair frizzed in knots around her face and dark circles rested under her swollen eyes. Bruises were still evident on her cheek and just under her eyes. They were turning a yellowish-purple from the healing and looked horrible against her pale skin.
“You can leave.”
“Leave? But…I live here now, Anna. The lease is under my name. After your disappearance, they were going to move your stuff out and put the house back on the market. I talked them into letting me have it.”
Silence played out, but I didn’t miss the way her jaw continuously tensed while she stared at me. So much calculation in that glare. So many thoughts in her mind.
“Maybe I’ll leave.”
I took a few steps forward, stopping as her eyes narrowed even more.
“You’re very angry at me. Will you talk about it?”
Anna slowly rose and the blanket she had been curled in fell at her feet, as did the long nightgown she wore.
“Angry? You left me to rot. How long did you even search for me before you decided it wasn’t worth the trouble? Before you moved on to Janneke?”
Shaking took over her entire body and alarms overshadowed the need to comfort and console her. Where I should have been holding and reassuring Anna, an entirely different guilt—a false betrayal over Janneke—wouldn’t allow me to. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. I loved Anna with everything I had. Even now, seeing her so distraught and enraged, I hurt for her. Janneke was nothing to me. She wasn’t even on my mind like that.
“I never moved on, Anna. Never. I told you—”
“Lies! I saw the pictures. I saw your expression. That wasn’t a man in mourning. You betrayed me. Did you fuck that whore? Touch her?”
My head shook through the shock of her language as she began to circle around. She looked like a predator, ready to strike.
“You know I didn’t. You’re upset and your mind is creating something that isn’t even real. Let’s call Dr. Calter. She’ll help you. I’ll go in and we’ll talk to her together.”
“You’re not calling anyone.”
I stayed frozen at how it almost sounded like a threat.
“Then you should take some of your medication. It’ll help you calm down.”
“I don’t want to calm down. I want my baby back! I want my life back! I want…” Sobs and a scream combined while Anna’s hands shot up to pull at her hair. “I w-want my finger. I want to forget. F-Forget…”
“Dammit, Anna, so do I!” Caution be damned. Nothing could have held me back at seeing her crash to her knees. To hear the overwhelming pain in her tone sent tears racing down my own cheeks.
“Get off me! Get off!”
My arms tightened around Anna’s biceps and chest as she thrashed to get free.
“We’re not doing this anymore. You’re not keeping me away. Calm down, baby. Breathe. It’s okay. I’ve got you. I love you,” I said, moving closer to her ear.
“You don’t!”
“I do,” I growled. “I never stopped looking for you. Not for a moment. I had to have walked down every street in this city looking for something—anything that would lead me back to you. And that was every day. Every fucking day! God, it killed me. Don’t you see? This was him. He made you believe the worst of me because he wanted to mess with your head.”
Sobs grew heavier and she gave one last jerk before going limp in my arms. The fight was gone, but the crying wasn’t. And whether her submission was real or not had yet to be seen.
“I s-shouldn’t be here,” she stuttered out. “This isn’t real.”
“We’ve gone over this before.”
I kept my voice soft, pulling her more into my lap as we sat on the floor. Anna didn’t try to escape my hold as I lifted to cradle her.
“I don’t u-understand. It doesn’t make sense. I was just there. I was begging to be free so I could go to the doctor and he said no. He said no, Braden. Then…nothing. Nothing! I woke up, and now I have no baby. I’m not kidnapped anymore. The torture, the rape—gone. Like it was a nightmare. But it wasn’t. It makes no sense. He wanted me dead. Why would he set me free if he wanted me dead? He wouldn’t. This isn’t real.”
Anger sparked, but I didn’t allow any of what I was feeling to show in my body or voice. I kept myself relaxed under her, rocking back and forth.
“I know it’s confusing to you, but he must have known something was wrong. He thought the child was his. He’d…he…” a deep breath left me, “he didn’t want to be a bad father, so he must have felt like he had no choice.”
The sobs died out and Anna’s head slowly rose. For seconds, she blinked and stared ahead. “Of course. He’s going to come back for me. Yes. He’s going to come back.”
“No,” I snapped. “No, he’s not. It’ll be too risky, and he won’t chance it. Besides, we’re going to find him before the thought can cross his mind. Even as I speak, the FBI are closing in.”
“They won’t find him.”
The whisper was followed by more, but I couldn’t hear from the way she mumbled so quietly.
“We’ll find him. I give you my word.”
“Your word?” She raised an eyebrow, hesitating as if she wanted to challenge my integrity. “And if you don’t?”
For the first time, Anna looked up, meeting my eyes. There were so many emotions playing out over her face, it took me a moment to respond.
“If they don’t, I will. I’ll never stop looking for him, baby. We’re going to move on from this. We’re both adjusting to everything that’s happened, but we’re stronger than some psycho-bastard who tried to destroy us. I keep telling you I love you, and I do. We just have to have faith.”
“Faith?” A small laugh shook her. A crazed, mad laugh. “Faith is for fools, Braden. Or haven’t you figured that out? Faith gets your child taken from you. It gets you tortured, beaten, and raped. I prayed to God all day, every day, and he decided not only was I not worthy enough to show mercy for, but I was unfit to be a mother. He left me here, and there, to suffer. Now it will be his turn to feel my pain.”
“Anna, what are you saying?”
She blinked a moment longer than normal, washing the intensity from her eyes as she did so.
“I’m tired. I’m going to bed. I’ll start looking for a place tomorrow.”
My hold tightened as she tried to lift herself. “You’re not leaving. You and me, we’re not finished.”
“Says who? You? I’m already dead to you, Braden. You said so yourself. Or maybe you forgot you told No One you were glad I wasn’t suffering anymore. The reasons why are not relevant, so don’t even try to ease my pain by saying them. I was alive, and you didn’t find me. You were supposed to find me! Instead, you were having coffee with Janneke, reminiscing over who you thought was a ghost. Dead. You never accepted that I’d come back to you alive. Did you!”
Fists beat into my chest and tears welled while I pulled her in tightly, blocking her from hitting me anymore. Her words hurt. How she viewed the ways I coped with my grief hurt. But she was right. Deep down, I never thought I’d see her again. I had already tried to convince myself she was dead. Or would be. It didn’t mean I gave up, though.
“I was always looking, Anna. I never stopped. God, it fucking killed me. This is killing me!”
My true anger exploded through the room. Her crying grew harder, and me, I was right there with her. Crying. Praying. Seething. I had hoped each day would become easier. That at some point, Anna’s true emotions for me would break through and she’d love me again. If anything, she was more distant than ever. Where was the woman I had spent countless hours of the day searching for? Where was the woman who beautifully smiled up at me while she cooked us dinner? The one who I was going to ask to marry me? Where was she? Where was Anna?