Chapter 13
Boston
Had I wanted Lucy to need only me? Yes. And I was thriving and eating up every moment I could help her. Almost two weeks had passed since I’d turned the tables in our lives. We buried her mother. Jeff was still on the loose. And Lucy…
“Sit, baby. You need to eat.”
She was buried under the blankets, and it was already noon. All she wanted to do was sleep. Sitting for hours and watching her, I told myself she needed to adjust. She needed time to mourn. I wasn’t too impatient. Only when she slept for long periods of time. Like now. But she would obey when I told her to wake, and that made it okay.
“I’m tired.”
“You’re hungry. Up. Come on.”
A groan left her, and she sat. Tangled blonde hair covered her face and I reached up, rubbing it back as she remained sitting there with her eyes closed. Moments went by. Silence. Finally, she cracked her lids. They were red-rimmed and swollen from the bad dreams that kept her awake most of the night. Another pleasure I liked to take advantage of. I knew one way to calm her down, even though sometimes she tried to fight me when I touched her. If I didn’t know better, I’d guess she liked the fight. It was the thing that got her the wettest, and at that point, I couldn’t keep my hands off her. I liked the fight more.
“That’s my girl. Open.”
Lucy’s lips parted as I brought the beef stew to her mouth. They twisted, and she shook head as she forced herself to swallow.
“You don’t like it?”
“You can’t eat stew cold, Boston. You have to warm it up.”
“I did warm it up.” I pushed my finger into the center of a carrot, throwing a glare at the microwave before I frowned. “I’ll heat it up longer.”
“Don’t bother. I’m not hungry.”
“You’re going to eat.”
“But I don’t want to.”
At my silent stare, tears collected.
“Uh-uh. What did we talk about? No crying.”
“She wanted me to stay.” A sob. “Boston, she wanted me to stay home. What if—”
“We talked about this too.” I pulled Lucy onto my lap, rocking her. “What happened wasn’t your fault. Your mom was probably just tired and overwhelmed with everything going on. She was on medication. Maybe it just wasn’t enough.”
“But w-why? Why didn’t she come to me? Why didn’t she t-try to talk to me so I could help? If I would have thought...God, w-why didn’t I see it? I should have known she was so far gone, right? I mean…she was always tired. And she’d go to her room right after dinner. Why didn’t I suspect something was about to h-happen?”
“I don’t think any of us could have guessed how things turned out. I know you miss your mom. I know you’re hurting, but you have me. I love you. I love you more than anything in this world.”
“I know you do. I love you too.” She nuzzled into my neck, growing quiet through the gentle sway. Despite the episode, she was getting better. They weren’t lasting as long, and in a few more weeks, we could move on to our new normal—to our life together.
Grabbing the blanket, I carried her to the sofa while I headed back to warm up her stew. Lucy watched, but sat quietly.
“I was thinking maybe we could get out today. We need food, and a walk through the grocery store would do you good. Are you up for it?”
Her attention went down while she fumbled with her fingers. “I don’t know. I really don’t want to.”
“But you know you need to, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Good. Then after you eat, we’ll get you cleaned up.”
“Boston…we need to talk.”
“About what?”
Lucy’s eyes peeked up, but she lowered them again. “About lots of things. What are we doing?”
Beeping from the microwave sounded and I popped open the door, sliding the pot holder under the warm glass.
“We’re going day to day. We’re living. I’m not sure what you mean.”
“I mean with our lives. What are we doing? I’m sure Sarah would take me back at the theater, but I don’t want to work there for the rest of my life. My mom…she said something to me before I left. She didn’t want me to stop living my life because you and I got together. She didn’t want me to quit work or…grow up too fast, I think.”
“So, you’re referring to work, like jobs.”
“Well, yes. Sort of. I mean, everything in general. You go to school...or will be returning at some point. I have to figure out what I’m going to do.”
I carried the bowl over, contemplating her question as I handed it over.
“Go to school then.”
“It’s not that easy. I barely graduated from high school. I don’t have the sort of money your family does. I mean, maybe I can get some loans while I go to the community college, but…I don’t even know what I want to do. Why didn’t I take this seriously before? Why didn’t I listen to my mother when she talked about this a year ago?”
A sigh left me as I sat on the edge next to her legs. “You’re thinking too much. There’s no rush to do anything. I can’t even start up until next semester, and you have plenty of time to decide what you want.”
“I guess. But what will you do when the time comes?”
I got quiet, thinking it over. From what my mom told me, I drove the two hours to school daily. I knew this had to do with Lucy. But now that I had her…
“How would you feel about moving to the city?”
“The city?”
“Why not?”
“For one, it’s expensive. For two…it’s…” More tears collected in her eyes. “It’s so far from home.”
“But I’m your home now.” I grabbed her hands, preventing her from continuing to mess with them. “I’m your home. Let’s get a place together. Let’s go to school together. You talk about money, but don’t. That’s all on me. I just want you. Let’s make this work. We’ll leave this place and never look back.”
Silence.
“Think about it, baby. Give it time to soak in. You have to admit, there’s not much going on for you in this town. And there’s nothing wrong with a fresh start. I think we could both use one.”
“You’re right. Boston is far, but finding a good job will be easier, and going to school is a must.”
“Yes.”
Again, she was on the verge of crying. “What about Jeff?”
Anger ignited at his name. My jaw flexed, but I stayed calm. “What about him? He hurt you. Jeff needs help. Hopefully, they find him and he can get better. As for you, I don’t want him anywhere near you again.”
Wetness escaped and she wiped the tears as fast as they fell. She didn’t respond, but she didn’t have to. She wasn’t stupid. To be near Jeff would result in her getting hurt, and she knew it.
****
“How long are they going to follow us around?”
A smile came as I examined a jar of olives and placed them in the cart. “I don’t know. Maybe until they find Jeff? This is a small town. It’s not like they have anything else to do.”
“True. It’s just weird always seeing a cop car in the distance.” Lucy pointed to the spaghetti, and I tossed it in, kissing her as I moved to her side. Pride soared. Happiness flowed. Cops be damned, I was on cloud nine. I was always aware they were there, but I didn’t mind. Let Jeff try to come back for what was mine. I wasn’t unprepared. With the alarm always set at the guesthouse, I’d know if he tried to get in. And if he did, he’d regret it.
We walked farther, coming to a stop as Lucy scanned over the tomato sauces. Two kids raced by—a dark-haired boy and a young girl. The aisle rippled, changing as memories came flooding back.
“Take her with you, Jeff. Make sure you keep an eye on her, Jeff. Lucy, Lucy, Lucy. I’m so sick of Lucy.” Jeff held a hand basket, throwing in a loaf of bread and glaring back at his sister. Her head was slightly lower, and I got the impression she was around five years old. Her tiny frame stood away from us, but close enough so she wasn’t afraid. Jeff was being mean to her like he always was. I knew this as a wealth of knowledge returned. I could see within my memories, and the most defining one was the day I first saw her. They were the only two in the park. He was running around playing with some sort of action figure under a tree that had pink flowers, and she was standing amongst the fallen, looking so sweet as she smiled and pointed at the swings. Each step became harder as I glanced at the girl. Out of nowhere, he pushed her. My feet planted—shock hit…rage. A flicker of other memories barreled through on top of it. Other scenes of him somehow hurting her. Bully, bully, bully. Yes, he was that. It was the exact reason I befriended him. Not for him—for her.
“Ugh! Hurry up, Lucy.”
We were back in the grocery store. He walked faster, and so did I. I kept a pace behind him, just in case I needed to protect her from his constant abuse. With his mom working so much and his dad never home, Lucy was our responsibility. Ours—not just his.
We got in line, and I glanced behind me just as Jeff crushed his foot on top of her shiny black dress shoe. A small cry escaped, and her head went down lower as her shoulders curled in and shook. She was crying, and my all too well known hate for him grew as I reached for a sucker and crouched. When green eyes rose, her lip trembled. She had no interest in the sucker. Just me as she searched my depths.
“I want one too.”
Jeff’s whiny voice beckoned me to slam my fist into his mouth, but I reached up and grabbed another sucker instead, handing them over to him. He smiled, tossing them in the basket as he reached for a tabloid just short of the conveyor belt.
Slowly, I leaned in, keeping my voice down. She watched me, inquisitive for such a small child. Intrigued. “Don’t cry, Little Lucy. You’re too pretty to cry.”
“Boston?”
“Hmmm?”
Lucy’s hand was on my bicep, and it took me a moment to collect my thoughts.
“You remembered something, didn’t you?”
A smile came, and I couldn’t stop myself from pulling her into my arms. “I did. We were here. Me, you, and Jeff. You were so small. You had on a white and blue flowered dress with the frilly socks you used to love. And those shiny black shoes. Do you remember them? I think you wore them every day for a year. One day, you didn’t fit in them anymore and you cried. I remember that,” I breathed out, laughing.
“I do too.” She smiled. “Do you remember anything else?”
I went to speak, but gave a sad shake of my head. “No. Just little things like that. Even so little, you were beautiful. Cute.”
“You were the cute one. You were always there, watching over me. Sneaking me treats. For a while anyway. Then Jeff caught on and he wasn’t too happy about it.”
“Really? I don’t remember that.”
Lie. She didn’t have to know. If things turned out like I secretly hoped they would, Lucy didn’t need any suspicions on my account. Let her think the best. She didn’t need to know the worst.
“What else do we need?”
We turned down the next aisle and I glanced over the canned goods. “Well, how much house do you want to play? Right now, we’re at semi-serious. We have spaghetti and frozen pizzas. Are we talking three to four courses, because if that’s the case, I’d say things are getting into the super-serious category.”
“We did talk about moving to the city together, and I already live with you now. Any more serious and you’ll be carting me to Vegas. Let’s settle for two courses and frozen food. I’m more of a traditional girl myself.”
“And that’s why I love you. Pizza one night. Spaghetti and garlic bread the next. We’ll skip the salad, I guess.”
Lucy laughed, and that’s all it took for my soul to flourish. I couldn’t deny there was a twinge of wanting to claim her completely. To make her mine in not only my eyes, but in the eyes of the world. Someday…
“This one,” I said, pointing as we began to pass another aisle. “We need movie food.”
We turned down the snack aisle—chips, nuts, and cookies. Lucy bit her lip like a kid in a candy store, but it vanished just as fast.
“No.” My head shook. “You’re thinking you shouldn’t be happy.”
“I shouldn’t. It’s too soon.”
“Your mother would have wanted this. She wanted this, Lucy. Look at me.” I angled her face back toward me. “On our way to look for you, she and I talked. I told her how much you meant to me. How I loved you, and how I would do anything, and I mean anything, to keep you happy. She wanted nothing more. I didn’t understand it then, but she asked me to give you the best life I could, and I will honor her request for the rest of my days. So, smile, baby. Love every moment, because I do, and looking down on us, she’ll love what she sees too.”
Lucy’s arms flew around my neck, but a young woman coming toward us had the store fading away again.
“What’s the matter, Jeff? You don’t want to knock this one around? Maybe because she’s not Lucy. Here, let me.” Screams echoed through the small cabin room. A blonde was tied to the bed, bloody and cut up. Jeff was fucking her…and crying as he did. I gripped the knife, switching hands as my arm drew back. Bone crunched under her cheek from my fist. I reared back, moving to her nose as I flattened the bone from the endless hatred surging within.
“Hit her! Hit her like you hit Lucy! Do it!”
Pushing the blade into the side of his neck, I watched the skin split as I dragged the sharp edge an inch in length.
“B-Boston. Please, man. What the fuck! I don’t want to do this anymore.”
His sobs came harder as I let him see the real me. The monster I had kept locked away all these years. I meant to teach him a final lesson before I killed him. To humiliate and torture him with grotesque, evil acts he was too cowardly to commit. Him—not me.
“Hit. Her. Hit her!”
Muffled, unrecognizable pleas poured from the girl’s mouth—a girl I’d lured here just for him. She was from the city. From my school, although I didn’t pick her up there. It was in the park where there were no cameras nearby. We had never talked before that day, and the conversation was brief. She either wanted to go with me to make the movie right then and there, or I’d choose someone else. She had no time to debate or run her mouth to anyone. It was perfect.
“Come on, you fucking pussy.” I gripped his short blond hair, jerking back. “Show me the kind of man you really are. Hit her!”
I let go, and Jeff’s fist connected with her mouth. It was nothing, barely a hit at all. I laughed, and he reared back, connecting harder. Then, almost full force. He was crying so hard, he could barely breathe, whimpering while tears and snot dripped and mixed with the blood draining from her face. She was unconscious again. And I was only getting started.
“Boston!”
A gasp exploded from my mouth and pain nearly crippled me. My pulse hammered, every beat echoing in my head. The light blinded me and warmth ran from my nose.
“Oh my God. Oh God. Hold on.” Lucy dug in her purse, grabbing out some tissue and pushing it to my nose.
I could feel how wide my eyes were. How wild they were as I looked around jerkily, holding the basket so I wouldn’t fall to the floor completely.
“Talk to me. Come on, look at me.”
Green eyes leveled with mine, and I cupped the back of her head, pulling her forehead to rest against mine as I pushed myself to stand all the way.
“I’m okay.”
“Did you remember more? I tried talking to you, but you were gone. You didn’t even react when I shook you.”
“Yeah. Fuck, my head. I have the worst migraine.”
We turned, and Lucy held me. “We’re leaving. We’re done.” She let go of the basket, but we were already in line. “Should I call an ambulance?”
“No, no. Don’t do that. I just need to rest. Shit,” I groaned, closing my eyes.
Each noise stabbed my brain. Wheels from the carts squeaked and rattled. There was loud talking and laughter coming from not far away. Even though I wasn’t near the cleaning supplies, the smell made it to me, and my stomach roiled with the urge to throw up. Everything collided and my eyes snapped closed at the powerful light.
“You might have to drive us home. I don’t think I can.”
“Okay. Let’s just go. They can put the food away.”
I pulled her into my chest, hugging while I kept my eyes closed. Her concern—her love—meant everything. “This won’t take long. We need the food. Here.” My wallet rested in my back pocket, and I pulled it out with the key, handing them both to her. “I’m going to try to make it to the truck. Don’t…don’t talk to anyone you don’t know. Actually, I think I’ll stay.”
“Don’t be absurd, Boston. Go.”
The nudge on my chest had my eyes cracking open and I nearly growled as I leaned in, kissing her. When I pulled back and headed to the entrance, each step was torture. Water pooled at the sunlight, and I swayed as I saw my second vehicle in the distance. I hardly ever drove the damn thing, and found it resting in my parents’ garage.
Cabin. Yes…my truck. My special truck.