Courtney
I wake to someone licking my face. Okay, not someone, but something. Once my hand locates the source, I chuckle. Harvey Benjamin has joined us on the bed and is licking me like I’m his favorite new treat.
He’s not the only beast on me.
Rome’s naked body is curled around mine. His breathing is soft and even as he sleeps. I take a moment to enjoy the way his arm is possessively wrapped around my middle and his hand is splayed out over my ribs. Staying with him like this is perfect, but I need to get up and pee.
And clean myself up.
Shame ripples through me.
My head throbs and reality sinks in. I just slept with Rome. Again. We didn’t use protection. After the night I slept with those two men, I’d gone to the doctor to get tested for STDs. Luckily, they must have used condoms because my results came back clean. I’m upset with myself, though, because I got drunk and was careless. Just like back then. Bad things happen when you’re careless.
Bile creeps up my throat and I quickly escape Rome’s grip. Once in the bathroom, I stare down at the crusted-over evidence of what we did last night. I feel dirty and disgusting. A whore like he said. I can’t even look at my reflection in the mirror. Quickly, I wet a rag and scrub it away until my thighs and pussy are bright red and raw.
What would Raven say?
She would tell me to grow a backbone and stand up for myself. I should be telling Rome he needs to use condoms. But better yet, I should tell him that if he wants to sleep with me, he needs to treat me nicer. The things he said at the party were awful and hurtful. I’m not his plaything to use and abuse. I’m a person. With real feelings.
A choked sound escapes me.
I need to get out of here.
Out of his room. Away from him.
In the darkness, I fumble around until I pick up what feels like a shirt. It isn’t until I have it on that I realize it’s Rome’s T-shirt and smells just like him. I let out a heavy sigh as I slip out of his room. The house is dark, the party gone. I creep down the hallway and push into Raven’s room. As soon as I step inside and close the door behind me, I feel the panic melting away.
I can breathe again the moment I turn on the light and see all her things.
“I’m such a fuck up,” I mutter into the air, as if she can actually hear me. A sob catches in my throat. “I’m so sorry.”
She doesn’t answer.
Of course she doesn’t answer.
I make my way over to her desk and sit in the chair. A smile teases my lips as I thumb through her books. I find myself enthralled in another one of her poetry journals. I’m just flipping to the next page when a business card falls into my lap.
My blood runs cold.
Jackson McConnell. Civil Defense Attorney.
Why does she have Whitney’s dad’s card?
My stomach clenches in realization. Raven’s dad. She told me he was abusive. Could he have been hurting her too? Was she reaching out for help?
A shiver rattles through me. I hate that I was so blind in our friendship. Surely there was something I could have done. For one, I could have come clean sooner. I can almost guarantee she would’ve forgiven me. Had I been able to tell her in person. To hold her as she cried. To take her abuse as she hit me. We could have made it right. I just know it.
But I didn’t.
Our friendship was based on lies.
And in the end, the lies took her life.
I read a poem that is written on a sticky note and stuck to the first page.
The giant and the raven,
In slumber side by side.
Her other half loathes him.
But she soothes the giant to protect the part of her heart that lives.
Beneath.
Beneath.
The raven has the answers, but you have to dig.
Her other half will save the princess.
A door closes somewhere within the house and I jump. I slap the journal closed before dropping it back into the drawer. The bedroom door swings open, causing me to cry out in surprise.
Rome stands in the doorway.
Strong. Tall. Powerful. Imposing.
And sleepy.
His dark hair is messy and he rubs at his eye as he regards me with tired eyes. He’s thrown on a pair of loose boxers that hang low on his hips revealing his delicious “V” that makes my mouth water.
“What are you doing in here?” His voice is raspy from sleep.
“Me? Uh. Nothing,” I lie, my voice shaking.
He seems to tense up as he takes in the scene. My guilty face. Sitting at Raven’s desk. Papers strewn about. His body straightens and his signature scowl contorts his boyish handsome face into one that is hard and cruel. Rome doesn’t utter a word as he stalks over to me. I’m yanked from the chair and into his arms. He locks them tight around me as his words come out hot against my hair.
“I thought I told you to stay the fuck out of her room.”
I squirm in his arms and look up at him. “You’re not my boss.”
His fingers seize my jaw and he glares at me. “You’re in my fucking house, sheep.”
“You can’t control me.” My words shake as they come from my throat, but I feel brave in Raven’s room. Like she’s here with me, coaching me on what to say.
“Yes,” he snarls. “I can. You’re in my house. You do what I want.”
I squeak when he lifts me by the ass and sets me on the edge of the desk. My thighs are wrenched apart and his boxers are shoved down. Then, he’s inside of me. I moan and claw at his bare chest.
“You have to be nice to me,” I mutter, all resolve melting away when he touches my clit.
“This is nice.” His thumb rubs circles on my sensitive nerves as he slowly slides in and out of me.
Yes, it’s more than nice.
Oh, God.
“Please…”
“Please, what, sheep? Please fuck you until you cry?”
“You’re insane,” I breathe, my eyes fluttering closed.
His mouth finds my neck and he sucks me hard. He works me with his thumb as he drives into me.
Focus, Courtney.
“Rome,” I whimper, my body shaking with need. “You can’t just take it whenever you want.”
He nips at my throat. “Want me to stop?” Slowly, he begins withdrawing. I claw at his shoulders. “I didn’t think so, sheep.”
“We…condoms…”
He chuckles and slams hard into me. “I’m clean. And I’ll take my chances with you.”
Careless stupid man.
“Rome—”
His mouth finds mine and then we’re kissing hard. I get swept up into his vortex. He dizzies and confuses me. Steals me from my body and devours every part of who I am. I can’t think straight when Rome is consuming me whole.
I come with a shriek that sets him off. His hips thunder into me a few more hard thrusts before a blast of hot cum shoots inside of me. My pussy clenches desperately as if it can somehow keep him locked inside me forever.
“Stay out of her room,” he mutters.
I burst into tears.
Instead of pushing me away or yelling at me, he carries me over to the bed and sits. His strong arms wrap around me as I bury my face against his neck. He runs comforting circles on my back with his hand as I cry.
Eventually, I stop crying.
He lies back on Raven’s bed, pulling me to him, and we fall asleep.
It’s been three days.
Three days since Rome dropped me off. Without a word. As if we didn’t have sex. As if he didn’t hold me like I was everything in his world. I’d managed to make it through my diner shifts, but today I called in sick.
I’m tired.
Empty.
Dead inside.
I can’t take the constant push and pull with Rome. He’s messing with my mind. One moment he’s soft and warm and I have hope. The next moment, he’s hard and cold and cruel. His moods are worse than mine.
I can’t eat.
I can’t sleep.
All I can do is think.
My thoughts are my prison.
Over and over, I wonder about that business card. I want to ask Rome, but I can’t. He’s too closed off. Besides, whatever we had together is gone. We slept together twice in one night and then he was easily able to pretend the intimacy never happened. I keep grasping for things I’ll never reach. Things I don’t deserve anyway.
I hear a sound and my body stills.
Mom is with Keith, so I know it isn’t her. My heart beats to life for the first time in days.
My light flips on and I yank the covers over my face.
“I could be a criminal coming to take advantage of you.” His deep voice is irritated. “Why are you in bed? It’s five in the evening.”
“I’m tired. Go away.”
But my stupid heart wants him to stay.
The covers are yanked away from me and tossed to the floor. I squint up at him. He looks good today wearing a sleeveless T-shirt that showcases his sculpted biceps and a pair of basketball shorts. A ball cap sits backward on his head and he seems younger than his nineteen years.
“I was on my way to the gym and something told me to come see what Little Bo Peep was doing.” He scrubs at his face with his palm before throwing his hands in the air. “Fucking hiding. Per usual. Get the fuck up, sheep.”
I glare at him. “I’m not hiding. I’m tired.”
“You’re depressed. I know what depression looks like, dammit,” he barks out, a flash of pain sparking in his eyes. “Now get out of this bed and take a fucking shower.”
Fire blazes in my chest and it hurts. Rolling to my side, I ignore him. That is, until I’m lifted into his arms. I scream and thrash as he carries me to the bathroom. I’m dumped into the tub and then icy cold water showers down on me.
“You asshole!” I scream as I scramble to my feet. The chilly water soaks my T-shirt and panties. My entire body trembles from the cold. He starts to grab at my shirt, but I kick him. Determination gleams in his eyes as he grabs the fabric at the bottom and rips it apart like a damn Neanderthal. The shirt is torn from me and tossed to the shower floor with a loud thwap. I curl my arms around my stomach to hide from him, my breasts jiggling as I retreat away from him.
“Let. Me. See.” His voice comes out like a snarl.
Defeated, I sob and allow him to yank my arms away. When I peek at him to see his reaction, I expect fury. But for a moment, he simply stares with his mouth slightly parted. A look of heartbreak on his handsome face.
“Courtney…” My name comes from his lips like a prayer. Sad and confused. It makes my chest seize that he called me by name and not that stupid nickname he’s given me. “What is this?”
His fingertips run along the ridges and I feel slimy. Disgusting. Gross. I push his hand away and snap at him. “A coping mechanism. Now will you please let me shower alone?”
He rises to his feet, gives me a clipped nod, and slams the bathroom door shut behind him. A hysterical sob wracks through me as I turn the knob to hot and crumple to the bottom of the tub.
I lie there, my pain running through me like a river, until the water once again goes cold.