Arriving at Ethan’s grandmother’s house had Kel feeling a bit nervous about getting that close to the man who was trying desperately to dupe her into a roll in the hay. She knew introducing her to his grandmother and some other family members was going too far but she wasn’t ready to call him out on the bet just yet, curious to see how far the man would go.

The estate he took her too was enormous. As they drove up a winding drive, a few deer, with their fawns, frolicked alongside them for part of the way. “How cute they are, Ethan. Are they pets?”

He had no idea. He’d rented the place for the weekend and had actors waiting for their arrival. But he could improvise, so he said, “My grandmother has a way with wild animals. While those deer are not pets, they’re her friends.”

“A Dr. Doolittle?” Kel asked with a grin on her face. She was certain Ethan was kidding with her.

“I guess you could call her that,” he said then wrapped his arm around her and kissed her cheek. “I can’t wait for you to meet my Granny, Kel. I think you two will hit it off. She’s a real spit fire.”

“And why’s she in America?” Kel asked. “Since you’re from Scotland?”

“Oh, she’s American. You see, she’s my step grandmother. My blood grandmother died at only forty-seven. Grandfather married a few years later.”

“Oh? Is he here too?” Kel asked as she looked at the fancy entrance of the home. A red rose covered arch formed the entrance that was filled with more red rose bushes. While it all looked inviting, Kel knew it was full of prickly thorns and one shouldn’t stray from the narrow pathway that led to the green painted wooden door.

“He’s dead too. Six years ago. That’s why Granny moved here.” Ethan got out of the car and held out his hand for Kel to take. “Don’t mention him, Kel. It makes her sad.”

The door swung open just as Kel got out of the car and an old woman shouted, “There he is! My big boy!”

Kel marveled at how old the woman looked. She was ancient!

The old lady strode right up to Ethan with an odd hobbled gait and kissed Ethan smack on the lips. His eyes went wide as did Kel’s as the old woman even tried to slip him the tongue, to which he expertly handled her, pulling her to one side as he introduced Kel, “Granny, this is my girl, Kel.”

Without so much as a glance, as the old woman’s eyes were glued to Ethan, she said, “Great. Hi, Kel. Come on inside, Ethan, your cousins are visiting me this weekend. I bet you’ve missed Herbert and Crenshaw.”

Kel laughed as their names sounded like the title of a law firm. And she earned Ethan’s Granny’s attention for that. A scowl moved over her wrinkly face, prompting Ethan to take her hand and lead her away from Kel. “I have missed the boys from my youth very much.”

“Crenshaw’s a girl, sweetheart,” Granny corrected him.

Ethan was stuck as to what to say. He should’ve known the sex of his own cousins, after all. But when the other two met them at the door, he found it easy to fix his little mistake. They both looked like men. Odd, men. One wore a helmet like a bicycle racer would, in electric blue. He had on a tight little unitard in the same color. The other wore blue jean overalls and had a stick of some kind he was shewing on. The ragged cut of his hair, the shapeless clothing, and the fact they both had manly features made it impossible to figure out which one was the female out of the two.

Looking at Kel over his shoulder, he whispered, “See why I called them both boys, now?”

She nodded and tried not to laugh at the weird looking duo. “Sup, Ethan?” the unitard wearing man called out as they walked into the house.

“Not much,” Ethan looked at the old woman, who was clinging to him, for some help getting which guy that one was.

“Oh, Herbert, do you have to use such language?” she asked the helmet wearing man playing the part of Ethan’s cousin.

“Sorry, Granny,” Herbert said then set his eyes on Kel. “Howdy, pretty lady.”

Kel smiled. “Hi, Herbert.” She extended her hand to the other, she then realized was the woman named Crenshaw. “Hello, Crenshaw. How are you?”

Holding onto the straps that held up her overalls, she didn’t bother to shake Kel’s hand. Instead she turned around with a huff. “She ain’t so great.”

Ethan looked at Kel with a frown. “Don’t listen to her. You’re fantastic, love.”

Granny patted Ethan on his arm. “Never mind her. She’s had a crush on Mr. Tall and Handsome here since they were kids.”

“Not your blood cousins, huh, Ethan?” Kel asked as they had no accents at all.

“Oh, yes, they are. My uncle moved here before they were born. He married a woman from the hills of Tennessee,” Ethan lied.

Kel was a little taken aback but shrugged it off as she leaned in to whisper, “I suppose their mother’s blood line was a bit muddled with incest.”

“Well, to be truthful, that runs on both sides.” Ethan stifled a grin as he followed the cousins to a large room with more red roses, filling vases around the room.

The expression that covered Kel’s face nearly made Ethan laugh but he managed to hold it in. He’d told the little acting troupe to lay it on thick and they were off to a remarkable start.

When Herbert shouted at the top of his lungs, “Shit fire and save the matches!” Kel froze as she watched the man’s arms fly into the air as if he was praising God or something.

Ethan leaned in close to whisper, “He has Turret’s Syndrome. Please don’t be offended by anything he does or says. He can’t help it. Things just burst out of him.”

“Oh,” she whispered back as she watched Herbert walk in a circle three times then sit on the sofa. “And the circling behavior, what’s that called?”

Ethan had no idea, so he made something up, “Poor guy thinks he’s a puppy sometimes.”

“That’s awful. How’d that happen? Did he have an accident and damage his brain? Is that why he wears a helmet?” she asked.

“No, he wears a helmet because he thinks it looks cool, Kel. You should compliment him on it,” he told her as he held back the urge to laugh. “And the Turret’s is genetic. We have twelve people in the family who have it.”

“So, anyone could get it then?” she asked him as her head swam.

“Yes, one in my family never knows if any of their children will end up with it. The luck of the draw, I suppose.” He took a seat as the woman playing his grandmother took hers after a lengthy time of trying to ease her crooked body into the chair.

Kel couldn’t help but notice the hump that was already beginning to form on Crenshaw’s back. “Is the hump thing something a lot of your family has too?”

“Mostly only the women,” Ethan said as he sat back and pulled her close to him.

“Well, I think if it’s caught early enough, doctors can do something about that.” Kel looked around the room at the many roses and wondered why in the world one would have so many of the same flower around the inside and outside of the house.

“I don’t know. Crenshaw wore a brace for most of her younger years. It didn’t seem to help her any,” Ethan said as he watched frown lines form in the middle of Kel’s forehead.

He was happy with her reaction to the mess of a family he’d created. When his fake granny let a whirlwind of gas blow her up off her chair a bit, Kel gasped as the old woman said, “Soap!”

The others echoed her, leaving Kel stupefied. Granny decided to explain, “I have terrible insides, honey. If I apologized every time gas escaped me, then I’d never stop. So, we came up with one word. Soap.”

“Soap,” Kel said. “How um, uh, cleaver. Yeah, that’s the word I was looking for, clever.”

“She’s a sweetheart, isn’t she, love?” Ethan cooed in her ear.

Kel didn’t think the old woman was sweet at all but she nodded. “Sure is.”

Ethen pushed it a bit further as he asked, “Think you could get used to this?”

Kel stared at him without blinking and wondered why he’d ask such a thing. Was he really going to go so far as to give her what he thought she wanted, a marriage proposal?