Three days have passed since I saw Roman.
I assume he wised up and left town. My heart splinters at the thought of never seeing him again. But there wasn’t a choice in the matter. I couldn’t live with his death on my conscience.
Since there’s a lull between appointments, I grab my lunch from the mini refrigerator in the outer office and bring it to my desk. Ella usually stops by at the end of her study hall period to check in with me, so I want to stick around. I unwrap the roast beef and swiss on rye bread, and my stomach flips as I sink my teeth in. Flinging the sandwich onto the wrapper, I dash to the faculty restroom across the hall.
It’s unoccupied, thank God.
I slide the lock into place and make it to the toilet in the nick of time. Everything pours out of me in a violent torrent. After my belly is empty, I dry heave until my eyes water.
Once the spasms ease, I sit on the tile floor and push my back against the wall. I close my eyes and concentrate on my breathing until the cramps subside. With shaky arms and legs, I brace myself against the wall and slowly stand, wobbling to the sink to rinse my mouth and splash cold water on my face.
What the hell was that about?
I’ll be the first to admit I haven’t felt the greatest lately, but this is the first time I’ve actually vomited. My body just feels off. I’m more tired than usual, and I’ve been plagued with random bouts of nausea.
I’m not surprised that all the stress in my life is physically affecting me.
I’m teetering on the edge of a nervous breakdown because I’m constantly on the lookout for Roman and I’m worried about my dad and brothers. I had every intention of driving straight to the compound on Monday evening to tell my parents about Roman.
After work, I sat in the school parking lot for ten minutes knowing what needed to be done, but unable to set the wheels in motion. I needed more time to accept what would happen once I unleashed the truth.
One day turned into two.
Which quickly turned into three.
Now we’re on the fourth day, and I’m a nervous wreck with an upset stomach.
I scrutinize my appearance in the mirror to make sure I’m at least semi-presentable. Unfortunately, I look like death warmed over. The best thing I can do at this point is call it a day. I’ll let Sherry know I’m taking a few hours of sick time and head home. I can drive over to the compound once I feel better and tell my parents about Roman’s deception in person.
Just as I’m shutting down my computer, Ella pokes her head through the open doorway.
“Hey, Ms. B, do you have a few minutes?” She smiles.
“Hi, Ella.” I hold my hands up, palms out in a stay-put fashion because I don’t want her to get sick if I’ve picked up a virus. “Don’t get too close. I’m not feeling very well. I was just about to head home for the afternoon.”
Her expression turns sympathetic. “That sucks.”
I chuckle. Throwing up at work in the middle of the afternoon sucks big time. “It really does.”
“Hopefully whatever you caught will pass quickly. Is it a stomach bug?”
“I think so.”
“I bet some Saltine crackers and a glass of ginger ale will help settle your stomach.”
I grimace at the thought of putting anything in my mouth. “Maybe.”
She laughs. “Yeah… I don’t miss morning sickness. I couldn’t keep anything down the first couple of months. My mom would make coffee in the morning, and the smell made me gag.”
A shiver scampers down my spine. It’s the strangest sensation. I blink, refocusing on her. “What did you say?”
Ella steps into my office. “Coffee. I couldn’t handle the smell of it during my first trimester. I was constantly nauseous. And tired. I read in one of my pregnancy books that, in the beginning, it’s like your body is climbing a mountain every single day. That’s why you’re so exhausted.” She shrugs. “It makes sense, I guess. There were days when I just couldn’t get out of bed and make it here by the start of first hour.” Scrunching her brows, she cocks her head to the side. “Remember?”
A weak smile lifts the corners of my lips. “Of course, I remember. I’m just glad you feel better now.”
“Me, too. Actually, I feel a ton better. The doctor said all the hormones raging through your system cause morning sickness. It can really mess you up for a while. Some women never experience any nausea at all.” She gives me a sour look. “I wasn’t that lucky.”
Her words somersault through my head. “I think I’ve heard that.”
Nausea.
The smell of coffee making her sick.
More tired than usual.
My mind grows fuzzy around the edges as if I’m underwater and don’t have enough oxygen to get to the surface.
“Oh!” Ella shakes her head.
I snap back to the present and flinch at the thin film of sweat on my forehead and arms. I really need to go home and lie down.
“I almost forgot why I stopped by!” With a brilliant smile, she waves a piece of paper around. “I got an A on the AP Calc exam! Can you believe it?”
With effort, I sweep my own concerns away and pay attention to the girl in front of me. “That’s fantastic! Ella, I’m so proud of you!”
Still grinning, she nods. “It was really hard, and I spent a ton of time reviewing.”
“Just a few more weeks,” I say encouragingly. “And then you’ll be done.”
“Yeah.” Her smile dims in wattage. “Everyone is talking about how sad it is that high school is almost over, but I don’t feel that way. I’ll be relieved when all this is behind me.”
“I understand why you feel that way. This year hasn’t been easy. But you’ve gotten through it. And you’ve done well. You need to take pride in that.”
“My friends keep saying how excited they are about going away in the fall, living on their own, and doing whatever they want. They get to experience all that freedom.” Her expression sobers even more. “It feels like I’m really missing out by living at home. I won’t even be starting school in the fall.” She inhales a deep breath and blows it out. “I know it’s the right thing to do. There’s no way I can handle taking classes and having a baby midway through the semester. That would be insane.”
“You’re right,” I agree quietly, “it would be extremely difficult. Which is why the plans you’ve made are your best option. With the baby due in late October, you’ll have a few months to settle into motherhood before the spring semester begins. I still recommend taking two or three classes instead of a full load. Attending college can be an adjustment all on its own. And so is having a baby. You just have to take it one step at a time. Everyone’s path is different.”
The edges of Ella’s lips tip upward. “Thanks, Ms. B. I guess I needed a little bit of a pep talk. I really appreciate you being there for me through all this.”
My eyes sting from her gratitude. I have to fight to keep my composure. “You’re welcome. You’re so smart and talented, Ella. I have high hopes for what you’re going to accomplish in life.”
The bell rings.
She sighs. “I’d better get going. I don’t want to be late for class.”
I give her a small wave. “Bye, Ella.”
As soon as she’s gone, I close the door to my office and lower myself onto a chair. The conversation I just had with Ella swims around in my head. Key words that never meant anything to me now take on new significance.
Nausea.
Exhaustion.
Emotional.
Is it possible that I’m… pregnant?
The very idea seems preposterous.
In all the years I’ve been sexually active, I’ve never had a pregnancy scare. I’ve never even been late.
I wince, trying to recall the last time I had my period. I rifle through my purse until I find my phone and open my period tracking app. Shock suffuses me as I realize that I’m two weeks late.
How didn’t I notice?
I was so caught up in my budding relationship with Roman that I stopped paying attention to pertinent details I normally wouldn’t miss.
If I thought the situation couldn’t get any worse, I was wrong.
So very wrong.