“Sofia?” Roman’s gaze drops from mine to the photo in my hand.
I moisten my lips, at a loss for what to say.
“What are you doing?”
“I found a picture of you.”
He closes the distance between us in five long strides. Plucking it from my shaking fingers, he gives the photograph a cursory glance. My heart pounds under my breast, the sound echoing in my ears.
“Where?” he asks in something that resembles a growl.
I cringe and consider lying but decide there isn’t a point because he’ll figure out the truth in a matter of moments if he hasn’t already. “In your desk, stuck to the bottom of a drawer.”
He doesn’t ask why I was rummaging through his belongings at one in the morning. We’re way past that now.
Through stiff lips, I force out a question of my own. “You were a cop?”
Squaring his shoulders, Roman runs a hand through his hair. “Still am.”
My mind flips, trying to make sense out of what he just confirmed. “But you work for my father,” I say stupidly.
His gaze turns steely. “Yes.”
“You’re working undercover,” I whisper as understanding dawns.
In that moment, my suspicions—the little things that didn’t add up—now make sense. My instincts were correct. Roman has been keeping a secret from me. I just never imagined it would be something of this magnitude.
“You’ve been lying to all of us.” My voice strengthens as his deceit comes into focus. “You’ve been using me.”
He makes a grab for me, but I shrink back and scrabble away. He looks torn as to whether he should come after me.
“It isn’t like that, Sofia,” he insists, raising his hands in a conciliatory gesture. “You asked why I treated you the way I did, remember? This was the reason. From the beginning, I wanted you. Keeping you at a distance was the only recourse I had. It was the only way I could remain detached and get the job done.” He inches closer and reaches for me.
I slap his hands away before he can trap me and bolt for the bedroom, sickened by how he’s been collecting proof for the City of Chicago to bring down my family and indict my father. I need to get dressed and get the hell out of here. I can’t bear to be in the same room with him.
The entire time I’ve known Roman, all I ever wanted was to be close to him.
Now, the only thing I can think about is getting away from him as quickly as possible.
As I dart past, he snags me around the waist and drags me toward his still-naked body. I scream and swing wildly, trying to land a punch. The sobs building inside me pour out in a deluge. My fists pummel his chest, but it does no good. His strength—a quality I once admired—now works against me.
Roman picks me up and carries me kicking and screaming into the bedroom, slamming the door shut behind us. He tosses me on the bed and climbs on top of me, yanking my arms above my head and pinning me in place with his lower body.
“Get off me!” I scream, not interested in listening to any more lies. I try bucking him off, but he doesn’t budge. Tears of frustration, sadness, and fear prick at the backs of my eyelids.
Roman shakes his head. “This is what you wanted, right? The truth. Well, now you’re going to hear me out.”
Narrowing my eyes, I hiss, “There’s nothing you can say that will make what you’ve done to my family okay. I won’t let you twist things around.” Inhaling a ragged breath, I force it out and try to calm down. “This is nothing more than an assignment to you. Me. My family. The Valentinis. You’re working to bring charges against us. That’s what this has been about all along. Are you going to deny it?”
When he doesn’t respond to the accusations I’ve hurtled at him, I shriek, “That’s why you sought my father out in the first place! So you could work your way up through the organization and worm your way into our lives! You’ve been gathering evidence this entire time!”
Rage crashes through me, renewing my urge to fight him off. I grit my teeth and lift my elbows off the mattress while twisting my torso from side to side.
Roman tightens his grip on my wrists. “Yes,” he bites out harshly, “that’s exactly what I was doing. I’m an undercover detective working organized crime. I was tasked with the responsibility of gathering evidence to help bring down Enzo and the Valentini crime family.”
My eyes widen with shock. Hearing him make such a bold statement without a hint of remorse makes me want to lash out. To cause pain. I shake my head as tears slip from the corners of my eyes.
How could he do this to us?
If I weren’t hearing the words from his own lips, I would never believe them. I’d defend Roman as if he were family. That’s the way he’s been treated by us—like family. He’s one of my father’s most trusted men.
Except… he’s not.
He’s a traitor who wants to betray us.
That thought slices through my heart like a dagger.
I gather my remaining strength and struggle to free myself, but it’s no use. His tight grip doesn’t loosen at all. Fresh tears leak from my eyes. I want him to leave me alone so I can lick my wounds in peace.
He brings his face close to mine. “Just hear me out. Give me a chance to explain.”
The high-pitched sound that falls from my lips verges on hysteria. “You’re kidding, right? All you’ve done is lie from day one. Your whole life, as far as I know, is a lie. Why should I believe anything you have to say?”
He rests his forehead against mine and stares into my eyes. “I’m sorry, baby. I never set out to fall in love with you, but that’s what happened.”
That admission feels like crushed glass ground into an open wound. Our entire relationship has been built on deception. I don’t know who Roman Santori is.
I turn away so that I don’t have to look into his dark eyes. Eyes that seem so earnest. Genuine. Eyes that still manage to pull at my heartstrings even though I don’t want them to. “Don’t say that,” I snap. “Just don’t.”
I bitterly recall all the times he told me to stay away. I should have heeded his warnings. They were probably the only times Roman was honest with me.
“Sofia, please, just give me a chance to explain,” he pleads, his voice low and raw.
I keep my eyes averted and use my only bargaining chip. “If I listen, will you release me?”
“After you hear me out, then yes, I’ll let you go.” He sighs. “If that’s what you still want.”
I turn my head to look at him with the most vicious glare I can summon. “It will be,” I say calmly. After a moment of silence, I snap, “Can we get on with it? I want to get this over with.”
Disappointment seeps into his eyes.
Good.
Roman needs to understand that there’s nothing he can say to thaw my frigid heart.
“From the time I was a kid, there was nothing I wanted to be other than a cop. Both my father and uncle were on the Chicago police force for about thirty-five years, just like their old man was before them. It was like the family occupation. After I finished college, I applied to CPD and was accepted. I never bothered to put in an application with any other department because I wanted to work in Chicago. Once I completed my training at the academy, I worked the streets for two years as a patrolman before making detective. My lieutenant pulled me into his office a year later and asked if I had any interest in transferring to the organized crime unit. I jumped at the chance since I’d grown up listening to stories about the Valentini family. Your father is like a modern-day Al Capone. Within a year of switching squads, I started working undercover. I spent months researching the Valentinis by digging through old articles and records investigating your family in Italy and chronicling the inception of the mafia and your familial ties to it. I created a timeline of events that shaped who your family is today. I can tell you obscure facts about your ancestors that you probably don’t even know.”
I turn my head and meet his gaze, fascinated by what he’s telling me.
“You have to know that the CPD, along with the FBI, have detectives and agents whose sole jobs are to keep tabs on the Valentinis. That didn’t start with me, and it won’t end there either.”
I nod stiffly.
Of course, I know that. My father is hauled downtown every so often and brought up on charges, but there’s never enough evidence for an indictment. Which only makes the DA’s office more desperate to nail anyone in my family. After decades of Enzo Valentini slipping through their fingers, they’re out for blood.
And Roman is a part of their effort.
“I was chosen to infiltrate the organization, get close to your brothers, and make contact with Enzo.”
Done listening to him, I lash out with, “When my father finds out about this, he’ll kill you with his bare hands. Nothing you’ve said has changed my mind. Do us both a favor and let me go.”
He ignores me and continues his story. “I started out with small jobs, proving myself as I went along. It took two years until I caught Enzo’s attention and was allowed in the same room with him. For some odd reason, your father took an interest in me. He brought me into his inner circle and gradually handed over more responsibility and power.”
“Yes,” I bite out. “You proved your loyalty and were handsomely rewarded for it.”
Roman exhales a long, slow breath and nods. “I’ve been working with Enzo and your brothers at the compound ever since. At first, I focused on my mission. I never forgot why I was there. I noted which illegal activities the Valentinis were engaged in and documented anything that could help build a case against Enzo. I periodically reported back to my handler, supplying proof whenever possible.”
I seethe, wanting to scream and howl in rage. I’m not oblivious. I’ve never lived in a bubble. I know my father frequently conducts business deals on the wrong side of the law. I’m the first one to acknowledge that.
It’s why I changed my name and distanced myself from the Cosa Nostra.
But that doesn’t mean I want to see Papa get sent to prison. He’s my father. And he’s been a kind, loving one. I’ll protect him any way I can.
“Since I’ve been working at the compound, I’ve gotten to know your father on a more personal level. Not as Enzo Valentini, the infamous crime boss, but as a man. A husband. A father. A friend. When I prepared to go undercover, I never expected to feel conflicted or guilty about finishing out this assignment. The same with your brothers. They’ve taken me in, accepted me, and made me a part of their family. They’ve treated me like one of their own.”
Another droplet leaks from the corner of my eye. Yes, that’s exactly what my family has done. They made Roman one of their own. And they would fight and die for him.
Roman’s eyes pin mine in place. “And then there’s you, Sofia. I could have steeled myself against their kindness and kinship and focused on the task at hand if it hadn’t been for you.”
That makes no sense. He’s never been anything but cold and distant with me.
“I don’t understand,” I mutter.
He chuckles, but it’s self-depreciating in nature. “Christ, princess, I knew you’d be the death of me from the moment I laid eyes on you.”
I’ve always hated when he called me that. But now it feels like an endearment instead of an insult.
“You crawled under my skin and inside my head, and I haven’t been able to get you out since.” He rests his forehead on mine again. “I tried so damn hard to fight the feelings you stirred in me.”
I squeeze my eyes shut. I don’t want to hear this. I don’t want to feel the confusion that’s starting to seep in at the edges. This issue, Roman’s betrayal, is black and white. When my family finds out, there will be no shades of gray.
My eyes flutter open. “Roman…”
“I know,” he whispers. “Trust me, baby, I know. The goal was clear when I began working for your family. But the lines blurred over time, and now, being a cop,” he pauses, a stricken expression on his face, “feels like the lie.” He shakes his head. “I don’t know what I’m doing anymore.”
A naked vulnerability I’ve never seen flashes across his face. It tears me up inside. I’m struck with the urge to wrap my arms around him and hold him tight. To comfort him. To tell him that everything will be all right. But I don’t. As much as I long to, I can’t. This man has endangered the people I care about most, and that is one transgression I can’t forgive.
Fortifying everything inside me, I say, “You need to let me go.”
His body stays stretched out over mine, and I fleetingly wonder if he’ll allow me to leave or hold me captive indefinitely. But then, one by one, he removes his fingers from my wrists.
Uncomfortable with the intimacy of our position, I whisper, “Please, Roman, you have to let me go. I’ve listened to everything you had to say.” I shake my head. “I’m sorry, but it doesn’t make a difference. You betrayed us. What you’ve done is unforgivable.”
His lips hover over mine. He looks ready to kiss me, but instead jerks away and rolls off the bed in one fluid motion.
I sit up and gently massage my wrists.
A bleak light fills his eyes. “I never meant to cause you pain.
He’s talking about so much more than my wrists.
“I know.”
Maybe I’m a fool, but I want to believe all of Roman’s claims. I want to believe that he cares for my father, mother, and brothers.
That he cares about me.
It won’t change anything, but I really want to believe that he’s conflicted. Confused.
Watching him guardedly, I rise naked from the bed. I need to get dressed and leave. It feels like my heart has been ripped out of my chest and torn to shreds. I’ve never felt this kind of agony before.
What am I going to tell my parents?
Dread fills me at the thought of breaking this news to them.
My clothes are in a pile on the floor. Other than a bed and dresser, the room is sparse and barren. Just like the entire apartment.
I’m not sure why it matters, but I ask anyway. “Is this really where you live?”
His shoulders fall. “No. I couldn’t have anything traceable—”
“To your real life,” I finish for him, pain lancing me again.
He nods once.
No longer comfortable with being naked in front of him, I yank my T-shirt over my head and drag my panties up my thighs. My heart twists as another thought takes root. “Santori isn’t your last name, is it?”
His eyes flash with sorrow. “No.”
Oh my God. Everything about Roman is a carefully constructed lie. I never knew this man at all.
Humiliation over being so easily duped scalds my cheeks. “What is it?”
Glancing away, he drags a hand over his scalp. “Please understand that I can’t give you that information.”
Tears of frustration fill my eyes as mirthless laughter falls from my lips. “Of course, you can’t. No need for honesty at this late stage in the game.” I haul my jeans up my thighs, zipping and buttoning them with trembling fingers.
“Can we just sit down and talk about this?” His voice drops. “I know it’s a lot to take in, and I’m sorry about that. For everything.”
I blink back the tears and shake my head. “No. There’s nothing more to say.”
Relief rushes through me when he doesn’t argue. I’m holding on to my control by a hair. My brain is swimming in everything I’ve just discovered. Drowning. I can’t take any more revelations.
“I’ll drive you home.” Going to the dresser, he throws on boxers, a shirt, and jeans.
“I’d prefer to call a cab.”
He dips his head in acknowledgment. “I’ll take care of it. But I’ll be behind you the entire way because you still need protection, Sofia.”
Right. I almost forgot about the Russians.
This isn’t a battle I’m going to wage right now. “Fine.” I need to get away from him.
When the cab arrives, we silently descend to the ground floor and head outside. He opens a back door, and I slide inside. There’s nothing left to say, and that feels gut-wrenching.
Instead of closing the door, he leans inside and looks me in the eyes. Then his mouth crashes into mine. My lips part under his insistent pressure and his tongue delves into my mouth, stealing both my good sense and willpower in one fell swoop.
The cabbie clears his throat and mutters something under his breath.
I plant my hands on Roman’s chest and shove him away. Gasping for breath, my fingers fly to my mouth.
He bends until his face hovers over mine. “I spent three years fighting my feelings for you. You pushed and pushed every step of the way, never giving me a moment of relief. You may not realize it, but you’re mine now, princess, and I’ll be damned if I let you walk away.”
My breath stalls in my lungs.
Moistening my lips, I whisper, “I—I need time to think.”
He nods. “I get that there’s a lot for you to wrap your head around. And I’m willing to give you the time you need to resign yourself to the situation. But we’re not done hashing this out. You and me, we’re not over. Not by a long shot.”
With those parting words, Roman steps back. He closes the door and raps his knuckles on the roof.
We pull away from the curb and into traffic before I can react.
My mind is a chaotic mess. I have no idea what I’m going to do. If this were anyone else, there wouldn’t be a question as to the appropriate course of action. I would call my father immediately and divulge every last detail.
But…
I can’t do that.
Because this isn’t just anyone. It’s Roman.
Roman San—
No.
Not Roman Santori.
I have no idea what his name is. I don’t even know if Roman is his first name.
I bury my face in my hands because every second I keep this secret from my family is a moment longer they’re in danger.