Chapter 7

Devon

I kissed Judge Copeland!

My heart fluttered with the intensity of a thousand butterflies as I heard another note slip underneath the door. Visions of kissing Judge again outside in the pouring rain floated across my mind as the drops pelted my tiny window. The weather had been dismal of late and the gloom and bleakness had incited the making love in the rain outside fantasy. But any fantasy starring Judge would do me just fine.

I’d been consumed with thoughts of him ever since our illicit kiss the night before. I wondered where he wanted to lure me now. A hotel room? Another safe place where we could consummate our feelings? But then a wave of fear settled right in the place where excitement had just resided. What if he wanted to tell me to buzz off because kissing me had been a ginormous mistake but he wasn’t man enough to tell me in person? Just like with my graduation. Just checked the ‘regrets’ box and moved right on like some kind of yellow-bellied coward. No, he wouldn’t do that again. It had to be an invitation.

I ripped the seal and pulled out a plain piece of white paper different than the first he’d sent. I flipped it over and sucked in a breath, lights flashing before my eyes.

You fat ugly cow.

Prepare to be slaughtered.

Tonight.

Tears pricked my eyes and after a few moments of holding them back, they fell. I don’t know how long I sat like that with the offensive letter in my lap, the ink blurry from the bits of turmoil escaping my eyes but I came back to earth when Annie’s solid arms hugged me. After she held me for a while, she took the letter from my fingers and read it.

“I know the little fucker who did this.”

“You do?” I whispered, surprised I could find even my faint voice.

She picked up her cell phone and opened the Facebook app. After scrolling through her news feed, she came to the post she wanted and handed it over to me.

Just when I thought things couldn’t get any worse, they did. Seth Arthur, the same kid who’d attached me in the music room, had posted a photo of a huge cow with my face superimposed over the animal’s skull. Underneath the photo were the words: Devon’s so fat she uses Google Earth to take a selfie.

It seemed my tears had yet to run dry because a new flood came in a torrential downpour just like the rain outside our small dorm window. Thousands of people had engaged with the post, liking, reacting, and commenting. I literally threw the phone back at Annie, not wanting to know the sordid truth. If I read the scathing comments, I might not ever recover.

I had to get out of this confined space. I jumped to my feet, grabbed my hoodie, and ran from the room to Annie’s tormented cries begging me to stay.

Not even Annie’s love and support could make this situation better. I wondered if I’d have to leave school. But if I did that, I’d never realize my dream of becoming a songwriter and performance artist. I’d lose my scholarship. I’d lose my budding friendship with Judge. I’d lose every fucking thing I ever loved. At the hands of a douche bag.

I don’t know how long I walked, all I knew is I felt like Forrest Gump in his tattered running shoes as he traveled across country on foot. For… nothing. My insides felt just as empty. When a car honked at me, I realized I’d wandered too close to the street. A spray of dirty water flung up from their tires and moistened my jeans with street gunk. I didn’t care. I was already soaked straight through to the bone.

After hours, I ducked inside the vestibule of an abandoned building and pulled out my phone. Frantic texts from Annie littered the home screen and another one that caught my eye.

Judge: Are you okay?

My fingers flew over the keyboard. Devon: Yes

Judge: Where are you?

Devon: 64th and Edwards

Judge: This is all my fault. I’m coming to get you. DON’T MOVE!

I smoothed my hands over my soaked hoodie. I could feel even the lace of my bra was saturated with rainwater. I shivered as I waited, the icy air temperature and the bone-chilling wind finally infiltrating the heat of my shame to settle their icy claws into my body. I pulled the zipper up as high as I could without jamming it, the fabric clinging to my every curve and the large swells showed through with every strained breath. I only stood there under the protection of the overhang before Judge pulled up in his small sedan.

“Get in.”

I scanned the pristine interior of his car. “I can’t. I’ll ruin your interior.”

He jumped out of the car, grabbed a heavy blanket from the back, and hit the curb. Before I could blink, he wrapped me in the warm, soft comfort of the fabric and led me toward the vehicle, pushing me inside while remaining careful not to hit my head on the metal frame.

“Devon. I don’t care about my fucking leather seats. All I care about is you. If I hadn’t screamed at that little dipshit that day in the music department he never would have…”

“No. He’s been bullying me for months because he and his eight-pack abs have bought in to the media’s warped perception of physical perfection. This has nothing to do with you. And he’s right, you know.”

He sighed, a heavy, lingering exhale that spoke of frustration and upset. “What is he right about? Not a damn thing that I can see.”

Once inside, I didn’t know what to do or say so I snuggled deep into the seat, trying not to drip anywhere that would ruin the leather interior. Pulling my hood up, I covered my face so he couldn’t see my expression. I knew that a new river of tears flowed but they’d mixed in with the raindrops.

“I’m not skinny.”

“Thank God for that.” Had he really just said that? I looked again at my drenched rat clothes and hair, trying to see myself through his eyes. All I could see was imperfection. Nothing that would turn the head of a man like him.

“Where are we going?”

“Home. You need to get out of those wet clothes and in front of a heater. And some soup. I think some hot soup is definitely called for in this situation. Maybe even a shot of whiskey.”

He pulled the car back out onto the road, and I closed my eyes. Annie would take care of me after we got back to the dorms. She’d know just what to do. Exhaustion overtook my senses and I allowed my eyes to flutter shut, wanting to block out all of the evils of the day. But I couldn’t drift off because Judge was so close I could have reached out and touched him. I shoved my hands in the pockets of my sweatshirt as arousal pulsed through my veins.

“You’re okay?” he asked, and I heard the distinct change in the pitch of his voice. It got lower, huskier, and I wondered if he was as overcome with sensation as I was even under the stress of the situation.

“Yes.” I pulled the cloak of the blanket around my shaking body even tighter.

“You’re shivering,” he said, reaching to the knobs to turn the heat on higher. The temperature in the car was already high. My shivering had more to do with his body looming so close to mine than my walk in the rain. He draped an arm around my shoulders and pulled me in close so that my face nuzzled his shoulder.

My pulse jackknifed, and I felt my throat tighten. I looked down at myself, knowing without visual verification that I’d lost it. Anxiety pummeled all four limbs, and I held on to my fabric shield for dear life.

“Devon.” He said my name deeply, with a touch of authority. “Look at me.”

My traitorous brain had been trained through fantasy to obey his every command. But in my latest version, when he’d demanded that I look at him, we’d been in bed. He’d grabbed my knees, pulled my legs apart, and met my eyes just before he’d licked me.

I peeked around the rim of my hood, meeting his tortured eyes. He looked like hell. Obviously, he’d read the social media post and felt sorry for me. I didn’t want or need his pity. All of a sudden, the air left my lungs and the car. I needed to get out. I waited until he slowed down for a stoplight and pushed the door handle. Locked. A muscular arm snaked out to stop my forward movement.

“What are you doing?”

“Leaving.”

“Like hell. Sit your ass in that seat. Do you think I could ever face your father again if you scrambled out of a moving vehicle and hurt yourself? Besides, you probably already have hypothermia from your poor decisions. Why didn’t you call me? I would have come right away to fetch you.”

Because there isn’t one damn thing you can do for me that won’t cause me even more pain.

His hand remained steady and firm on my shoulder. And God, I felt it. I still couldn’t wrap my head around the heat that consumed me whenever he laid a hand on me. He didn’t speak for long seconds, but he was definitely appraising me. Daring me. After several tense moments, I settled back again and he broke contact.

“This isn’t your fault, Judge. I don’t understand why you keep insisting it is.” I felt my hands start to shake from my nerves. I was losing it, but I couldn’t stop the energy moving through me. Sexual energy. The confines of the already small car seemed to be caving in all around me.

“Devon.”

Butterflies took root in my belly at the way he said my name with such authority, demanding in that single moniker that I speak and explain myself. But I couldn’t. How could I tell him that every cell in my body yearned to flee the shit storm of my current life and become enveloped in the cocoon of his protection? But that wasn’t possible because I didn’t belong to Judge. And I never would. In spite of the perfect kiss we’d shared. Thankfully, he hadn’t mentioned it and I sure as hell wasn’t going to open that writhing can of worms.

“What?” I snapped, unable to keep the waspish tone from my voice. Hoping against hope that if I kept up the bitchy routine, he’d get frustrated and drop me off on the nearest street corner.

But he didn’t. He just sighed as if he saw right through my routine.

I felt my damn tears intensify and pulled the drawstring on my hood to tighten it.

“So, that’s how it’s going to be? Okay, then. You can remain silent. For now.”

He looked at me after scanning my drenched body for several tense seconds. I liked that he took charge. I’d fantasized about it for so many years that now that it was actually happening I didn’t know what to do with myself. I felt safe in the confines of his car. But not safe enough to admit to anything of any import.

True to his word, he just drove and we didn’t speak until the car slid to a halt in front of a two-story house on an oak-lined street. It looked like something out of a children’s storybook. This was not my dorm. Where in the hell had he taken me?

“Where are we?”

“My house.”

No. No. No.

I struggled against the handle again and it remained locked. He must have hit the child safety button, effectively keeping me trapped inside the vehicle. I was a grown ass woman! He couldn’t keep me hostage in here. I could leave if I wanted to.

“I want to go home. You don’t need to take care of me, Judge. I’m not some little play toy for you to hover over and then put away on a shelf.”

He reached up and snatched my hood off my head, causing my long hair to cascade in a damp halo around my face. His tender fingers traced from my jawline, across my lips, and over my eyelashes. My heart hammered against my chest as Judge’s scent entered my nostrils, and I inhaled his essence. His passion. After several long moments, he wrapped his long fingers around the back of my neck and pulled me so close our breath mingled.

“This has nothing to do with protecting you, Devon. This bullshit is over. I’m tired of the intense struggle, the yearning, the wanting. I’m ready to make you mine.”

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