“Keep your hands up,” Ze instructs, as I bounce back and forth on the balls of my feet. I unleash a flurry of blows on a punching bag, imagining that it is Jake.

I hate this place, but I can grudgingly admit I am beginning to find peace here. I began to start showing up on my own, mainly just to get the fuck out of Keegan’s. After Greg kept dragging me along, I accepted it was fate. He still comes with me, occasionally with Jake in tow; but the two of them are no longer forcing me.

I lash out at the bag kicking it as hard as I can. “Remember to use the bottom of your foot, that’s where the power is.” Ze’s voice rings in my ears as I begin to hit the zone, punching, kicking and unleashing my pent-up emotions.

“You seem to have quite a bit of energy today,” Ze says, as I sit on the mat panting hard. While spending the last month here has gotten me in shape, I’m finding that the mental state it gives me is far more valuable. Ze continues to poke at me and my personal life. I notice that he seems to do it with many of the people here. Apparently, he plays counselor and personal trainer. I am still stubborn and strong against his attempts to crack my shell. I have no desire to bare myself to someone I barely know.

“Anything you want to talk about?” he asks as if sensing my thoughts.

“Nope.” I pant tilting my head back, gulping in air.

“You sure?” he presses.

“Yup.” I begin to regret putting so much energy into beating the crap out of the bag. I am exhausted and too tired to escape at this moment. Normally when he pries, I manage to walk away. I don’t like him trying to get into my head. That is my space. This time, he’s got me trapped, locked in his clutches,

“You know,” he begins, squatting down beside me, resting his hands on his knees. “It’s okay to let people in.”

“Not you, it’s not,” I retort.

“How would you know?” he asks, chuckling. “You haven’t given me a chance.”

“Don’t need to, it’s my business and you have no right to go digging into it.” I feel my energy return to me as adrenaline kicks in. Fighting him filled me with a new vigor and I rose from the mat heading toward the ring, Ze following close behind.

“Again, you never gave me a chance.” He enters the ring after me standing opposite me. I raised my fists prepared to spar.

“And you are my trainer, not a fucking therapist.” I lunge at him with my fist, only succeeding in connecting with his forearms as he pulls them together in front of him, blocking me effortlessly.

“Maybe talking to someone about what happened would help you feel better.” Moving swiftly, he grabs my wrist. Using the leverage, he turns me around, pinning my arm behind my back. “It would help with the anger issue,” he says into my ear.

“Unlikely.” I bring my foot down on his, causing him to release me. I take a blind attack, kicking out toward him smiling in satisfaction as it connects with his stomach before pulling it back quickly to jump away and turn to face him.

I use the distance to assess him trying to determine his next move. I always found it frustrating that he never makes a direct attack himself, his only actions are to block mine. I am slowly learning how to escape the holds, grabs and pins, but so many times I fall into the same trap.

This time I find myself caught by surprise as he bum rushes me. I tense in expectation ready to strike when he gets close enough, but instead, he slides down sweeping me off my feet and I land on my back with a thud. I can hear the group collecting around the ring again. For some reason, our little battles attract quite the attention which I don’t like. Before I can get my bearings, Ze has me pinned.

“What happened when you were kidnapped?” he asks. “I won’t let you up until you tell me.” I growl at him trying to throw him off me.

“Not … going … to … happen,” I grit out through my teeth trying to ram my head into his.

“That won’t work again,” he responds, moving his head up and away, causing me to miss. “Not just for my safety, but for yours as well. You could have gotten a concussion from that.”

“Doesn’t matter.” I let my head hit the mat. “It got you off me and I was able to get away. And that is all that matters.”

“Is it? Was that how you escaped your kidnappers? What did you have to do to save yourself?”

“I’m not telling.” Rage begins to bubble up inside me.

“What happened?” Ze continues to ask. “How did you escape? What happened?”

I begin fighting him with everything I have in me, panic beginning to well up in my chest. “Tell me,” he demands.

“I thought I was going to die!” I cry out, upset with myself for letting my feelings loose for all to hear. Just as soon as I say it, I’m free of Ze’s grasp.

He sits back on his haunches as I rolled away from him jumping to my feet in one swift movement. I looked at him, hot angry tears spilling down my cheeks. “I saved myself because I am the only person I can count on! I have been alone from the beginning and I will be alone in the end. I am my own savior. There is no grace, there is no mercy.” I could cut the tension with a knife as the people around us begin to scatter. I glare at them as they leave before my eyes settled on one. I am surprised and hurt to see Ron standing at the edge of the ring, his arms folded over his chest. I know without asking he has heard everything. He jerks his head toward the locker rooms, and giving him one last glare, I left the ring to go change.

Ron is waiting for me when I step out, bag slung over my shoulder. He turns toward the door after locking eyes with mine. He never says a word. I follow behind him, moving quickly to keep up with him. We walk toward the car in silence. Ron’s face a mask of brooding tension.

“So, you really think that?” Ron breaks the silence as we approach the car. “You really fuckin’ feel that no one is there for you?”

“Of course,” I reply hotly. I look ahead, refusing to meet his eyes.

“I think you are very fuckin’ …” he replies coolly, as we stop in front of the car. I look at the roof of the car, concentrating on it instead of his words.

He stays mercifully silent on the ride back to Keegan’s. Wanting to avoid the situation I enter the bar, greeted by a dark interior.

“What the fuck?” I say. “You shouldn’t be closed right now, it’s business hours.”

“What?” Ron says from behind me, his hand on my lower back nudging me forward a few steps. “I’m not allowed to close my own establishment any damn time I want?”

“I’m just saying it’s odd is all. Can you please turn on some damn lights? I hate the dark.” I look around, apprehension filling me as I feel trapped in the all-encompassing blackness. I hear some shuffling as Ron makes his way to a light switch, flicking it on. I flinch as the light temporarily blinds me, my eyes closing involuntarily.

“SURPRISE!” I hear the yells as everyone jumps ups from their crouched positions around the tables, causing me to jump back against the door, my heart beating out of my chest.

“Happy belated birthday, Kella.” Ron comes up next to me wrapping an arm around me. I look around the bar to see balloons scattered around the floor and some floating near the ceiling. A Happy Birthday sign draped across the ceiling over the bar. There is even a cake on a table in the middle of the room with numbered candles saying 21.

“Like I said, you are very mistaken about being alone.” Ron looks down at me. “You have a family, you have a home, you have friends.”

I look out at the group all standing around the bar looking at me with smiles on their faces, and for a moment I think, yeah I do.

“Come blow out the candles before wax gets on the cake,” Jake says, lighting the numbers as Greg motions me to come forward.

Not knowing what to make of the situation I slowly creep forward toward everybody. Never in my entire life have I had a birthday cake.

“No need to be so shy about it,” Greg says to me. “It’s not like this is your first birthday.”

“It’s my first party,” I whisper. “I don’t know how these things work.”

Everyone looks at me like I just announced I am an alien.

“Your first party?” Jake asks. “In twenty-one years?” I nod. “How does that even happen?”

“I was in the foster system,” I reply. “They don’t care about birthdays, only that you stay younger than eighteen. Once I ran away I didn’t celebrate, it was just another day. There was no one there to throw a party.”

“Well, you’re having a party now,” Greg says. “So make a wish and blow out your candles.”

I look down at the cake decorated with colored icing and roses. The words Happy Birthday Kella are scrawled in a curly font in the center.

I close my eyes making the wish I know is deep down in my heart. One I know would never come true, but hope with every fiber of my being will.

Not wanting to follow Greg and Jake’s orders, I licked my fingers pinching the flames out. Everyone cheers and Jake laughs.

“Happy Birthday!” Bree squeals, throwing her arms around me bouncing up and down. I carefully pry her off me with a smile.

“Now I think it’s time for a drink.” Declan approaches holding out a glass to me.

I give Ron a questioning look and he nods. I eagerly grab it, taking a large gulp. After the events of the day, a drink is something I need.

“Time to eat cake!” I hear Greg shout as he pulls out a knife and begins cutting into it. Putting the first piece onto a paper plate, he hands it to me with a plastic fork. “Birthday girl first.” He smiles at me.

“Then I’m next!” Jake leaned over Greg’s shoulders in excitement. “Then it’s time for presents!”

“Presents?” I ask skeptically. “Like you actually bought me things?” I wince when the question comes out as sarcasm but the reality is I’m shocked. No one has ever bought me anything they weren’t legally required to before.

“We all went in together to get you something super special!” Bree replies excitedly. “I can’t wait for you to open it!”

“Let her eat her cake first,” Ron says from behind me, causing me to jump. I didn’t even hear him approach.

Bree simply giggles like a school girl, causing me to shake my head. I can’t hide my smile at Bree’s excitement as I take a bite of cake. It’s perfect, nice and sweet, and most importantly, chocolate.

“So?” Bree asks, her hands folded in front of her as she looked at me with wide expectant eyes.

“It’s good,” I remark.

“I knew it!” She jumped up and down happily. “I picked it just for you. We went back and forth about chocolate versus vanilla, but I know the way to a woman’s heart is chocolate.” She makes her way toward me for another hug, but Declan steps in her way holding two plates of cake.

“Let poor Kella enjoy her cake, Bree.” He gives her one of the plates.

Bree takes a bite of cake with a pout. “I helped plan it,” she says.

“Yes, you did, but it was all Ron’s idea. Now eat your cake and let Kella enjoy hers.” He gives Bree a stern look.

“Wait.” I pause. “This was Ron’s idea?” I look over at him holding a cheesy birthday plate awkwardly in his hands attempting to eat it before setting it on the bar. He looks at me and gives me a warm smile. He looks sexy as hell despite looking so out of place.

“Yup, he made all the arrangements, and got everyone together and did all the planning,” Bree says, her mouth full of sugary sweetness. “I got all the party stuff, from the cake to the plates even the balloons.” Declan puts a finger over his girlfriend’s mouth shushing her.

“Don’t talk with your mouth full, baby,” he says to her.

She nods giving him a playful look. I have trouble enjoying my cake as people keep wishing me happy birthday this, congratulations that. I don’t know how many drinks I wash down with Declan and Bree. My head is spinning when I hear Greg speak up.

“Time for presents!” His words are barely recognizable in my drunken state as he picks up a box wrapped in pink paper, covered with a bow.

“Happy birthday, squirt,” he says handing it to me. Nervously I turn it over in my hands trying to hone my double vision to find the best place to start unwrapping it. Everyone laughs a bit as I take hold of the bow pulling on it gently. Under the paper is the small box longer than it is wide. Carefully, I open the lid and gasp as I look down at a new butterfly knife. Gently I remove it, feeling its weight in my hand as I begin to open it.

“Ron picked it out,” Greg says as he wraps an arm around Jake’s shoulders. “And Jake picked out the inscription.” Jake smacks Greg lightly who only laughs. Not noticing the inscription at first, I look closely at the blade making out the letters.

“Kid, don’t die.” I shake my head, a huge smile on my face, Jake found the perfect way to poke at me for life, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

“Thank you, guys.” I feel a tear slide down my cheek. “This is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me.” The tears begin to fall. “You could have gotten me a gun though,” I joke, bringing the knife against my hand.

“A knife better suits you,” Ron replied. “Although you need to be more careful with it.”

I look at him quizzically as he gingerly takes the knife and closes it.

“I am careful,” I slur back, swaying back and forth.

“Then why did you just flay your hand open on a sharp blade?” He raises his eyebrow at me lifting my hand toward my face. Red blood seeped from a cut in the center of my hand. I blink, barely even registering that I hadn’t closed the knife before holding it in my hand a few seconds ago.

“Oops,” I say before erupting into a fit of giggles. “It doesn’t even hurt.”

“Because you’re fuckin’ wasted.” Ron sighs, scooping me up into his arms. “I think that is enough booze for you.” He looks at Greg, Declan, and Bree. “For all of you,” he finishes, the others all look away sheepishly. I rest my head on Ron’s shoulder as he carries me off to his office.

I sit in one of the overstuffed leather chairs wobbly as Ron kneels before me rifling through a first aid kit. I watch him closely with rapt attention as he removes a bottle of rubbing alcohol and a cotton pad. He wets the pad with rubbing alcohol before sweeping it over my wound. I hiss trying to pull away as my hand ignites with a stinging fire.

“There’s a price for being stupid.” He chuckles, holding my hand still.

“Wasn’t stupid.” I pout.

“Everyone gets some kind of stupid when they’re drunk,” he replies, casually working on my hand. “You just tend to get especially stupid.” He shakes his head, digging around in the kit for some gauze.

“Do not,” I fire back.

“Yes, you do.” He looks at me, his ice blue gaze causing my heart to flutter.

“Not only do you get stupid, you also fuckin’ talk a lot.” Gently he holds the start of the gauze, holding it lightly with his thumb as he begins to wrap it around my hand.

“Do not,” I repeat myself, rocking slowly in the chair as the world begins to spin. Ron only sighs.

“Only people who tell the truth are kids and drunks,” he whispers under his breath. He looks up at me again, his voice firmer this time.

“I don’t blabber,” I mumble.

He returns to his task of wrapping my hand, using a piece of medical tape to hold the gauze down.

“It’s not like I’m telling you I love you or anything,” I mumble, gasping immediately afterward, slapping my free hand over my mouth. I did not just say that, I know I didn’t. Ron freezes, his body going still.

“What did you say?” he asks calmly, looking up at me. Looking through me.

“Nothing,” I say through my hand, shaking my head. I want to just crawl into a hole and die. Never in my wildest dreams was I expecting to tell him that tonight.

“Didn’t sound like nothing,” he replies rising from the floor. “Sounded like you said you love me.” He smirks at me as he sets his hands on the arms of the chair on either side of me. I shake my head, not liking that I feel caged in.

“No,” I reply. “I can’t love you.”

“Oh?” His smirk only grows as he leans in closer, his breath warm against my face causing me to lean into him. “And why is that?”

“Because you love someone else,” I whisper. “I’m just the side piece. I can’t love you, no matter how badly I want to.” My eyes flutter closed.

“Who said you were a side piece?” His voice makes me open my eyes. “Who the fuck said I am in love with someone else?”

“I saw you with Lexi,” I say, leaning back with a pout.

“Lexi?” He looks at me skeptically.

“Yes, Lexi.” I cross my arms over my chest. “You don’t think I’ve noticed how many times she has been coming to your office? Not only that, but she stays in here forever every time she comes. It’s obvious you two are fucking.” I take a deep breath feeling myself getting upset.

“And you are just the side piece?” he asks again.

“Of course!” I shout. “I see the way you look at me after sex. Like a wounded animal after cheating on your girlfriend! It’s not fair!”

Ron’s shoulders begin to shake as laughter builds in his chest.

“What!?” I say hotly. “What’s so funny?”

“The fact you think I’m with that cunt Lexi.” He begins to laugh harder, shaking his head in disbelief.

“Then why is she constantly coming over?” I growl. “What were you guys doing in your office?”

“She was getting shots too. Before that, she was my spy on Elizabeth.” His laughter begins to ease as he wipes a tear from his eye. At least I could fucking entertain him during the most humiliating night of my existence. “It wore her out the same way it did you. She was simply resting in my office while I was doing work until she felt well enough to go home.”

“So, you aren’t with Lexi?” I test the words on my tongue. “You don’t love her?”

“Not a chance,” he replies, looking at me, mirth still in his eyes, but I see something else there. Something I don’t have the courage to name.

“But,” I stutter, “the expressions, the looks, you pushing me away,” I muster out.

“Is me worrying about your safety,” he replies. “Under my watch, you have been shot, kidnapped, beaten and almost raped.” He counted each item off on his fingers. “And if we are together, it would only make you a bigger target. It’s one of the reasons I am sending you to Ze’s. So that you can better defend yourself if a situation comes up again.”

“So you do want to be with me!” I blurt out. “You love me too …” my voice trails off.

His gaze softens as he looks at me.

“That’s what I thought you said,” he whispers, pulling me up from the chair wrapping his arms around me and locking his lips passionately with mine. My head swims and I see stars as I kiss him back, pouring out every emotion, every hope and fear into that kiss. It feels like something that will never end, but we eventually must stop for air. He breaks the kiss gently, resting his forehead against mine, panting lightly.

“I haven’t said this in a long time. And I don’t know if I’ve ever really meant it before,” he whispers. “But … I love you, Kella.”