I can’t believe that I said those things to Aimee. The words were sticking in my throat and I had to fight just to get them out. I hope she understands why I had to do it, why I had to make it look like I didn’t care.
So does that mean you believe her, Summers? The suspicious voice in my head asks me, and the truth is I don’t know the answer to that question. I know that I desperately want to believe her, and such a short while ago I would never have had to think twice over whether or not I could trust her. But that doesn’t take away from what she did and I don’t know if I can ever forgive that, let alone forget.
The appalled expression on her face when I said those terrible things to her makes me sick of myself. I pace around the dark room that I’ve been locked in again. Scar had said that it wasn’t a prison, but it’s hard to see it as anything else when I have no way of getting out.
Ryan had barely been able to stop talking when we’d arrived back at the compound. We’d headed back into Wheels and he hadn’t even bothered to hide that he was rubbing coke on his gums as he ordered us a couple of beers. I’m pretty sure that I don’t imagine the looks of disgust some of the bikers give him as he gets high with the stash that they’re supposed to be dealing. But if Ryan notices, he doesn’t seem surprised or bothered by it.
“You should’ve seen her face!” Ryan tells the story over and over again. The words that I say to Aimee get worse at each telling and her reaction becomes more and more pathetic until I can’t take hearing about it anymore. It’s bad enough that I did it and I have to live with the memory of it. I don’t need a director’s cut doing the rounds with the bikers.
“I think I’m going to hit the hay. It’s been a long day.” I hope that my expression is rueful and not disgusted when I look at Ryan, but I soon realize that he’s too far gone to even notice the difference.
“Sure thing, Summers, sure thing. But tomorrow, we’re going to celebrate our new Patch! So rest up; you’ll need your strength!” Ryan laughs like a hyena at this and waves me away before turning to the pretty bar tender and trying to engage the poor girl in conversation.
I feel like I might have hit the jackpot and that I’m going to be able to slip away to figure out if I really do want to go see Aimee. But I underestimated the Angels, and that never ends well. Before I get to the door, a heavy hand lands on my shoulder, and from the sheer size of it I can tell it belongs to Spike.
“Here to escort me back to my suite?” I joke, but Spike’s clearly not in the market for hilarity tonight. He doesn’t even respond, just gives me a little shove in the direction of my one-roomed cell. I barely have time to walk in and turn around before I hear a bolt slide into place and then the familiar click of a padlock closing around it.
“So no bedtime story then,” I mutter under my breath, and sit down heavily onto the bed.
I already know what I want to do. I made my decision almost as soon as Aimee asked me to meet her at the shop tonight. There’s nothing that I want more than to see her. I want to apologize for the hurtful things I said to her. It had been too easy to say them, as if I was trying to punish her for the hurt that she’d caused me. It wasn’t right and she deserved better than that.
Did she think that you deserved better when she was boning Ryan? I wonder. I wish there was a way of turning off a part of your brain. Right now, I could do with shutting up the obnoxious voice in my head.
I pace around the room trying to figure out how to get out of this box, but I know it’s an impossible task. There’s one way in and one way out, and there’s no getting out without a key, which I don’t have. It’s a simple equation: Me + No Key = Screwed.
I’m well aware that if I don’t show at the body shop, I don’t know when I’ll see Aimee next. The idea of being apart from her, of not seeing her face, of not seeing the cute way she bites her bottom lip, gives me an actual pain in my chest. I know what she’ll think if I don’t show tonight. She’ll think that I meant all the terrible things I said to her, that I don’t want to see her, and that the words I called her are exactly what I think of her. She would be wrong. But if I can’t get out of this box then there’s no way of making her see that.
These thoughts are revolving round my head when I hear a murmur of voices from the other side of the door, followed by the click of a padlock opening and then the sound of the bolt sliding back. I jump off the bed, readying myself for whatever it is that the Angels are going to do next.
But it’s not an Angel that walks through the door. It’s Suzie.
“What are you doing here?” I don’t even bother to veil the contempt in my voice. I haven’t seen her since she’d managed to persuade me to go with the Angels without making a fuss, since she’d managed to convince me that Aimee had betrayed me.
“Just thought you might want to see a friendly face.” Suzie smiles lazily and for a split-second there’s a glimpse of the pretty girl that she used to be rather than the wreck of a person that stands in front of me.
“And that’s what you think you are? A friendly face.” I couldn’t sound any more sarcastic if I tried. “Go away, Suzie. You’ve done enough damage for a lifetime.” I lay back on the bed, throwing my elbow over my face and waiting for her to leave.
But I don’t hear her footsteps retreat; instead, it’s the opposite that happens. I can hear her footsteps advancing towards me until she’s standing by the bed. She looks down at me, her chin set in what looks like grim determination and then she does the last thing that I expected. She grabs hold of my belt buckle and deftly opens it, like she’s done it a thousand times. Uncharitably, I think that she probably has.
“Woah, there!” I jump back as if I’ve been burned. “What the hell are you doing?” I hold out my hand to stop her from advancing any further towards me.
“I thought it was pretty obvious what I’m doing.” Suzie looks flirtatiously at me from underneath her lowered lashes. “Why do you think that meat-head let me in? I told him I was your initiation present!” She laughs, but the throatiness sounds more like a harsh cough.
“Well then, I’d like to return the gift.” My voice doesn’t brook any kind of discussion. I don’t want there to be any mistaking what it is that I’m saying.
“Ah, come on Jake. You’re telling me you’ve never wondered what it is that you’re missing?” She sidles over towards me, her breath in my ear, her hand on my chest. I catch her hand in my own, stilling it before she decides to move it anywhere else. She looks like she’s taking this little exchange as flirtation on my part so I release her hand, unable to shake the feeling that I’ve done something wrong. “I saw the way you were looking at Blake at the bar earlier. You want her, don’t you? You can’t wait to have her.” Suzie whispers the words and, before she can advance any further, I stand up and guide her gently a few steps back from me.
“Suzie, don’t do this. Whatever you’re doing, this isn’t you.” I try to connect this girl to the one that I played with as a kid, but she’s almost an entire world away.
“Oh come on, Jake. No one would have to know. I won’t tell. After what Aimee did to you, what is there to think about?” Suzie twirls one of her greasy curls between her fingers and gives me a look that is probably supposed to be seductive, but it just makes me sad.
“Suze, I don’t know what you think it is that you’re doing, but I don’t want this. I’m in love with Aimee. I would never do this to her.” As I say the words, I realize how true they are. I know that I love Aimee more than I thought it was possible to love anyone. Only for that reason, she deserves for me to hear what she has to say.
“Good.” Suzie looks at me and nods as if this was the reaction she had been hoping for.
“Huh?”
“Close your mouth, Summers, you look like a goldfish.” Suzie puts her hands on her hips and there’s a ghost of a smile on her lips. She almost looks like the girl that I used to know. “Now listen and don’t talk; I know it’s hard for you, but that’s what you need to do. Wait here for five minutes and then walk out and grab your bike. It’s the last one on the right. Don’t start it straight away, wheel it out onto the path until you’re a hundred feet or so away, and then you can start it. Make sure you’re back by six. Understand?” She asks the question as she’s already turning back to walk towards the door.
“Yes—I mean, no. What’s going on Suzie? What are you talking about? Back from where?” The questions come tumbling out of my mouth and I wish that I didn’t feel like the one left out of the loop.
“You know where. Just remember, lover-boy, you’re not making a break for it. You need to be back here in the morning. I like my head where it is, thank you very much. I don’t have any intention of letting anyone put it on a stick.” She winks at me before disappearing back through the door.
I make a move to go after her and then I remember her instructions. I can hear voices on the other side of the door; it sounds like two or three different guys, all of them in various stages of drunkenness. I can’t make out what it is that they’re saying because their words are so slurred. But all of a sudden I hear Suzie’s voice clear as a bell.
“You can put it anywhere, boys.” And, as if by magic, the sounds of heavy-booted feet move away from the door.
“Suzie, what are you doing?” I mutter. I take a chance and slip out of the room before the 5 minutes are up and I see Suzie bringing up the rear, pointing some men in the direction of a dark outbuilding. Whatever it is that she thinks she’s doing, I can’t let her. Even if she’s trying to help me, her putting herself in that position isn’t right. I can’t have that on my conscience. I take a couple of steps in the direction that they walked off in but, as if Suzie had developed some kind of sixth sense, she looks over at me and her eyes lock with mine. She gives her head a firm shake and jerks her chin behind me, towards where she had told me to pick up the bike. Then, without waiting to see what I’m going to do, she disappears behind the building, following the men that she’d lured away from my door.
“Jesus, Suzie.” I breathe the words out in frustration, but I know that this is the only chance I’m going to get and I know that Suzie has given it to me. I hurry over to the bikes, recognizing the one that I’d been allocated until I have time to tool up my own. I follow Suzie’s instructions and push the bike down the path I probably wouldn’t even have seen if she hadn’t told me it was there. Looks like Suzie had figured her way out of the compound. I check my surroundings to ascertain that I haven’t been seen. When I’m satisfied that I’m alone, I swing my leg over the beast and start the engine, riding as fast as I can.