Travis

Smoking and drinking made me fall into the wrong crowd. Their influence over my life almost ruined my chance to graduate. It took some stern words from my mother to make me see graduating was important.

After high school, I decided to take a year to find myself by traipsing across Europe with only a backpack on my shoulders.

I was seeing the world through fresh eyes. I experimented with different drugs and slept with women older than my 18 years. It was a great time to be alive. I had no idea what was waiting for me when I came back. I found my mother buried in a mountain of debt. She was working two jobs and I had no choice but to seek out the services of a loan shark.

It was only a temporary solution. It was inevitable for him to come looking for his money with insane amount of interest. I couldn’t give him blood from a stone. We made an agreement. I knew deep down I was going to live to regret working for him.

“I don’t know what else to do. They have given me something to think about. I know it hurts you deeply to see me manipulated like this.” I thought she was sleeping, but her weathered hand reached out and grabbed mine. It was with a fierceness that made me step back like somebody had stuck my hand in fire.

“Nobody has been able to tell you what to do. Why should my deathbed wish for you be any different? You haven’t lived up to your potential. I know you are destined for big things, but you can’t get there by going down a familiar road.” She was covered with a sheet, but she was still shivering from the cold penetrating her bones.

I’d seen her once without the sheet and it made me gasp with horror to see her paper thin. The woman I knew wasn’t the same. There was barely a flicker of light in her eyes.

“I don’t want to disappoint you, Mom. But hard decisions have to be made.” Mom was looking at me, clutching my arm. I could barely feel her grip through the leather motorcycle jacket.

The plain white walls needed something to brighten them up. I’d found some street artists and bought a few paintings for a song. It was my way to personalize her room.

I was always sneaking in food I had made using her recipes. I had a feeling my visits and the taste sensations I had brought along with me was the only thing keeping her from leaving this mortal coil.

“Nothing you have ever done has disappointed me. Travis, you can be your own worst enemy. Your friends take advantage of you. You can’t tell me you don’t know that.” Her hands were shaking. She reached out for the tupperware container I had sitting on the table with the steaming contents of Jambalaya inside.

“They are depending on me. And it’s only illegal if I get caught.” I helped to open the container and her smile lit up the room like the 4th of July.

“It smells amazing,” she tried to lift the fork, but it was an effort to even curl her gnarled fingers around it. I had to help feed her.

“I can tell you put your own spin on this dish. I want you to feel free to experiment with my recipes. Don’t give up on your dream.” She really did think I could be a productive member of society.

“I did dabble with some different spices to give it a bit of a kick. I even found this local butcher who makes the best sausages in the business.”

“You should really find an investor and open up your restaurant. I know it would be a great success.” Mom was always optimistic one in the family. Her hair was pure white and her face had sunken from the ravages of time.

“But you also know that 60 to 80% of restaurants fail in the first year.”

“I believe in you son.”

“I can’t live on the fairy tale of my dream coming true. A man needs to take care of his family. You are the last standing. I won’t have anybody when you’re gone. I will be truly alone for the first time in my life.” My love life consisted of sitting with a comatose patient.

“I need you to promise me to get out of this town while you still can. I wouldn’t forgive myself for holding you back. There’s not much you can do for me.” I had been a constant source of company for her.

“My life is nothing without you in it. I might be a mama’s boy, but I’m damn proud of it.” She gave me a great big smile, I had tattooed that image in my memory.

I continued, “We’ve only gotten closer in the last three years. I’ve seen you at your best and I’ve seen you at your worst. You’re still the strongest woman I’ve ever known. Nothing is ever going to change that.” She was there with her arms wide open when I came home.

I was living in my childhood home with the memories of my youth hitting me in the face every time I walked through the door. The markings on the wall to indicate how tall I had grown were soon covered up with a fresh coat of paint. It wasn’t like she was going to come home to find things had changed.

“I don’t feel very strong these days. This is your chance to cut ties with this town once and for all. I have never wanted to be a burden. We both know there’s another reason why you come here every day.” I had told her a little bit about Aurora.

“There’s no reason for us to discuss her. You have made your feelings abundantly clear. Aurora is the only one in this town who has never judged me. Besides you, of course. It’s refreshing to talk to her about anything and not receive a scowl of disapproval in response.”

“You are a handsome man with all of your hair and your teeth. Any woman would be lucky to have you in their lives sleeping or not. Have you seriously looked at yourself in the mirror? A tall, dark, and handsome man is waiting for the love of the right woman.” I was once a scrawny kid in highschool, but since then I had worked my body into the kind of specimen to give me the confidence to walk up to any woman out of my league.

“You’re my mother and you have to say that.” I lifted the plastic cup and held her head to help her drink the little bit of water she got in your mouth.

“I’m not blind by how the girls have looked at you out of the corner of their eyes. I had to beat them off with a stick when you were younger. I was always worried you were going to come home before you were out of high school and tell me you got somebody knocked up.” I had never had any children and had dodged a bullet with a woman who was a little loose with her affections.

“I can’t justify bringing a child into this chaotic environment. I might only be 31 years old, but I can barely take care of myself.” I couldn't imagine being responsible for the welfare of an innocent child.

“Ironically, the one thing I feared when you were younger is the one thing I wanted the most for you before I die. It would’ve been nice to have grandchildren to dote on.” The only reason why I would want children was to make her happy.

Time had gotten away from the both of us. The years went by in the blink of an eye. It sometimes felt like I had been standing still. The phone beeped. I got an infuriating text message from Owen. He was bugging me to make a decision.

“Don’t tell me you have gotten back in touch with Owen. He’s the reason why you had to go to jail the last time. Do you really want him to determine your fate? Listen to an old woman who has been around the block a few times to know what she’s talking about.” Owen was easily the only person who could rub her the wrong way. He had this sly little smile with an underlying meaning behind it.

“I should go. You need to get some rest to keep your strength up.” Her heart was giving out.

Surgery would’ve been like putting a gun to the back of her head with one bullet in the chamber. I would have had my hand on the trigger. I would’ve taken the risk, but she was vehemently against prolonging her life by unnatural means. She was ready to go. It would’ve been wrong to make her go underneath the knife for my own selfish needs.

“I want you to listen to your heart. It will never steer you wrong. Don’t let Owen and that Jezebel convince you otherwise.” The Jezebel she was talking about was Harper, Owen’s sister. She was the only woman who knew how to play me like a fiddle. I almost married her.

“I do want you to know that I will be careful. I love you Mom.” I couldn’t make her any promises. It wasn’t like money grows on trees. I gave her a hug careful not to put any pressure on her delicate ribs.

“Don’t waste your time on the girl down the hall. She’s never going to return your affections. I heard from some of the nurses there has been a constant court battle on whether or not to pull the plug. She’s living on borrowed time. Then again, I could probably say the same thing for myself.”

“Don’t talk like that. This place is the best money can buy. Their experimental treatments have lengthened your life by a few days. I will do everything in my power to make sure you stay where you are comfortable.” I wasn’t telling her everything and what she didn’t know didn’t hurt her.

“I feel like I’m slowly slipping away. Modern medicine can only do so much. I can’t expect to rely on you forever. You have your own life to live. The doctors don’t have to tell me. I know I have very little time left. I can already feel it.” It pained me to hear her say that.

“You’ve been saying that since the moment you were brought in here. I will see you soon, and I will surprise you with another twist to your recipe.” That was my attempt to cheer her up and give her something to look forward to. I was outside the room looking at the staff going about their business. I knew life didn’t stop.

I was soon outside looking at the manicured lawn. It was a beautiful place. She deserved to live her last days surrounded by more than an antiseptic smell.

I had already made up my mind, but I was going to let Harper and Owen make their pitch. They would no doubt think they had me where they wanted me. I was the architect of my own destiny.