Chapter Twelve
Dinner was short and terse. Thalia might be frail, but she wasn’t stupid, and Jake knew she sensed the tension. They both knew Mikayla liked him more than she should, they’d even talked about it before, but it was Lily’s taut reaction whenever Mikayla tried to speak to him that had Thalia narrowing her shrewd eyes in a way he knew was an order for him to solve the problem. He wasn’t at all surprised when she claimed a headache and asked Mikayla to help her to bed.
Lily rose to do the same, but he grabbed her hand. “Let me show you the beach.”
“It’s getting late. It will be dark soon.” She blinked her big brown doe eyes at him, almost petulant in her excuse.
“There’s a full moon. We’ll be fine.” He tugged her off the veranda and onto the grass before she could launch further protests. If she wanted to have it out with him, she could do it on the beach, not in his grandmother’s home.
He found the path leading down to the secluded strip of shoreline with ease, guiding her through the dark ferns and overhanging branches of the koa trees. She kept pace with him, so he didn’t stop until he kicked off his sandals and dug his toes into the still-warm sand.
Lily stepped away from him, staring at the ocean as the white sand glistened in the waning light. The gentle waves lapped at the sand, the white foam decorating the shoreline like lace. The moon lit the crests of the surf, making them glitter an eerie silver. Above them, the stars studded a velvet sky.
Jake stood behind her and wrapped his arms about her waist, not letting go when she stiffened. “She thinks we need time to make up. We can’t go back right away. We should do something to pass the time.”
“Mikayla is the kind of woman you do to pass the time, not me. You should have asked her.”
“If I wanted her, I would have.” He rested his chin on her shoulder. “Do you really think I would do that to you?”
“Of course you would.”
“I know that you believe that up here.” He tucked her hair behind her ear and then nipped at the lobe. “But what about here?” His palm cupped her breast, able to feel her heart pounding beneath his hand.
“You and all your women won’t fit in there.” She tried to wrestle herself free, so he used the momentum to spin her around in his arms.
“What if it’s just me?”
“It never has been, and it never will be, and I’ll never be able to live with it, no matter how much money and power you have.”
“I’m telling you, it’s just me.”
She raised her chin, assuming the regal dignity he usually admired. “And I’m telling you, I have eyes. I’ve watched you tell people what they need to hear at work to make a deal. I’ve watched the way women look at you, the way they look at me like some stupid twit because I can’t possibly know what you do with them when I’m not around. Except I do know.”
“You don’t even hear me. When are you going to listen?” He frowned, exasperated. What would it take to get through to her?
“Me? I’ve been telling you for months that I won’t marry you, and today you put a ring on my finger.”
He shook his head. “You’re not listening to yourself. If you would just get past the jealousy, things would be so much easier.”
“For you!” She twisted herself free and stalked backward, away from him. “Do you think about how this would be for me at all?”
“All I do is think of you.” He pushed a hand through his hair, trying to come up with something, anything to make her believe him. And failing. He never failed.
“Then how can you ask me to live like that? Is it some kind of thrill for you, to see how low you can bring me? My father may have lost our money and our standing, but nothing you do will cause me to lose myself.” Her brown eyes glowed with a savage inner fire.
She tried to flee, but he caught her by the arm.
“I recall a few times when you nearly lost yourself, were more than willing in my arms.”
“That was just sex, Jake. Surely you know all about that. Isn’t that why you have so many women? You didn’t think your prowess had to do with anything more than experience, did you?”
He pushed her arm away from him and let her go, reeling back as if she’d hit him. Perhaps Dee had been right all along, and Lily was playing him for a fool. His instincts had never been so wrong. He watched her start back up the path to the house, but he didn’t follow.
Instead, he turned back to the surf and sat down, letting the water play at his feet. He still wanted her, wanted her to see him as worthy and capable, and he hated himself for not being able to walk away. He should, but he’d been trapped by the same emotional minefield that had ensnared his mother and stifled Will Harris. He tried not to, really put every effort into not loving her, into keeping her an obsession, but now he was stuck beneath the weight of his own want, with nothing to ease the burden.
He knew better than to try to appease her each time she flew into a jealous snit. It never worked. Each rage would only intensify, until one day he’d be as defeated as his mother had been. Yet he knew living without Lily was impossible. He’d seen how Will had tried to move through life without Lily’s mother, but nothing could fill the gaping hole left in his heart.
Jake wanted a different life than the trap his mother had been snared in. He wanted a real family, but no matter how he tried he couldn’t see that without Lily. Until he’d met her, children had always been an abstract thought, but now they had her dreamy smile and soulful eyes. He saw their future so clearly, and she couldn’t see it at all.
…
Rays of sunlight warmed her face, and Lily woke to a new morning. As her eyes came into focus, she gasped, pulling the sheets around her. Jake sat next to her on the bed, his face set in a grim scowl.
“Did you cry yourself to sleep for me or because of me?”
Lily pressed against her eyes, finding the telling puffiness. Last night had been horrid, her worst nightmare come to life. He’d brought her all the way here, had her feeling there might be a chance for them to be happy together, and then swept it all away when she found he had a woman everywhere he went.
He’d tried to finesse her the way he did a business deal, and she’d nearly succumbed. Somehow, she’d found the strength to stand up for herself, but in so doing, she’d seen how deeply her words had cut him. Her eyes grew heavy now just thinking about the look on his face.
“I have some gifts to deliver to the families who help look after my grandmother. Mikayla is leaving with me, so if you need anything, you’ll have to fend for yourself.”
She wondered why he would rub salt in the wound like that. To tell her he was taking his mistress out on Christmas morning was completely unnecessary, unless he was trying to punish her for last night. She supposed she should be grateful he’d at least heard her when she threatened to tell his grandmother everything if she had to see him and Mikayla together.
Lily sat up, watching him as he stood. “What have you told Thalia? I don’t want us to have conflicting stories.”
He shook his head, his hand resting on the doorknob. “I’m telling the truth, Lily. I wish you knew how to listen to it.”
She wanted to ask which truth, but he was already gone. As she showered and changed, she wished she could think of something besides Jake and Mikayla sharing a passionate embrace deep within the jungle.
The image sickened her. She didn’t understand why there was no room in her mind for any other man, and yet he could have a different woman in his bed every night and not think anything was wrong with that. It might be the fundamental difference between men and women, but she couldn’t let that be an excuse.
She hated herself for hurting him, even in self-preservation. She hated him for being wonderful one moment and dreadful the next. It was such an unhealthy place to be in, she made up her mind to move out of the house as soon as she got back. The reprieve he’d offered in exchange for wearing the ring would only make matters worse. They had to cut their losses now before any more damage was done.
She wondered what he’d tell Thalia when everything was over. Lily had always wanted a grandmother, wanted someone older and wiser to confide in. She didn’t want to become too attached, but it felt wrong to brood in her room while the older woman was alone, so Lily went in search of her.
Thalia sat in a plush chair on the veranda, the rays of sunlight filtering through the leaves overhead that shaded her from the heat. She looked up from her book as Lily stepped outside.
“Are you all right, dear? Jakob said you weren’t feeling yourself this morning.” Her pale face drooped with worry.
“Just a little jet lag, I think. Fresh air is the best thing for that, don’t you agree?” Lily gave her best smile and took the seat next to the elderly woman.
“Of course. Jakob was concerned, but he is prone to worry, always trying to be responsible for everyone. You’ll have to help him make sure he looks after himself. He’s always so busy trying to lay the world flat for his friends. He winds up climbing every mountain alone.”
Lily wasn’t sure what to say to such a glowing opinion of Jake. “He was very kind to me when my father passed. I don’t like to think of what it would have been like if he hadn’t been there.”
“Of course he would be there for you. I’m so thankful that you’re with him, dear. He is wonderful, but only once you get past the moat of vulnerability that surrounds him. It’s to be expected after the childhood he had to endure. It’s a testament to you that he could overcome it. I always worried he’d never be able to admit his love for anyone after the way he grew up, and no woman who loved him would be able to suffer through that. It says so much about your character that he’s been able to trust you.”
Lily’s throat tightened at the words. Thalia was so warm and welcoming, she wanted to throw herself at the older woman’s feet and confess everything that had happened the last few months, to see if a lifetime of experience saw a better end than she did. But this was Jake’s grandmother, and likely to see everything he did through rose-colored glasses.
She cleared her throat, hoping she wouldn’t sound strained. “Jake told me about his mother. He said finding you has been a comfort to him now that she’s gone.”
Thalia smiled, her pale cheeks warming to a rosy pink. “I’m glad. I only wish we could have done more for our Rebecca, and for Jakob. It was a hard life for them, and I think her pride must have kept her from coming home. It was hard to forgive her for what she put him through. As a mother, I don’t understand how she could stay with a man who would be so cruel to her child. There is a limit to what love allows, you know?”
Lily nodded, her image of Jake changing in her mind. She’d known his childhood hadn’t been easy, but she hadn’t imagined the depth of darkness Thalia hinted at.
“I suppose in the end, justice was served. I think Jakob should have let the beast rot in a state hospital, but after the accident, he moved his father to the finest care facility he found. I couldn’t do it. I don’t understand why someone who routinely beat his son for defending his mother is allowed to live, even as a vegetable. It’s amazing how someone whose parents were so awful can still be a good son.”
Lily blinked, recalling how Jake had said he wished his father were dead. Their history explained why, though it didn’t account for why he made sure the man was cared for now. Shouldering responsibility was so ingrained in him, he’d take care of a man who’d had no regard for him even as a child.
“My daughter must have done something right as a mother for him to be such a champion to so many. All those girls from his old neighborhood that he supported through school or helped get set up in business have been his way of keeping them from the fate his mother suffered. Every new job she got, that man accused her of having an affair. I wish she would have, maybe then she would have found the strength to leave him.”
“Situations like that can be so complicated,” Lily offered, unsure what to say. It was hard to think of anything but a tiny dark-eyed boy trying to stand up to a grown man. He’d had to learn as a child the injustice of the world, had to see his mother punished for crimes she didn’t commit, had to shut down parts of himself to get through the abuse. It was no wonder he could throw a wall around his emotions. He’d been doing it all his life.
Thalia nodded. “Jakob likes to say it’s important for a woman to know she can take care of herself so she doesn’t feel trapped with a man she needs to escape. It’s very forward thinking of him. We fought for that in my generation, so it makes me proud that he lives the change.”
Was that why he’d given her time to finish her degree and learn to work these last few months? She’d felt ensnared, but he was the one who’d made sure she knew what to do if she cut herself free.
“Oh dear, I’ve distressed you with all this. I shouldn’t have started.”
Lily shook her head, blinking back the tears prickling her eyes. “It’s not you, honestly.”
“He’s still holding back from you. He hasn’t told you he loves you, has he?”
She shook her head again, letting out a slow breath and reining in her emotions. “He wants a life with me.”
“He loves you, dear. I promise. Sometimes, with very strong men, it is hard for them to risk sharing how they feel, especially if they are unsure you feel the same.”
“But I—”
“You love him, I know. There was some advice my mother gave me once that kept me going through my marriage. She said that a successful man can make you believe anything he says, but if you want to know if that man actually loves you, you look at how he treats you and not at the words he uses.”
Lily smiled, having never received any motherly pearls of wisdom before. She had to admit that his angry words aside, Jake treated her like a queen. Still, she wondered how he treated his other women. She understood so much now, even his need to have many women love him. The one woman who should have loved him enough to protect him hadn’t, and so the love of one woman would never be enough to make up for that.
“Thank you for the advice.” Her chest tightened as the need to unburden herself swelled inside. “Jake wants things that I want, but there are people who will get in the way of that. I mean, right now he’s gone off with Mikayla to do—”
The older woman’s brows knit together. “No, he didn’t. He took her to her parents’ house on his way to run errands. She’s already called to tell me his mood had not improved any, and he’d simply dropped her at the door.”
Lily tilted her head to the side, unsure what to think. Maybe his grandmother sensed trouble and wanted to cover for him. Still, a part of her hoped the older woman was right. Learning that Jake helped out women from the neighborhood might be able to explain away his relationship with Susanna as well, but nothing could rationalize Dee Gibson.
Before she could think of something to say, Jake appeared, a scowl still on his face. “Merry Christmas, you two. Have you been enjoying your morning?”
“Yes, we’ve been chatting away,” Thalia replied, smoothing her slender hands over the book she’d been reading when Lily came in.
“I see Lily has been schooling you on her favorite subject. She is quite the expert on both pride and prejudice.”
Lily furrowed her brow, only then noticing his grandmother had been reading a copy of Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice. She rolled her eyes at his attempt at sarcasm.
“It’s too bad you weren’t reading Sense and Sensibility, Thalia. Sometimes Jake could use a bit of both.”
Thalia laughed as Jake’s scowl deepened. “I think perhaps you both could use a little Persuasion. Anything to get you in a festive mood before tonight.”
Jake’s harsh demeanor lifted. “The two of you have decided to band together. How am I supposed to compete with that?”
“You’re not, darling.” Thalia smiled up at him, adoration evident in her gaze. “Just appreciate that we get on so well. I can’t wait to introduce her to everyone.”
“What happens tonight?” Lily asked.
“My grandmother invites everyone she knows to dinner and tells them how wonderful I am. It’s the highlight of her year, isn’t it?”
“I’m not as bad as all that usually, but this year you’ll have to forgive me. My grandson is getting married, and I’m thrilled.” She folded her hands in her lap and turned to Lily. “We’ll exchange our gifts before everyone else arrives. In fact, with so much to look forward to, I think I’ll have a rest now. I want to be fresh for tonight.”
“Would you like me to help you?” Lily asked, concerned since the nurse was absent.
“No need, dear.” She accepted Jake’s arm as she stood and then smiled at them both. “Besides, I think the two of you need some time to yourselves.”
Lily forced a smile, knowing what she wanted was anything but time alone with Jake, especially with her mind so muddled.
…
“I’m going to check out a few properties on a neighboring island tomorrow, and we’ll fly home the next day. I’m sure you’re in a hurry to get away.” Jake wrapped his hands on the railing and looked out without seeing anything. His mind hadn’t stopped working since last night, and he was still no closer to a solution. He’d hoped looking in on the families that kept an eye on his grandmother might shine a light on his own problems, but they’d only darkened his mood.
“There’s no need to rush back on my account. Unless there’s something you need to do, someone you need to see.”
He turned around, pinning her to the chair with his gaze. “Is there something you want to ask me, Lily? Or would you rather be cool and flippant? I suppose it doesn’t matter since you make up your own story anyway.”
“What would you have me do? Live in the dark? You obviously don’t trust me with the truth.”
“You don’t trust me at all, so I suppose that makes us even.”
“Yes, we do seem to be equally miserable, don’t we?” She pulled her bottom lip between her teeth in a gesture he’d come to learn meant she had more to say, so he waited until she spoke again.
“Your grandmother told me about your father.”
He nodded and narrowed his eyes. “Is that why you were sitting with her, pumping her for information so you could be justified in thinking me beneath your notice? I told you he was a troll. Did you need more details than that?”
“Would you stop putting words in my mouth? I’m not some elitist using that as an excuse not to marry you. You don’t love me, and you never will. It’s as simple as that.” Lily stood, smoothing the wrinkles from her white slacks. “I was merely going to ask why you feel responsible for so many. I don’t understand why you hold yourself accountable for others.”
Jake watched her as she stood perfectly still and poised, as if she hadn’t asked the hardest question he’d ever had to answer. “What exactly did my grandmother tell you?”
“Enough so that I know you only tell me what suits you. I do find it strange that you can rail at me for acting jealous about Mikayla and then turn around and instigate it by saying you’re going out with her.”
“I did—”
“Drive her to her parents’ house? Really, Jake, your definition of the truth needs a little work. You said you would always be honest with me, but can you even count the number of times you’ve lied?”
He shook his head. “I’ve never lied to you. Some of your invented stories have been so ridiculous they didn’t deserve a rebuttal. It’s not my fault if you believe your own fiction.”
“I suppose the blame is all mine. I’ve known better from the beginning. I think your grandmother had the right idea. I’d like to rest before the party tonight.”
She walked past him, and he fought the urge to grab her, to communicate with her on the one level they always connected on. But he couldn’t, not trusting himself to stop before it went too far.
“Jake?” He looked up at Lily as she stood, one hand on the glass door leading inside. “I need to know how to act at the party. Will we be pretending to be in love tonight?”
For the first time in over a decade, he felt a pressure behind his eyes and a betraying tightness in his throat. Instead of speaking, he shook his head and turned around, wondering just how he could have allowed one small woman to bring him so low.
…
Lily watched the sun bounce on the surface of the sea, looking for answers she knew she’d never find. Jake Tolliver was an enigma, and trying to understand him or how she felt about him only led to a headache. And heartbreak.
She turned back to the room, checking her reflection in the full-length mirror angled against one wall. The cream pleated chiffon of her dress swirled to mid-thigh, a black satin bow highlighting the empire waist. Even with her hair twisted to one side, she thought she looked too young. Youth could be an asset, but it seemed to make Jake’s women dismiss her on sight. Really, what she needed was a tight red number, but spending money on clothes was out of the question right now. Besides, Hawaii was more casual than most places, and she was here to meet his grandmother, after all.
She didn’t need to worry about Jake’s women dismissing her. He seemed to have done that himself. It cut like a knife, but she knew it was for the best for them both. Now that she knew more about his past, she knew he’d never be able to give up the others, never be able to commit himself fully to one person.
Jake had never had a single person to trust, had never been shown how to rely on anyone but himself, while she’d spent a lifetime trusting others to care for her and indulging herself. The last few months had turned that on its ear, but she was an intrinsically trusting person. So much so she sometimes forgot to protect herself from what she felt for Jake.
Not that it would matter now. He’d given up his relentless pursuit. Lily walked to the bed where she’d laid out the gifts she’d brought, her mind falling back to the thoughtful gifts Jake had bought her in the past. This was the first time she’d ever had anything to give him in return.
Laughter in the other room caught her attention. Mikayla’s trill laugh wafted through the walls, and Lily steeled herself against the night. She knew how to do this, mingle at parties and pretend to be having the time of her life. What she was unsure of as she gathered the gifts was how to keep Jake believing she was as indifferent to him as he thought while Mikayla wrapped herself around him.
Lord help her, she was jealous. And in love. A feeling as unknown and exhilarating as it was dangerous. She was about to act the part for the world, while maintaining her indifference to the man she loved. An actress with a shelf of awards would probably be just as nervous as she made her way to the great room.
Of course, Mikayla stood next to Jake, her hand on his arm as she posed in an exquisite emerald gown. To his credit, he excused himself from the situation and was by Lily’s side with a glass of champagne by the time she’d set her gifts next to the others on the table.
“We should have a toast before the crowd arrives.” The resignation in his voice rang oddly in her ears. She took the glass from him, her fingers tingling where they touched.
“It’s not a crowd, Jakob. Just my closest friends.” Thalia grinned from her chair.
“You have over a hundred close friends, and those are just the ones coming tonight.” He pasted on an indulgent smile, but Lily could tell it was forced.
“Really, Jakob. You’re going to scare Lilianna.”
The corner of his mouth twitched. “Lily doesn’t scare easily. She may look slight, but she can work a crowd of socialites better than both of us combined. Too bad it’s Christmas, or you could have had her bleeding the wallets of everyone for your literacy project.”
Lily pursed her lips together, unsure what to make of the backhanded compliment. “I don’t make anyone’s wallet bleed.”
His gaze dripped over her from head to toe, making her squirm in her kitten heels. “You make people think huge donations are their idea, so I’m sure they don’t notice. At least the husbands don’t.”
Thalia laughed, cutting the tension. “A fool and his money are soon parted, right dear? Especially when the man has enough money to do some good. It’s one of the finer points of fundraising.”
Jake looked from his grandmother to Lily and smiled, a true one this time. “I’m never going to win between the two of you, am I? All right then, we’ll drink to that. Lily, what was the toast your father did?”
Her throat thickened as the image of her father looking down from the staircase on their guests at last year’s party flashed in her mind. She put the staggering wave of emotion aside and lifted her glass.
“May you never forget what is worth remembering, and never remember what is best forgotten.” They all took a sip, which gave Lily a chance to step out of her grief.
“Now for my favorite part,” Thalia said. “The presents.”
“I think that is everyone’s favorite part of Christmas.” Lily passed out her gifts as everyone took a seat on the sofas. When Thalia opened the package, her eyes welled up as she stared at the silver frame.
“How did you manage such a lovely portrait? Jakob hates to have his picture taken.”
Lily grinned, watching as Jake stretched to see the picture she’d given his grandmother. “It’s from a benefit ball last year. I don’t think he knew it was being taken.”
“I didn’t.” He leaned back in the seat next to her and lowered his voice. “I was too busy looking at you.”
Her cheeks heated at the insinuation. Lily took the last of her gifts from the table and handed the oblong package to him.
“You got me something?” Jake said under his breath.
“It’s about time, don’t you think?” she whispered back.
He stared at her with a bewildered expression that shamed her to her core. After all he’d been through, having been so coldly treated by her in the past had to have been an icy slap in the face. She hadn’t known, and she couldn’t take it back, but she wanted to all the same.
He peeled back the silver paper with precision. Each second was torturous as she waited to see if she’d done the right thing. Jake lifted the stacked frames from the paper and set them side by side on his lap, never saying a word.
Finally, Lily couldn’t take it anymore. “It’s just a print. I didn’t damage the original. I promise.”
“What is it, Jakob?” Thalia asked, leaning forward. Mikayla followed suit.
Jake turned the frames to face the other women. “It’s the floor plans and renderings of the house, the originals on one, and a remodel idea I had on the other.”
“That house is huge,” Mikayla exclaimed. If Lily hadn’t been so worried by Jake’s reaction, she might have smiled.
“It’s gorgeous.” Thalia reached out for the frames, so he set them in front of her. “Why are you changing it?”
He opened his mouth to respond but shut it again and turned, his gaze piercing through Lily. “The house isn’t set up for a family, so one day I played with moving the master suite upstairs. Where did you find the plans?”
“In your desk at the penthouse. Planning needed the River House designs, and I knew you’d taken them home, so I had to go find them and came across these at the same time.” She pressed her fingernails into her palms, trying not to panic. Even if he were truly angry at the intrusion, he wouldn’t yell at her in front of his grandmother. Would he? “I thought you could hang these at the penthouse so you could think of the house while you’re in town during the week.”
“Do you like the changes?” There was a pensive gleam to his eyes, an anxiety in his tone she never would have imagined him capable of if she hadn’t witnessed it.
Lily raised one shoulder. “I’m used to my bedroom the way it is, but you do have a point. It was fine for me because Emmaline slept upstairs when I was younger, but without a nanny, it could be quite the hassle.”
“Yes. You’d wind up staying upstairs with the baby, and I’d be alone.”
Lily opened her mouth in shock, taken aback as Jake covered her mouth with his own. The gentleness of his lips on hers was an equal surprise. She didn’t mind a bit that he’d done it in front of Mikayla, but she worried about what his grandmother might think. The restraint in the kiss made her want to deepen it and relieve the hostility between them, but she didn’t dare for more reasons than she could count.
Still reeling from the kiss, she barely noticed what the others gave or received. Thalia’s gift of a bracelet linked with gold Plumeria blossoms touched her heart, and would always help her remember Hawaii. Jake gave her earrings that matched the diamond necklace.
Guests began to arrive before she got her head together. Thalia kept her close, introducing her to more people than she’d ever be able to remember. The Christmas gathering became a celebration of the engagement that wasn’t real, and if she hadn’t been so busy, she might have rued the bittersweet event. As it was, the activity was just the cure for her emotional day. She was too busy trying to make conversation and remember how the families fit together to worry about how she felt about missing her parents, Jake’s kiss, or how life would change when she went home.
Her feet were aching by the time she felt Jake’s hand on her arm propelling her to the secluded lanai. Lily was thankful for the fresh air and the chance to sit in quiet for a moment. Jake’s intent stare made her nervous, so she didn’t want to indulge for too long.
“We should get back inside. People will wonder what happened to us.” She watched him warily as he sat down beside her.
“No, they won’t. We just announced our engagement. Disappearing together is par for the course.” The grin on his face aroused old fears and insecurities. She’d thought him too angry to continue pursuing her, but his actions tonight seemed more genuine than forced. Really, she’d never know where she stood with him until they were miles apart.
“The engagement is to make Thalia happy, so we should go in and do that.” Lily tried to get up, but he stopped her with a hand on her thigh.
“I’m having a hard time with it. I need another minute.”
Maybe he didn’t lie as smoothly as she thought. “We can tell her the truth after they all leave if it’s bothering you. That way it will be in person.”
He narrowed his eyes. “Not that. I don’t like the way men look at you. I honestly thought a ring on your finger would help.”
“You did?” Her voice rose in surprise.
“I know men aren’t always the most scrupulous, but, yes, I thought it would get rid of this feeling.” He rolled his shoulders and stretched his long legs in front of him, as if he could release his discomfort like a tight muscle.
“What feeling is that?” Lily asked, truly confused now.
“Like I need to put myself between you and every other man in the room.” His voice was gruff, as if he were disgusted with himself.
“It’s probably your own guilt you’re feeling.” Lily picked at the pleats of her dress.
“I don’t have anything to feel guilty for.”
“Your conscience seems to think otherwise.” She smiled, hoping she didn’t sound chastising. She understood now why he’d never be able to put all his faith in one person, but that didn’t mean she approved. “I don’t want to fight about this today. Christmas is a holiday, and I think we should take a break from bickering as well.”
“Agreed.” Jake smoothed his hand along her temple and around the back of her head.
Her instinct was to pull away, but her side-swept hair was only held in place by two combs. She’d have to walk back through the house disheveled if he undid it, and since that was probably what he wanted, she stayed still.
“I’m going to be very rude, and you’re going to have to get over it.”
“Am I really?”
He cleared his throat. “How did you afford Christmas gifts?”
She blinked at his bluntness and squared her shoulders. “I have a job. I didn’t steal them if that’s what you’re thinking.”
He loomed over her in the moonlight, his shadow covering her completely. “Of course you didn’t. But you haven’t paid your tuition completely, and they’re holding your diploma until you do. I paid you enough to cover it. I expected you to use the credit card I gave you for everything else.”
“You have no right to be looking into my account with the university.” She tried to bat away the hand that held her, but he caught her attempt with his free one.
“You earned that degree, and I’m not going to let something as trivial as money stand in the way of it.”
“I have it taken care of.”
“How?” His direct gaze showed her neither of them was moving until he got his answer.
“I’m going to sell some of my jewelry to pay it off. I don’t need all of it, so downsizing is in order anyway. I should get enough to pay tuition and get an apartment.”
He shook his head. “Will you at least sell it to me?”
“So you can give it back to me? No.”
“You would put off getting a diploma it took you years to earn just so you could buy Christmas gifts for me and my grandmother.” He splayed his fingers over the back of her neck, lulling her into a trance. “Your entire body responds at the smallest touch from me. And yet you swear you don’t like me at all.”
She swallowed hard, remembering how it tore her up to know she’d hurt him. She didn’t want to do it again. “It’s not that. There are moments where I see why you think we’d work out so well together, but I know better. I can’t tolerate the way you live your life.”
“Which part? Working, traveling—”
“The other women, Jake. You know that. There’s no point teasing me about it.”
“So we do have something to negotiate?”
She shot him a cold look. “This isn’t a business deal. I won’t budge on what I need. I understand why you can’t, either. It’s an impasse.”
“I don’t know what you think you understand, but I know what I want, and there is nothing I won’t do to get it.”
He brought her to him in a kiss so fiery and passionate she didn’t even want to pull away. Still, it had that underlying gentleness that was her complete undoing. Her hands moved of their own volition, first to his cheeks, then to the collar of his shirt.
“Oh no, I didn’t think I’d interrupt you.” Mikayla’s lie had Lily clinging to the fabric of Jake’s shirt. “Joe Akana wants to settle on the time he’s flying you to Niihau tomorrow. Are you really going to buy land there?”
To his credit, Jake didn’t look up at the other woman. “Tell Joe I’ll be inside in a minute.”
Lily stared up at Jake, relaxing her hold as she heard Mikayla’s retreating footsteps. “I’m trying not to hate her.”
“Next time we come it will be easier.”
“Jake, there won’t be—”
He silenced her with a finger to her lips. “I don’t want to get into it here. When we’re back home, we’ll discuss everything.”
Lily let her shoulders droop in defeat as he returned to the house. She loved him completely. It was going to be the greatest struggle of her life not to compromise and let him have things his way.