Chapter Four
Jake had run this conversation through in his mind a half dozen ways, and in none of them had Lily gone white and fainted dead away. At least she hadn’t hit her head on the way down. Jake gathered her in his arms and set on the leather couch. He held her tightly for a moment, hating that she either had to be crying or unconscious to let him lay a hand on her.
He pressed his face into her cascade of pale-gold hair and breathed in the sweet floral scent she wore. He’d dreamed of holding her this close, but in his dreams she’d been conscious and willing.
“Open your eyes, Sleeping Beauty, or I’ll kiss you awake.”
A soft noise came from her throat as she began to stir. He laid her back against the arm of the couch and got up so he wouldn’t be tempted. Her eyes fluttered open as he stood.
“What happened?” She looked about the room with glassy eyes.
“I think you decided to prove your reaction wasn’t theatrics. I stand corrected. Honestly, I think it has more to do with how little you’ve been eating. You’ve lost too much weight.”
She wrapped her arms around her middle as she pulled herself to sitting. “I’m fine.”
“Yes, people who are fine always fall to the floor with no warning.” He stepped to the desk, taking a butterscotch candy out of the bowl on top. “If you don’t eat something, I’ll take you to the hospital and have you checked out.”
“I told you, I’m fine.”
“And I told you, fine people don’t faint.” He handed her the candy, but she merely eyed it.
“I had a shock.”
He held his hand out flat, the golden candy on his palm. “Here, now you won’t have to touch me.”
“It’s not that.” She pursed her lips and plucked the candy from his hand. Their skin never made contact. “It’s hard to eat when your stomach is tied up in knots, when your mind is racing so fast everything is a blur.”
“Starving yourself will only make that worse. You need to take care of yourself.”
“Why are you doing this?” She pulled off the gold wrapper and popped the butterscotch into her mouth.
“As opposed to what? Turning you out into the rain and convincing Emmaline to lock the door behind you?”
She lifted her chin and met his dark gaze. “She may like you, but don’t be so sure you have her completely in your pocket. I’m sure she’d sneak me crumbs from your table, oh great and powerful Oz.”
“And why would you settle for crumbs when you could be at the head of the table?” Damn if his stomach wasn’t tightening. He always trusted his instincts on what to say and when to say it, but none of that worked with Lily.
“Be serious. I’m sure my father’s request was as much a shock to you as it was to me.”
“Not at all. There is a lot of sense to it.” He didn’t mention it had been his idea in the first place.
“But we don’t like each other. I appreciate that you gave him peace of mind, but why are you bringing it up as if it’s even a possibility?”
He crossed his arms. “Why isn’t it?”
Her brown eyes widened in shock. “You’re actually serious.”
“It makes perfect sense. I have almost everything I want. I have more money than I’ll ever spend alone, and this house is too large for one person.”
“I’m not getting married for room and board. That’s ridiculous. I’m sure if Dad had more time to think about it, he’d have seen that. He’d want me to get married for the right reasons.”
“Like the reasons he married your mother? Loving someone so much he couldn’t function without her? I’ve learned the hard way how the world works. I’m not asking you to love me. You don’t need to be in love to be married. I’d like a beautiful wife to come home to, one who understands how my world works and how to keep it running smoothly. You’ll have the life you’re accustomed to and my name.”
“I’m not going to marry you. I don’t even like you.”
“Why is that?” He’d always wondered what he’d done, what she’d heard that made her so wary of him.
“Intuition. I knew you wanted something from us, and you wouldn’t stop until you had it. People like you never do.”
“People like what? Uncultured, underprivileged?”
“That’s not what I mean, and you know it.”
“Explain it to me then.” He sat beside her, pinning her with his gaze. Maybe if he could learn the answer, he could find a way around it.
“You’re a predator. You take what you need and do what you have to do to get what you want. I saw that the first time you came here.”
“Is that what you saw? And what did I have in my sights?” He stared at her, both loving and hating that she’d known he wanted her from the first. She was so much more than the demure, virginal, haughty debutante others painted her as. He couldn’t wait for the world to see what he saw.
She looked away, toying with the hem of her black dress. “I don’t know why we’re even talking about this. You should go home to your girlfriend. I doubt fashion designers take too kindly to having their boyfriends propose marriage to other women, even as a perverted business arrangement.”
He couldn’t help but smile at her imagination. “You don’t need to worry yourself about my latest mistress. They tend to take care of themselves. And besides, that has nothing to do with you.”
“You’re right, it doesn’t.” Lily stood and squared her shoulders. “I have no intention of marrying you, so what you do with your sex life is your business.”
This was more of a reaction from her than he’d ever had. He’d waited years for something to give, but it always wound up being him.
Lily pressed her shaky hands to her temples. “Why can’t this all be a bad dream?”
“This is reality, angel, not a story you can rewrite or a dream you wake up from because it’s not going as you planned. This is exactly why your father wanted me to take care of you. You aren’t prepared to deal with the real world with the way you’ve been coddled. Even your plans for what to do next lack common sense. You have a degree, but the only thing it prepared you for was graduate school. You say you’ll get a job, but where and doing what?”
“I don’t know, all right? Taking care of my father has been my priority. I’ll think about everything else tomorrow.”
His mouth twisted with exasperation. “This is life, not one of those novels you study. If you do beg a job off someone, it won’t pay enough for an apartment the size of your closet. If you ask for a job as a favor, there are men who will expect more in return than you’re willing to give.”
“And how is that any different from what you’re doing?”
“If that was all I wanted, I would have had you years ago.” He took a deep breath, trying to keep from screaming at her. “This isn’t a game. I could lie to you, could have gone about this an entirely different way. But you’ve been lied to and sheltered for too long. Our marriage will be an honest one. I want it to start that way from the first.”
“We will not be getting married. You accused me of acting like the heroine of a novel, but you’re the one treating me like some Regency-era spinster who’ll marry anyone willing to do without a dowry. I may not have many options, but I don’t have to marry you. Besides, if I’m as stupid and delusional as you’re saying, you really could do better.”
“You’re not stupid, Lily. Just overprotected and unaware that wolves dress in sheep’s clothing. I can protect you from that.”
She forced a laugh. “Imagine, the Big Bad Wolf scaring off all the other wolves. I’m sure you meant well when you made your promise to my father, but you don’t need to make any sacrifices on my account.”
“It’s no sacrifice. I’ve always planned on marrying you. When I told your father that two years ago, he tried to discourage me. You were dating that shipping heir, and he found him more suitable. But when he realized how little time he had left to put things right, and how poorly he’d managed everything, I became the only one he could trust to make sure you were taken care of.”
Lily blinked and reached out for the leather wingback to steady herself. “But you’ve never acted as if you like me, let alone want to marry me. I don’t know why you’d invent a story like this, especially after what you said about our parents’ marriages.”
“Love won’t destroy us as it did them, Lily. Unless you are already in love with me.”
“Of course not!”
“Then we have nothing to worry about. I know what I want, and I know what you need. It’s the same thing.”
“You have no idea what I need. It certainly isn’t to be on your arm in public while everyone around us snickers about your latest conquest.”
Jealousy, again. If she only knew. “No one will laugh at you. They wouldn’t dare. We’ll be a force, you and I. Besides, we’ll be the perfect family they all envy. Especially if the children look like you.”
“Children? You’ve gone mad. I’m not some broodmare you can hire for the bloodline.”
“You really need to raise your opinion of yourself. This is exactly the life you want.”
“My God, you have it all worked out, don’t you? You’ll have this perfect facade of a family with me, and your string of mistresses to entertain you. Your life won’t change—it will just wear prettier clothes.”
“I’ve made the life I want, but I need more. I need you.” That was it, the ultimate truth. A weakness he hated to admit to, much less show so plainly. What more did she need?
Lily began to shake, her breath coming in short pants. “I won’t do it.”
He stepped closer, lifting her trembling chin with his finger. “Would you rather I seduce you? Insult your intelligence by tricking you the way everyone else has? Would that be easier on you?”
“No,” she said, the word barely audible.
“That’s what you’ve been afraid of all along, that I would seduce you into things that scare you. Open you up to a world different from the dollhouse you live in.”
Lily swatted his hand away and took a faltering step backward, reaching out for the chair again. “I don’t believe you. I don’t believe my father would have agreed to this.”
“Don’t you?”
“Stop it. I’ve had enough. I’ve had to face some harsh realities about my father, and today I had to put him in the ground.” Tears spilled from her eyes as her face crumpled in a sob. She tried to speak again but couldn’t rise above the emotion.
Jake lifted her into his arms, slightly surprised she didn’t fight him as he carried her out of the room, up the staircase, and into her bedroom.
She turned from him, holding tightly to one of her white pillows. He wanted to say something to stop her from hurting, something to make her see she was making this harder on herself than it needed to be, something to change her mind. But she took everything he said and tossed it back at him like a weapon.