Nadia
“Be safe,” Jared said.
“You as well. I’ll make sure you’re notified as soon as I’m there.”
She watched as the pair, practically brothers in all but blood, embraced. Then the smaller one disappeared up the flight of steps. His departure was accompanied by the sound of a metal door opening, and then being closed.
It was the following evening, and night had just fallen outside. Or so her watch told her. None of them had been outside until just now when Justin, fully recovered from his capture, headed out into the night. He was on his way to rendezvous with his mate Shay, who had been worried sick about him.
Jared stayed frozen, his back turned to her for several long moments as he looked up the stairs where his friend had disappeared. During the day she had been able to see just how close Jared and his team were. To call them brothers would not be a stretch by any means. He hadn’t told her much about his one-man assault on the Agency house, but he had come back with cuts, bruises, and though he tried to hide it, what she had thought was a broken rib or two as well. He seemed healed well enough now, but the night before he had been in some pain.
Yet, outwardly at least, the big shifter had never once hesitated. From the moment he had learned his brother was in danger, he had been on a mission to rescue him any way that he could. The drive and determination—the bond that he clearly shared with them—had shone through and stayed bright the next day when they had woken up to find Justin already awake and moving about the little safe house. Nadia doubted she would forget the look of happiness that crossed Jared’s face then. He had tamped it down immediately, but she had seen the way he lit up.
Now as he turned away from the stairs at last, she saw that he was worried again. It was etched slightly into his face in the way his features were kept tighter than before. Although it was night, and Justin was capable of taking care of himself, Jared wouldn’t rest easy until he had received word that the shifter had met up with his mate.
An immense wave of guilt and sadness crashed over Nadia. They shouldn’t have to be going through this. If only things had turned out differently, then they might still be together at their base, working to bring down the Agency. She now knew just how evil of an entity they were. Killing shifters and using their blood to give humans special powers? It was practically the definition of genocide.
And you helped them along.
She grimaced internally. It hadn’t been her intent! Nadia had had no idea what was going on. It wasn’t until she met Jared and talked to him that she realized the truth behind things, having had her eyes opened in many ways.
That doesn’t mean you can absolve yourself of what you did.
Nadia knew she would have to come clean eventually. Now wasn’t the time for that, however, as it would prove too distracting to Jared. He needed to focus on his team and the immediate problems. Which is why she had volunteered to help, to do what she could to make things easier for him. It was the least she could do.
The big man now looked at her intently, the icy-blue orbs in his face focused on her. She wondered if he could read her mind too. He didn’t say anything, but his gaze moved on after a moment, and she felt the distance between them. A distance that would never go away until she told him everything. It pained her to know that she was holding back from him. There had been times that the emotions and urges had overwhelmed both of them, forcing them into closer proximity and contact than either would necessarily have let happen on their own. But they would never be free to express themselves completely until the current issue was dealt with.
She sighed softly and moved to the couch, leaning back into it, her head arching over the top. Her eyes closed as she took a slow, deep breath in and held it for a few heartbeats before exhaling just as slowly. Some of the tension seemed to flow out with the air, leaving her feeling a little relieved.
The couch shifted and her eyes flickered open, glancing to her right as Jared settled down next to her.
Neither spoke. They simply stayed in place, letting their body language do the talking. Jared was saying he knew she wasn’t telling him everything. Nadia tried to reciprocate by saying she was sorry. She adjusted herself, ending up several inches closer to him. Her head turned, still resting on the back of the couch until she was looking up at him.
His head remained facing straight. She could feel heat pouring off of him though, waves of intense warmth crashing over her like the ocean surf in a storm. Her skin began to tingle from it, even though he wasn’t actually touching her. The sensation spread from her arm closest to him, to all her extremities, and then it focused in her core, warming her own body to match. She felt her nipples harden involuntarily under her clothing, until the slightest shift of her chest as she breathed rubbed them against the material, sending little pulses of pleasure through her.
The air suddenly seemed thick and hot, making it hard to breathe. Without thinking, she reached out to Jared to ask him to turn the temperature down, thinking the air conditioning must be broken or something. But her hand instead settled seductively across his upper thigh, dangerously close to the bulge between his legs. The way he sat had pulled his jeans tight, showing her the vaguest outline of his cock.
Was it her imagination, or was he getting—
Jared swallowed hard and rose from the couch, her hand falling harmlessly from his leg onto the cushion.
She could see every muscle in his body flexed taut, creating a divine vision of sexual definition in front of her. Her legs squeezed together as heat blossomed between them for just a moment, until Jared spoke.
“I’m going to make some food; are you hungry?”
His voice was tense and he had forced the words out through clenched teeth. Clearly he was feeling some of what she was. It wasn’t just her imagination. The big man was plagued by a thousand more worries than she was though, making it easier for him to keep his composure and do what needed to be done.
Not what she wanted.
No, it’s not what you want. But do you really deserve it either? Besides, this man’s family, or the closest thing he has to one, is out there in constant danger. Can you blame him for not wanting to go for a romp with you?
Cold stark reality flooded back into her, quenching the heat and fire within her with a soft hiss as she exhaled deeply once more, returning to reality as logic and reason overwhelmed hormones.
“Yes,” she said, then blinked at how hoarse her voice was. She cleared her throat. “Yes please, that would be amazing,” she repeated in a stronger voice.
If he could cast off his desires, she could too. Nadia would prove that she was strong enough.
But are you trying to prove that to him…or yourself?
The question rattled around her brain unanswered as Jared began to open some cans to try and create a meal. If it was anything like the fare they’d been having the past two days, she didn’t expect much. But it was edible. Normally.
“So everyone is accounted for now?” she asked, trying to restart conversation.
“Yes. Everyone is either in a safe house, or already well on their way to Genesis Valley.”
“I’ve heard that term before,” she said. “What is it? Can we go there?”
Jared shook his head heavily. “No, we cannot go there. Not yet. Too many people would get hurt if we left King City with the Agency still at large. I cannot, I will not, be the person that allows that to happen. We have to stay, to fight.” He looked over at her. “That is who we are.”
She looked at him for a long moment before responding. “You are a good man, Jared.”
The words seemed to hit him like a sledgehammer. The big, powerful, and extremely dangerous shifter dropped his gaze, unable to continue looking at her. She saw his shoulders slump slightly as he hunched over the counter.
“No,” he whispered. “No, I am not.”
“How can you say that?” she asked in confusion. “I heard the passion, the feeling, and conviction in your voice just then. That was spoken by a good person.” Her voice was firm, unyielding, but it didn’t seem to have an effect.
He looked up at her then, and the pain in his eyes broke her heart. “So many,” he said softly.
“So many what?”
Nadia watched a deep, shuddering breath move through him.
“Dead,” he said at last in a dull voice. “So many dead, because of me.”
She frowned. “Jared, the men you fight, they aren’t robots. They know what they’re doing, and they have made that choice. You cannot hold yourself responsible for that. To do so would be a slap in the face to everyone who stands against them.”
He shook his head violently. “No,” he told her, his voice a little stronger. “Not them. I would prefer not to have to kill them, but I will not hesitate if they threaten me, my family, or any other innocent bystanders.” His eyes bore into hers, hard as steel and with a fiery intensity that caused her to take a half-step back. “I will fight them and if need be kill them until there is no more fight in my body. Until my lungs no longer rise and fall and until my heart beats its last beat. You have my promise on that.”
She stared at him, seeing for the first time the trained, deadly soldier who went into a house full of enemies who wanted to kill him, and left behind a broken wreck full of bodies. Who would snap a man’s neck just to ensure she could get away safely. She was scared, not for herself, but for those who tried to stand in his way.
Then all of a sudden it was gone. The fire, the power, the quiet but deadly confidence that he would break anything and anyone who tried to stop him from doing the right thing.
“Do you know how many Agents my team and I have killed since we arrived in King City?” he asked her in a haunting voice.
“Of course not,” she said.
“Seventy-eight,” he said softly.
“So that is seventy-eight evil men who can no longer hurt others,” she said sternly. “That is a good thing, as much as I do not like to speak well of the death of others. Their lives were forfeit the moment they started to prey on those weaker than them. To attack those you try to protect.”
Then it hit her. Her words made her realize something.
“Oh my God,” she said, her eyes going wide as tears sprang into them.
“Yes,” he said heavily. “Seventy-eight Agents dead. Each one created with the death of a shifter.” Jared bowed his head. “Seventy-eight shifters I was unable to save.”
Nadia’s head snapped up at that last statement. “That is enough!” Her words cracked through the room like a whip, slapping Jared across the cheek with enough force to make him rear back, surprise and anger mixing in his expression.
“What did you just say?” he asked in a deceptively soft voice.
“I said that’s enough,” she told him with a snarl. “Tell me Jared—whose last name I do not know—how many shifters have you saved by being here? How many of those shifters were killed to make Agents before you had ever even heard of what was going on here in King City?”
He stared at her stonily.
“Answer me!” she all but shouted.
“We saved fifty-two shifters on rescue missions,” he answered reluctantly. “And there were at least twenty-four Agents that had been injected before we arrived here and started our work.”
Nadia fixed him with a look that said, “You know you did a damn good job. Why are you wallowing in what you can’t control?”
He turned away. “You don’t understand.”
“Perhaps not entirely,” she admitted. “I’m not a shifter after all. But neither am I a little kid. And even a kid could see that you and your team have done more than anyone else. You’re still here fighting as well. You haven’t given up. You’re not running. You’ve saved almost as many as the Agency has taken. Perhaps more who became aware of what was going on and left before you had to rescue them. You’re trying to weigh yourself down with a burden that isn’t yours to carry.”
“But all the dead,” he protested.
“Don’t carry the guilt of their death,” she admonished. “Remember them, and do what you do for them, yes. But you cannot be held responsible for it.”
He opened his mouth to continue but she held up a finger.
“I’m not done yet. You aren’t responsible for their death, Jared. But,” she added, her voice turning hard and filling with anger as she thought of all the dead shifters, killed simply for their blood. “You can, however, be responsible for bringing justice to their killers. For avenging them.”
She saw the fire return to his eyes as her words hit him. His shoulders and spine straightened and the bow in his frame from the weight he’d been carrying on his mind seemed to ease, at least temporarily. She hoped he would come around, to see things from the more logical point of view, but even if she could help ease the burden he carried, it would be worth it.
He was a good man. There was no denying that.
The rest of their evening was uneventful. Another bland yet filling meal followed shortly after the conversation, and then it was time for bed. Nadia found she was exhausted anyway, so it didn’t matter that it was a little earlier than normal.
“Keppler.”
“What?” she asked, looking over at the couch from where she lay in the bed.
“My last name,” he said. “It’s Keppler.”
She smiled. “Goodnight, Jared Keppler.” Her head hit the pillow and she stared up at the ceiling.
“Sweet dreams, Nadia Samson,” came the soft, almost inaudible reply.