CHAPTER NINETEEN
My phone continued to ring.
I rolled my eyes, not even bothering to glance at the screen. Gareth had been calling nonstop ever since I’d fled from the house, but I had nothing to say to him.
It was getting late. The sun had set hours ago, and I’d already driven to the state line and back. I knew I should probably just go back home or at least stop wasting a perfectly good tank of gas, but the anger coursing through my veins only made my foot press down harder on the accelerator. I didn’t have a specific destination in mind; I was driving on autopilot.
When I pulled into the familiar gravel parking lot of the cemetery, I wasn’t completely surprised. I didn’t know what had drawn me back, but then I saw her, standing beside the wrought iron entrance gates. Josephine. Unlike earlier when I had hoped to see her, the very sight of her made my blood boil.
I slammed the car into park. “Seriously?” I glared at the apparition across the blacktop. I shoved the door open and stalked toward her.
“Now you’re here?” I threw my arms out. “What do you want from me?”
She just stared at me, her face sad.
“Oh that’s right, you’re here to warn me. Well, message received,” I yelled across the parking lot. “You can go now!”
Lainey. The whispered word came from behind me. I whirled around, but there was nothing but my car. I looked back toward the gate. Josephine was gone.
“What game are you playing?” I yelled into the wind. I wanted to punch something, just beat the crap out of it until the ache in my chest stopped hurting, until all the anger and frustration flowing through me evaporated.
I sagged against my car. This isn’t my life. The truth about my parents, my own supernatural lineage, the sightings of Josephine, Gareth—it was all hitting me like a slap in the face. “This isn’t me,” I whispered, but the words tasted like ash on my tongue. Don’t lie to yourself, Lainey. This is you. Who you are, and who you’ve always been. The voice in my head was my own. I thought how good it had felt in the graveyard with Maggie, how those three little words had felt: I’m a witch. But now everything was muddled, and I wasn’t sure how to wrap my head around it all.
I got back in my car and kept driving. Still reeling from the emotional cyclone swirling inside me, I drove slowly down the darkened streets, not really paying much attention to where I was going.
Before long, I ended up near the railroad tracks on the outskirts of town. It wasn’t the nicest or safest area, but it was fairly secluded, and a lot of the local teenagers used it as a place to hang out away from the watchful eye of adult supervision. From the looks of things—a slew of parked cars, loud music, and a large bonfire—there was some sort of party going on.
It wasn’t a smart idea to stop—the tracks were known as a place where bad decisions were made—but I couldn’t go home. Not yet.
Besides, this looks exactly like the type of distraction I need. I pulled off the main road and parked next to an old, rust-colored Bronco.
My phone started ringing again. This time it was Maggie. I almost didn’t answer it, but on the very last ring, I slid my finger quickly over the screen. “Hey, Mags.”
“Where the hell are you?” she breathed into the phone. “Your uncle just called me. He’s freaking out. He said ya’ll had some kind of fight and you ran out, said you’d been gone for hours.”
I snorted. “A fight? Yeah, I guess you could count me calling him out for lying to me my entire life as a fight. Oh, and by the way, he’s not really my uncle.”
Maggie sucked in a quick breath of air. “Wait, what?”
Sighing, I quickly recapped the afternoon, from finding the hidden passageway and room to Gareth being a Faerie.
“Holy cra—holy shitkittens, Styles!” Maggie said, when I was finished. “I don’t even know what to say.”
“Tell me about it,” I said. “I just feel kind of blindsided. I don’t know really how to process all of this. I’m a facts girl. And these are the facts, but I cannot seem to reconcile them in my mind. I’m trying, but . . .” I trailed off.
“God, Styles, I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine how you must be feeling right now.”
I could only respond with a choked sigh.
“Oh, Lainey.” Maggie’s voice was soft and full of sympathy. “Where are you? Why don’t you come over? We’ll stuff ourselves with mint chocolate chip ice cream and watch movies until you feel less crappy, okay?”
I sighed again. Maggie’s offer was incredibly tempting, but what I needed was a distraction, a way to completely shut off my brain. As much as I loved her, spending hours talking and analyzing the situation wasn’t exactly what I had in mind.
“Thanks, Mags. But I just need to clear my head for a little bit. I’ll come over tomorrow, okay? I gotta go for now.” I opened the car door. The loud music from the party echoed across the trees that surrounded the clearing.
“Okay,” Maggie replied hesitantly. “Wait, what’s that noise? Lainey, where are you?”
“I’m . . .” I figured I might as well tell someone just in case. “I’m at the tracks.”
“What!” Maggie demanded. “What are you doing there?”
“I drove by and saw a party, so I stopped.”
“And you’re just gonna go? All kinds of crazy stuff happen at those parties.”
“I’ll be fine, Maggie.”
“I’m serious, Styles. This is not a good idea!”
“I’ll be fine,” I repeated, already stepping out of the car. “Don’t worry about me.”
Maggie continued to yell, but I’d already made up my mind. “I’ll call you later!” I yelled over her tirade and ended the call. I knew I’d have to deal with her wrath later, but I figured I’d cross that bridge when I came to it.
Shoving my phone in my back pocket, I shut and locked the car door and headed toward the party.
There were about twenty or so people sitting near the bonfire, drinking beer and laughing loudly. There was another group a few feet away dancing next to an iPhone that had been rigged to play through a large set of speakers.
I recognized some of the people from school, but the rest were strangers. A few gave me curious looks as I walked by, but didn’t bother to stop and make conversation.
Plopping myself down next to the bonfire, I stared into the flames and tried to think about nothing except the way the colors moved and danced together. Beside me, a boy with stringy blond hair and pasty skin popped the top of a beer can and alternated between swigs of beer and taking drags from the lit cigarette in his hand. I shook my head when he offered me the can. He shrugged and turned his attention back to his cigarette.
A few minutes later, an excited squeal rose over the music playing from the iPhone. “It’s almost time!” a voice called out.
All at once, the partygoers around the fire and those dancing began to move toward the tracks.
I looked around. “What’s going on?” I asked the blond boy. He took a quick drag of his cigarette before responding.
“It’s almost eleven,” he said, blowing smoke in my face.
Wrinkling my nose, I fanned the smoke from my eyes. “Yeah, so?”
The boy shakily got to his feet, squeezing the beer can tightly in his hand. “The freighters,” he said, stumbling toward the tracks. “They’re always right on time.”
I watched him walk away, feeling more than a little confused. In the distance, a shrill whistle cut through the darkness, eliciting cheers from the group by the tracks. What’s the big deal? It’s just a couple of trains.
I was trying to decide whether to go down to the tracks and see what all the fuss was about or just go home when a familiar voice whispered in my ear.
Lainey.
Josephine was standing a few feet away, underneath the canopy of the tree line, the orange glow from the bonfire lighting her face.
I leapt to my feet. “Go away,” I said, glaring at Josephine. I clenched my fists at my sides as hot anger ignited inside me.
Huffing, I stalked toward the group gathered by the tracks. A small orb of light was bouncing along the darkness—the headlight of the freight train coming closer.
“So what’s the big deal with the train?” I asked a girl with long braids and a nose ring.
The girl rolled her eyes as if I’d just asked her to analyze War and Peace. “It’s the eleven o’clock freighter,” she answered matter-of-factly.
“Yeah, I got that.” I narrowed my eyes. “But who cares?”
“You’re new here,” the girl spat out, glaring at me like I was an interloper in some secret society. She rolled her eyes again. “It starts at eleven, and then they run every eight minutes. Last man standing wins.”
“Wins what? What are you—” I stopped as two boys stepped over the metal railing and stood side by side in the middle of the track facing the train. Almost in response, the train gave a loud whistle. It was still several hundred feet away, but it was moving fast.
The boys were laughing as they stared down the train, daring each other to move while the rest of the group cheered and placed bets on who would wuss out first. I wasn’t sure whether to laugh or be appalled, but I stayed where I was, watching the boys with wide eyes.
Lainey.
The voice came from behind me. I didn’t have to look to know who it was. “I told you to go away,” I grumbled beneath my breath, refusing to turn around. The train was getting closer, and there was a tangible energy churning through the air. The boys on the tracks were no longer laughing, but focused on the train itself, both posed in a stance that would allow them to jump from either side at the last second.
I stood half horrified, half amazed as the boys played chicken with the train. One of them was swearing loudly and his whole body was shaking from exertion. The train was getting closer, its harsh whistle echoing across the trees. The boy who had been swearing turned and jumped off the tracks shaking his head. The other boy, the one still on the tracks, raised a fist triumphantly in the air but continued to stare at the train—now dangerously close. At the very last second, he threw himself from the tracks and landed on his stomach in the grass while the train roared over the very spot on which he’d been standing. The crowd cheered as he got to his feet and dusted himself off, grinning like a madman.
I was surprised to find myself clapping. The whole thing was incredibly stupid, not to mention dangerous, but there was something about the look in the boy’s eyes, how his whole face glowed. He looked entirely free. I was envious of him for that.
In the distance, another whistle began to sound and the crowd began crowing once more. Two more boys hopped up onto the tracks. I watched as they stood there looking confident and brave, the train barreling down the tracks.
Lainey.
I jumped as the voice called again. This time it was right next to me. I turned my head; Josephine, her mournful eyes trained on my face, was standing on the other side of the girl with the braids. She was close enough that I could swear she was a solid, living person instead of an apparition. Her long, dark tresses were blowing in a breeze I couldn’t feel, and the flames from the bonfire danced in her eyes.
I stared back, but when Josephine took a step toward me, something inside me snapped. “Enough!” I growled. “Leave me alone!”
The girl with braids whipped her head in my direction. “What the hell is your problem?”
I didn’t answer. I was already pushing my way through the crowd. No one tried to stop me, and I wasn’t fully aware of exactly what I was doing until I stepped over the metal rails and felt the wooden slates and the gravel crunch underneath my feet.
Behind me, a murmur of confusion was circulating through the crowd as I walked toward the boys and shoved myself between them.
“What the—?” one of the boys shouted, while the other jumped in surprise. I ignored them. As the light of the next freighter appeared, a rush of adrenaline kicked in, and I took a breath to steady myself.
What are you doing? Get off the tracks! the tiny voice of reason screamed inside my head, but the sense of absolute control swirling around inside me kept my feet grounded.
The train’s harsh whistle sounded again, and my hands began to shake. My breath was hitching in my lungs, but I forced myself to plant my feet. Small bits of gravel dug into the worn soles of my sneakers, but I didn’t move. The two boys were still staring at me as the train continued to wail.
The ball of light from the train’s headlight grew bigger. The sounds of laughter and catcalling drifted toward me as the crowd yelled taunts and encouragements at the three of us on the tracks. A single voice seemed to echo in my ears, louder than the rest—though it couldn’t have been more than a whisper.
Lainey.
Grinding my teeth, I took a step forward. I forced my shoulders back and stood a little straighter.
The train was still several hundred yards away, but I rose up on the balls of my feet, throwing my arms out wide. The beam of light from the train was warm on my face, the scream of the whistle deafening in my ears.
A bit of air whooshed past me as one of the boys behind me jumped off the tracks with a yell. The other swore loudly. The voice in my head screamed at me to move, but the heady euphoria coursing through me held me in place.
Just when the tang of metal hit my nose, I threw myself sideways and off the tracks, only a second or two before the train roared over the very spot on which I’d been standing.
I landed in a soft patch of grass, rolling until I came to a stop on my back. My chest was heaving, but the weight I’d felt from the conversation with Gareth was lighter somehow. I let out a laugh.
That is, until a large hand clamped down on my wrist, yanking me to my feet.
I yelped and tried to pull my hand free when I came face-to-face with a familiar pair of blue eyes.
“Ty?” I stared at him as he dropped my arm. His mouth was set in an angry line, and his shoulders were tense. “What the hell are you doing?”
He cocked one eyebrow and glared at me. “What are you doing, Lainey? Standing in front of a train? How could you do something so stupid?” he spat, his eyes flashing.
The adrenaline pumping through my system kicked up a notch as I processed his words. “It wasn’t stupid.” My cheeks flared, and heat seared through me.
Ty threw his arm out, gesturing to the freighter that was still making its way across the crossroads. “Right, because standing in front of a moving train isn’t some sort of death wish.”
“It’s not!”
“Yeah, okay.”
I rolled my eyes. “I don’t need you or anyone else telling me what I can and can’t do.”
“I wasn’t trying to—”
“You just don’t understand, okay?” I ran a hand through my tangled hair, trying to find the right words. But with the adrenaline rush slowly ebbing, I wasn’t exactly feeling confident about the motive behind my little daredevil stunt.
I looked around; Josephine was nowhere to be seen. The rational part of my brain was resetting itself, and I stared at the train, only now understanding the danger I’d put myself in. What was I thinking?
“Just tell me,” Ty said, with a sigh. “What were you thinking?” It was as if he had plucked the words right out of my head. I stared at him blankly for a moment. I tried to come up with an explanation.
“I don’t know,” I finally answered, my voice soft. “I don’t know.”
Ty’s face softened. He sighed heavily and took a step toward me. “It’s okay.”
“No, it’s not.”
As the train continued to roar down the tracks and the shouts of strangers from the other side mixed together in a strange cacophony of sound around me, all I could think about was just how close I’d come to death. Bile began to rise in my throat, and my chest began to tighten.
“It’s not okay. I could’ve died tonight.” My voice cracked on the last word. Ty took another step closer.
“No, don’t,” I warned him, holding up my hand. My emotions were spiraling to the point of physical pain, but I forced myself to feel them.
“I just wanted to feel the control,” I pleaded with him, needing him to understand. “I watched the others, and they seemed so confident, so in control. I wanted to feel that. I wanted to remember what it felt like to have my life in my own hands again, without all the lies and the secrets.” I thought of Josephine. “Without all the ghosts.”
“Is that what you think is happening?” Ty asked gently. “You’re losing control?”
“Well, aren’t I? The variables keep changing. Every time I come close to a conclusion, an answer, I have to adjust to a whole new set of parameters.” The words were pouring out of me. “How can I analyze the data and figure this out when there’s no constant?” My shoulders sagged. “I’ve always seen my life one way, and now it feels like a lie.”
“That doesn’t mean your life isn’t your own.”
“How can you possibly know that?” I whispered. “We’ve known each other for, what? Like, two minutes? And every time you’re around me, I’m falling apart because something crazy happened.” I snorted. “I just stood in front of a moving train. Sounds like a lost girl to me.”
Ty hesitated, thinking. “I don’t know if I’d call it ‘lost.’”
“Oh, yeah? What would you call it, then? Stupid? Reckless?”
“Oh, it was definitely stupid.” Ty gave a crooked smile and crossed the distance between us, taking hold of one of my hands. “And reckless. But I also think it was kinda human.”
“What do you mean?”
Ty shrugged. “You’ve had a lot thrown at you. Anyone in your shoes would be freaking out.”
I gave a tiny smile. It wasn’t at all the answer I’d been expecting from him. I cleared my throat. “You really think so?”
“Yeah, I do.” He chuckled softly. “Did you know I think you’re the only girl I’ve met that talks in scientific metaphors when she’s upset?”
I laughed. “Well, I guess I’m not like most girls.”
“No,” Ty said, “you’re definitely not.”
The smell of his cologne—warm with a hint of spice—hit my nostrils. We were standing closer than I thought. My heart began to beat faster.
“So . . . um . . .” I said, shifting from one foot to the other. “How did you even know I was here?”
“Maggie texted,” Ty replied. “She’s worried about you.”
My eyebrows shot up. “Maggie texted you and told you where I was?”
“Yeah, she told me what happened with your unc—er, with Gareth, and she said something about the Punisher, but I didn’t follow.”
I raked my brain trying to remember all the useless facts Maggie was always pouring into my brain. “Oh, that’s the marine guy who became a vigilante in hopes of seeking revenge for his family’s death!”
Ty looked confused. “Uh . . . not following you.”
I burst into laughter. “She’s pissed I came here, and probably even more pissed that I hung up on her.”
“Still not following you.”
“I guess this is her revenge, calling you instead of coming to get me herself.”
Ty let go of my hand; he looked unsure. “And me coming here, that’s a bad thing for you?”
My cheeks warmed. Up close, I could see his eyes had flecks of gold in them. Ty was watching me carefully, but his eyes sparkled in the moonlight. My heart beat wildly.
“No,” I whispered, taking a step closer. I stared up into his face. “No, not at all.”
He lowered his head, our noses brushing. “Lainey . . . I . . .” The husky tenor of his voice sent a rush of adrenaline through me.
With a boldness that was surprising even to me, I stepped up on my tiptoes and pressed my lips to his.