20. GIRLFRIEND
ESTHER
I sat in the hotel’s white bathrobe looking down at my own reflection in the glossy shine of the dining table. My hair was still wet from the shower. I wanted to speak but I had no words. And so, I sat silently even as Malachi set the coffee mug in front of me. Looking up, I watched as he, still shirtless, sat down to my right. He didn’t look at me, instead he drank his own coffee and looked out at the view of the city. I held the mug and felt the heat radiating into my hands. I enjoyed that heat for a moment before I lifted it to my lips to drink as well. The more I drank, the better I felt and all of sudden I had the words again.
“Tlahuicole,” I said as I licked the coffee off my lips and he stopped moving for just a second before his blue eyes shifted on to me. “History remembers him as a badass who died a warrior’s death as punishment for being captured, even though the Emperor was willing to give him anything he wanted.”
“The one thing he wanted was dying and he could not save her,” he frowned, as he held the coffee cup to his lips.
“Yeah. There was never any mention of Citlali, which obviously proves that history was written by men,” I smirked.
“In man’s defense, it’s not like you were…”
His voice trailed off as I glared at him. He looked at me for a good second before he nodded to himself and drank once more.
“Not like I was what? A warrior? Anyone important?”
“This coffee is good, isn’t it?” he asked completely avoiding my question and I couldn’t help but laugh as I shook my head him. He smiled and reached for my hand.
“How are you feeling?”
“Better.” It wasn’t a lie. I did feel better just…
“Just not well.” It was like he’d taken the words right out of my mind.
I nodded. I didn’t feel well because I’d remembered things not just from that life but others. “The bombs of 1940, I was Nellie Camellia Wilkinson, daughter of Walter and Edith Wilkinson, I had two younger sisters Patricia and Lillian, and younger brother named Edward you were—”
“Thomas Gallagher,” he said squeezing my hand gently. “You remember that life?”
Rubbing the side of my head I sighed trying to think of how to explain it when I remembered he’d understand. “Yes. But I didn’t see it, or dream it like I did just now. I know you were a tutor. Edward’s tutor, and you walked with a limp because you’d broken your leg as a child and couldn’t afford to get it reset.”
“Which meant I wasn’t fit for war, which led me to the home of Walter Wilkinson, a merchant with a love for politics, philosophy, and poetry.”
“You forgot the other P’s—his fear of poverty and his love of power.” Somehow, I just knew that life, how Walter Wilkinson wanted me, his daughter, to marry into money. How the night of the blitz Thomas and I were going to run off together, but we died. Like always.
“Not all the memories come as dreams. Some come just as they are: memories.”
“I don’t want to…”
Hearing Für Elise begin to play, I rose from the chair and let go of his hand to find my phone in the living room. Luckily whoever had cleaned the room put it to charge near the lamp.
“Hello—”
“Esther! Thank god! Are you alright? I got your message about canceling for yesterday and tried to call to confirm but you haven’t been answering.”
I pulled the phone from my ear to check and sure enough I had over two dozen missed calls and much more emails waiting. Shit.
“Esther?”
“Adith, I’m here. What’s going on?” I said putting him on speaker as I checked through my emails.
“I was able to reschedule your today meetings to Friday, but that means I had to move yesterday’s meetings to today and I don’t want to push back Issenberg, you said it was important—”
“It is. What time did you reschedule for?” I asked as I quickly replied to Shannon’s message to approve one of Malachi’s translations along with a few others.
“At one for lunch at the Waldorf. Li-Mei said that’s where you were. So I figured it would be easier.”
“Perfect. Give me an hour—”
“After that you still have Steeler and Michaelson at three. Are you going to be able to make it?”
Putting my hand on my head I took a deep breath. I’d forgotten about the mountain that was on my head. “Yes, send me the whole schedule, Adith, and then call and double check. Also apologize on my behalf for the postponement. I’m also going to need clothes, I’ll send you the room information.”
“Wait! There’s also one more thing…”
“What?”
“Your mother. She’s been calling about her…money this month.”
I paused mid-text. “She was already given money this month.”
“I told her that, she said she didn’t want to speak with me but you about it. But she also couldn’t reach you.”
I bit the inside of my cheek.
“I’ll call her. Is that it?”
“Yes. I’m sending the schedule now.”
“Thank you—”
“She’s here.” He cut me off to say.
“Who’s there? My mother? She’s there? In the office?”
He didn’t need to answer because I could hear her yelling “ESTHER? Esther, I know you’re here! You better—”
“I want to speak to her and I want to speak to her now!”
Sighing I covered my mouth to keep from screaming. Was she insane? No really, was she in need of actual mental help?
“Ma’am—”
“Take her to my office and put her on the line,” I said when he spoke again.
“Oh, so you do answer calls just not mine—”
“You will get nothing if you do not stop causing a scene!” I yelled into the phone. “That is my work. If you act like this again, mother or not, I’ll have you thrown out and banned from ever stepping foot in there again!”
“And that’s not making more of a scene?” She scoffed. “I can see it now. Ungrateful spoiled Esther Noëlle throws her own mother out of the company.”
“Look who decided to acknowledge me as her child, almost twenty-four years too late. But hey, it’s a start, right?”
I knew it would piss her off. I wasn’t sure why I said it but I felt good too.
“I need you to wire me some money,” she demanded, completely changing the subject.
Breathe, Esther, breathe.
“I wired you money two weeks ago, how did you spend it all already—”
“Stop being such hardass. We get it. My father trusted you, that’s why you’re the gatekeeper. But remember if you weren’t alive thanks to me that money would belong to me anyway.”
Days ago that would have hurt deeply. It would have felt like she was clawing out my heart but today it didn’t. Because today I remembered kinder women who had been my mother before her.
“I am alive. The money is mine and I don’t see why I need to give you any more than what was agreed…”
“I have some debts.”
She had to be kidding. “From what?”
No answer.
“If you’re on drugs or—”
“Do not lecture me!”
“Wait until next month for your next wire!” I yelled back as I hung up. Sitting down on the couch, I felt exhausted. In less than a minute she had sucked all the energy from me. That’s what she was, a leech trying to suck me dry.
“Nooo,” I whined as my phone rang and without looking I knew it was her…again.
“Your mother?” he asked as he leaned on the wall opposite me, dressed in only his silk pajama bottoms. He watched me closely and I couldn’t read the expression on his face.
“Yep. But don’t tell her that. I’m just her ATM and she wants it that way.”
“I’m sorry. Are you alright?”
“I’m fine and you shouldn’t be the sorry one.” I sat back up and smiled as I added, “Apparently, life doesn’t stop even when you were reconnecting with your long lost soulmate.”
He didn’t say anything. Instead, he looked down and crossed his arms over his bare smooth chest.
“What?”
I stood up slowly.
When he looked up to me, he seemed so distant, like he wasn’t really here anymore.
“Malachi?” I walked over to him.
He watched me come over to him and it was only when I placed my hands on his cheeks that he spoke again. “I don’t want you to go.”
“What?”
“You walk out…we leave,” he swallowed painfully. “Something will keep us apart again. We won’t come back here in this life.”
“You were the one who told me I couldn’t stop living.”
He smiled but he didn’t mean it. “I lied.”
“You promised three times, and even swore you’d believe we’d make it. Was that lie too?” I stared directly into the pain behind his blue eyes.
He placed his hands on the sides of my face and leaned forward to kiss my forehead. “Does the boss have any work for me to do while she’s running the world?”
I grinned, it was the best question to ask.
“Whatever you’re thinking…my question was asked in sarcasm.”
“Nope, you can’t take it back. I’ll call and have them set up the interviews—uhh...!” I giggled as I tried to twist out of his arms when he tickled my sides.
“I don’t do interviews, Esther,” he said tickling me.
“You do now…ha…stop! Hahaha!” Breaking free of his arms I made a run for it and made it to the other side of the couch before turning back to him. Both of us were moving right to left as he tried to get to me. “You said you didn’t do them because you were trying to avoid…me. Well, it didn’t work so now you have to do them again like every other author.”
He faked right and I moved left trying to avoid him. But instead of running around the couch he jumped over it and grabbed me.
“Cheater!” I cried out as he wrapped his arms around me.
He kissed the side of my head. “I can’t cheat when there are no rules.”
“One interview! I expect you to pull your weight in this relationship, thank you very much.”
“Excuse me?” He laughed and I could feel his chest rumble as he did.
I nodded proudly. “Yep. Your books are doing okay but I mean one book a year? You can do better than that don’t you think? Or am I supposed to bring home all the bacon?”
“Meanwhile, we’re in my hotel room.”
“Bought with the check my company gave you.”
“That I worked for.”
“Urgh! Just do the interview!” I cried out. He couldn’t stop laughing and I loved it. I loved it more than his frown or his worry or his fear.
“Only one! For the sake of the bacon,” he muttered in my ear. “Happy?”
“Not even for the sake of your girlfriend but for bacon?”
“Girlfriend?” He teased his voice getting higher. “Ms. Noëlle, when did I make you my girlfriend?”
Rolling my eyes, I escaped and moved towards the bedroom but not before saying, “When you came back for me.”
He muttered something and I turned back to see the smallest grin on his face.
“What did you say?”
“Nothing.”
“You’re lying.”
“What does one wear when earning bacon?” he asked changing the subject as he always did, as he moved towards the room and took me with him.
“You’re killing the metaphor here,” I muttered as I held on tighter to his hand. After my grandfather died, I’d felt more alone than I had ever felt in my life, no one cared what I did, no one asked me if I was alright, it was just me. But now there was us.
MALACHI
“Who inspired you to write?”
“My girlfriend.”
“What’s your favorite color?”
“My girlfriend’s eyes.”
They all gaped at me, the reporter, the cameraman, almost everyone in Penohxi Publishing House, including my girlfriend in question, Esther Noëlle, who stood in the doorway of her office which overlooked the sitting area where this interview with Novel Shop Magazine was now taking place. If the man, Howard, he’d said his name was, hadn’t agreed to limit the interviewer’s questions, I was sure I’d never leave. The first stage of this torture was apparently rapid fire questions via a live social media feed.
“Has anyone impacted your life besides your girlfriend?” The red headed interviewer I’d forgotten the name of asked as she looked up from her phone.
I smirked. “Yes. My girlfriend’s grandfather.”
A few people giggled, some groaned and others outright laughed around us as I leaned back. Even the cameraman’s lips turned up. She continued the interview, slightly annoyed with my behavior. I’m sure she was hoping for some serious groundbreaking dialogue, however, I couldn’t tell her the truth behind my writing anyway.
“Okay, Mr. Lord are you going to tell us who this girlfriend is or are you just going to leave us all in suspense?”
“Forgive me, I didn’t know everyone was waiting with bated breath.” I spun the chair slightly as I looked over to see them all waiting with intense stares and crossed arms. Then I looked back up to Esther who frantically shook her head and waved her arms at me no. “The woman giving air traffic controls behind you.”
They turned together so quickly it was borderline terrifying and hilarious, especially considering that Esther’s hands were still in the air. Forcing herself to smile she nodded to them before walking back into their office.
“Esther Noëlle?” the woman asked and I nodded.
“Wow. People online are buzzing,” she said looking down at her phone. “She’s the head of your fan club?”
“And I’m the head of hers.”
There were a few aws and I couldn’t help but grin.
If I could keep the questions on her then I knew that she’d never ask me to do another one of these again.
ESTHER
“Come in,” I said without lifting my head from my desk.
“What the heck happened to Malachi Lord? He’s like this sweet, romantic robot? People are melting at his mushy answers. He was ready to give me anything, I just wanted to find out how to get in touch with you at the airport,” Li-Mei’s words came rambling so quickly that I barely followed her.
Lifting my head, I rested my chin on the desk and said. “Shouldn’t we talk about other things first?”
She sat down slowly in the chair in front of my desk and I could tell that she was trying to think of something to say. So, I said it first. “Your son…he’s Howard’s.”
Her eyes grew wide as she looked at me.
“I hope you weren’t hoping that I’d forget about you two because I’m with someone else. Was it happening when I was with him?”
“No!” she said quickly shaking her head. “No, but…it wasn’t really that long—”
“Then we’re fine.” I sat up and leaned back in my chair. “As long you weren’t actively lying to my face, we’re fine. But I’m not sure how I feel about you just taking off after my grandfather’s funeral. I thought we were friends.”
She hung her head and her auburn brown curls spilled over her shoulders. “We are! I’m sorry! I should have been there for you…I just…I don’t know, I just got scared. You were now my boss, and with my mom, and Howard, everything was happening so fast I bolted.”
I understood that. I was actually jealous. I wanted to run away too. I wanted to run back to Montana right before my grandfather passed away. Back to when everything felt so simple.
“My mom is so angry with me,” she began to sniffle. Grabbing the tissue box from my bottom drawer I walked around my desk and sat beside her. “Why do I feel like I’m failing at everything? Howard and I aren’t…we were just messing around and now we have a kid. But we don’t love each other. And I told him he was to be involved, and he should be involved, but it feels so forced. Like I have no control over my life at all. Everything always goes…just not how I want.”
I also understood that feeling so I hugged her…especially now. “You aren’t failing at everything, Li-Mei. You’re going to be okay. You have me, and not to brag I’m actually a pretty cool friend to have. So come on, I can’t have you ruining your makeup. It’s fabulous as always,” I told her brushing her hair from her face.
She sniffled and looked to me with her dark eyes. “It is nice, isn’t it?”
I laughed and nodded. “Yes, it is, and there are cameras outside. Do you really want to ruin it?”
She laughed with me. We were both being silly but at least we were laughing. She hugged me awkwardly.
DUN-DUN-DUN-DUNNNN!
“Jesus Christ!” She jumped away from me and stared at my phone as it vibrated and played Beethoven's Symphony No. 5 in C minor.
“My mother,” I told her as I reached over to silence the call. “I wanted to block her but I figured she’d call Adith or come here making a scene again.”
“Yeah, I heard about that. Is everything okay?”
“With me? Yes. With her? I have no idea,” I replied. I never knew what was going on with her. Was it my job to know? At what point did you have to cut your own mother off? She’d never been there for me. I’d gone from never seeing or hearing from her, to hearing from her every day now. The never ending onslaught of pain she inflicted left me exhausted. And yet a small part of me—the child in me—was happy because she could never deny me now. I was her child and we were family. She needed me. She couldn’t run from me anymore. It was wrong. We were both holding each other hostage and it was going to end badly, how could it not? Both of us could not go on like this but what was the solution? I had no idea. I wasn’t sure if I’d ever have an idea.
“Esther? Esther?”
“Huh?” I looked to her only to find her staring directly in my face. “Sorry, what were you saying?”
“Nothing, but it looked like you were going to another world there for a minute.”
If she only knew.
Knock. Knock.
“Come in.”
Howard stepped inside but froze as his hazel eyes shifted between the both of us. I could tell he was unsure of how to act but Li-Mei stood up and said, “She knows, don’t be awkward.”
Howard looked to me and I smiled and nodded, which made him relax a little. I appreciated that he was awkward instead of pretending as if nothing was amiss here. It meant I was right to care and see the overarching good in them. Neither of them had betrayed me and yet they were still concerned about hurting my feelings.
“Did you need something?” I asked him.
“Oh right,” he shook his head then nodded it back behind him. “He’s done.”
“What? Already?” I got up and marched towards the door.
He stood in the center of seating area taking pictures with a forced half-assed smile on his face. He looked exhausted for someone who hadn’t even spent fifteen minutes talking.
He was as handsome as always, though even more so because I’d gotten to dress him. When we were in Montana he’d pretty much stuck with dark jeans, his V-neck shirts, his favorite leather jacket, and boots whenever he’d gone out. When inside, he rarely wore a shirt—not that I was complaining. I think I actually enjoyed his old style too much, that’s why I’d chosen clothes that were the opposite of what I had gotten accustomed to seeing him in. I had traded his leather jacket for a gray blazer, his V-neck for a blue button down, and his jeans for tailored pants, making him look as if he just walked off a GQ cover shoot, while happening to match me perfectly…perfect except for the fact that this wasn’t really us. This was the work us. The causal side of us was reserved for each other…and Lieber Falls.
He looked up from shaking Rita’s hand and our eyes met. And just like that, everything I’d come out to say to him fled my mind. The corner of his lip turned up and as if he was oblivious to those around him—those who were rushing to pull out their books for him to sign, and those who openly gawked at him—he walked past them all to get to me. Time seemed to slow, and every step he took changed the world around us.
One step, he was in the middle of the publishing house, walking to me as I stood beside my office door. The next, his black hair grew long, his dark eyes became slanted, and he stood clad in black just outside the Palace of Heavenly Purity. And I, the Palace of Earthly Tranquility. He held a sword in his hand, and I held a sword in mine.
I watched my mind split between these two realities—contemporary New York and 17th century Beijing—as he made his way toward me. The hand he used to absentmindedly autograph the books of those who crossed his path was the same hand he used to strike down the guards that stood in his way within the Hall of Union. His hand moved fast both times, the pen glided over the page of the paper, already on to the next, while his sword simultaneously tore through flesh two at a time. I, on the other hand, held a sword that was busy cutting down those in black, those dressed like him!
“Esther?” “Princess?”
I heard both names, felt both hands grab my arm, and turned to see the same two faces, Li-Mei’s, here and then, the only difference being her hair color. I turned back to look at Malachi and saw that he was unable to get further due to the sheer number of people around him just like his past self. More guards flooded in front of me, forcing him and those he came with to retreat, just before doing so he looked up to me.
“You’re making it a bit obvious, aren’t you?” Li-Mei asked me.
I had to blink a few times as the second world drifted away and all I could see was the present. But my emotions hadn’t caught up yet, I still felt the terror within myself that had arisen at the realization that the distance between us was more than intangible space but that of tangible circumstance. A Princess and rebel.
“We are not them,” I whispered to myself.
“Huh?” Li-Mei asked me.
I shook my head and, shaking off her hand, I walked forward, repeating those words over and over again—we are not them. We were them but this wasn’t 17th century Beijing and I was not the Warrior Princess, daughter of the Emperor of who had executed his father, and he was not the Warrior Rebel who had helped to bring down the empire. I was Esther, a publisher, and he was Malachi, an author, both of us equally sufficient and insignificant at the same time. Both of us openly in a relationship now, which is why when I said, “I’m sure we have other authors to worry about!” Those around him rushed away which allowed me to step right beside him.
He smiled. “Careful or people might start to think you’re my girlfriend or something.”
I want to joke back but all I could do was stretch out my hand. The smile on his face faded a little, but as he looked into my eyes, he saw something, and whatever it was, I was grateful because he immediately took my hand and pulled me closer to him.
“We are not them.”