Against my friends’ better judgement, I did quit basketball. Every day was a struggle, but this time around it was a different struggle. This time the struggle wasn’t about me fitting in with what everyone else thought was cool,it was about me. That’s basically it. I’m not the only one who felt it though. I noticed within the first week how me coloring outside the lines was affecting my relationship with my friends. By the end of the first week, they had stopped waiting for me at our lockers before lunch, and even when I did join them, it wasn’t the same. Everything I said was wrong, and it was easier for me to not say anything at all than to say something I might regret. Not that it would bother me now if I werethe butt of their jokes. It wouldn’t have. Still, I cowered in the back while Wendy ran the show.

By the second week, I was ready to pull Wendy’s hair out, and I wondered what I had ever seen in her in the first place. Back then it felt like the only choice, now it felt silly. I’d spent all those years trying to be normal like them, and now all I wanted to do was puke in my mouth. Still, for whatever reason, I continued to think they were my only friends. Even though I knew way more than all of them put together. It was no different than my Google analogy with my grandma. They wouldn’t understand anyway. It would be like giving a baby a steak. They weren’t ready for it. Those werethe excuses I made in my head, anyway.

Even hindsight didn’t make it any easier to not conform. I still stood by and kept my mouth shut just like I did when I didn’t know anything. I flew by the seat of my pants. That’s it. Wendystill gave me a hard time over my clothes, my hair, and my makeup, but that didn’t really bother me. It did, however, bother me when Stella Mason walked by us at lunch. Wendy was a straight up asshole, and I didn’t understand why. She was always so nasty. Maybe that’s why I was her friend for all those years. Because I didn’t want to be the one catching her shit.

“Hey, Stella. There’s a string hanging out of your vagina,” she called clear across the parking lot, laughing like it was funny.

“What the hell? That’s disgusting. Why would you even say that?” I questioned before I gave myself time to think about it.

Wendy turned around and gave me a once over, telling me with her eyes to back down, and then called back to Stella. “Seriously? You didn’t hear? Stella forgot to look in the mirror before swim practice. I guess she likes advertising when she’s on her period.”

Stella ignored her and kept walking, but the crimson onher cheeks was hard to hide. I spoke up though. “How would you even know that?”

Again, Wendy looked at me like I was stepping out of line. “I’m on the swim team, remember? What’s your problem, anyway? You’ve been a bitch ever since school started back. I don’t know what you think you’re doing, but you’re about to lose everything you worked hard to be here. I hate to be the one to tell you, but this new wardrobe thing you’ve got going onis doing nothing for you.”

I remembered this day, and I remembered my response the last time. There was none. I just stood there, feeling bad for Stella, but not this time. “Let me get this straight. You’re on the same team, you looked at her crotch to see she was revealing something the whole world didn’t need to see, and you didn’t tell her? Way to be a way to be totally rad, Wendy.”

“Oh, my God,” she screeched. “Shut up. You’re so stupid.”

That’s all she could come back with, but before I could say anything back, I overheard Johnny say something about gluing some new kid’s books to the workstation in shop, and then a comment about him having sideburns. My whole world froze, and I looked to where I thought the bike should have been, but it wasn’t there.

“Who? Where is he?” I questioned, my attention going to the guys’ conversation instead of Wendy’s.

“Jessie!” Wendy screeched again. This time pulling on my arm like we were best buds again. “There. Look. Remember that kid? We went to school with him. Remember? He never took a bath and he always wore the same clothes? Come on. Let’s go say hi.”

I pulled away from her with my mouth agape, literally unable to speak. I’d been watching the wrong parking spot for days, waiting for this day. Paying absolutely no attention to my friends, I walked toward him.

“Royal?”

“Jessie? Hey. What’s up girl?”

And just like that, Royal made it extremely easy. He wrapped his arms around my waist, spinning me in a full circle. My heart exploded into a million tiny crystals, sparkling through time, through history, through the universe. I felt like I felt when we spent our days wandering everywhere when we were so young. That was real. It was a real thing, and Roxy was right. I did feel something. From out of nowhere, I felt like my entire life was a lie. I was part of something bigger than I’d been led to believe. I was part of a whole. The same whole as Royal.

“Ewwww, now you’re both going to smell like ass.”

Royal lowered me to the ground with the biggest smile on his face, and I knew he was feeling the same explosive awareness I was. “Please tell me you’re not still friends with that girl.”

“I probably won’t be anymore. I’m glad you’re still talking to me.”

Royal pulled back and looked at me like I was silly. “Why wouldn’t I talk to you?”

“I wasn’t very nice to you. Remember?”

“Yeah, I remember a lot of times you weren’t very nice to me. Where should I start?”

“I can’t believe I’m here.”

“You’re here? Did you move away too?”

“No, you wouldn’t understand. I’m so glad you’re here. Really, really glad. You look the same as you did at seven, only bigger.”

Royal looked over my shoulder to Wendy and back to my own plain old jeans and Jokey Smurf tee shirt. “Actually, so do you. I was afraid you would look like her instead of you.”

I smiled so big it hurt. “Nah, I’m not going to do that this time around.”

“This time around?”

Realizing we still had an audience, I turned to my friends when the bell rang, all standing around watching us with surprised expressions. “Forget it. What class do you have now?”

“Art.”

“Really? You like art?”

“Yeah, do you?”

“No, I’m more of a… I don’t know. Other than macaroni necklaces and turkey handprints, I guess I’ve never really tried it. I don’t think I’m very talented. I gotta go. Maybe I’ll see if I can switch classes.”

“You still smart as an eighty year old professor?”

I chuckled and walked away backwards, knowing I had about two minutes to make it to my locker before English. “I must be. I took all classes for a smart person anyway. I’ll meet you right here after school. Okay?”

“I’ll be the one in white,” he said, spinning around like he was modeling his white bohemian shirt for me. I didn’t find anything at all weird about it. It was him, and he didn’t smell like a stinky little boy either. He smelled like Royal. Sage and something I couldn’t quite put my finger on. Sandalwood maybe.

Still wearing the biggest smile ever, I spun away from him and walked right past my old tribe. Mostly Wendy. She hated me, and it only took one time of calling her out to achieve that honor. I was on air. My feet felt like they weren’t even touching the ground, and nothing could have ruined my day.

Not until I turned to the loud thump, seeing Johnny holding Royal against the side of Mark’s truck. Just like the last time this had happened, Royal didn’t do a thing about it. He just let Johnny restrain him without a fight, but this time, I didn’t stand off to the side without saying a word.

“What are you doing? Let him go, you stupid idiot.”

“Is this why you broke up with me? Huh? You want to go out with this piece of shit loser?”

Shoving him backwards, I wedged myself between them to make him stop. “Leave him alone, Johnny.”

Johnny shoved him hard but backed off with a finger pointed right at my face. “Go ahead. We’ll see who’s queen this year. I guarantee it won’t be you. The only queen you’ll belong to is this piece of shit,” Johnny said with vengeful, angry words. Taking a bow, Johnny gave him his blessing with an open hand. “She’s all yours, your Royal Hind-ass.”

I turned my angry attention to the crowd whowere chanting “fight,” over and over until they turned to Johnny and stroked his ego even more. “What the fuck is wrong with you people? You’re cheering on this idiot? For what? For being a bully? This isn’t okay, and you know it. Don’t feed into that. You do exactly what I just did. You stand up for people who can’t stand up for themselves, because that’s what humanity means.” I yelled while the whole parking lot stared at me in silence as if I’d lost my mind, but I didn’t care. I was so mad I could have spit.

“I can stand up for myself,” Royal said from behind me, but it wasn’t meant to be serious. He was joking and only I got it. Everyone else laughed at him, letting my rant about standing up for each other blow away with the wind.

Johnny got away with it with a pat on the back, and they laughed at Royal. I didn’t get it now any more than I did back then. What in the world would ever make me think that was ever okay? “You’re going to love Forrest Gump.”

Royal’s eyebrows took a slow dive toward the bridge of his nose, confusion written all over his face. “Who?”

I laughed really loud, and I didn’t care who heard me. Too happy to even care, I made him promise to meet me right there after school with a straight finger and threatening look. “I’ll meet you right here.”

“Yes, I’ll see you later.”

It took less than two weeks for my entire history to change, but I was afraid it would end, that I would wake up from this dream, or coma, whatever this was, and not get to see how it ended. Nothing could have upset me after that, and nothing could have made me happier. Not until sixth period study hall, anyway.

I’d just taken my seat with a twenty question chemistry paper and my book when I looked up for no reason at all. Because I felt him. Royal’s eyes instantly met mine, and we both smiled. Glancing over to Vicki Lawrence, a girl who was also in my chemistry class, I bribed her out of her seat. “Hey, I’ll let you copy my chemistry homework if you let my friend have this seat.”

Vicki looked behind and then back to me. She wasn’t someone I talked to on purpose and she knew it. “Me?”

“Yes, he’s new. We have a history, and I kind of want to catch up.”

“You’re offering to let me copy your homework?”

I looked up, hearing Mr. Cho tell Royal to find an empty seat while he looked for his planner a couple boys had taped to the chalkboard right behind him, and back to Vicki. “Yup. All you have to do is move.”

“Yeah, okay. How am I going to get it from you?”

“Here, give me your notebook. I’ll give you my number. Call me tonight, and I’ll give you the answers.”

“Me?” she questioned again, handing over her notebook in a state of confusion.

“Yes, you. Thank you so much.”

“How much you have to pay her?” Royal questioned with a crooked grin.

I smiled back, wishing I could hug him again. “A homework assignment. You better be worth it.”

“Depends on whether or not you’re gonna make me go on a ghost horse chase.”

Again, I laughed a full blown cackle. Just like I’d done when we were kids. When we didn’t have anyone to influence us but us. Before we joined society and let everyone else tell us who to be. Only that wasn’t really how it was. I was the only one who did that. Royal was still genuine to himself, and this time, I admired him for it. Not that I didn’t back then either, I did. I just let other people and a popularity contest obscure my vision. Royal was the only boy in the entire world I knew I could just be one-hundredpercent me with. I wasn’t about to miss out on something this special for a group of mean girls and Johnny Dixon. Not this time.

“Alright, alright, quiet down.” Mr. Cho called to the class, directing it at my obnoxious laugh.

I didn’t care,not about that, nor the way the whole class turned and looked at me. Luckily, Mr. Cho was old and tired of teaching. He was one of the pushover teachers everyone seemed to walk all over just because they could, especially sincethis was study hall. As long as everyone remained someone quiet, he didn’t say anything. The only bad thing about it was the fact we couldn’t really talk without everyone hearing us. We chose notes instead.

Royal opened my Trapper Keeper and pulled out a notebook. “Seriously? World Economics?”

I shrugged and explained why, through a whisper. “It’s a college credit.”

Sliding his desk toward me a little, Royal wrote at the top of a blank page.

Boring…

Still wearing a smile I couldn’t seem to contain, I wrote back, asking him where he’d been and what he’d been doing all these years. For fifty-four minutes, Royal and I passed a notebook. I mostly asked questions and he answered. My years had all been the same. I was smart, I got good grades, I was a basketball star, and I was a puppet to my friends. Of course, I didn’t admit that to him.

I ended up having another class with Royal, too. Last period,Basic Math. A credit he apparently needed to graduate high school. While Ms. Hatcher taught mostly ninth graders, and a handful of seniors lacking a credit or two, I graded some papers for her; but mostly,I stared at Royal. Because I couldn’t not look at him. And every time I glanced up, he was smiling right at me.

My last class was on the same floor as my locker, and believe me, I tried like hell to get to my locker and get out of there before my friends arrived;however,they had other plans.

Wendy took my arm and pulled me to her locker. I went because she didn’t give me a choice. “Okay, the three of us got together and decided we need to intervene here.”

“Intervene here?” I questioned.

“Yes, we get it now. You’ve been hanging out with that boy behind our back, haven’t you? That’s why you’ve been dressing like Punky Brewster and acting so weird. Well, we’re not going to let you do this.”

I snorted and tried to step between them, but Jan closed the gap by stepping close to Wendy. “Guys, thanks for the ‘intervention,’ but I’m good.”

“You’re not good. Look at you. Look at your hair, your clothes. What are you wearing? You look like Greg Brady.”

“Thanks for your concern, but I think I’ve got this one.”

“That’s just it, Jessie. You don’t. That’s why we’re trying to help you. You’re not seeing clearly right now, for some reason,” Wendy pleaded, holding both my shoulders, and giving me a light shake. “We’re the ones seeing all this change from the outside, and we see what you’re doing to yourself. Wake up, Jessica Fenton. This is what you need to do. First, you need to stay away from that smelly boy who looks like he came here from another time.”

Of course, I snorted at that one.

“I’m being serious, Jess. Next, you need to get over this thing with you and Johnny. Open your eyes, girl. There’s a whole line of other seniors who would gladly take your place. We helped you pick out your clothes for a reason. Start wearing them, and lastly, go tell Coach Dixon you were just kidding and get back on the team. Oh, and don’t try to beat Johnny in gym anymore. You’re making a fool of yourself. We’ve been friends for a very long time, Jessie. I’m only trying to get you take the blinders off and see what you’re doing to your reputation.”

“I’m so glad I get to do this without the veil this time. This isn’t what it’s all about, Wendy.”

“What the hell is wrong with you? Of course, this is what it’s about.”

Searching for words I couldn’t seem to find, I glanced to Leigh. There was no way to explain it without sounding like a philosopher professor. In their eyes, this was how every high school girl on the planet wanted to go out. We had one short year of this left, and in their hearts, they felt this was the way to do it. “Well, it shouldn’t be. Friends don’t judge.”

“Friends tell their friends when they’re about to blow their entire senior year out the window. You’ll look back and regret it. Listen to me, Jess. I know what I’m talking about.”

My eyes narrowed on their own and contemplated that for a second. “Who taught us that? This isn’t a competition. Stella Mason has just as much right to be here as you. Without being bullied.”

“Uh, one...no, she doesn’t. Two...I’m the furthest thing on this earth from a bully. I might break a nail,” Wendy giggled, turning to the left and then the right, seeking a stroke for her ego from her followers.

“Here’s what I think. Instead of you worrying so much about who your boyfriend is, what label you’re wearing, or being the head of anything, maybe you should be a real friend,” I said, spewing words I wasn’t sure made sense. Spinning half a turn, I dropped my arm over Leigh. “Do you even know that Leigh is an amazing artist? She’s got a painting in the library that won a thousand dollar scholarship during a summer art class. Did you know that? I don’t remember Leigh ever saying anything about a summer art class. Do you? Why would our “best friend” hide something like that from us?”

Wendy frowned and looked right to Leigh. “You took a summer art class? Why?”

“Hey, loco, coming?”

All the drama I’d seemed to find myself in the middle of was gone with a call from a boy at the end of the hall. Long hair, sideburns, and a great big smile. Slamming my locker behind Wendy’s head, I dismissed myself for something with meaning. Something that did matter. “I gotta go. I’m so proud of you,Leigh. You’re an amazing artist.”

“Th... thanks.”

I skipped down the hall, dodging in and out of students all ready to get the hell out of there, feeling light. Like a weight had been lifted from me that I didn’t even know I was carrying.

Royal and I walked down the stairs together, side by side, chatting like we’d never parted ways. “So you moved to Sarasota when you left here?”

“Yes. On a vegetable farm. Acres and acres of cabbage.”

“Was it a good place?”

Shoving the door open for me, Royal nodded for me to go ahead. “When I wasn’t working my ass off it was.”

“You weren’t working at seven, I hope. I meant like right after you left here.”

“I worked,” he said with an assuring glance. “But I also had some pretty cool experiences.”

I wanted to be sad for him for a moment, picturing him working in a hot field as a little boy, but he wouldn’t let me. “You worked? Like in the fields?”

“Remember that 110 camera I bought at the flea market the summer before I left?”

“Yeah?” I questioned, stopping at his bike with a peculiar stare,not understanding what that had to do with anything, I waited for him to continue.

“Wait until you see all the photos I took. I’ve got an entire album of an alligator building a nest all the way to the babies going into the water. Oh, you’ll love this one. One time I was on the beach taking some sunset photos when a herd of horses came racing down the beach right in front of me. They escaped from a race horse ranch miles away just for me to get those shots. I sent it to National Geographic. They gave me a hundred bucks and half a page in the photo section.”

“You’re into photography? That’s so cool.”

We both turned to the thump beside us, seeing Stella Mason trying to open the door with an armful of books and some poster boards. Royal took a step around me and opened the door for her.

“That’s probably a good smell. Tampon girl and Your Royal Hind-ass.”

“Seriously, Wendy? I can’t wait until you watch the movie Mean Girls. Remember this day when you do. Mean girls raise daughters who are mean girls. Don’t forget that.”

Wendy burst into a gut laugh, looking around her for her so called friends to join her in the comedy. “You’re so stupid. Come on. I’m not wasting any more time on people who want to hang out with stinky losers.”

“Thanks,” Stella said with a genuine smile to Royal and me.

“Anytime,” Royal replied with the same genuine smile. I was in awe, and I wasn’t even sure why. Because the boy had gone through hell and still found joy in the little things. “I’d offer you a lift, but this thing’s a piece of shit. It barely gets me over the mountain.”

“It’s okay. I’ve got my gram's wagon.”

“Not the wagon.”

I laughed, nodding in shame. “Yes, yes. The wagon.”

“That thing’s still running? Noooo.”

“Afraid so.”

Royal and I parted ways, agreeing to get together later that evening. He had a few things to take care of at home, and then we were going to meet where we’d met a gazillion times. In the barn nobody even used anymore.

I drove home feeling like I was on top of the world with my entire life ahead of me, but was it? And if it was, what did that mean for Royal and me? What did it mean for Eric and me, and the twins? Deciding I didn’t like the way the deep thoughts made me feel, I moved them to something else. To Royal, the years I’d missed with him, and the questions I still didn’t have an answer to. Bouncing from the past to the future, I wondered why I cared about what Royal had been doing for the past ten years now, but I never even thought about it the last time, or from my future.

What did that mean?

What did that say about me?