I plunge right into the memory, once again aware of where I am, but with no control over my actions.

Cornelius and I are still in the forest, and I'm on my knees. Tears pour freely over my cheeks, as I try to hold the pain inside.

I murdered a man. I took his majyk—his life essence—right out of him. And I didn't want to stop.

"I'm good," I whisper it this time, but it doesn't sound true to my own ears anymore. Cornelius kneels in front of me, raising my face up to his.

"What you are is power. Nothing can stop you, Calista. You are the darkest volshebnitsya to be born out of light. You are the one who will finally be able to balance the scales of our land, once and for all. You" —Cornelius takes a step closer, pinning me with his gaze— "are pure evil and the most powerful creature in all the land of Skazka and beyond. You can lead the Glava and overthrow the crown."

"No!" I shout, stumbling to my feet and away from him. "I won't do it. I won't become that!"

"Stop running from yourself, child. Haven't you noticed yet how your father watches you? How your mother makes sure you wear light dresses and puts flowers in your hair?"

I'm moving away from him, but I stop at his words. I have noticed. I remember the talk with my papa about William, how he wanted me to follow my heart above my duty. He's always seen the best in me and he wanted me to know that he always will. Maybe he knew this was coming. Maybe he knew I'd betray him.

"So what am I supposed to do now?" I'm terrified of the answer, but the question must be asked.

"You do exactly as it's been planned. You take the Relic and you go into the Human Realm. Once you're there, the Relic can be used to unlock the last of the doors between our realms and we will have a fighting chance against the monarchy."

"Why are they so bad?" I whisper. Knowing what I know, I still want to hear him say it.

"Because they use the majyk of Skazka for their own profits. Because they deprive their own people of the life they all could live. Don't tell me you're so naive as to not have noticed! The queen's heart beats closer and closer to the selfish darkness—“

"But she's always been so good—“

"At playing the whole realm!" Cornelius shouts, the sound thundering around us, making the trees and the plants shrink even further back.

I know what he's saying is true. It's what I found out for myself, it's what made my majyk flare up and take a life. It's why I've been running. I shut my eyes against the pain that knowledge brings. My parents knew who I was, knew who I would become, and they've done their best to protect me from it. I can't let them down, no matter how much my dark heart beats to rain hell on the royalty that keeps us oppressed.

Now that the film of majyk has been lifted I can see all the ways my home has been manipulated over the years. All the things we've done to protect Skazka is just another way to keep it under the thumb of selfishness and greed.

I think about Brendan and what he'll do when he finds out who I really am. He'll be so disappointed in me. I have to save him, but in order to do so, I'll have to push him away.

All of these thoughts race through my mind, cementing my resolve. If embracing the darkness means I can save my home from destruction, then so be it. But whatever Cornelius has planned, I will have my own plan in the background. I won't ever let anyone manipulate me again. Never again.

"You're right," I say out loud and am rewarded by a satisfied smile. "The barriers must be broken, so the whole of Skazka can see what is truly happening to their home. I'll take Znaniye as planned."

"Perfect, Calista. I knew the darkness inside of you wouldn't let you make any other decision but the right one. Especially not after what you've done."

Maybe he's right. I can never go back, I can never be myself again. But I won't be the darkness, either. I didn't feel anything but fulfillment while taking that man's majyk, but I won’t succumb to that forever. I'll embrace my darkness long enough to do what needs to be done.

Then, I'll destroy them all.

I come back into my body with a snap.

Gasping, I try to push my beating heart back into my chest. The intensity of the memories is making my body throb in agony.

I'm weak.

I'm exhausted.

But, I remember.

"Cali? Cali, are you all right? Calista?"

I don't know how long he's been saying my name, but Brendan's voice is tight with panic. I must've of been out longer than I realize. But even as I know that he needs my reassurance, I don't answer him right away. Too many images continue to assault me from every side. I shut my eyes against the whirlwind, trying to ground the emotions.

I remember the darkness. I remember the thrill I felt when I killed one of the guards at the border. I remember the talk with Cornelius and finding out the truth about myself. I remember sneaking out to leave for the Human Realm, deciding to do whatever it took to save my people. I remember being chased through the woods after crossing over, of hiding myself from Cornelius and the anger he felt shaking the woods around us. I remember finding Elizabeth and collapsing inside her front door.

I remember the talk with my papa.

I remember the truth of our inheritance that he shared with me.

I remember what I did.

I remember the truth behind Znaniye.

"Cal?"

"I'm fine."

My voice comes out strong, abrupt, halting Brendan's. I open my eyes to meet his concerned gaze and I know the moment he realizes something has changed. A hood comes over his mangled face, and he pulls himself a little bit straighter. I can see it's taking all of his strength to stay awake, to keep focused, and my heart squeezes once again at the torment he's going through on my account. I want to tell him what I know, but this is a secret I cannot let him bear.

I know what the mark on my hip means now, who I am because of it. He can't know or he will never trust me again.

"Cal, what did you see?"

I want to tell him.

I need to keep it to myself.

But Brendan is the only one who knows me through and through. He has been there my whole life, training with me, protecting me. The feelings I've discovered for him without my memory are nothing compared to how I truly feel about him.

We've never said I love you. But actions speak louder than words. I've seen the pain I feel inside mirrored in his very soul. We are soul mates who can never be together. I can never give him that.

But I can give him part of the truth.

Taking a deep breath, fighting the agony shuddering through my body, I give him a cool smile. The smile of the Duchess of Warriors. He blinks in surprise, understanding falling over his features as I speak.

"I saw everything."

* * *

Brendan doesn't get to comment on my revelation before the creatures are filing into the room. It must've been hours since they left; I was out much longer than I thought. Even rejuvenated by the knowledge of the truth, I'm still weakened by the blood loss. I can feel the essence of my very foundation seeping out of me with every drop. I know I don't have much time left. Cornelius will be able to penetrate my defenses soon, and I cannot allow that.

"You are still awake,” he states, coming to stand in front of me.

I bet it's driving him crazy, not knowing what truly happened when I agreed to go along with his plan. In his twisted mind, he couldn't fathom someone like me actually having morals of my own. But that's exactly what I have and that is exactly why I couldn't let him win. The smug look on his face makes me want to strip his flesh from his bones. Every nerve in my body is itching for a fight. A fight I know I can win now that I am myself again. Now that there is truth on my side.

"What do we have here?" he asks, coming to stand in front of me. "Something is different. You are different. The loss of blood should have weakened you, and yet, here you are. Glaring daggers at me."

He's more than confused now, he's uncertain, and his uncertainty is a song in my heart. Because I have nothing to be afraid of.

I know who I am now.

The moment these creatures stepped into the room, the ancient writings have awakened themselves in my mind. The words my papa spoke to me before I left ring true, echoing into my very soul. I can feel Brendan watching me, his quiet trust in me and my abilities the greatest encouragement I can have. He's waiting for me to make a move. He's trusting me to get us out of here.

"Not so talkative now, are you?" Cornelius continues, oblivious to my inner thoughts.

There are still memories missing, parts of myself I can't reach. But the basic truths about my powers are known, and I will use that knowledge to finish my mission. The mission I have created above all others, the one no one knows about.

I cry out as his hands connect with my throat, pulling me up like a rag doll. My feet try to kick out on their own, forgetting they're strapped to the wood. I stare right at him, unwavering. I feel his mind reaching for my own, but I will not let him in. I can feel my neck separating from my shoulders before Cornelius drops me with a snap. My whole body jerks, blood spraying from my wounds and I cry out.

"I think I'm done waiting. You will tell me what I need to know." Cornelius turns to Mead, who's been waiting quietly next to Brendan. With a nod, Mead is on him, punching his face with an animalistic pleasure. I'm screaming again, my voice bouncing off the walls.

Mead reaches for his sword, the hilt of it connecting with Brendan's cheek. Another creature steps forward, yanking the restraints away. Brendan slams face first into the floor, right before Mead kicks him in the stomach.

"Shut up!" Cornelius shouts my way as I continue to wail for them to stop. I'm pushing against my own restraints, my flesh scraping raw against the metal. "Tell me what I need to know or I will take him to the brink of death and hold him there until he wishes for nothing else."

"You will burn in hell,” I grind out between my teeth. He laughs, the sound chilling and menacing. My eyes shift back to Brendan as his find mine. There is so much trust there.

Trust and love.

I love you.

Something inside me snaps. I scream at the top of my lungs and in the next moment, my hands are free of their restraints. The room is sharper than I remember, everything bathed in the brightest light. Cornelius shouts something, fear written on his face for the first time since he found us. I don't wait for him to recover.

Focusing on that inner power, I yank the rest of my restraints away. None of the creatures dare to approach me as I land solidly on my feet. The room continues to grow brighter, pulsing with the light that seems to come from every side.

“Calista," Brendan's voice is but a whisper but I hear him. I glance down at him, and when I do, my eyes land on the rest of my body.

The light is coming from within me.

This is what I've done, what I didn't remember doing all this time. I have traded my heart for the Relic and I have become one with the elements.

Earth.

Zemlya.

Water.

Voda.

Air.

Vozduh.

Fire.

Ogon.

The elements are one. I am the four elements. I am Znaniye.

With that revelation comes the power. My arm thrusts out, reaching for the creatures on my left. Wind is suddenly in the room, twisting and turning around the monsters before they collapse from the lack of oxygen. My other hand flies toward my right, and fire bursts from the ground on which they stand.

I turn my attention to Mead and the other creature who are still holding my Brendan captive. I don't see Cornelius. My focus is solely on the ones who have hurt the one that I love. My hands don't reach out for them, they reach for the place where my heart used to be. Bringing my palms against the frantic pulsing inside of my chest, I scream one word and the light pours out of me, blinding.

I control it.

I control myself.

I control the darkness.

I control the Knowledge.

Just as suddenly as it comes, the light is gone. I fall to my knees, my body humming with the energy I'm trying to reel in. Gasping for breath, I raise my head and find the room emptied of the creatures. The stink of burnt flesh is in the air, but it doesn't even register as my gaze lands on Brendan. He's sprawled out on the floor, his arms covering his face. At first, I don't think he's breathing. Then, he moves.

"Brendan!" I cry out, sliding right up to him and reaching for his arms. He lets me pull them away, and I stare down into his face. Tears are flowing freely as I fall into him. He wraps his arms around me, holding me closer than ever before. I'm the first to pull back.

"You are extraordinary,” he whispers, staring into my eyes intently.

I smile through the tears and help him sit up. That's when I realize his wounds are gone. Tentatively, my fingers skim over his face, down to his shoulders, and finally to his abdomen.

"I wouldn't if I was you."

The mischief is in his voice and I glance up, blushing at my boldness. He chuckles before reaching for my hand and placing it over his heart.

"You saved me."

"It was my turn."

We stand together, glancing around the room that held us captive. The creatures are gone, but I know for a fact that Cornelius is still alive.

"We need to go," I say, tugging at the hand Brendan is still holding. He nods in return, that same awe from a few minutes ago still shining in his gaze. He wouldn't understand, but the way he's looking at me makes me feel like the lowest of the low.

He shouldn't trust me. He wouldn't if he knew the vile thoughts racing through my mind. Now that I've unlocked the Knowledge inside of me, more memories are returning. I can keep them at bay without falling into the pain that I've come to know every time I've tried to remember. But it doesn't mean it isn't there.

Giving up my heart to place the Knowledge inside of me was my decision. A decision no one knows about. It's why Cornelius kidnapped us, because I double-crossed him. But I refuse to succumb to yet another ruler when I am more powerful than all of them.

Brendan leads me out of the room and into a long corridor. I allow him to guide us out of the catacombs, while my mind races over what needs to be done. First, I need to make sure my heart is safe. Getting to it is the only way to kill me now. Second, I have to figure out how to tell Brendan that I'm the reincarnation of the most feared koldun of our history, Koschei Bessmertny.

There will be no going back once he finds out and there will be no redemption for me unless I save us all.