Chapter Thirty-Two

 

Guinevere Pendragon will, to the best of her abilities, offer Midas (no last name given) protection from her enemies.  In the event that her bid to reclaim Camelot is unsuccessful, she will take full responsibility for the hostilities with said enemies and will endeavor to face the consequences alone.

She will at no time allow him to be endangered, if she has the means to prevent it.

Clause 6- Partnership Responsibilities of Guinevere Pendragon

 

The castle was empty.

Gwen walked through the deserted halls, shocked by how many people weren’t there.  Usually, the palace was teeming with Good citizens and Good staff.  The Scarecrow had fired all the Baddies long ago, so no one was missing because they were brainwashed in a corner.  They were just gone.  It seemed that everyone had fled in terror or was hiding from the inevitable showdown.

Who could blame them?

Nobody stopped Gwen as she marched right into the throne room.  She knew she’d find the Scarecrow there.  There was no place else the egotistical bastard would hang out.  Sure enough he was lounging on the eighteen foot golden throne, petting his blackbirds with his twig-y hands.  It occurred to her that Midas would really like that chair.

Luckily, she was about to get it for him.

“Guinevere.”  The Scarecrow’s mouth curved into a mocking smile.  “I see you managed to escape Celliwig, my dear.  I assumed you would, of course.” He made a show of checking his pocket watch.  Which was Arthur’s pocket watch that the Scarecrow must have stolen from the dead king’s bedroom.  “Actually, I thought you be here long before now.  You weren’t quite as anxious to liberate your beloved Baddies as you pretend, eh?”

Gwen ignored the taunt.  Trystan was going to rescue Midas and Avalon.  She believed that.  Her job was to make sure he got them out without interference.  Saving her family was all that mattered and she was going to do it if it killed her.

Hopefully, though, it would just kill the Scarecrow.

“You and I are about to have a duel.”  She told him flatly.

“A duel?”  His eyebrows soared, as if that amused him.  “Pistols at dawn, perhaps?”

“Not exactly.”  She stalked over to throw open the huge windows, letting in the misty afternoon.

“Just as well.  Bullets won’t kill me.”  He paused meaningfully.  “Few things will. I’m grieved to disappoint you, my dear, but face it: I’ve triumphed.”  He spread his bundled-stick arms.  “Camelot is mine.”

Sometimes Midas said things best.  “No.”  Gwen quoted firmly.

The Scarecrow frowned at the simple retort.  “You’re just being childish.  Agree to marry me and I’ll consider releasing Midas and Avalon.”

“You’re lying.”  There wasn’t a doubt in Gwen’s mind that he planned to kill her husband and daughter.

“I’m lying.” He agreed and his smile grew snide.

Asshole.

Gwen flashed him a glare.  “I won’t marry you.  There is only one way this deal will work.  Either you surrender now.  …Or we duel, then I kill you, save my family, and get my kingdom back.”

He rolled his painted-on eyes. “You really expect me to surrender to you?”

“No.  Honestly, I don’t think you’re smart enough.”

He didn’t appreciate that response.  “If you require an incentive to acquiesce to my demands, I’ve no plans to eradicate the rest of the Baddies in the kingdom.  Yet.”  The Scarecrow rose to his feet.  His patchwork jacket moved as the birds shifted inside his body.  “Admit that I am the king of Camelot.  Marry me and tell the wizards to provide me with Emerald City’s support.”  He arched a brow.  “Refuse and I will have every Bad folk in the kingdom jump from the highest tower they can find.”

“Or we have a duel.”  Gwen waved a “duh” kind of hand. “It seems like I keep repeating myself here.  Repeatedly.  Business negotiations are kind of hard for you, aren’t they?  No wonder the wizards think you’re an idiot.”

His taunting smile faded.

Gwen tilted her head, sensing she’d seriously pissed him off.  Excellent. “For the life of me, I can’t understand how you convinced everyone you were the smartest man in Camelot.”  She continued, twisting the knife.  “Midas is soooo much brighter than you.”

“I have four doctorates!”

“I know.”  She agreed in a pitying tone.  “Your diplomas were just a total waste of money, weren’t they?  Midas left school when he was just a child and he can still outthink you at every turn.  He has the crown, power, money, a family who loves him…  And he did it all just by being himself.”  She shrugged.  “You can’t buy the brainpower Midas has.  He was just born the best.”

That did it.

“You want a duel, you fucking whore?  Fine.  My babies will stand in for me.”  The Scarecrow made a clucking sound with his tongue and the blackbirds fluttered free of his straw body.  He chuckled indulgently as they flapped around the room like feathered demons.  “As you can see, they’re prodigiously eager to assist.”

“Great. I’ll just call my second, too, then.”  Gwen pulled a dog whistle out of her pocket.  “We’ll let them battle it out, winner take all.”  Popping it between her lips, she blew it as hard as she could.

The Scarecrow hadn’t been expecting that.  “What second?”

Gwen smiled, ignoring his suspicious question.  “Did you ever notice how nobody ever asks who the smartest woman in the kingdom is?  I think it’s because we all already know.”

“No woman could ever compete with my IQ, so there is no…”  The Scarecrow’s sexist comment ended in a gasp, when he saw Harriet soaring towards him.  “No.  NO!”

Gwen hadn’t been lying to Midas earlier.  The firebird was learning how to do tricks with her dog whistle.  For instance, one long blow and she’d fly right to Gwen’s side.  Of course, wherever she flew, she left a trail of flames in her wake.  On ordinary days, that was a bit of an annoyance.

Today, though, it was kind of awesome.

Harriet glided through the open window, her feathers burning in brilliant oranges and yellows.  She kind of looked like a peacock… if a peacock was engulfed in flames.  Her plumage was long and thick and endlessly burning.  Her glowing wings shot sparks with each flap.

“You remember my pet Harriet, right?”  Gwen smiled over at the Scarecrow.  “You should.  You and Arthur and the White Rabbit are the geniuses who created her.  I stopped by my father’s house to pick her up.  She was dying for a visit.”

“Stop her!”  The Scarecrow bellowed, waving the blackbirds towards Harriet.

His minions swarmed Harriet, trying to bring her down.  Too bad for them, the firebird was about four times their size and made of fire.  Harriet was a peace-loving creature, who just wanted to follow Gwen around and eat sunflower seeds.  The attack shocked her.  She squawked in panic as the vicious blackbirds dive-bombed her.  She didn’t have to worry, though.  Her feathers worked as the ultimate self-defense mechanism.

“I’ll kill you and that fucking bird!”  The Scarecrow shrieked, as the blackbirds began to incinerate in midair.

Gwen smirked.  “Nobody touches my family, you flammable son of a bitch.”

Every time the Scarecrow’s “babies” came at Harriet, their own feathers went up in flames.  Within ten seconds, the room was filled with dying, flying torches. Harriet was fine, but the opposition forces were falling fast.  The blackbirds spun in the air like small cyclones of fire.

“You stupid bitch!”  Sparks were raining down.  They burned Gwen here and there, but the Scarecrow was made of kindling.  His whole body started to burn.  Screaming in panic, he brought his twiggy arms up to shield his head.  “You stupid fucking bitch!”

“Don’t you wish you’d listened to me about not experimenting with animals and Dark Science, right about now?”

“Gwen!”  Midas suddenly slammed into the throne room, his eyes scanning for her.

Her head snapped around.  He was okay!  And just in time to see her victory.  “Midas!”  She rushed over to his side.  The man had never looked more appealing.  “Are you alright?”  He looked alright.  “Do you have Avi?  I’ve been so worried.”

“Oh thank God.”  He started forward, like he didn’t even notice the fires blazing around them.  “Are you hurt?”

Gwen shook her head impatiently.  “I’m fine.  Where’s Avalon?”

“Trystan has her.  She’s perfect.”  He held up Lyrssa’s letter opener sword.  “She sent me to rescue you with this.”

Relief flooded through her.  “That’s adorable.  But, you should be with Avi, someplace safe.  Didn’t Trystan tell you the plan?  I have everything under control here.”

His mouth curved, taking in the chaotic scene.  “I can see that.”

“It’s a duel.”  Gwen leaned up to kiss him lightly.  “Stand over there and don’t get yourself killed.  I’m about to win us a kingdom.”

“God, I am just madly in love with you.”

“It’s fire!”  The Scarecrow bellowed, ineffectually swatting at his smoldering body.  “I can’t be around fire!”

“Midas and I assumed it was the best way to kill you.  We had a whole discussion about it, once.”  Gwen glanced up at him.  “Didn’t we have a discussion about that?”

“Yes.”  He nodded like it had been a conversation about the weather.

The last of the blackbirds fell to the floor dead and the Scarecrow gave an anguished howl.  “My babies!”

Those birds had been winged evil, but Gwen still felt a little guilty witnessing his genuine grief.

Midas didn’t share her sentiments.  He stomped down on one of the burning carcasses as it twitched, ensuring it was dead.  “Damn parasites are done scaring my daughter and threatening my wife.”

Finally satisfied that nothing else was going to bombard her, Harriet retreated to the windowsill to soothe her long feathers.  Luckily, the windowsill was made of stone, so it didn’t scorch.

Meanwhile, the Scarecrow’s whole body was going up in flames, even as he mourned his beaked goons.  Honestly, Gwen was surprised at how quickly the fire was devouring him.  If she didn’t do something he was going to die.

She frowned.  Maybe she should do something.

Accidently killing Arthur had been traumatic.  Did she want another life on her conscience, if there was a better way?  She wasn’t a violent person (no matter what Midas said) and Avalon didn’t deserve a mother who’d barbequed a man in the throne room.

“Do you want to surrender, yet?”  Gwen offered.  There was still time to douse the flames.  As much as she hated the man, she was willing to lock him up in jail, rather than cremate him alive.  “Give up your plan to enslave the Bad folk and steal Camelot. Then, Midas and I will help you.”

Midas sent her a mystified look, crushing another dead bird with his boot heel.  “No, we won’t.”

“We have to.”

“Why?  I promised to kill him and I’m keeping my word.  He kidnapped Avalon and tried to force you to marry him, Gwen.  Let the bastard fry.”

She began yanking the purple velvet curtains from the windows, intending to use them to smother the flames.  “You know, I’m supposed to be the heartless one in our marriage.”

“Only according to you.  Everyone else knows better.”  Midas was clearly working hard to overcome his kind and gentle nature, but maybe he could practice his new Badass skills later.

“Just help me put him out.  I won and even he knows it.  He doesn’t have to die.  We’re not the villains here.”

Golden eyes rolled in exasperation.  “Fucking hell…”

“You haven’t won.”  The Scarecrow snarled, his burlap face falling apart as his stuffing was consumed.  “I won’t let you.” He crawled towards the throne, his blackening stick fingers grabbing for a remote control devise sitting on the armrest.  “I’ll die happy, knowing you two will suffer!”  He pressed one of the buttons and then slumped onto the floor, the last of his energy expended.

Midas scowled.  “What the hell is that thing?”

“I have no idea.”  Gwen headed for the Scarecrow’s still form with the curtains, still intending to help the jackass.  “I can’t believe you want to keep starting drama, even when you’re on fire.”  She snapped at him.  “You could at least try to be grateful that, after everything you’ve done, Midas and I are nice enough people to save your ass.”

“Stop blaming me for this idea, Gwen.  You’re the one who wants to save him.”  None the less, Midas started forward, sticking the letter opener through his belt loop.  “And do not burn yourself, helping that idiot.  I will put him out, if you’re so determined to spare his life.”

“Then you’d be the one scalding your hands…”  Gwen broke off mid-word and her eyebrows shot up, realizing for the first time that he wasn’t wearing his gloves.  “Midas?”

“Oh.  Right.”  He haphazardly dropped the curtains over the Scarecrow, snuffing out the fire, and then held up his palms.  “My curse was cured.”

“Cured?”  She gaped up at him.

“Yes.  Wait here for a moment.  I need to find an extinguisher.”  He ducked back into the hall.

“How are you cured?”  She shouted after him.  “You said it was impossible.  You said you had to have everything for the spell to be broken.”

“I married you.”  Midas said simply, coming back in with a red canister of fire retardant.  “And you gave me everything, Gwen.”  He shrugged, like it was all obvious.

Harriet warily watched him from the window sill.  The Scarecrow gave another sickly moaning threat that sounded like “Camlann Project.”

Gwen ignored them, staring at Midas in amazement as he sprayed the entire room down, dousing the flames. “So you can touch me?”  She clarified when he was done firefighting.

“Yes.”

She grinned, excited and thrilled.  “Really?”

“Yes.”  He set the extinguisher down, moving closer to her.

“Then why aren’t you touching me, husband?”

Midas let out a shuddering breath.  “I have waited so long.”  His hand hesitantly came out to brush over her hair, groaning at the feel of her curls against his bare palm.  “Jesus.”  He whispered, sounding awed.  “I knew you’d feel better than anything I could imagine.”

Gwen was hypnotized by the sensation of his hand touching her with no leather between them.  “I am just madly in love with you.”  She whispered, echoing his earlier words.

Midas slowly smiled, dipping his head down to kiss her.

Before his lips could meet Gwen’s, a strange noise came from out in the hall.  Both of their heads swiveled towards the door.

…And Gwen immediately knew what the “Camlann Project” was.

What the Scarecrow had been doing with that damn remote control.  What Dark Science was capable of at its very worst.

“Arthur.”  She gasped, horror filling her.

The Scarecrow had reanimated his body.  Arthur’s smashed, decayed corpse was out of his tomb and walking around.  His once handsome face was now a stitched-up quilt of gray skin, held together with bits of thread and metal.  He lurched forward, his milky eyes fixed on Gwen.  Whatever fragments of Arthur remained in his embalmed brain, he clearly recalled his last few moments of life.

And he was clearly pissed about them.

“Gweeeennnnnnn.”  It was a hiss of pure hatred.

“Oh shit.”  Gwen retreated a step, her heart hammering, and came up against Midas.  His huge arm folded around her protectively and she instantly felt safer.  Well, as safe as a girl could feel, when her deceased ex had been transformed into a vengeance-seeking monster.

“So that’s the Mean Thing.”  Midas whispered, almost to himself.  “No wonder she was scared.”

Gwen swallowed hard.  “Avi predicted this?”

“She told me he’d hurt you two, if I didn’t save you.”

Gwen cringed at that news.  “Maybe this was not such a great day for you to cure your curse.  I’d really, really like it if you could golden him still.”

“It wouldn’t have worked, anyway.  He’s not alive.”  Midas nudged her behind him, his attention on Arthur.  “Nothing that smells that God-awful is alive.”

Arthur seemed to understand that and take offence.  His head tilted in a disturbingly jerky way.  His unblinking gaze narrowing at Midas.

“You remember me, don’t you, Art?”  Midas sounded strangely pleased by that.  “You knew I’d be back in Camelot.  You knew I’d come for what’s rightfully mine, you abusive, thieving, lying, cheating cocksucker.”

Gwen gave his shoulder a frustrated whack.  “Must you antagonize the zombie?”

“He started it.”

Yeah…  Arthur definitely remembered Midas.  His lips pulled back in a snarl, revealing sharpened green teeth dripping with a foul-smelling goo.

“I’m not a dentist, but that doesn’t look right.”  Midas mused, staying in front of her.

“That’s one of the White Rabbit’s poisons.”  Gwen caught hold of his arm, not wanting him to get any closer to Arthur.  “I recognize the smell.  They’ve dosed his mouth with it.  Don’t let him bite you.”

“Damn, that was my first line of attack, too.”

“Is it really the best time to be a smartass?”

Arthur emitted a shrill screech of undead rage, his jaw opening to an unnatural angle.  Gwen wasn’t sure if it was because he was dead or because so much of his face had shattered when he collided with the cobblestones.  Either way it was ghastly.  She cringed, knowing she’d never forget the eerie width of his mouth or the horrible sound he made.

Arthur staggered at Midas, his arms outstretched.  Wanting revenge.  Wanting to kill them both.  His too-long fingernails were all coated in the green venom, too.

“Get back!  Get back!”  Gwen dragged Midas out of the way.  “We need to rekill him.  Now.”

Midas’ laser-fast mind was sorting through ideas.  “Do you have that gun?”

“I used all the bullets shooting people in the legs, back in Celliwig.”

“In the fucking legs?  If you’re going to shoot, aim for the head, Gwen!”

All the noise and moldering was too much for Harriet.  She gave another frantic squawk, wanting to fly away.  She really wasn’t the brightest bird.  Before she found the window that she’d literally been sitting next to, she flailed around the room a few times. Sparks rained down on the Scarecrow’s body, lighting the curtain on fire.  Just like that, he was cooking, again.  Gwen was in no mood to save him, this time.  Harriet didn’t care, either.  She finally figured out how to escape the throne room and took off into the gray sky.

Too bad Gwen and Midas couldn’t go with her.

“Arthur?”  Gwen tried.  “If you’re in there, I didn’t mean to knock you off the balcony.  It was an accident.  You didn’t give me a choice.  Ordinarily, I’m a very nonviolent person.”

Arthur responded with another wrathful scream.

“I don’t think he believes you about that part, kitten.”

“Well he can ask anybody!  I hardly ever hurt people, who don’t deserve it.”

Arthur went for Gwen, again, his body uncoordinated and surprisingly fast.  How did he move like that, with so many broken bones?  Dark Science was wasted on evil.  It should be helping doctors or something.

Midas’ pushed her backwards, out of range.   “Maybe you should just let me deal with Arthur.”  He suggested.  “I’m the kind and gentle one in our relationship.  He might listen to me.”

She gave a skeptical scoff, which was a totally fair response considering how “kind and gentle” he’d been so far.  “I think you’re working hard to hide your sensitivity, today.”

“It’s actually not that hard to hide.”  He flashed her a quick look over his shoulder.  “Stay right here, okay?  I’m going to try something.”

“Do not die.  I’m serious.”

“I’m not going to die.  When a man has everything, he fights to keep it.”  He turned back to Arthur, ready to display his innate compassion.  “Good news, dickhead.  It looks like I get to kill you, after all.”

Arthur’s attention left Gwen, flicking back to Midas.  He snapped his teeth threateningly, sticky poison dripping down his chin and eating through the remaining flesh.

“You should have taken Jill and been happy.”  Midas told him, his golden gaze intense.  “You should have just given me my wife and daughter and left us alone.  Nothing could keep me from my family.  You knew that.  Now poor Jill is dead, because you’re a greedy fool.”

Another infuriated scream, green goo flying like spittle.  This one was the most ear-piercing, yet.

“Jill’s dead.”  Midas repeated, as if he understood the meaning behind Arthur’s angry noise.  In a way, Jill probably would have been happy that her death had effected Arthur so greatly, even in his present cadaverous state.  “Your True Love deserved better than you.  So much better.  You killed her, as surely as you killed yourself.”

Arthur raced at him, ready to rip him apart.

“Midas!”  Gwen cried in panic.

But, he’d been waiting for the assault.  In one smooth movement, Midas reached down and ripped the burning curtain from the Scarecrow’s ashes and hurled it at Arthur.  The smoldering fabric enveloped him, lighting his chemical soaked body aflame.  Arthur stumbled forward, still yowling.  Whether by accident or design, he headed right for Gwen.

She scampered back, terrified that he was going to burn her or eat her or both.  “Midas!”  She shouted again, coming up against the wall of the throne room.  She had nowhere else to retreat.

Her husband responded by slamming Lyrssa’s sword straight into Arthur’s skull.  The letter opener sunk into his head, right up to the handle.  Like a puppet who’d had his strings cut, Arthur slumped to the ground dead.

Again.

Gwen stood there for a beat, breathing hard.

“See how much simpler it is if you aim for the head?”  Midas demanded.

She gave a nod, staring down at The Mean Thing That Had Once Been Arthur and then up at Midas.  “Kind and gentle, huh?”  She finally got out.

“You should have seen the tawdry, feral animal option.”  He shot her a grave look.  “Luckily, I’m a king now, so I always go for the gallant alternative.  My wife deplores violence.”

Gwen straightened away from the wall.  “You know, you’re not the Right Man, after all.”

That seemed to startle him.  “Yes, I am.”  Midas argued.  “I know right from wrong and I’m one-hundred percent the Right Man.”

“Nope.”  She walked into his arms, leaning against his chest and hugging him tight.  “I was thinking way too small, when I made my list.  You check off every wish I’ve ever had for my husband and like a thousand others that I didn’t even know I was looking for.”

He slowly smiled.  “Yeah?”

“Yeah.”  Gwen leaned up to kiss him.  “So you’re not the Right Man, Midas Skycast.”  She met his beautiful eyes.  “You’re the Only Man.”