Chapter Twenty-One
Karoli 27th
I should not be writing this in Sesskia’s diary, in a language she cannot read, but I must do something or run mad. Though this is, in a sense, a violation of her privacy, I cannot help but think that this, too, is part of her record, and someday
I did not realize Sesskia was gone until she was brought to the command tent. We had separated as usual that morning, I to join Terrayel and Audryn at the kathana circle, she to meet with her mages at the front of the western advance. I am never happy to see her go into danger, but we both knew if we did not win this war, having remained safely out of the fighting would not matter.
It is hard, now, to remember how optimistic we—Terrayel’s mages—were that morning. We had narrowed our search for pouvrin that could affect the foundational magic to the binding pouvra invented by Sesskia, and were prepared to experiment with it. We believed maintaining it for extended periods of time, longer than we previously have, would enhance the collection of magic and allow its direct manipulation. I wish with all my heart I had insisted on Sesskia returning with me, as she is the most experienced with that pouvra, but I rejected what I knew was a selfish impulse to keep her near me. How differently things would have transpired!
The first we at the back knew of any unusual events was at nearly sunset, when we heard a tremendous explosion, followed shortly afterward by a wave of force so powerful we could not stand against it. We immediately left our camp and went to join Generals Tarallan and Garatsen where they stood observing the enemy. We saw no smoke, no sign of fire or explosion, only a great deal of activity, soldiers fleeing in all directions except toward Colosse. Those troops attacking on the west seemed confused, and our armies were taking advantage of that confusion to press them hard. As we watched, Renatha Torenz’s army broke and fled, and General Tarallan shouted orders that our soldiers were to pursue cautiously, in case this was a ruse meant to draw the defenders out where they could be overcome.
I wish I had known to scribe the memory kathana. I have no idea how Sesskia was able to record conversations so accurately; my memory is not nearly as good as hers is. So I can only summarize: General Tarallan explained later that our armies moved forward and to both sides, encircling the north and south pincers and cutting those troops off from their fellows. Between that and the demoralizing retreat of the main body of their army, those troops immediately surrendered and were taken prisoner. The Blue Army pursued Renatha Torenz’s forces, while the Helvirite Army remained to defend the city.
I, of course, was required to stay behind. My impatience at that came both from my eagerness to do something as well as my fears for Sesskia, whom I believed to be with the Blue Army, as I had heard General Tarallan give orders for all the mages to join in the pursuit.
We received word shortly afterward that the army had in fact been routed, and several officers had been captured, but nothing of Renatha Torenz (this was before Sesskia and the madwoman were discovered) or Garran Clendessar. I believe him to be still in Venetry, and I hope it does not mean we will have to lay siege to that city. The Gray Army has been sent to investigate the situation at Venetry, and we will not know for days yet what must happen.
Nor do we know what the remaining Castaviran—that is, Renatha Torenz’s officers who remain free will do. They do not have the resources to come against us, but most of them realize their lives are forfeit for following her. I intend to pardon as many as I can; I do not wish my reign to begin in more blood than it already has. Gael Regates surrendered without a fight. I wish I could spare her life.
Then General Tarallan returned, bearing Sesskia in his arms, and at first I thought her dead and felt as if I had been stabbed through the heart. Learning the truth, that she was merely unconscious, was a profound relief. I could not have guessed how much despair her condition would leave me in.
I left her with the surgeons and healers so I could investigate the place where she was found. It looks like a crater, but one with no depression; there are simply lines some twenty or thirty feet long radiating from the center. Near this lay the body of Renatha Torenz, blackened and contorted as if something had tried to escape her body in all directions at once. Three other bodies similarly blackened lay just outside the crater.
I ordered Renatha Torenz’s body returned to Colosse for examination, though thus far no one has been able to tell what actually killed her. It was nearly twenty-seven hours before I returned to Sesskia’s side and found the surgeons and healers unable to tell me why she is unconscious or when she might wake from that state. There is nothing any of them can do for her, because her body is not damaged, and magic no longer works.
We have tried everything we can, thousands of th’an, dozens of pouvrin, and they simply will not activate. Either the magic has finally dissipated to a point we can no longer harness it, or it has stopped responding to our efforts, or the fragments of the divergence kathana have once again exerted their power over it, but magic certainly does not work. And without magic, we cannot even discover why. Terrayel’s hypothesis is that whatever explosion occurred in the enemy camp is related to this loss, but he cannot prove it; all we know is, according to General Tarallan, Sesskia was at the heart of it.
It makes me laugh to think of it. Sesskia always did find a way to put herself at the center of whatever crisis might occur, regardless of the danger. Would that I could have protected her—but she would not be who she is if she did not risk herself in helping others. If she was in the enemy camp, it was almost certainly because she believed her actions would stop this war, and I suspect—I fear—she was attempting to defeat Renatha Torenz personally. Apparently she succeeded. I should be grateful it was not at the cost of her life, but I can only feel anger and sorrow that she is not beside me now, awake and strong. My foundation.
It has been three days since she was found at the center of the devastation. She has not woken, has not stirred no matter what we do to try to rouse her. Yet she does not exhibit any of the symptoms of someone who has fallen into an unnatural slumber; she breathes normally, her flesh is rosy and not sunken with dehydration, and when we lift her eyelids her pupils contract as they should. She simply will not wake up. I refuse to believe she will never wake again.
Karoli 28th
I wish I were yet only a man of no rank who might reasonably spend all his days sitting by his wife’s bedside, holding her hand and speaking softly to her in the hope she might hear and return from whatever distant land her mind wanders in.
My visits to Sesskia are rare, because pulling this new nation together requires so much of my attention. Unrest has erupted in the southeast and the west, the army has moved to defend our western border from the Fensadderian refugees, and reconstructing a government that satisfies the citizenry and the former rulers of both countries is proving even more difficult than we imagined, which means it is nearly impossible. These are the things I tell Sesskia when I sit with her, and try not to think that my stories may be driving her further away, for who would willingly embrace such a world?
I have sent messengers to Endellavir, explaining the situation and requesting Lelaina’s allegiance. I hope she will see sense now Renatha Torenz no longer holds power. If she does not, I will be forced to send the Brown and Gray Armies to take command of the Endellaviran forces, because all our troops are needed to put down the insurrection Arron Domenessar is at the heart of. He is raising the southeast in his own name, and although he has few forces, he is inciting rebellion among the people and I am afraid we will be forced to turn our weapons on them. I have sent more messengers to Lirilla and Garwin, demanding their allegiance in the name of Sesskia Daressar. They do not need to know her current condition.
We have yet to make contact with anyone in Viravon who can speak for the country. Their King, Wilsum Peletor, has been in hiding for years; I hope he will see my sincerity in wishing to meet with him. I think he will be unhappy with the proposal I will make, but Viravon’s independence can only come at a price. I have no idea what he will choose.
Karoli 30th
Sesskia remains unconscious but healthy despite not having eaten for a week. My prayers are more frequent and more fervent these days. I have never been much for religion, feeling the discontinuity between the ecclesiastical rank bestowed on me by virtue of my magical talent and the sense that a true priest should perhaps have a vocation, but I have always believed in the existence of God.
I have also always wondered how such a being could allow someone like Renatha Torenz to continue to falsely claim divinity, and have concluded God gives us challenges to see what we will make of them. What I am supposed to make of the challenge that is the loss of my wife, however temporary, eludes me. Perhaps I am wrong, and there is no God, and I pray simply because I can do nothing else. But now the former Empress is gone, I feel as if my “priesthood” is more real than I had imagined.
I wish I could read this aloud to Sesskia, but I fear what might happen if my worries and doubts were overheard. The Emperor cannot indulge in weakness, even though this Emperor’s strength lies silent and unmoving in this bed. I wish I could curl up next to her—I would certainly sleep better than I do now—but that would also show weakness, so I sit with her for the half-hour that is all I can spare, and write, and pray.
Edmonti 1st
Today I announced the redistricting of our combined countries. No more Castaviran Empire, no more Balaen. The new Empire is divided into four Kingdoms, which are further divided into districts centered on major cities, all of which are to be governed by the men and women who were formerly Lords Governor or consuls. This has proven to be the most difficult of all the tasks my government has faced, for there are not enough positions of responsibility for everyone who was formerly a ruler. Some of them, such as Brisson Rialen, were clearly unfit to govern and have been pensioned off, others have been offered positions on my new Council, but there are some for whom there is simply nothing, and I deeply regret not being able to reward all of those who deserve it.
We have taken the names for our new countries from an old language Terrayel says comes from as close to the time when our worlds were united as anyone can understand. Caelan Crossar governs in Venetry as king of Tenerrin, which encompasses the northwest. Granea Amelessar rules as queen in Calderrin, what used to be Endellavir in the northeast. Lelaina stepped down without a fight. She and I both know I cannot allow anyone who did not support my claim to the Imperial throne to continue to rule. I am considering naming her to my Council, because I would regret losing her advice completely.
Dugan continues to rule in the southeast, though as king of Medirrin rather than Helviran. I have named Morton Taisatus to rule in Davarrin, the southwestern part of the Empire, as I have decided there will be no consul in Colosse. Two Balaenic and two Castaviran rulers, though I have not given up hope of finding Wilsum Peletor and making a final disposition in the matter of Viravon. I long for the day when we will no longer make the distinction, but I am afraid it will not happen in my lifetime, nor that of my
Sesskia, wake soon.
Edmonti 4th
I will no doubt go down in history as the most autocratic ruler of the Essarian Empire. It is a name that means “unity,” and at the moment it feels like wishful thinking. We have had to pacify Barrekel in order to gain access to its printing press, because our kathanas, of course, do not work, and it is essential we send word throughout the Empire of new laws, new rulers, new decisions…I should not be grateful Arron Domenessar was killed in the fighting near Garwin, but I shudder to imagine how difficult our task would have been had he lived to stir up resistance in his city.
Of course everything must be printed in two languages, which means devising new…they appear to be engravings, but raised rather than incised, with each piece representing a single letter so they can be arranged and rearranged endlessly. Naturally they had none of these in the Castaviran alphabet, which means yet another task to be performed before many others become possible.
Master Ustanz and her corps of translators have spread throughout the Empire, explaining, encouraging, teaching, even fighting on occasion. It will be years before the people accept the reality that is our new world, and those years will be ones in which I will have to demand obedience to these new laws that will allow us to live together in peace. I think I will not be a well-loved Emperor. I take heart in how most of the Empire’s rulers, Caelan Crossar included, are united in trying to bring this country together. They do not always agree, and some of them are more self-centered than I would like, but they all understand the need for…unity.
Mattiak Tarallan and Raiwyn Garatsen are frequently at one another’s throats. I wonder if there is not something else going on beneath that antagonism. General Tarallan cannot stop watching General Garatsen, who in turn ignores him so pointedly it is clear she is very aware of his presence. I hope the two of them will find their way to a better understanding, and not only because I would like General Tarallan to stop looking at my wife as if she is his unattainable hope of happiness. Though he has not been to see her, to my knowledge, since the day he brought her back to me. Sesskia often said to me she wished he might find someone who would love him as she did not. She is far more generous of spirit than I.
Sesskia’s condition has not changed. Roda Daressar sits with her often, which eases my mind because I do not like leaving her alone, even if she does not realize it. I have asked Roda to serve on my Council and she declined the honor, thanked me for it, and said she would prefer to wait until Sesskia wakes to make any decisions about her future. I have instructed Caelan Crossar to restore her family’s title and status and to discover if Roda has fortune or property in the Daressar name. He didn’t argue.
Edmonti 5th
I have decided a new royal residence will be constructed rather than housing my family in the old palace. We still have concerns about assassination attempts, and the palace warren is indefensible against such attacks. However, I have ordered its reconstruction to move forward, though I do not yet know to what use we will put it. Perhaps something will suggest itself when we know how much can be reclaimed.
I have for the moment claimed a residence near Morton’s former home, a large mansion with plenty of room not only for myself and Sesskia but for everything I need in my role as Emperor. Perce Aselfos approved of the choice and is, I think, relieved that we will not be living in the palace, even though I am certain he regrets losing his secret passages. Part of me would like to make this our permanent home, but it will be better if we live somewhere central, where we will not be accused of partiality toward the wealthy (though we are one of the wealthy, so I am not certain of the logic of that choice). And I think Sesskia should have some say in the decision. Any day now, she will wake.
Edmonti 6th
We brought Sesskia from the Firtha thanest to our new home, since the healers cannot do anything for her. If anyone tries to harm her, she will be safer here, with Aselfos’s men and women watching for danger. And I can visit her more often, which was my true reason.
Edmonti 7th
The Gray Army returned with Garran Clendessar and a handful of Renatha Torenz’s generals. The former King of Balaen was brought before me this morning. He was utterly terrified and begged for his life in a way that embarrassed all of those present. I ordered him confined, though not in a cell, and am trying to decide what his fate should be. It should be obvious: he raised arms against his rightful Emperor, even if he did so in defense of his own rank, and as a potential rallying point, he is dangerous. But I think it is unlikely anyone would choose to rally around him, unless someone like Caelan Crossar decided to use him as a figurehead. I fear I will have to have him executed.
I wish I had Sesskia’s advice right now. She is capable of great generosity and yet can see to the heart of what is just and right. I can only see that quivering, sobbing figure, and try to find a way to spare him when my own heart is telling me it is impossible. At least this is a decision I can defer until a later time. We are not prepared to hold trials as yet.
The Council has become fractious lately, with a few of its members arguing over precedence, Balaenic and Castaviran, and others being drawn into the squabbles until I am forced to raise my voice to end the “debates.” We waste time that should be spent making decisions about how to defend ourselves against the Fensadderian wars that threaten to spill over our western border. No one knows what changes may have occurred there, as in Castavir that territory was mostly unoccupied desert, but I am told Fensadderius has been at war with itself for a generation and I can’t imagine the convergence lessened its strife.
General Tarallan and General Garatsen have gone from antagonism to a peculiar kind of mutual disinterest, but I have seen them look at one another and I conclude they have become lovers. I am not certain why they think they need to conceal this—it is certainly no Castaviran custom, and I don’t believe it is Balaenic either. It may have something to do with their military ranks, since General Tarallan is nominally her superior. In any case, I don’t think I should interfere, but I hope I can wish them joy of their union soon.
I slept in Sesskia’s bed last night and was driven from it in the pre-dawn hours by nightmares of waking to find myself lying with a corpse. Dear God, if you are listening, let her wake soon.
Edmonti 12th
I meet with Terrayel and Jeddan every evening to learn of their progress in discovering what has happened to our magic. I am so grateful for their friendship, grateful to Sesskia for teaching me how to gain it. Terrayel is optimistic, Jeddan more pragmatic, but neither of them can tell me any more than we knew from the start: no form of magic works anymore. The Balaenic mages, in attempting to work pouvrin, report seeing strange colors like endless ribbons when they bend their will, but trying to lay hold of the ribbons is futile, for they simply slip away from their grasp. No one knows more than this.
The mages are currently employed in teaching their Castaviran fellows to fall into the meditative state necessary to perceive the ribbons. Experimentation shows the restriction on using magic that limits it to those with green-gray eyes is still in force, as only those mages are capable of perceiving the ribbons. Terrayel remains undismayed by this and says it was to be expected, and encourages me to take heart in this evidence that magic does still exist. He and Jeddan are convinced that with time, they will solve this new mystery. They are both very determined men, and I have faith
I have no faith. Sesskia’s unnatural slumber is the only sign that there is magic left in the world at all, for what else could cause an unconsciousness in which the victim does not eat or drink or urinate, nevertheless remains not only alive, but healthy? She will never wake, we will never find the answers, and the strife in Fensaddarius will cross the borders of our newborn Empire and tear apart the fragile consensus we have built. Unless the discord on my Council and the dissatisfaction of those who feel entitled to rank and privilege tear us apart first.
I cannot do this alone. I have to do this alone.
Edmonti 14th
The last Council meeting nearly ended in violence. I do not think it is prideful to say that anyone but I would not have been able to control the fractious members of the Council who are more interested in personal power than in serving this country. I am ashamed to write that I lost my temper—that I am under enormous pressure is no excuse—but it was, to my surprise, the most effective thing I could have done: I reminded them all that they serve at my sufferance, that I have the power to eject any or all of them from the Council, and that I will not tolerate disrespect of my office or my person.
Then I warned the three worst offenders that if they persisted in such behaviors, I would strip them not only of their Council positions but of their personal rank and fortune. I am, again, ashamed to admit I would like one or more of them to disobey, because it felt good to release some of the pain and sorrow I feel as anger. I am reasonably certain I will have to carry out that threat soon. I intended to make the transition of power easier by giving authority to as many of the former rulers as possible, but I see now too many of them are like Dainen Radryntor (who is not a Council member), obsessed with maintaining their old power and uninterested in building consensus. Today was the only warning I will give them.
Sesskia continues healthy and unconscious. I visit her more frequently now, and struggle not to make it even more frequently than I do. Sometimes I imagine grabbing her by the shoulders and shaking her, screaming her name to wake her, and at those times I pace up and down the stairs of this mansion, pushing my body to exhaustion. I miss her so much.
Edmonti 18th
I dismissed five Council members today. I discovered they had been meeting secretly to collude in gaining power over the Council and, ultimately, over me. I should perhaps be pleased that three of them were Castaviran and two Balaenic, and therefore they were capable of putting aside their bigotries to unite against me, but I am still too angry to take pleasure from any part of this idiocy.
I had them put under house arrest and will have to investigate the situation to see if it was actual treason they plotted or simple greed. In any case, they will lose their titles and political positions, and although I have reconsidered my earlier threat to take their fortunes as well—I think exercising that power against any who are not convicted traitors will cause outrage even among my supporters—I will certainly fine them. And then I will have to watch them carefully, guard against them raising a rebellion which I have no time to put down, and that will be just one more thing for me to fret myself to sleep over.
Still no change in Sesskia’s condition. When I sit with her, I pretend she is awake and can respond to my whispered conversation. I can almost hear