Shelley
Christmas Day, 5 months later
It’s late in the evening and Matt is tipsy and half-asleep, Dan is tipsy and half-asleep, Eliza and my dad are having an argument over a game of Scrabble at the table while Juliette’s parents look on not knowing what to say, desperately trying to interpret the mix of Irish accents that fill their side of the room.
Helen and Brian and her boys are helping themselves to leftovers in the kitchen, still wearing their paper hats from the crackers we pulled at the table earlier and Rosie and I are on the balcony sharing a blanket around our shoulders as we look out onto the black of the sea, the moody December sky and the only light we can see is the twinkle on the lighthouse in the distance.
‘Did you have a nice day?’ I ask her, knowing that whatever her reply, there is absolutely nothing more I could have done to make this Christmas as peaceful and perfect as I possibly could.
‘Yes, it was beautiful, thank you,’ she says and she looks right at me, her green eyes full of happiness and pain all rolled into one. ‘Do you think she is watching us right now, Shelley? I really hope she’s here in some way, enjoying the day as much as we all did. She loved Christmas, especially when it snowed.’
I close my eyes and try to feel her near me. I have my own hopes too. I hope that she has found my girl like she said she would. I hope she has found my mum too and that she will let me know, just like she said she would.
‘I have no doubt she is watching our every move and trying to tell us what to do from away up there,’ I say to Rosie. ‘Bossing us around, making us laugh and pushing us to be the best we can be. I have no doubt.’
Rosie chuckles. ‘I think you’re right, she probably is,’ she says. ‘She loved Christmas so much. It’s the one time of year that will always remind me of her, no matter how old I get. Christmas was her time. I think she’d be very happy to see how much fun we had today. Thank you for having us all over for dinner and presents and all the works. It means a lot and it was a great distraction from how we would have been otherwise, sitting round the table in Helen’s and staring at an empty chair.’
‘It means a lot to us too to have you all here, believe me, Rosie,’ I say to her. ‘We’re family now so it’s the least we can do. You and Matt have a lot of catching up to do and your mum didn’t believe in wasting time, so neither should we.’
‘We do have a lot to catch up on,’ she says with a smile. ‘That day when you found me on the sand dunes … It seems now that it was all meant to be, doesn’t it?’
‘Maybe it was. Do you believe in angels, Rosie?’ I ask her and she shrugs.
‘I dunno. I would like to believe that something makes things happen for the greater good,’ she says. ‘I sometimes like to think of my mum as an angel now, looking out for me, making sure that I don’t get too sad or lonely. She brought me here to you, after all.’
‘She did,’ I whisper. Look out for the colour blue, I remember Eliza telling me and I smile at the memory and how far we have all come.
‘At least I know now where I get my geekiness from now,’ says Rosie. ‘Oh, I don’t mean that in a bad way! No offence! Matt’s not a geek at all, but you know what I mean.’
‘None taken,’ I say and I can’t help but smirk. ‘I know exactly what you mean. He’s an architect and a stickler for detail so I suppose you could say he has a geeky side. You have so much to learn from each other, Rosie and it’s going to be so much fun. I know you and Matt are going to get on very well.’
She leans her head on my shoulder.
‘I gave him the letters today,’ she says as we both stare out onto the sky that looks fluffy and grey now like it is about to burst. ‘I ‘ve been writing them on and off for years now so I hope it makes it easier for him to understand where I’m from and some of the things that I like. You never know, maybe he’ll be into some of the same things too.’
I smile at her sweetness. She is just a baby really with so much to learn.
‘He’ll enjoy every moment of getting to know you, Rosie,’ I say to her. ‘And I have so much to tell you about Lily, your little sister. Plus, we will always talk about your mum, you know that. She will always be a part of our family too. She is a big part of me and you.’
‘She is,’ nods Rosie. ‘I just wish I could tell that she is safe wherever she is and that she is happy and with the people she loved up there. I wish I could just get a sign. Anything. I wish I just knew …’
‘It’s going to snow,’ says a voice from behind us and we turn around to see Eliza at our shoulders, looking out over our heads. She hands me a glass of bubbly and a soft drink to Rosie. ‘A white Christmas at last. The weather man got it wrong again.’
‘A white Christmas,’ whispers Rosie and we sit together, the three of us and watch as snowflakes slowly fall around us.
‘Shelley, I think my mum is alright after all,’ Rosie says to me. ‘She really wanted a white Christmas so I think that this might be the sign I’ve been looking for.’
‘You do?’ I say to Rosie and Eliza gives me a satisfied wink of approval. ‘Well, that’s something to celebrate then, Rosie, love. Come on, let’s dance in the kitchen like no one is watching, even though we know that Juliette is here with us watching our every single move and always will be!’
‘I think it’s time we all danced in the kitchen,’ says Eliza. ‘I’ll wake up the lads and we’ll get this party started.’
‘Yes, let’s celebrate this wonderful white Christmas in this most magnificent place,’ I say to Rosie and Eliza. ‘Let’s celebrate being alive and all that life has to offer. Nothing more, nothing less. Someone once told me that being alive is as good a reason to celebrate as any, don’t you agree?’
‘To today and the joy of being alive to enjoy it,’ says Rosie. ‘Every day is a disco. Every day is an adventure, and don’t you ever forget it.’
We clink our glasses and wipe away our tears as we toast.
‘I’ll drink to that,’ I say and my heart fills up with a rush of love as I savour this precious moment and then Rosie takes a photo as I raise my glass.
Now, that is one memory of Rosie that I will want to take with me forever. And we have so many more new memories together to come.