CHAPTER FIVE

“I’VE PUT IT COMPLETELY out of my mind,” Robin said, continuing her string of untruths. “I wish you’d do the same.”

“I can’t. Trust me, I’ve tried,” Cole told her softly. He smiled and his sensuous mouth widened as his eyes continued to hold hers. The messages were back. Less than subtle messages. You can’t fool me, they said, and I didn’t want to admit it either.

“I…”

The sense of expectancy was written in clean, clear strokes across his face. For the life of her, Robin couldn’t tear her eyes from him.

She didn’t remember stepping into his arms, but suddenly she was there, encompassed by his warmth, feeling more sheltered and protected than she had since her husband’s death. This comforting sensation spun itself around her as he wove his fingers into her hair, cradling her head. He hadn’t kissed her yet, but Robin felt the promise of it in every part of her.

Deny it though she might, she knew in her heart how badly she wanted Cole to hold her, to kiss her. He must have read the longing in her eyes, because he lowered his mouth to hers, stopping a fraction of an inch from her parted lips. She could feel warm moist breath, could feel a desire so powerful that she wanted to drown in his kiss.

From a reservoir of strength she didn’t know she possessed, Robin managed to shake her head. “No…please.”

“Yes…please,” he whispered just before his mouth settled firmly over hers.

His kiss was the same as it had been before, only more intense. More potent. Robin felt rocked to the very core of her being. Against every dictate of her will, she felt herself surrendering to him. She felt herself forgetting to breathe. She felt herself weakening.

His mouth moved to the delicate line of her jaw, spreading small, soft kisses there. She sighed. She couldn’t help it. Cole’s touch was magic, and the walls guarding her heart were threatened for the first time in almost ten years. Unable to stop herself, she turned her head to the other side, yearning for him to trace a row of kisses there, as well. He complied.

Once more, Robin sighed, her mind filled with traitorous, sensuous thoughts. It felt so good in his arms, so warm and safe…but she knew the feeling was deceptive. She’d seen him with another woman, one far better suited to him than she could ever be. For days she’d been tormented by the realisation that the woman in the restaurant was probably the one he spent his weekends with.

“No, please don’t.” Once more she pleaded, but even to her own ears the words held little conviction.

In response, Cole delivered a long slow series of feather-light kisses to her lips, effectively silencing any protest. Robin trembled, breathless.

“Why are you fighting me so hard?” Cole whispered. His hands framed her face, his thumbs stroking her cheeks. They were damp and she hadn’t even realised she was crying.

She heard the sudden sound of footsteps bounding down the stairs. At the thought of Jeff finding her in Cole’s arms, she abruptly broke away and turned to stare out the darkened window, hoping for a moment to compose herself.

Jeff burst into the room. “Did you kiss her yet?” he demanded of Cole. Not waiting for an answer, Jeff raced toward Robin and grabbed her by the hand. “Well, Mom, what do you think?”

“About what?”

“Mr Camden kissing you. He did, didn’t he?”

It was on the tip of her tongue to deny the whole thing, but she decided to brazen it out. “You want me to rate him? Like on a scale of one to ten?”

Jeff blinked, uncertain. His questioning glance flew to Cole.

“She was a ten,” Cole said out of the corner of his mouth.

“A…high seven,” Robin returned.

“A high seven!” Jeff cried, casting her a disparaging look. He shook his head and walked over to Cole. “She’s out of practice,” he said confidingly. “Doesn’t know how to rate guys. Give her a little time and she’ll come around.”

“Jeff,” Robin gasped, thoroughly amazed to be having this type of discussion with her son, let alone Cole, who was looking all too smug.

“She hardly goes out at all,” Jeff added. “My mom’s got this friend who arranges dates for her, and you wouldn’t believe some of the guys she’s been stuck with. One of them came to the door—”

“Jeff,” Robin said sharply, “that’s enough!”

“But one of us needs to explain.”

“Mr Camden was just leaving,” Robin said, glaring at her neighbour, daring him to contradict her.

“I was? Oh, yeah. Your mom was just about to walk me to the door, isn’t that right, Robin?”

She gaped at Cole as he reached for her hand and gently led her in the direction of the front door. Meekly she submitted, but not before she saw Jeff give Cole a thumbs-up.

“All right,” Cole said, standing in the entryway, his hands heavy on her shoulders. “I want to know what’s wrong.”

“Wrong? Nothing’s wrong.”

“It’s because of Victoria, isn’t it?”

“Victoria?” she asked, already knowing that had to be the woman with him the day she’d seen him at the Blue Crab.

“Yes. Victoria. I saw you practically hiding under your table, pretending you didn’t notice me.”

“I…Why should I care?” She hated the way her voice shook.

“Yes, why should you?”

She didn’t answer him. Couldn’t answer him. She told herself it didn’t matter that he was with another woman. Then again, it mattered more than she dared admit.

“Tell me,” he insisted.

Robin lowered her gaze. If only he’d stop holding her, stop touching her. Then she might be able to think clearly. “You looked right together. She was a perfect complement to you. She’s tall and blonde and—”

“Cold as an iceberg. Victoria’s a business associate—we had lunch together. Nothing more. I find her as appealing as…as dirty laundry.”

“Please, don’t explain. It’s none of my business who you have lunch with or who you date or where you go every weekend or who you’re with. Really. I shouldn’t have said anything. I don’t know why I did. It was wrong of me—very wrong. I can’t believe we’re even talking about this.”

Jeff’s head shot out from the kitchen. “How are things going in here?”

“Good,” Robin said. “I was just telling Cole how much we both appreciated his help with your pitching.”

“I was having real problems until Cole came along,” Jeff confirmed. “Girls are good for some things, but serious baseball isn’t one of them.”

Robin opened the front door. “Thanks,” she whispered, her eyes avoiding Cole’s, “for everything.”

“Everything?”

She blushed, remembering the kisses they’d shared. But before she could think of a witty reply, Cole brushed his lips across hers.

“Hey, Cole,” Jeff cried, running to the front door. “I’ve got a baseball game Thursday night. Can you come?”

“I’d love to,” Cole answered, his eyes holding Robin’s. Then he turned abruptly and strode out the door.

* * *

“JEFF, WE’RE GOING TO BE LATE for the game if we don’t leave now.”

“But Cole isn’t home yet,” Jeff protested. “He said he’d be here.”

“There’s probably a very good explanation,” Robin stated calmly, although she was as disappointed as Jeff. “He could be tied up in traffic, or delayed at the office, or any one of a thousand other things. He wouldn’t purposely not come.”

“Do you think he forgot?”

“I’m sure he didn’t. Come on, sweetheart, let’s get a move on. You’ve got a game to pitch.” The emphasis came on the last word. The first game of the season and Jeff had won the coveted position of first-string pitcher. Whether it was true or not, Jeff believed Cole’s tutoring had given him the advantage over the competition. Jeff hadn’t told him the news yet, keeping it a surprise for today.

“When you do see Cole, don’t say anything, all right?” Jeff pleaded as they headed toward the car. “I want to be the one who tells him.”

“My lips are sealed,” she said, holding up her right hand. For good measure, she pantomimed zipping her mouth closed. She slid into the car and started the engine, but she glanced in the rearview mirror several times, hoping Cole would somehow miraculously appear.

He didn’t.

The game was scheduled for the baseball diamond in Balboa Park, which was less than two miles from Robin’s house. A set of bleachers had been arranged around the diamonds, and Robin climbed to the top. It gave her an excellent view of the field—and of the parking area.

Cole knew the game was at Balboa Park, but he didn’t know which diamond and there were several. Depending on how late he was, he could waste valuable time looking for the right field.

The second inning had just begun when Heather Lawrence joined Robin. Robin smiled at her.

“Hi,” Heather returned. “What’s the score?”

“Nothing nothing. It’s the top of the second inning.”

“How’s the neighbourhood Orel Hershiser doing?”

“Jeff’s doing great. Terrific. He managed to keep his poise when the first batter got a hit off his second pitch. I think I took it worse than Jeff did.”

Heather grinned and nodded. “It’s the same way with me. Kelly played goalie for her soccer team last year, and every time the opposing team scored on her I took it like a bullet to the chest.”

“Where’s Kelly now?”

Heather motioned toward the other side of the field. The eight-year-old was leaning casually against a tall fir tree. “She didn’t want Jeff to know she’d come to watch him. Her game was over a few minutes ago. They lost, but this is her first year and just about everyone else’s, too. The game was more a comedy of errors than anything.”

Robin laughed. It was thoughtful of her neighbour to stop by and see how Jeff’s team was doing.

Heather laced her fingers over her knees. “Jeff’s been talking quite a bit about Cole Camden.” She made the statement sound more like a question and kept her gaze focused on the playing field.

“Oh?” Robin wasn’t sure how to answer. “Cole was kind enough to give Jeff a few pointers about pitching techniques.”

“Speaking of pitching techniques, you two certainly seem to be hitting it off.”

Heather was beginning to sound a lot like Angela, who drilled her daily about her relationship with Cole, offering advice and unsolicited suggestions.

“I can’t tell you how surprised I am at the changes I’ve seen in Cole since you two moved in. Kelly’s been wanting to play in that fort from the moment she heard about it, but it’s only since Jeff moved in that she was allowed in Cole’s yard.”

“He’s been good for Jeff,” Robin said, training her eyes on the game. Cole’s relationship with her son forced Robin to examine his motives. He’d lost a son, and there was bound to be a gaping hole in his heart. At first he hadn’t allowed Jeff in his yard, or even approved of Blackie and Jeff’s becoming friends. But without anything ever being said, all that had fallen to the wayside. Jeff played continually in Cole’s yard, and with their neighbour’s blessing. Jeff now had free access to the fort and often brought other neighbourhood kids along with him. Apparently Cole had given permission. Did he consider Jeff a sort of substitute son? Robin shook off the thought.

“Jeff talks about Cole constantly,” Heather said. “In fact, he told me this morning that Cole was coming to see him pitch. What happened? Did he get hung up at the office?”

“I don’t know. He must have been delayed, but—”

“There he is! Over there.” Heather broke in excitedly. “You know, in the two years we’ve lived on Orchard Street, I can only recall talking to Cole a handful of times. He was always so standoffish. Except when we were both doing yard work, I never saw him, and if we did happen to meet we said hello and that was about it. The other day we bumped into each other at the grocery store and he actually smiled at me. I was stunned. I swear that’s the first time I’ve ever seen that man smile. I honestly think you and Jeff are responsible for the change in him.”

“I think you’re crediting me with more than my due,” Robin said, craning her head to look for Cole.

“No, I’m not,” Heather argued. “You can’t see the difference in him because you’re new to the neighbourhood, but everyone who’s known him for any length of time will tell you he’s like a different person.”

Jeff was sitting on the bench while his team was up at bat. Suddenly he leapt to his feet and waved energetically several times, as though he was flagging down a rescue helicopter. His face broke into a wide, eager smile. His coach must have said something to him because Jeff nodded and took off running toward the parking area.

Robin’s gaze followed her son. Cole had indeed arrived. The tension eased out of her in a single breath. She hadn’t realised how edgy she’d been. In her heart she realised Cole would never purposely disappoint Jeff, but her son’s anxiety had been as keen as her own.

“Listen,” Heather said, standing, “I’ll talk to you later.”

“Thanks for stopping by.”

“Glad to,” Heather said, climbing down the bleachers. She paused at the bottom and wiggled her eyebrows expressively, then laughed merrily at Robin’s frown.

Heather must have passed Cole on her way out, but Robin lost sight of them as Jeff raced on to the pitcher’s mound for the bottom of the second inning. Even from this distance Robin could see that his eyes were full of happy excitement. He discreetly shot her a look and Robin made a V-for-victory sign, smiling broadly.

Cole leapt up the bleachers and sat down beside her. “Sorry I’m late. I was trapped in a meeting, and by the time I could get out to phone you you’d already left for the field.”

“Jeff and I knew it was something like that.”

“So he’s pitching!” Cole’s voice rang with pride.

“He claims it’s all due to you.”

“I’ll let him believe that,” Cole said, grinning, “but he’s a natural athlete. All I did was teach him a little discipline and give him a means of practising on his own.”

“According to Jeff you taught him everything he knows.”

He shook his head. “I’m glad I didn’t miss the whole game.”

“There’ll be others,” she said, but she was grateful he’d come when he had. From the moment they’d left the house, Robin had been tense and guarded. Cole could stand her up for any date, but disappointing Jeff was more than she could bear. Rarely had she felt this emotionally unsettled. And all because Cole had been late for a Balboa Park Baseball League game. It frightened her to realise how much Jeff was beginning to depend on him. And not just Jeff, either….

“This is important to Jeff,” Cole said as if reading her mind, “and I couldn’t disappoint him. If it had been anyone else it wouldn’t have been nearly as important. But Jeff matters—” he paused and his eyes locked with hers “—and so do you.”

Robin felt almost giddy with a flood of relief. For the first time since Lonny’s tragic death, she understood how carefully, how completely, she’d anesthetised her life, refusing to admit anyone or anything into it that might cause her or Jeff more pain. For years she’d been drifting in a haze of denial and grief, refusing to acknowledge or deal with either. What Angela had said was true. Robin had dated infrequently and haphazardly, and kept any suitors at a safe and comfortable distance.

For some reason, she hadn’t been able to do that with Cole. Robin couldn’t understand what was different or why; all she knew was that she was in serious danger of falling for this man, and falling hard. It terrified her….

“Have you and Jeff had dinner?” Cole asked.

Robin turned to face him, but it was a long moment before she realised he’d asked her a question. He repeated it and she shook her head. “Jeff was too excited to eat.”

“Good. There’s an excellent Chinese restaurant close by. The three of us can celebrate after the game.”

“That’d be nice,” she whispered, thinking she should make some excuse to avoid this, and realising almost immediately that she didn’t want to avoid it at all.

* * *

“CAN I HAVE some more pork-fried rice?” Jeff asked.

Cole passed him the dish and Robin watched as her son heaped his plate high with a third helping.

“You won,” she said wistfully.

“Mom, I wish you’d stop saying that. It’s the fourth time you’ve said it. I know we won, you don’t need to remind me,” Jeff muttered, glancing at Cole as if to beg forgiveness for his mother, who was obviously suffering from an overdose of maternal pride.

“But Jeff, you were fantastic.”

“The whole team was fantastic.” Jeff reached for what was left of the egg rolls and added a dollop of plum sauce to his plate.

“I had no idea you were such a good hitter,” Robin said, still amazed at her son’s athletic ability. “I knew you could pitch—I’d seen that myself. But two home runs! Oh, Jeff, I’m so proud of you—and everyone else.” It was difficult to remember that Jeff was only one member of a team, and that his success was part of a larger effort.

“I wanted to make sure I played well, especially ’cause you were there, Cole.” Once more Jeff stretched his arm across the table, this time reaching for the nearly empty platter of almond chicken.

As for herself, Robin couldn’t down another bite. Cole had said the food at the Golden Wok was good, and he hadn’t exaggerated. It was probably the best Chinese meal she’d ever tasted. Jeff apparently thought so, too. The boy couldn’t seem to stop eating.

It was while they were laughing over their fortune cookies that Robin heard bits and pieces of the conversation from the booth behind them.

“I bet they’re celebrating something special,” an elderly gentleman commented.

“I think their little boy must have done well at the baseball game,” his wife said softly.

Their little boy, Robin mused. The older couple dining directly behind them thought Cole and Jeff were father and son.

Robin’s eyes flew to Cole, but if he had heard the comment he didn’t give any sign.

“His mother and father are certainly proud of him.”

“It’s such a delight to see these young people so happy. A family should spend time together.”

A family. The three of them looked like a family.

Once more Robin glanced at Cole, but once again he seemed not to hear the comments. Or if he had, he ignored them.

But Cole must have sensed her scrutiny because his gaze found hers just then. Their eyes lingered without a hint of the awkwardness Robin had felt so often before.

Jeff chatted constantly on the ride home with Robin. Since they’d both brought their cars, they drove home separately. They exchanged good-nights in the driveway and entered their own houses.

Jeff had some homework to finish and Robin ran a load of clothes through the washing machine. An hour later, after a little television and quick baths, they were both ready for bed. Robin tucked the blankets around Jeff’s shoulders, although he protested he was much too old for her to do that. But he didn’t complain too loudly or too long.

“Night, Jeff.”

“Night, Mom. Don’t let the bedbugs bite.”

“Don’t go all sentimental on me, all right?” she teased, as she turned off his light. She was convinced he fell asleep the instant she left the room. She returned downstairs to secure the house for the night, then headed up to her own bedroom. Once upstairs, she paused in her son’s doorway and smiled gently. They’d both had quite a day.

At about ten o’clock, she was sitting up in bed reading an Anne Perry mystery when the phone rang. She reached for it quickly, always anxious about late calls. “Hello.”

“You’re still awake.” It was Cole, and his voice affected her like a surge of electricity.

“I…was reading,” she said.

“It suddenly occurred to me that we never had the chance to finish our conversation the other night.”

“What conversation?” Robin asked.

“The one at the front door…that Jeff interrupted. Remind me to give that boy lessons in timing, by the way.”

“I don’t even remember what we were talking about.” She settled back against the pillows, savouring the sound of his voice, enjoying the small intimacy of lying in bed, listening to him. Her eyes drifted shut.

“As I recall you’d just said something about how it isn’t any of your business who I lunch with or who I spend my weekends with. I assume you think I’m with a woman.”

Robin’s eyes shot open. “I can assure you, I don’t think anything of the sort.”

“I guess I should explain about the weekends.”

“No. I mean, Cole, it really isn’t my business. I can’t believe I even suggested anything remotely like that. It doesn’t matter. Really.”

“I have some property north of here, about forty acres,” he explained gently, despite her protests. “The land once belonged to my grandfather, and he willed it to me when he passed away a couple of years back. This house was part of the estate, as well. My father was born and raised here. I’ve been spending a good deal of my free time remodelling the old farmhouse. Sometime in the future, I might move out there.”

“I see.” She didn’t want to think about Cole leaving the neighbourhood, ever.

“The place still needs a lot of work, and I’ve enjoyed doing it on my own. It’s coming along well.”

She nodded and a second later realised he couldn’t see the action. “It sounds lovely.”

“Are there any other questions you’d like to ask me?” His voice was low and teasing.

“Of course not,” she denied immediately.

“Then would you be willing to admit you enjoy it when I kiss you? A high seven? Really? I think Jeff’s right—we need more practise.”

“Uh…” Robin didn’t know how to answer that.

“I’m willing,” he said, and she could almost hear him smile.

Robin lifted the hair from her brow. “I can’t believe we’re having this discussion. I really can’t.”

“You said that before. Would it help if I told you how much I enjoy kissing you?”

“Please…don’t,” she whispered. She didn’t want him to tell her that. Every time he kissed her, it confused her more. Despite the sheltered feeling she experienced in his arms, something deep and fundamental inside her was afraid of loving again. No, terrified. She was terrified of coming to care for Cole. Terrified of what the future might hold.

“The first time shook me more than I care to admit. Remember that Friday night we rented the movie?”

“I remember.”

“I tried to stay away from you afterwards. For an entire week I avoided you.”

Robin didn’t answer. She couldn’t. Lying back against the pillows, she stared at the ceiling as a sense of warmth enveloped her. A feeling of comfort…of unfamiliar happiness.

There was a short silence, and in an effort to bring their discussion back to a less intimate—less risky—level, she said, “Thank you for dinner. Jeff had the time of his life.” She had, too, but she couldn’t find the courage to admit it.

“You’re welcome.”

“Are you going away this weekend to work on the property?”

She had no right to ask him that, and was shocked at how easily the question emerged.

“I don’t think so.” After another brief pause, he murmured, “When was the last time you went on a picnic and flew a kite?”

“I don’t remember,” she admitted.

“Would you consider going with me Saturday afternoon? You and Jeff. The three of us together.”

“Yes…Jeff would love it.”

“How about you? Would you love it?”

“Yes,” she whispered.

There didn’t seem to be anything more to say, and Robin ended the conversation. “I’ll tell Jeff in the morning. He’ll be thrilled. Thank you.”

“I’ll talk to you tomorrow, then.”

“Right. Tomorrow.”

“Good night, Robin.”

She smiled softly. He said her name the way she’d always dreamed a man would, softly, with a mixture of excitement and need. “Good night, Cole.”

For a long time after they’d hung up Robin lay staring at her bedroom walls. When she did turn off her light, she fell asleep as quickly as Jeff seemed to have. She woke about midnight, surprised to find the sheets all twisted as if she’d tossed and turned frantically. The bedspread had slipped onto the floor, and the top sheet was wound around her legs, trapping her.

Sitting up, she untangled her legs and brushed the curls from her face, and wondered what had caused her restlessness. She didn’t usually wake abruptly like this.

She slid off the bed, found her slippers and went downstairs for a glass of milk.

It was while she was sitting at the table that it came to her. Her hand stilled. Her heartbeat accelerated. The couple in the Chinese restaurant. Robin had overheard them and she was certain Cole must have, too.

Their little boy. A family.

Cole had lost a son. From what little Robin had learned, Cole’s son had been about the same age as Jeff was now when he’d died. First divorce, and then death.

Suddenly it all made sense. A painful kind of sense. A panicky kind of sense. The common ground between them wasn’t their backyards, but the fact that they were both victims.

Cole was trying to replace the family that had been so cruelly taken from him.

Robin was just as guilty. She had been so caught up in the tide of emotion and attraction that she’d refused to recognise what was staring her in the face. She’d ignored her own suspicions and fears, brushing them aside.

She and Cole were both hurting, needy people.

But once the hurt was assuaged, once the need had been satisfied, Cole would discover what Robin had known from the beginning. They were completely different people with little, if anything, in common.