CHAPTER EIGHT

“JEFF!” ROBIN SCREAMED, fear and panic choking her. Her hands flew to her mouth in relief as Cole grabbed Jeff around the waist and swept him out of the path of the speeding car. Together the two fell backward on to the wet grass. Robin raced over to them.

“Jeff, how many times have I told you to look before you run into the street? How many times?” Her voice was high and hysterical. “You deserve the spanking of your life for that stunt!”

“I saw the car,” Jeff protested loudly. “I did! I was going to wait for it. Honest.” He struggled to his feet, looking insulted at what he obviously considered an over-reaction.

“Get into the house and wait for me there,” Robin demanded, pointing furiously. She was trembling so badly that she could barely speak.

Jeff brushed the grass from his jeans and lifted his head to a dignified angle, then casually walked toward the house. Not understanding, Blackie followed him, the rubber ball in his mouth, wanting to resume their play.

“I can’t, boy,” Jeff mumbled just loud enough for her to hear. “My mother just had some kind of anxiety attack that I’m gonna get punished for.”

Cole’s recovery was slower than Jeff’s. He sat up and rubbed a hand across his eyes. His face was ashen, his expression stark with terror.

“Everything’s all right. Jeff isn’t hurt,” Robin hurried to assure him. She slipped to her knees in front of him.

Cole nodded without looking at her. His eyes went blank and he slowly shook his head, as if to clear his mind.

“Cole,” Robin said softly, “are you all right?”

“I…I don’t know.” He gave her a faint smile, but his eyes remained glazed and distant. He placed one hand over his heart and shook his head. “For a minute there I thought Jeff hadn’t seen that car and…dear lord, I don’t know…if that boy had been hurt…”

“Thank you for acting so quickly,” Robin whispered, gratitude and relief filling her heart. She ran her hands down the sides of his face, needing to touch him, seeking a way to comfort him, although her heart ached at his words. So many times over the past few weeks, she’d suspected—and feared—that Cole’s feelings had more to do with replacing the family he’d lost than love for her and Jeff.

With a shudder, Cole locked his arms around her waist and pulled her close, burying his face in the gentle curve of her neck as he dragged deep gulps of air into his lungs.

“Come inside and I’ll get us some coffee,” Robin suggested.

Cole murmured agreement, but he didn’t seem in any rush to release her. Nor she him. Her hands were in his hair and she rested her cheek against his, savouring these moments of closeness now that the panic was gone.

“I lost my son,” Cole whispered and the words seemed to be wrenched from the deepest part of his soul. His voice held an agony only those who have suffered such a loss could understand. “In a car accident six years ago.”

Robin kissed the crown of his head. “I know.”

Cole broke away from her, slowly raising his eyes to meet hers. Mingled with profound grief was confusion. “Who told you?”

“Joyce Wallach.”

Cole closed his eyes. “I could use that coffee.”

They both stood, and when Cole wrapped his arm around her waist Robin couldn’t be sure it was to lend support or to offer it.

Inside the house, Jeff was sitting at the bottom of the stairs, his knees pressed under his chin. Ever loyal, Blackie lay beside him.

Jeff raised his head when Robin opened the front door, his round eyes following her. “I saw the car,” he repeated. “You’re getting upset over nothing. I hope you realise that. Hey, what’s wrong with Cole?” he asked abruptly. He glanced from Robin to their neighbor and then back to his mother. “He looks like he’s seen a ghost.”

In some way, Robin supposed, Cole had.

“You all right, sport?” Cole asked. “I didn’t hurt you when we fell, did I?”

“Naw.” He bit his lip, eyes lowered.

Cole frowned. “You don’t sound all that certain. Are you sure you’re OK?”

Jeff nodded reluctantly. “I will be once I find out what my mother intends to do to me. I really was going to stop at the kerb. Honest.”

The kid would make an excellent attorney, Robin decided.

“I think I might have over-reacted,” Cole said. He held open his arms and Jeff flew into them without a second’s hesitation. Briefly Cole’s eyes drifted shut, as though in silent thanksgiving for Jeff’s safety.

“I didn’t mean to frighten you,” Jeff murmured. “I would have stopped.”

“I know.”

“I promise to be more careful.”

“I certainly hope so,” Robin said.

Cole released Jeff and sighed deeply, then looked at Robin. “You said something about coffee?”

She smiled and nodded. “I’ll get it in a minute. All right, Jeff, you can go outside, but from now on if you’re playing ball with Blackie, do it in the backyard. Understand?”

“Sure, Mom,” her son said eagerly. “But—” he paused “—you mean that’s it? You aren’t going to ground me or anything? I mean, of course you aren’t going to because I did everything I was supposed to—well, almost everything. Thanks, Mom.” He tossed the red ball into the air and deftly caught it with one hand. “Come on, Blackie, we just got a pardon from the governor.”

Robin followed the pair into the kitchen and watched as Jeff opened the sliding glass door and raced into the backyard with Blackie in hot pursuit. Reassured, she poured them each a mug of coffee while Cole pulled out one of the kitchen chairs. She carried the mugs to the table, then sat down across from him.

Cole immediately reached for her hand, lacing her fingers with his own. He focused his concentration on their linked hands. “Bobby was my son. He died when he was ten.”

“Jeff’s age,” Robin said as a chill surrounded her heart.

“Bobby was so full of laughter and life I couldn’t be around him and not smile.”

Talking about Bobby was clearly difficult for Cole, and Robin longed to do or say something that would help. But she could think of nothing to ease the agony etched so deeply on his handsome face.

“He was the kind of boy every father dreams of having. Inquisitive, sensitive, full of mischief. Gifted with a vivid imagination.”

“A lot like Jeff,” she murmured, and her hands tightened around the mug.

Cole nodded. “Bobby used to tell me that I shouldn’t worry about Janice—she was my wife—because he, my ten-year-old son, was taking care of her.”

Robin held her breath as she watched the fierce pain in his eyes. “You don’t need to tell me this.” Not if it was going to rip open wounds that weren’t properly healed yet.

“I should have told you long before this,” he said, frowning slightly. “It’s just that even now, after all these years, it’s still difficult to talk about my son. For a good many years, I felt as though a part of me had died with Bobby. The very best part of me. I don’t believe that any more.”

“Jeff reminds you a lot of Bobby, doesn’t he?” Robin doubted Cole fully understood that he was transferring his love from one boy to the other.

A reluctant smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. “Bobby had a huskier build and was taller than Jeff. His sport was basketball, but he was more of a spectator than a participant. His real love was computers. Had he lived, I think Bobby would have gone into that field. Janice never understood that. She wanted him to be more athletic, and he tried to please her.” Cole’s gaze dropped to his hands. “Janice and I were divorced before the accident happened. She died with him. If there’s anything to be grateful for in their deaths, it’s the knowledge that they both went instantly. I couldn’t have stood knowing that they’d suffered.” He paused long enough to take a sip of the coffee, and grimaced once. “You added sugar?”

“I thought you might need it.”

He chuckled. “I have so much to thank you for.”

“Me?”

“Do you remember the afternoon Jeff ran away?”

She wasn’t likely to forget it. With Jeff around, Robin always figured she didn’t need to do aerobic exercise to keep her heart in shape. Her son managed to do it with his antics.

“I left on a business trip to Seattle soon afterward,” he reminded her.

“I remember.” That was when Jeff had watched Blackie for him.

“Late one afternoon, when the meeting was over and dinner wasn’t scheduled for another couple of hours, I went for a stroll,” Cole said. “It was still light and I found myself on the waterfront. The sky was a vivid blue and the waters green and clear. It’s funny I would remember that, but it’s all so distinct in my memory. I stood alone on the pier and watched as a ferry headed for one of the islands, cutting a path through the waves. Something brought Bobby to my mind, although he’s never far from my thoughts, even now. The most amazing thing happened that afternoon. It’s difficult to find the words to explain.” He hesitated, as though searching for a way to make Robin understand. Then apparently he gave up the effort and slowly shook his head.

“Tell me about it,” Robin suggested in a quiet voice.

“Well, standing there at the end of the pier…I don’t know. For the first time since I lost my son, I felt his presence more than I did his absence. It was as if he was there at my side, pointing out the Olympic Mountains to me and asking questions. Bobby was always full of questions. My heart felt lighter than it had in years—as though the heavy burden of pain and grief had been lifted from my shoulders. For no reason whatsoever, I started to smile. I think I’ve been smiling ever since. And laughing. And feeling.

“When I got back to the hotel, I had the sudden urge to hear your voice. I didn’t have any excuse to call you, so I phoned on the pretense of talking to Jeff and checking up on Blackie. But it was your voice I wanted to hear.”

Robin smiled through the unexpected rush of tears that clouded her eyes, wondering if Cole realised what he was saying. It might have been her voice he thought he wanted to hear, but it was Jeff he’d called.

“I found a new freedom on that Seattle pier. It was as if, in that moment, I was released from the past. I can’t say exactly what it was that changed. Meeting you and Jeff played a big role in it, I recognise that much, but it was more than that. It was as if something deep inside me was willing to admit that it was finally time to let go.”

“I’m glad for you,” Robin whispered, not knowing what else to say.

“The problem is, I never allowed myself to properly grieve or deal with the anger I felt towards Janice. She was driving at the time and the accident was her fault. Yet deep in my heart I know she would never purposely have done anything to injure Bobby. She loved him as much as I did. He was her son, too.

“It wasn’t until I met you that I realised I had to forgive Janice. I was never the kind of husband she needed and I’m afraid I was a disappointment to her. Only in the last couple of years of our marriage was I willing to accept that she suffered from a serious emotional and mental illness. Her addiction to alcohol was as much a disease as cancer. I didn’t understand or accept her weakness, and because of that we all suffered.”

“You’re being too hard on yourself,” Robin said, but she doubted Cole even heard her.

“The anger and the grief were a constant gnawing pain. I refused to acknowledge or deal with either emotion. Over the years, instead of healing, the agony of my loss grew more intense. I closed myself off from friends and colleagues and threw myself into my work, spending far more time in the office than I did at home. Blackie was virtually my only companion. And then a few years ago I started working on my place in the country. But the pleasure that gave me came from hard physical work, the kind that leaves you too tired to think.” His features softened and he smiled at her. “I’d forgotten what it was to fly a kite or laze in the sunshine.”

“That was why you suggested the picnic with Jeff and me?”

He grinned and his dark eyes seemed almost boyish. “The last time I was in Golden Gate Park was with Bobby, shortly before the accident. Deciding to have a picnic there was a giant step for me. I half expected to feel some pangs of grief, if not a full-blown assault. Instead I experienced a joy and appreciation for the renewal I felt. Laughter is a gift I’d forgotten. You and Jeff helped me realise that, as well.”

Everything Cole was saying confirmed her worst fears.

“Mom!” Jeff roared into the kitchen with Blackie at his heels. “Is there anything decent to eat around here? Are you guys still going out to dinner? I don’t suppose you’d consider bringing me, would you?”

Cole chuckled, then leapt to his feet to playfully muss Jeff’s hair. “Not this time, sport. Tonight is for your mother and me.”

* * *

TWO HOURS LATER, as Robin stood in front of the bathroom mirror, she had her doubts about agreeing to this dinner date. She was falling in love with a man who hadn’t fully dealt with the pain of losing his son and his wife. Perhaps she recognised it in Cole because she saw the same things in herself. She loved Lonny and always would. He’d died years earlier and she still found herself talking to him, refusing to involve herself in another relationship. A part of her continued to grieve and seemed it always would.

Examining herself in the mirror, Robin surveyed her calf-length skirt of soft blue velvet, and white silk blouse with a large teardrop pearl pin tucked at the neck.

She was fussing with her hair, pinning one side back with combs and studying the effect, when Jeff strolled into her room. He leaned casually against the doorway, a bag of potato chips in his hand.

“Hey, you look nice.”

“Don’t sound so surprised.” She decided she’d spent enough time on her hair and fastened her pearl earrings. Jeff was disappointed about not joining them, but he’d been a good sport—especially after Cole promised him lunch at a special fish-and-chip place on the Wharf the following Saturday.

“You’re wearing your pearls?” Jeff mumbled, mouth full of potato chips.

“Yes,” Robin said, turning to face him. “Do they look all right?”

Jeff’s halfhearted shrug didn’t do a lot to boost Robin’s confidence. “I suppose. I don’t know about stuff like that. Mrs. Lawrence could probably tell you.” He popped another potato chip into his mouth and munched loudly. “My dad gave you those earrings, didn’t he?”

“For our first wedding anniversary.”

Jeff nodded. “I thought so.” His look grew reflective. “When I grow up and get married, will I do mushy stuff like that?”

“Like what?”

“Waste a bunch of money on something that dangles from a woman’s ear?”

“Probably,” Robin said, not bothering to disguise her amusement. “And lots of other things, too. Like taking your wife to dinner and telling her how beautiful she is and how much you love her.”

“Yuck!” Jeff wrinkled his nose. “You really know how to ruin a guy’s appetite.” With that he turned to march down the stairs, taking his potato chips with him.

Robin stood at the top of the staircase. “Cole will be here any minute, so you can go over to Kelly’s now,” she called down.

“All right. I put my plate in the dishwasher. Is there anything you want me to tell Kelly’s mom?”

“Just that I won’t be too late.”

“You’re sure I can’t come with you?” Jeff tried one more time.

Robin didn’t give him an answer, knowing he didn’t honestly expect one. After a moment, Jeff grumbled for show, then headed out the front door for the neighbour’s.

Robin returned to the bathroom and smiled into the mirror, picturing Jeff several years into the future and seeing Lonny’s handsome face smiling back at her. She was warmed by the image, certain that her son would grow into as fine a young man as his father had been. Robin couldn’t ask for anything more.

“You don’t mind that I’m wearing the pearls for Cole, do you?” she asked her dead husband, although she knew he would never have objected. She ran the tips of her fingers over them, feeling reassured.

The doorbell chimed just as Robin dabbed perfume to the pulse points at her neck and wrists. She drew in a calming breath, glanced quickly at her reflection once again, then walked down the stairs to answer the door.

Cole was dressed in a black pin-striped suit and looked so handsome that her breath caught. He smiled as she let him in, but for the life of her she couldn’t think of a solitary thing to say.

His eyes held hers as he reached for her hands. Slowly, he lowered his gaze, taking in the way she’d styled her hair, the pearl pin and the outfit she’d chosen with such care.

“You are so beautiful,” he said.

“I was just thinking the same about you,” she confessed.

His mouth tilted in a grin. “If I kiss you, will it ruin your lipstick?”

“Probably.”

“I’m going to kiss you, anyway,” he said in a husky murmur that tugged at her heart. Tenderly he fit his mouth to hers, weaving his fingers through her hair. The kiss was gentle and slow and thorough. A single kiss, and she was clay ready to be moulded. The realisation struck her hard. When Cole touched her, Robin felt alive all the way to the soles of her feet. Alive. Healthy. A red-blooded woman. When he released her, she was shocked to find that she was trembling. From the inside out.

“I’ve mussed your hair,” he apologised. His hands found her nape under the soft cloud of hair.

“And you’ve got lipstick on your mouth,” she managed quaveringly, reaching up to wipe it away with her fingers. “There. It’ll only take me a moment to fix my hair,” she said, picking up her purse and moving to the hallway mirror.

He stood behind her, his hands on her shoulders as she brushed her hair, then carefully tucked the loose curls back into place with the tortoiseshell combs.

“Are you ready?” he asked when she’d finished.

Robin nodded, unable to find her voice.

Cole led her outside to his car and held open the passenger door. He glanced around, then dropped a quick kiss on her unsuspecting lips. He chuckled at her look of surprise as he hurried around the car, his movements lighthearted, and slipped into the driver’s seat.

“You didn’t tell me where we’re having dinner.”

“I told Heather Lawrence in case she needs to get hold of you for anything, but otherwise it’s a surprise.”

Robin wasn’t sure what to think. A number of San Francisco’s restaurants were famous internationally, but her knowledge of fancy dining places was limited. She assumed this one was somewhere in the heart of the city, until he exited from the freeway heading south along Highway 101 toward the ocean.

“Cole?” she asked hesitantly.

“Don’t worry,” he said, casting her a swift glance that didn’t conceal the mischievous twinkle in his eyes. “I promise you dinner will be worth the drive.”

The restaurant sat high on a cliff, with a stunning view of the surf battering against jagged rocks below.

Cole parked the Porsche, then came around to help her out, taking the opportunity to steal another kiss. It was with obvious reluctance that he released her. His arm found her waist as he directed her towards the doors leading into the elegant restaurant. The maître d’escorted them to a table that overlooked the water and with a flourish presented them with elaborate menus.

Robin scanned the list of entrées, impressed with the interesting variations on basic themes. She was less impressed with the prices—a single dinner cost as much as an entire week’s worth of lunches. For her and Jeff.

“When you said fancy you weren’t joking, were you?” she whispered, biting her lip.

Cole lowered his menu and sent her a vibrant smile. “Tonight is special,” he said simply.

“You’re telling me. If I wasn’t having dinner with you, I’d probably have eaten a toasted cheese sandwich and a bowl of tomato soup with Jeff.”

Their waiter appeared and both ordered one of the restaurant’s specialties—a scallop and shrimp sauté—which proved as succulent and spicy as the menu had promised.

They talked through dinner and afterward, over steaming cups of Irish coffee. It amazed Robin that they had so much to say to one another, although they hadn’t touched on the issue closest to her heart. But she hesitated to broach the subject of Cole’s relationship with Jeff. She didn’t want to risk the delightful camaraderie they were sharing tonight. Their conversation could have gone on for hours and in fact did. They talked about the books they’d read, recent movies they’d seen, records they liked. It came as a pleasant surprise to discover that their tastes in music were similar. And they preferred many of the same authors.

All evening they laughed, they argued, they talked, as if they’d been friends most of their lives. Cole grinned so often that it was hard for Robin to remember that she’d once actually wondered if the man ever smiled.

Robin told Cole about her job and how much she enjoyed accounting. She voiced her fears about not being the kind of mother she wanted to be for Jeff. “There are so many things I want to share with Jeff that I don’t have time for. There just aren’t enough hours in a day.”

Cole talked about his career goals and his dreams. He spoke of the forty acres willed to him by his grandfather and how he’d once longed to close himself off from the world by moving there.

“But you aren’t going to now?” Robin asked.

“No. I no longer have any reason to hide. The house is nearly finished and I may still move there, but I’ll maintain my work schedule.” He stared down into his steaming coffee. “I was approached last week about running for the state senate.”

Robin’s heart swelled with pride. “Are you going to do it?”

“No. I’m not the right man for politics. I’ll support someone else, but a political career doesn’t interest me. It never has, although I admit to being flattered.”

A band started playing then, and several couples took to the dance floor.

“Shall we?” Cole asked, nodding in that direction.

“Oh, Cole, I don’t know. The last time I danced was at my cousin’s wedding ten years ago. I’m afraid I’ll step all over your feet.”

“I’m game if you are.”

She was reluctant but agreed to try. They stood, and she moved naturally into his embrace, as if they’d been partners for years. Robin’s eyes slowly closed when Cole folded her in his arms, tucking her head against the side of his chin. In that moment she experienced a surge of joy that surprised her with its intensity.

The dance ended, but they didn’t leave the floor.

“Have I told you how lovely you are?” Cole asked, his mouth close to her ear.

Robin grinned and nodded. “Twice. Once when you picked me up at the house and once during the meal. I know you’re exaggerating, but…” She hesitated, then added, “When I’m with you, I feel beautiful.”

“I don’t think a woman’s ever paid me a higher compliment.”

She raised her eyes and was shocked by the powerful emotions in his.

“Do you mind if we leave now?” he surprised her by asking.

“No, of course not, if that’s what you want.”

He frowned. “If it were up to me I’d spend the rest of the night right here with you in my arms, but I have this sudden need to kiss you, and if I do it here and do it properly we’re going to attract a lot of attention.”

Cole quickly paid the bill and he hurried Robin to the car. The minute they were settled inside, he reached for her. He did as he’d promised, kissing her until she was breathless and weak. Her arms clung to him and his mouth sought hers once more.

“At least I’m not making you cry this time,” he said softly.

“That still embarrasses me,” she admitted. “It’s never happened with anyone. Ever. I still don’t understand it. I don’t know if I ever will.”

“I don’t think I’ll ever forget it.”

“Please do.”

“No,” he said, shaking his head. “It touched me in a way I can’t explain. It helped me realise that I was going to love you. After Janice and Bobby, I doubted there was any love left in me to give. You taught me otherwise. Jeff taught me otherwise. My heart is full and has been almost from the moment we met.” He took her hand and pressed her palm to his heart. “Do you feel it?”

Robin nodded. “It’s beating so hard,” she whispered.

“That’s because I’m nervous.”

“Nervous? About what?”

Cole slid a hand into his pocket and brought out a small black velvet box.

Robin’s heart started to pound in double time. “Cole?” she said anxiously, not sure what she should think or how she should act.

“I love you, Robin.” His voice was hoarse. “I realised it the moment I heard your voice when I called from Seattle. And every moment since has convinced me how right it is to love you.” He opened the box and revealed the largest diamond Robin had ever seen. Slowly he raised his eyes to hers. “I’m asking you to be my wife.”