Uncle Jake’s House, 1992
“Weren’t you scared?” I ask him quietly. I’m sitting in the backseat of Uncle Jake’s station wagon, huddled up against Jori. He runs a hand back through his hair and shakes his head. His eyes are trained on the houses going by us in a blur, and I wonder if he’s lying to me, since he hasn’t looked at me after getting in the car.
His arm is firmly wrapped around my shoulder, holding me close, and every now and then, I can see him steal a glance at the rear-view mirror. He’s watching Uncle Jake carefully, because he knows the secret I’ve been keeping from everyone except him.
“How long are you staying with us?” I ask, nudging him. It’s bothering me that Jori won’t look at me right now—it makes me feel like he’s hiding a secret in his eyes that he doesn’t want me to see.
“Until after court,” he replies curtly.
I sigh and try to pull away from him, but he pulls me back against his body. He still won’t look at me, and I don’t know when court is, so I have no idea when Uncle Jake will turn him back over to Millie, and it hurts me. I hate that he’s suffering, and I hate that he lives a life thinking no one wants him around, because I do. I’d give up a thousand nights of what he thinks is a perfect life, of sleeping in a bed with two parents under the same roof, if it meant seeing Jori genuinely happy for one entire day.
A few moments later, Uncle Jake pulls his car into the driveway and turns to face us after turning it off.
“Listen, I know this isn’t exactly the best scenario, and I get that things look really bleak right now, but I’ll do my best to make this easy on both of you, okay? Gracie, you’re still sleeping in your bedroom, and Jori, you can sleep on the couch or I can make up the guest room for you, whichever you prefer. I’ll expect you to do chores around the house like Gracie does, and that’ll be the cost of living under my roof. Does that sound fair?” he asks him.
“Yeah. Whatever,” Jori replies, glancing at him and shrugging. “As long as we have an understanding on other matters, I’m pretty sure we’ll get along just fine.”
“You’d do well to remember who the adult is here, and then we’ll get along just fine,” Uncle Jake shoots back at him.
Jori scoffs and rolls his eyes before he reaches for his bag and shoves the door open. As soon as he’s on his feet, he leans back into the car and reaches for my hand. He finally locks eyes with me and smiles when I take his hand and let him help me out of the car.
“Honey, we’re home,” he says in a soft, playful tone. I grin up at him as we wait for Uncle Jake to open the door from the garage to the house. Once we’re inside, it’s my turn to lead Jori around for a change. I take him through the kitchen and into the living room before we reach the hallway that leads to the rooms and bathrooms.
I walk him all the way to the back of the house and into the guest room. He walks in, sets his bag down, and looks around, before shrugging and turning to face me.
“I’m sorry I left. I just had some shit to take care of,” he says, sucking his teeth and glancing away from me.
“It’s okay,” I reply, clasping my hands in front of me. “I knew you’d come back.”
He cuts his eyes toward me and arches an eyebrow, a grin playing across his youthful face. With a nod, he walks over to the bed, flops down on it, and pats the extra space next to him.
“I don’t know Jori,” I reply with a nervous glance over my shoulder. “I don’t wanna make Uncle Jake mad, ‘cause who knows where he’ll send you off to if he doesn’t want us hugging each other so much.”
Jori props himself up onto his elbows and rolls his eyes. “Red. Chill. Come here, lie down, and let’s take a nap—just like we used to do in the tree house. I’m tired; I’ve barely slept in the past few days, and I really just want to get some sleep.”
I nod. Me and Jori have never done anything wrong; not the way Uncle Jake does to me. We just like to cuddle each other ‘cause it’s easier for both of us to fall asleep that way.
I push the door closed, leaving it open just a crack so Uncle Jake can see we’re just sleeping if he checks in on us, which I’m sure he will at some point. I walk over to the bed and kick my sandals off, before climbing on and turning my back to Jori. He puts an arm around my waist and lets out a sigh, before placing his chin on the top of my head. He’s always been so damn tall and he likes to make a game of reminding me that he’s bigger than me sometimes.
I don’t mind it.
He never means anything in a cruel way, and I very much like being able to feel him against me while we’re sleeping. That’s what best friends are for—to make you feel better when the world decides to turn against you.
“We’ll be having dinner in a couple of hours,” Uncle Jake says, pushing the door open. I jump and try to pull away from Jori, but he tightens his grip around my waist.
“Okay,” he replies with a loud, exaggerated yawn. “See ya then.”
* * *
I open my eyes with a start. I sit up, rub them, and glance up at the Hello Kitty clock on the wall by my bedroom door. I hate that stupid thing, but Uncle Jake says that if we keep my room young, it’ll keep me that way too, just how he likes me.
I can’t shake the feeling that something’s not right, but nothing seems to be standing out. With a shrug, I lie back down and turn on my side, pulling my blankets up to my chin when I hear a noise coming from the bathroom.
My eyes linger on the hallway and when I see can see the dim light has been turned on, I push the blankets off and get to my feet. It won’t do me any harm to find out if something’s wrong, because it’s not doing me any good just to sit here and wonder. Besides, Jori’s here now, and if something bad is happening, I’ll run to his room and tell him. He’s brave—a lot braver than any man I’ve ever known—with the exception of Daddy—and he’ll make sure the house is safe.
I quietly make my way to my bedroom door and open it a little wider so I can peek out into the hallway. When I’m sure no one is there, I lean my head out the door and crane my neck to get a look at Uncle Jake’s room, which is closed. I can hear him snoring, so I know it’s not him in the bathroom I hear.
I don’t know if I should run for Jori now, or if my scream will be loud enough to wake them both up if there’s an intruder in the house, but I decide it’s time to try and be brave like Daddy and him.
I step out of my room, flatten my back against the wall, and begin to creep toward the bathroom. The door is slightly ajar and that’s why I was able to see the light in the hallway. My heart is racing the closer I get, but Daddy and Jori wouldn’t turn away, so neither will I.
“Hello?” I ask when I finally reach the door and give it a nudge with my foot. When I don’t get an answer, I push it open some more and raise my eyebrows when I see Jori leaning over the sink.
“Give me a minute,” he says in a shaky voice, pushing the door closed.
Something’s definitely not right. Jori’s never closed a door in my face for as long as I’ve known him, and I’m not gonna let him start now.
“Hey,” I say, opening the door again and stepping in. He turns his face away and I can see his arms are shaking. He’s got a tight grip on either side of the sink with both of his hands, and his knuckles look damn near white with the force he’s using.
“Hey,” I repeat a little louder, as I walk over and place a hand on his arm. “What’s going on?”
Jori sniffles and looks down at my hand on his arm. I can tell he’s trying to find comfort in my touch, but his words actually shock me.
“Please don’t touch me right now,” he says softly.
I immediately take my hand away from his arm and try to catch his eyes in the mirror, but he won’t meet them. No matter how much I shift or sigh next to them, he just won’t look at me.
But there’s something very familiar about the way he’s behaving right now, and it’s making me feel sick to my stomach.
He manages to take a deep breath before he finally raises his face to look in the mirror, careful not to meet my eyes. I watch as he runs his hands back through his hair, before opening the medicine cabinet and pulling out the half used tube of toothpaste. He reaches into the band of his gym shorts and pulls out his toothbrush.
As soon as he begins scrubbing his mouth like he’s trying to knock his own teeth out, I drop to my knees and start crying softly.
I’ve done that so many times before.
“Oh Jori,” I weep into my hands.
He spits into the sink before he reaches down a hand and places it on my head for a moment. Then, I can hear the sound of the furious scrubbing before he spits again. Once he’s washed his mouth out vigorously with water, he turns off the faucet and reaches down for me.
“Don’t cry,” he says, pulling me up to my feet. “Red, look at me.”
Jori gently pries my hands away from my face, and I can see that his eyes are as red as mine, his face is a sick shade of pale, and his mouth is trembling slightly, but the sad smile on his lips is what shatters my heart.
“If he does it to me instead, he’ll leave you alone.”