Pedal Faster

Perspective is a strange thing; one person’s disaster zone is another’s Shangri-La.

I meet Caroline in the hope that she’ll give me permission to get back into comfy clothes and hibernate for the rest of my life. I’ve done a little bit of everything on my wish list but seem to have ended up more terrified and confused than when I started. She’s having none of it.

‘So you’re saying that a top financier, who’s a good friend and very nice, is going to look at your business idea and that you’re having a real laugh with your girlfriends?’

Actually, what I think I said was that I was about to be humiliated by and in front of everyone I know, but she doesn’t seem to see it this way.

‘Isn’t this what you wanted? Some fun? Friends? An exciting time at work? That magic wand was working overtime on the day you waved it.’

‘Part of me wishes I hadn’t asked for all of this, it’s too scary,’ I tell her. ‘I need to know how it all turns out. If this were a movie, I could fast forward to the end just to check it ends happily.’

And that’s the truth. I am scared and the really scary part is that I’m doing it on my own. If I knew someone had my back, someone was cheering me on, it might be easier.

‘I wish I’d asked to go back to how it was, when things were dull but safe.’

‘Close your eyes,’ Caroline instructs and I do as I’m told.

‘Remember when you got your first bike, how did it feel?’

‘Exciting, incredibly exciting.’

I can picture our family room on Christmas morning. I’m seven years old and beside the tree is a brand new gold Raleigh bike with a huge bow attached. I remember wondering how on earth Santa got that down the chimney.

‘And when you first rode that bike?’ asks Caroline.

‘My dad held on to the back and I wobbled along the street. Then he let me go and I was on my own. I was terrified.’

‘So what did you do?’ coaxes Caroline.

‘Just kept holding on and turning the pedals until I realised I was actually cycling all by myself,’ I say.

‘And how did that feel?’

I’m taken back to the moment and can feel the bike stabilising then speeding up beneath me. I’m doing it, I’m really doing it. A breeze is blowing my face and a smile is spreading throughout my body. I go faster, panic when I wobble a bit then regain my balance. I feel as if nothing can stop me now.

‘It felt amazing,’ I tell her, ‘just amazing.’

I open my eyes and that moment is with me still.

‘And it will do again, Angela. You just have to keep faith and keep turning the pedals. You’ll get there.’

* * *

That sensation of finally achieving it has been with me all week. I’ve been turning the pedals as fast as I can and although I’ve hit some bumps in the road, I’m still upright.

First of all, we meet with Peter and I confess from the outset that I didn’t know how to do a business plan and that I feel a bit foolish. He dismisses my concerns kindly.

‘The important part is the idea,’ he says, ‘and you have that in spades.’

I now know why Charlie is smitten; Peter truly is the nicest man in the world and very clever. He shows us how to get started and answers every stupid question we’re brave enough to ask. Charlie and I are now working on the Mercury Travel Club together and will soon have a concept that Richard Branson will be proud of.

Second, I tell Zoe that I have to appear with the Granny-Okes just once more. She hates the idea but I tell her that it’s important to Patty and I just can’t let her down. Zoe asks me to try to stay in the background. I’m not sure how easy that will be; Patty has bought us all inflatable Zimmer frames to walk on to the stage with before casting them aside as we launch into song. Nevertheless, I promise to try to minimise the humiliation. I’ll think of a way.

The third event had me reaching for the stabilisers: I came face to face with Alan. He walked into the pub where Charlie and I were hunched over the laptop puzzling our way through the business plan. When I play this video back in my mind, I’m sure I look intelligent frowning over numbers with my glasses perched on the end of my nose. In reality, I probably looked short-sighted and confused.

‘I hope he’s paying you for the out-of-hours work,’ he says.

It’s his attempt at a joke but my foot comes off the pedal and I’m wobbling. Charlie jumps in.

‘Oh, she’ll be paying me if this joint venture comes off, she’s an amazing woman.’

He ignores the compliment but is staring at me, and despite the slight paunch forming around his midriff, he still looks good. Come on girl, pedal.

‘She always has been,’ Alan says. ‘I’ve heard good things about the book weekend you ran. Any chance of you giving me a call when you run the next one?’

Is he really asking me to call him? PEDAL! With calmness I do not feel at all, I hand him a piece of paper.

‘If you jot down your details, we’ll add you to our mailing list,’ I tell him.

He is stunned but does as he’s told then nods a goodbye.

Charlie high-fives me, or he would have done if my hand wasn’t shaking so much.

I take a deep breath and a gulp of wine; I didn’t fall off after all.