Wonderwoman

My mum is delighted to hear I’ve ditched Hargreaves and re-taken the family name.

‘It tells him you’ve moved on,’ she asserts.

Patty and I nod at her sage words. They’ve both come round to help me assemble two bedside tables which turned out to be flat pack. Patty brought a screwdriver and Mum a packet of chocolate digestives.

‘I tell you what else you should do now you’re a single woman in the modern world,’ Mum continues.

We wait for the oracle to speak.

‘That thing Stephen Fry does...what’s it called again...twerking.’

Patty snorts her coffee.

‘I don’t think you mean that, Mum,’ I say.

‘Yes I do; all the celebrities do it, including her with the huge bum. Go on, look it up.’

I try to stop Patty but she’s having too much fun. She pulls up a video and we stare at the rather instructional video.

‘Stephen Fry never does that does he?’ asks my horrified mother.

Of course Patty has to give it a go and it isn’t pleasant.

‘You mean tweeting, Mum,’ I explain and yank the tablet from Patty to show her our National Treasure’s Twitter account.

I’ve never bothered with social media but sign up just to keep Mum happy. I’m and have a picture of little Bo Beep as my avatar. I follow Josie, Charlie, Sarah Millican and the bookstore. Patty and Mum also join up and start following me. Now I must think of a witty first tweet. Patty doesn’t want to be seen following dullards so I must not just say Hello. Here goes...

Hello everyone out there

Oh well – it’s a start.

February is fast drawing to a close and I need to get a move on with the rest of my magic wand actions. I really want to start helping Charlie with the business. You’d think with it being so cold and dark, people would want to book holidays and get away. However, many of our customers are already away at their winter retreats and the store was a bit too quiet today.

The new dynamic Angie Shepherd wouldn’t settle for that: she’d be thinking of ideas to drum up trade, she’d put down the remainder of the choccy biccies and leaflet the streets or something. She’d save the travel industry single-handedly and be showered with business awards. That’s the type of woman I imagine her to be.

I put the TV on mute and start scribbling some ideas down. Gradually though, I get more and more engrossed in the crime drama unfolding. I love a good murder mystery even if it’s a twenty-year-old episode of Columbo like this one. Perhaps I’ll be dynamic from tomorrow.

My phone rings mid-biscuit and I have to leave the good detective to his work; Caroline is giving me no choice in the matter.

‘Well, the month is nearly over,’ she reminds me. ‘How are you getting on with your magic wand life?’

‘Really well,’ I try to convince her, mumbling through crumbs.

‘I went straight out and had my hair done, bought new clothes. The mirror exercise shocked me into action and everyone’s noticed the difference.’

She isn’t fooled.

‘That’s fabulous but let’s be honest, it’s easy to sit in a chair and let someone make a fuss over you. Anything else to report? What about your career? Meeting people?’

I get over the gentle scolding and tell Caroline about signing on to internet dating next month and the work idea I have but need to discuss with Charlie. It seems too simple to work, so I’m sure someone else must have tried it and failed.

‘You’re giving up before you start then?’ asks Caroline.

I can now see that life coaches have to be benevolent bullies as well as magic-wand wavers.

‘Who do you know who has tried your idea?’ she continues to challenge.

My silence leads to her next question.

‘So it follows that you know no one who has failed either?’

‘No – I guess not,’ I squirm.

‘And would it feel good to succeed, would it be fun?’ she asks.

‘Yes, it would be brilliant.’

‘Louder.’

‘YES, IT WOULD BE BRILLIANT,’ I yell leaping up.

‘Then go do it,’ she tells me, ‘and no excuses.’

Whoo-hoo, Angie Shepherd has left the sofa.

I practise my ‘pitch’ overnight and on the way to work, but I’m still nervous when I present the idea, even though it’s only to Charlie.

‘OK then, here’s the thought...’ I take a deep breath. ‘There are lots of single people – like us – and older couples, empty nesters too. They’ve got time on their hands now but they’re not sure what to do with it. The same old beach trips bore them. The single people don’t know anyone to take and the couples have run out of conversation. We could bring people together with themed getaways, sophisticated but fun, like wine tastings in Bordeaux. On our trips there’d always be something to talk about and it doesn’t matter if you don’t know anyone at the start, you will do by the end.’

I pause and watch the cogs whirring across the table.

‘And we could go along and make sure they’re fun – enjoy ourselves a bit more,’ I add.

Charlie beams.

‘My Redcoat days return.’

He gives me a big kiss on the forehead.

‘I love the new you,’ he says.

I feel tingles of excitement. We get straight to work on the idea. As a trial run, I ask Caroline if we could do a themed weekend with the book club.

‘I hope this doesn’t look like I’m taking advantage of you because you’re my life coach,’ I tell her.

‘Not at all,’ she says, ‘I love it. We could both advertise it in our shops; it might drum up trade for me too.’

I hadn’t thought of that, but it might also work for other local shops too. First things first. We’re reading a classic next time, Wilkie Collins’ The Woman in White. This calls for a gothic castle getaway I think, so I leave Charlie to it. It doesn’t take him long to find a perfect venue.

Josie designs some posters and rushes over to the print shop to have them produced; I take some copies to Caroline and we all tweet the idea. Fortunately everyone else has more than three followers. Caroline contacts all the book-club members with the idea, they re-tweet and now we just wait to see what they say.

We don’t have to wait long. Social media works its magic and people seem keen to have a little escapism. Before long we’re fully booked up and Charlie hugs me with delight as we confirm the final place.

I’m on a high too as I walk home. So far this year has been non-stop and I’ve done so much more than I ever would have done in my pre-divorce days. I’ve joined a book club, seen a life coach, changed my looks and become more dynamic at work. From the outside, it must look as if I’m some kind of superwoman.

This must be what they mean by getting on with it. I even have the theme tune to Wonder Woman running through my head as I trot along the street.