There was a long, long silence. Steve was standing by the French doors, staring out into the garden. Sophie’s mind reeled. Fifteen years ago, they were in their last term at university. How had she missed that Emily and Steve were having an affair? Were the signs all there, right in front of her, and yet she had simply not noticed?
She thought back to the time when Steve had left her. When he came back, he wouldn’t say where he’d been. Had he been with her then? Was that when he had broken it off with Emily and chosen Sophie?
‘H… h… how long…?’ she stuttered, not sure she wanted to hear the answer. ‘How long were you having an affair?’ Her voice cracked slightly as she spoke and she couldn’t bring herself to look at Emily. ‘Or is it still going on?’
‘No!’ both Steve and Emily cried in unison. Steve came back to the table, his eyes blazing. ‘We didn’t have an affair! Sophie, you have to believe me. It was just a terrible, drunken mistake.’
‘He’s telling the truth, Sophie.’ Emily had visibly reeled at Steve’s harsh words but her voice was clear and resolute. ‘We were both horribly drunk and Steve crashed on my floor after a gig at the university. Neither of us knew what we were doing. But I promise you, Sophie, we were horrified by what we’d done. We agreed never to mention it again and to forget it ever happened.’
Sophie finally looked at Emily. Suddenly, a horrible thought occurred to her. ‘Amy knew, didn’t she? Has she always known?’
Emily’s cheeks flamed. ‘Only since Ireland. I told her on the morning of the wedding.’
There was a long, heavy pause, as they all sat in silence.
Finally, Sophie spoke again. ‘The cruellest thing, it seems to me, is not telling Steve that Jack was his son. How could you have done that, Emily?’ Sophie’s voice broke as she spoke.
Emily put her head in her hands. ‘I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought I was protecting him. And you, Sophie.’
‘You were protecting yourself!’ Steve spat venomously, causing them both to look at him in surprise. Steve never lost his temper.
‘Steve…’ Sophie reached out to put her hand on his arm, but pulled it back. She wanted to comfort him but part of her was so angry with him. ‘Why didn’t you both just’ fess up at the time?’ She looked from Steve to Emily, uncomprehending. ‘Yes, it would have been awful. But we’d have got through it.’
‘Would we?’ Steve shook his head. ‘Would we really have come back from me sleeping with your best friend, Soph? I’m not so sure we would.’ His eyes brimmed and he took a long, shuddery breath. ‘I couldn’t risk it. I couldn’t risk losing you.’
Sophie bit her lip. She understood what he was saying and she wondered if he was right. At twenty-one years old, before they had had the chance to live their lives together, before they had experienced real pain, real regret and real joy together, would she have forgiven him? Would she have forgiven Emily? No, she thought now. She probably wouldn’t. ‘How were you able to look me in the eye again, Emily? As if nothing had happened?’
Emily, who was still covering her face with her hands, looked up at her wearily. ‘It was easy,’ she sighed. ‘Because I wiped it from my memory. I just convinced myself that it had never happened. Everyone seemed to assume that Anton was the father, so I did the same. I would have gone to my grave without telling anyone the truth…’ She stopped speaking for a moment, swallowing quickly before continuing. ‘But Jack’s illness…’ Her voice dropped to a hoarse whisper. ‘It changed everything. Jack’s illness is the reason why I need to tell the truth now. So, although I know this is really painful for you both…’ She looked from Steve to Sophie. ‘The fact is that Emma and Theo are Jack’s only siblings. They’re his best chance of a cure.’
There was a rushing sound behind Sophie’s ears and she wondered if she might faint. She took several deep breaths and tried to focus, but her vision only became more blurred.
‘Sophie?’ Steve was at her side, kneeling on the floor and gripping her arm as he looked up at her. ‘Sophie! Are you OK? Sweetheart? I’m so sorry…’ He pulled her towards him and she allowed herself to fall into his embrace, resting her face against his chest, noticing distractedly how fast his heart was beating. ‘I’m sorry,’ he said, stroking Sophie’s hair. ‘I’m so sorry.’
Sophie shook her head but she couldn’t find the words to say what she wanted to say. Steve had just discovered that he had a son he didn’t know about. How could she possibly tell him now that she didn’t even know for sure if the daughter he loved so deeply was actually his? How could she begin to explain that Emma might not be a match for Jack because she might not be his biological sister? The answer, she decided, as her thoughts swirled and thrashed around her head, was that she couldn’t. No matter how hard it was. No matter how heavy the burden. She had to carry it alone.
‘I’m so sorry,’ Emily said now, breaking through her thoughts.
Sophie looked at her, her blood suddenly boiling with anger at the turmoil she had unleashed in their lives. ‘Sorry? You’re sorry? Well, that’s OK then! Emily’s “sorry” so we should all just shake hands and move on as if nothing has happened! Is that what you mean?’
Emily shook her head. ‘Look, Sophie, if I could turn back time and change what happened—’
‘No!’ Sophie cut her off by putting her shaking hand up in front of Emily’s face. ‘Don’t you dare. You knew exactly what you were doing and you didn’t give a shit about the effect it would have on me or anyone else, so don’t pretend now that you did.’
Sophie stood up and ran her hand through her hair, as tears began to threaten. Eventually, she turned back towards Emily. ‘Do you hate me that much?’ Her voice cracked as she spoke and she slumped back down onto her chair, the tears now falling freely.
Emily moved towards her and knelt down beside her. ‘Of course I don’t hate you. I love you, Sophie. I know what I did was unforgivable but I thought it was for the best. I thought I was doing the right thing. Please, Sophie, you must believe me when I say that I never meant to hurt you. ‘
Sophie shook her head. Eventually she took a deep, shuddery breath and looked up at Emily through watery eyes. ‘But that’s the problem, Emily. I don’t believe you. I’ll never believe a word you say again.’
Emily shrank back. ‘Look, Sophie, I know you hate me right at this moment but I promise you, it’s nowhere near as much as I hate myself. I am so desperately sorry, Sophie. One day, I hope you’ll find it in your heart to forgive me.’
Sophie pursed her lips, weighing up what to say while Emily looked at her with terrified eyes. When she spoke, her voice was clear and unwavering. ‘No, Emily, that’s not going to happen. I will never, ever, forgive you for what you’ve done.’