Summer disappeared almost overnight. The evenings darkened and an autumn chill descended. The temperature in the house seemed to drop in sympathy. Sophie and Steve circled each other warily, a veneer of politeness covering every conversation. Neither of them could meet the other’s eye.
The tests were done and, just as Sophie had feared, Emma wasn’t a match. But Theo was. ‘I’ll understand,’ said Emily, on the other end of the line, ‘if you don’t want him to be a donor.’
‘I’ll talk to Steve and let you know,’ Sophie had told her coldly, before hanging up.
She went in search of Steve and found him in his writing office at the end of the garden. The light was on and she could see that he was turned away from his computer screen, facing the wall with his head in his hands. His shoulders rose and fell rhythmically. Sophie hesitated, unsure whether to intrude on his private grief. But they needed to talk. This really was a matter of life and death.
She knocked gently and opened the French door. Steve started in surprise and looked up at her, his face wet with tears of anguish. Sophie felt her own eyes fill. Instinctively, she crossed the room and knelt on the floor in front of him, wrapping her arms around his heaving body and pulling him towards her, rocking him gently.
After a while, his sobs subsided and he took a deep, shuddery breath, before sitting back and looking at her properly for the first time in weeks. ‘I’m just so bloody sad, Sophie. All those lost years and now, when I finally find out that he’s mine, there’s a real possibility that he might die. I don’t know how the hell I’m going to handle it.’ His face creased in pain and fresh tears began to pour down his cheeks.
Sophie swallowed hard and sniffed back her own tears. She picked up his hands in hers and looked at him fiercely. ‘He’s not going to die, Steve. Theo’s a match.’
Steve frowned. ‘Theo?’
‘Yes. Emily just rang. Theo’s a match for Jack.’
A wave of different emotions crossed Steve’s face. Elation followed by anger, followed by fear. ‘What does that mean?’
Sophie took a deep breath. ‘It means that we have to decide if we’re happy for Theo to donate his bone marrow.’
Steve nodded and eyed her warily. ‘What do you think?’
Sophie closed her eyes for a second, gathering her thoughts. ‘I think it’s the easiest decision I’ve ever had to make. One of your sons will save your other son’s life. It’s as simple as that.’
Steve’s face immediately crumpled again and he leaned forward to hug her. ‘Thank you,’ he whispered into her hair.
‘So, Theo’s a match then? That’s great news.’ Melissa gave Sophie an encouraging smile.
‘Yes, it’s good news.’ Sophie didn’t say that she had mixed feelings. It was too complicated to put into words how she felt. She wasn’t sure she really knew herself.
‘Not Emma, though?’ Melissa tilted her head slightly and dropped her gaze.
‘No.’ Only Melissa had ever known that there might be any doubt in Sophie’s mind over Emma’s paternity.
Melissa’s brow furrowed with concern. ‘How did Steve react to that? It must have made him question things?’
Sophie shook her head. ‘No, incredibly. I started to suggest a DNA test – in some ways it would be a huge relief to know for sure, one way or the other – but before I could get the words out, he stopped me. Said he didn’t ever want to know. That Emma is his daughter. Nothing will ever change that.’
Melissa’s eyes widened in admiration. ‘Wow. That is very big of him.’
Sophie nodded. ‘It is. Though I think maybe he sees it as some kind of penance for what happened…’
They were in a small Italian restaurant, not far from Sophie’s house. Melissa had called, asking to see her, wanting to make sure she was OK, after Emily had rung to tell her about the situation. ‘So, how are you doing?’ she asked now.
Sophie blinked slowly. ‘I’m OK.’ It was all she could offer at the moment. She veered between a raging, all-consuming fury and a calm, slightly out-of-body acceptance. Steve was the same, although he looked at her now in a different way. She could see the fear behind his eyes, as if he expected her to explode at any given moment.
He had apologized so many times that she had to tell him to stop. ‘I know you’re sorry. You don’t have to keep saying it.’ But she knew all too well why he kept saying it. She had wanted to keep saying it too, when he first found out about her affair with Matt. She was scared that if she stopped saying it, he would stop forgiving her.
But he didn’t stop forgiving her. He had managed to put her betrayal behind him and forge ahead with their life together, supporting her when she crumbled, just as much as he supported her when she triumphed. Maybe the only reason he had been able to do that was because he wanted to atone for his own mistake. She understood that only too well. She would forgive him and move on with their life together because she too wanted to atone for what she had done.
‘It must have been such a shock.’ Melissa broke into Sophie’s thoughts. ‘For you both. How is Steve coping?’
Sophie considered for a minute. ‘He has good days and bad days. On the whole, he’s coping well, but he’s just so bloody sad. He says the thought of all the “lost years” is what’s really killing him.’
Melissa nodded. ‘I can imagine. But they’re not really lost years, are they? Steve’s been more of a father to Jack than anyone else. He just did it without knowing that Jack was biologically his. Who knows, maybe there was something deep inside, some kind of sixth sense, that made him feel like a dad to him?’
Sophie looked at Melissa admiringly. ‘You’re always so perceptive, Liss, and I don’t know why, but it always takes me by surprise. I’m going to tell Steve that. I think it could really help.’
Melissa smiled, before her face became grave again. ‘And what about telling Jack? And Emma? It’s going to be very hard for them to take in.’
‘It is,’ Sophie agreed. ‘But we’ve decided not to tell Jack yet, not until he’s had the transplant and is on the mend. We think it could be too much for him to cope with and to be honest, he’s had all these years of not knowing – a few more months won’t make much difference.’
‘And what about your two?’
‘We’ll tell them after we’ve told Jack. They’re still a bit young to properly understand. I’m hoping it won’t make a huge difference, as Emma’s always treated him like a big brother anyway. I think there’s a good chance she might be thrilled.’
Melissa smiled, then her face hardened in a way that it rarely did. ‘And what about Emily? I’m so angry with her, Soph… I can’t imagine how you feel about her.’
‘Oh God, I just don’t know.’ Sophie took a long sip of her red wine. ‘Yes, I’m still incredibly angry with her but I also feel a bit sorry for her, I suppose. I understand why she did what she did. But it’s so hard to get past it. I think maybe in time I can forgive her, but I really don’t know about Steve.’
‘You’re a lot kinder towards her than I would be in your shoes.’ Melissa pursed her lips in a straight line.
Sophie shook her head. ‘Everyone’s got things we regret doing, Liss.’ She gave Melissa a knowing look. ‘You and me included.’ She let her words register for a second before continuing. ‘But Emily has paid a hell of a price for her mistakes.’
Melissa’s expression softened. ‘I know. But I’m not sure if things will ever be the same again, after the way she deceived us. All of us.’
‘Things won’t ever be the same again.’ Sophie gave a tired smile. ‘But they’ll certainly be more truthful. There have been too many secrets between us. At least now we can be open and honest. And Emily will need us more than ever if…’ She shook her head irritably. ‘No, I’m not even going to contemplate that. But she will definitely need us.’
Melissa sighed. ‘I know you’re right but… OK. I’ll try my best.’
Sophie lifted her glass and took a sip of wine, before placing it back on the table. ‘Let’s change the subject. How are things going with Mark?’
Melissa frowned. ‘What do you mean?’
‘Oh, come on, Melissa! What have I just said? No more secrets.’
Melissa eyed Sophie warily. ‘But I thought you might be angry?’
Sophie rolled her eyes. ‘I’m not angry. I’ve known for ages. It’s just that I worry about you getting hurt. I love Mark but I know what he’s like…’
‘Well, there’s nothing going on anyway. Not any more.’ Melissa’s bottom lip quivered dangerously.
‘Oh, sweetie. I’m so sorry.’ Sophie reached across and squeezed Melissa’s hand. She wanted to reassure her, to tell her that Mark would see sense and come running back to her. But she didn’t, because she knew it wasn’t true. ‘When did he break it off with you?’
‘He didn’t,’ Melissa murmured, causing Sophie to frown in confusion.
‘So, you’re still seeing him?’
Melissa shook her head. ‘No. I told him it was over in Ireland. On the morning of the wedding.’
Sophie sat back, remembering. Normally, Melissa and Mark were together all the time but now that she thought about it, they had pointedly ignored each other all day, although she had noticed Melissa staring at him several times. ‘How did he take it?’
Melissa shrugged. ‘You know what Mark’s like. He was upset for about ten minutes.’
‘You did the right thing, Liss. I know how hard it must have been…’ She could see that Melissa was struggling not to cry. ‘But there was no chance of a long-term future with him. He’s too much of a free spirit.’
Melissa nodded. ‘Yup.’
Sophie leaned forward again. ‘Listen, you are so beautiful, Melissa. And you are such a great person. You deserve to find someone to settle down with. Someone to have kids with…’
Melissa’s eyes filled. ‘It’s not going to happen, Soph. Not now. I’m too old, anyway.’
‘No!’ Sophie protested. ‘You’re only thirty-five… There’s still plenty of time.’
‘Not really.’ Melissa’s voice was despondent and her tiny shoulders were hunched forward in resignation. ‘There aren’t many single men my age and by the time I find one who is, who wants to settle down and have kids with me, it’ll definitely be too late.’ Sophie wished she could deny it. Reassure her that there were plenty of men who would want someone as gorgeous, vibrant and lovely as her to settle down with, but she couldn’t. It would be a lie.
‘You are so lucky that you found Steve when you did.’ Melissa looked up at Sophie. ‘I used to think it was so boring, for you to have stayed with the same man all those years…’ She gave Sophie a sheepish smile. ‘But I’d give anything to swap with you now.’
A lump formed in Sophie’s throat as Melissa finished speaking. She was right. Whatever had happened between her and Steve, whatever the rights and wrongs of each situation, they had stuck together through it all. In some ways, the hard times had made them even stronger. She knew without even the tiniest hint of doubt in her mind, that whatever happened in the future, whatever challenges they faced, they would face them together.