“Well, you look beautiful,” Catherine said to her friend reassuringly. “I know that may not be much reassurance, but you do.”

"Thank you," Annabelle replied, unable to keep the disdain from her voice.

When she first tried on this dress, Annabelle knew with utter certainty that she would not be wearing it any other day, particularly not this one. Ever since returning to London, Annabelle had been reminded of her terrible mistakes every single day, but her wedding day was when she felt her failure worse.

Her hair was pinned back so tightly against her head that it pulled her skin hard. The makeup plastered on her skin felt like a mask. Unfortunately, it was not enough to hide her away from the world completely though. She still felt very vulnerable and exposed.

It was her own fault, of course. If she had fought a little harder at Mr. Brentwood’s home, then she could have avoided this whole mess. Still, it was far too late to worry about that now.

“It might not be too bad.” Edith rubbed her hand up and down Annabelle’s arm. “You might be alright in the end. I know Lord Ashdown...” It did not escape her notice that Annabelle visibly winced at the mere mention of her future husband’s name, which did not bode well for the future. “...seems awful, but that might go once you two have been together for a while.”

Annabelle snorted, proving what she thought of that concept. There was no chance of Watson ever being anything other than a monster in her mind.

Edith, Harriett, and Catherine all shared a look. None of them knew what to say to their friend anymore, it felt like she was completely distant from them now, considering the past events of her life. Annabelle had been through things they could not even imagine, never mind understand. Even Catherine, who had been more aware than the other girls what was going on with Annabelle, did not know what to think about her escape to the countryside with the stable boy.

“If there is anything you wish to talk about, we are here for you,” Harriett tried. “There is no one in your bedroom apart from us, you can say whatever you want. Even if you wish to talk about... what happened.”

All three girls pricked up their ears, they felt utterly fascinated to hear what Annabelle had been up to. They had tried their best not to ask because they did not want to upset her, but they all knew if they did not ask now, they would never get the chance to find out. They had all overheard whispered rumours being shared among the adults, but they wanted to hear the story from Annabelle’s point of view.

Annabelle considered Harriett’s offer for a moment. Since forgetting was not doing her much good, and this would be the last chance she ever got, she actually decided to say just a little bit. Just to get it off her chest before she drove herself insane.

This will be my last ever mention of Floyd Brewer, she promised herself. Once I am Lady Ashdown I will have to forget that he even exists.

“I just miss him,” she whimpered quietly. “What I felt with Floyd was true love. I did not even mind living a totally different life to be with him...”

“Did you work?” Edith could not stop herself, she asked without even meaning to. “What was that like?”

“It was fine.” Annabelle shrugged, trying to act blasé. “It was tiring, but alright. Actually, I quite liked having something to do all day long, it was nice to use my brain.” She chuckled mirthlessly. “I think I prefer it to the idea of motherhood.”

After seeing Beatrice and her constantly swelling bump earlier on in the day, Annabelle feared even more for what her future would hold. The mere thought of creating and carrying a baby that belonged to Lord Ashdown was horrifying. Never mind the idea of raising the child!

“Wow, I cannot imagine enjoying hard work.” Harriett shook her head. “It seems like something you can just pay other people to do so you do not have to waste your own time.”

Annabelle smirked, her friend’s naïve attitude amused her, if only for a second. “Well, I thought it was worth it to be with Floyd. I love him. I will never be able to love anyone like I do him, especially not him.”

Catherine took her friend’s hand and she gave Annabelle a sympathetic smile. She wanted to be supportive and caring as her best friend suffered this challenging time... but the question fell out of her lips before she could stop herself. “What is it like, being in love?”

Annabelle clutched her hand to her chest and her eyes filled with a dreamy look. "Oh, it is wonderful. It makes me feel warm and safe, but also like I am balancing on a thin tightrope that I could fall off of at any moment. I had butterflies all over me all the time. And when we kissed..."

“You kissed?” All of a sudden, Catherine looked horrified. “Does your father know? Does Lord Ashdown?”

Annabelle’s expression darkened. “Lord Ashdown thinks that more happened. He called me a street girl in so many words.”

“Oh, my goodness.” The romance of the situation vanished completely for Catherine. It all sounded very lovely to be in love with someone unexpected, but the consequences to come from that were just not worth it. “That is terrible.”

All of a sudden, Annabelle stood up from the bed where she was resting herself, and she paced up and down the room. “And now I have to marry a man who hates me, who has promised me a lifetime of misery. I have to do it because it is the right thing to do, but whom is it the right thing for? Everyone else, not me."

The girls were silenced by that remark, there was not anything that they could say to make Annabelle feel better. She had to marry Lord Ashdown because that was just the way life went. As Ladies, they had to do what was requested of them. None of them had ever questioned it before Annabelle and her little stunt, so they did not know what to say now.

“I am sorry,” Catherine finally caved and said something. “I wish that there was something I could do.” She hugged Annabelle, but her friend’s body stiffened. The only time she seemed happy was when she spoke about the stable boy. She would have to get her talking some more, to distract her until they could hide in her room no more. “So, what is kissing like? I have always wanted to know.”

Annabelle could not stop herself from smiling as she described the best moments of her life. It felt really good to reminisce over the good times before she delved head first into the worst time of her whole existence.

As she spoke, she wondered once more where Floyd was. All night long she had dreamt about him racing in at the very last moment to stop the wedding. She pictured him sweeping her off her feet and rushing her away from the nightmare that surrounded her... but that was only a dream. He would not come now, it had been far too long.

Maybe he thought she did not care when she left, maybe Violet did not understand what had happened so she had not explained correctly, maybe he listened to the rumours and did not care for the truth... it did not matter how much time Annabelle wasted worrying about with might have happened, the outcome was still the same.

“Do you think I have time for a walk in the gardens?” she asked rapidly. “I believe some fresh air will clear my mind and make it all seem a little easier.”

“I can come with you...” Edith started, but Catherine curled her fingers around her arm to stop her. As her closest friend, she could see that Annabelle needed to be alone. "Or maybe we could distract everyone so you can get out... as long as you do not run away."

No one laughed at Edith’s poor attempt at a joke, they all snapped into action instead. Anything to help Annabelle get through the day. They wanted to do something productive, and this just felt right.

“Right, come on. Let us go.” Catherine took control. “Edith, Harriett, and I will distract anyone that we need to along the way. You go and get some fresh air, Annabelle. Hopefully, you will come back inside feeling much better."

No one held much hope for that, but at least they were doing something...

* * *

The cool breeze brushed past Annabelle’s cheeks, stinging her skin, she slid her eyes closed and inhaled deeply, trying to use the fresh air and the scent of grass to calm her down, but still, she found herself in a panic. She felt a little better without the restricting walls of her house surrounding her. She picked up the long skirt of her dress so it did not drag along the ground, and she walked.

At first, she thought of nothing, she simply embraced the freedom of being outside, but soon all the events of what now felt like a whole other life, came back to haunt her.

There were a lot of memories of her early days with Floyd surrounding her as she made her way through the gardens: the place they first met, where they shared their first kiss, where Annabelle told Floyd she wanted to leave... it was all there, crushing her spirit. She wished that she could be uplifted by these memories, that she could use them to help her get through this day, but she ended up terribly sad instead.

As her eyes fell upon Primrose, Annabelle recalled her first and only riding lesson, tears spilled down her cheeks.

“Hello there, Primrose,” she said delicately as she moved towards the sandy coloured beast. “I bet you do not remember me, do you?” She ran her hand down Primrose’s soft hair. “But I know you must miss Floyd.” Emotion filled her throat which made her choke on her words a little. “I am sorry that I took him away from you, that was wrong of me. I was selfish and naïve, I can see that now. I thought that love would keep me and Floyd together and that everything else would work out.” She chuckled hollowly and glanced down at her dress. “As you can see from what I am wearing, things did not work out as planned. They did for a while, but I did not get my happily ever after.”

Primrose made an odd noise back. It was not quite a neighing sound. If Annabelle did not know any better, she would have thought it was the sound of emotional pain.

“I wish he could come back too, trust me,” she whispered. “I should have never interfered with things. I have learned my lesson now.” She sighed loudly and glanced up to the top of Primrose. “If only I had been given more riding lessons, I could take you now and we could ride to find him... wherever he is.”

Primrose nuzzled against Annabelle as if she could feel the agony inside of her.

“I let him down, Primrose. You would have been ashamed of me if you could have seen me. I really let him down.”

Annabelle could not take it anymore, the emotion consumed her entirely. She slid down to the ground and sat upon her white dress, no longer worrying whether or not she was getting it dirty. She threw her head into hands and sobbed pathetically. Her makeup would be ruined, she would have to get it fixed, but in the moment, it did not matter. There were weeks of sadness built up inside of her, all culminating to today. She needed to weep it all out now, while she was alone.