I heard shattering glass and activity in my living room and then my bedroom door slammed open, but what was I going to do about it? If it was a thief, they could have it. All of it. I shimmied down into my covers.

The bed shifted like that one time months and months ago when Magnus came home. It wasn’t Magnus though, not anymore.

Hayley’s voice said, “Hey, sweetie, how ya doin'?”

I stared at the underside of my sheets.

“You doing okay?”

I burst into tears.

“Yeah honey, I know.” She nudged me a bit, so I moved over and then she laid down on the bed beside me. “I know.”

I cried for a long while. Not about anything in particular, not anymore, but about everything. Then I asked, “How’d you get in?”

“Quentin broke out a window. We are super worried about you and so you don’t get a glass window anymore. You should have answered your phone.”

I pulled a tissue from the box I kept under the sheets with me and blew my nose. “I don’t really want to see anyone.”

“Yep. We know. But sometimes you don’t get what you want.”

I sobbed. “I never get what I want.”

“It kind of feels like that, huh?”

I nodded my head under the covers probably adding to the matted-hair thing I had going. It had been a while since I wasn’t in bed. How long?

“What time is it? What day?”

“It’s 10 am, Saturday, November 3. It’s very dark in here. These are some excellent window coverings by the way. I need these in my house so I can sleep better.”

She didn’t say anything more and I didn’t answer so we sat there in silence for a few moments.

I said, “You don’t have to stay here. You checked on me. I’m sure you have something to do.”

She huffed. “Well, see, that’s not how this works. First, your house has a broken window out front so someone needs to stay here and deal with that. Second, while I have heard your voice now, so I don’t have to think terrible things happened to you, past tense, I’m even more worried about what might happen. Because this doesn’t look good. So I’m not leaving. I’ll live here if I have to. Because you’re a wreck. And rightly so, I get it. I understand. We all understand but it’s time to let us help.”

“I don’t want any help. I just want Magnus to come home.”

“Yeah, me too.” She curled on her side facing me, a lump under the covers. “But he didn’t sound like he was coming home, honey. Like he didn’t know if he could. That’s what you told me so I don’t think you can keep going like this. It’s not waiting, this is giving up. This is sad. This is dying inside, sweetie. Let us help you.”

I stayed quiet because she made me cry again a little.

She kept talking. “Zach and Emma are really worried about you. Have you seen Ben?”

“No, I can’t.”

“But he’s finally getting interesting — sadly no tattoos yet, but he’s got a little swagger.”

“You are a terrible aunt.”

“Yeah…” she paused. “Zach said you’ve been ordering food from delivery places. You know he sees the delivery men at your door. You pay him. You pay him a lot of money. You should let him cook for you. You should let Emma clean up around here. You haven’t even opened a box.”

“Quentin and Zach moved it all in here and I… I hate it. This isn’t my house. I don’t want to live here.”

“I know you know this already, but Zach’s parents are pressuring him to face reality and get a ‘real job.’ Emma’s parents hate him, and want her to move to Gainesville for ‘stability.’”

“He has a real job. It’s stable. For as long as—”

“You aren’t throwing off a real stable vibe, sweetie. So he’s getting a lot of pressure and he’s going to have a conniption. He’s going to throw himself in front of one of the food delivery cars and then that will be it for him. And then Emma will be right next door crying while you’re crying and it will be all your fault—”

“I don’t think you’re helping.”

“Exactly! But I want to. I just don’t know what to do or say — what is a bestie supposed to say, ‘I’m sorry the love of your life is gone?’ It doesn’t seem like enough. How am I supposed to help?”

“I don’t know.”

“See, and you know how to do everything.”

“I don’t know how to keep Magnus here.”

“Well, Magnus is in many ways an impossibility. Some things can’t be helped. Even you couldn’t do it, and you were the head of our prom committee and really did that whole thing by yourself. Plus you went to prom, looked beautiful, and were the prom queen. So yeah. You can do anything but this. And this is big. Bigger than big. Your man crossed time for you and would do it again in a heartbeat if he could but…”

I pulled the covers tighter over my head. “I just want to be alone.”

Hayley huffed. “I know you do but here’s the thing — I can’t leave.”

I sighed and forced out, “Why not?”

“I’m… I’m kinda going through something. I don’t know how to…” She sighed. “You know how Michael is in the classes? He’s got two night classes now and one on Saturday and it’s been really weird. I’m at home by myself. I’ve been drinking a lot and… I was thinking I don’t really like how that’s making me feel.”

I pulled the covers down to see her face.

She continued, “Like I’m supposed to be the fabulous one, right? But I’m at home alone while he’s bettering himself and the drinking — you know you might not have noticed but I’ve been doing that a lot and… I don’t really know what to say about it. I’m just going through something and wanted you to know.”

“Really?”

She huffed again. “I mean I’m not talking about going total transformation. I don’t want to quit or anything but I just need something else to do. So that I’m not feeling like I’m useless.”

I watched her face to know she was done, then I said, “I love you and I really wish I could throw the covers off and climb out of bed and be the kind of person who could make a list of fun things we could do while Michael is in class. But I have a giant gaping hole inside and all I can do is fill it with tears and then try to keep my head up so I don’t drown. And I’m sorry that I can’t be better. But I just can’t.”

She said quietly, “Sweetie, I’m not asking you to be that person. I know you can’t. I’m asking you to let me take care of you.”

We both sat there for a little while.

Finally I asked, “What would that even mean, ‘take care of me?’ I mean, you want to make me food? Go grocery shopping?”

“Hell no. I mean, I would if that’s what you wanted, but I could come help you unpack boxes. I could call Zach and tell him what to cook for you. I could go next door and pick up the food. I could give Emma a list of things to buy. I could do all of those things. We could watch movies and you might feel a little better and I might feel a bit of purpose and maybe we can help each other.” She added, “While watching Paul Rudd.”

“I don’t like Paul Rudd anymore, maybe Chris or Liam Hemsworth.”

“Yum. We can have a Hemsworth binge-watch.”

It was my turn to sigh and I did it dramatically. “Okay, you can come over here. Please use a key, there’s an extra in the drawer by the kitchen sink. You can unpack some boxes. But you have to ask me first. I do not want you putting up pictures. I’m not ready for that. But it would be nice to have my clothes unpacked. I’ve been wearing this for days and days and days.”

I flounced to my side wrapping the covers all around me. “But I’m not getting out of bed. Maybe to go to the couch for a little while. But don’t get all pushy. And I can’t see Ben yet. I just can’t. I just. Can’t.”

“Okay. I’ll tell Emma. I love you. Thank you for letting me help. And speaking of wearing your clothes for days and days when was the last time you showered?”

“Hayley, don’t get pushy.”

“Fine.”