Chapter Ten
That night, Brad discovered something very unpleasant about himself. He discovered that he was a coward. This was not an easy thing to realize. No gentleman wanted to think he was a coward when it came to matters of the flesh, but that was exactly what he was. No matter how many times he approached the door connecting his bedchamber with Ava’s, he couldn’t bring himself to open it.
He hated that Stephen was right. He didn’t know the first thing about being with a lady. And what made the situation worse was the fact that he didn’t even have to work to get Ava to be with him. They were married. If he went in there, she would accept him into the bed. That was how marriages worked. She was expecting him tonight because tonight, of all nights, was their wedding night.
So it wasn’t wondering if she would accept him that made him hesitate. It was knowing he had absolutely no experience at all. Of all the things he’d learned during his schooling, why couldn’t consummating a marriage be one of them? Every married gentleman had to face this moment. Which made this task especially important.
In the recesses of his mind, he could see Stephen snickering at him. “I told you that a mistress was a good idea,” Brad heard him saying in his mind.
I can do this. It can’t be that difficult if someone like Stephen can do it.
Yes, but Stephen had someone to teach him what to do. He chose someone with experience to guide him along.
But why should that matter? Brad knew of several gentlemen who didn’t seek out the services of a mistress before they married. There was Lord Worsley, Lord Steinbeck, and Mr. Jasper. All of them managed to get along without having any experience beforehand. They had children now, so obviously, they managed to make things work to their advantage. It should be no different with him.
He took a deep breath, straightened his robe, pulled his shoulders back, and strengthened his resolve. He could do this. He could go in there and do the job. Feeling a smidgen of courage rise up within him, he marched straight to the door and turned the knob. After a moment, he opened the door and went straight into her room.
A single candle was lit on the dresser, providing him with enough light to let him know she was waiting for him. She was sitting up in the canopy bed. The drapes were tied to the posts so he could see her. The blankets were pulled up to her waist. She was wearing a robe, something that was easy to take off.
Without him having to ask, she pulled back the blanket, showing him the most attractive legs he’d ever seen in his entire life peeking out from beneath her robe. “Good evening, Brad,” she greeted.
He opened his mouth to reply, but fear took hold of him. He couldn’t do this. He just couldn’t. He let out a squeak, which was supposed to be an apology, and then he spun on his heel and hurried back to his bedchamber. He shut the door and collapsed against it. He was a coward. A complete and pathetic coward. What a sad, sorry sort he was. Everything Stephen had said about him was true. He could manage the ledger and make profitable investments, but he could not consummate his own marriage. If word about this got out, his reputation was going to be ruined. It would be much worse than that story Stephen had submitted to the Tittletattle.
Defeated, he put his head in his hands and slid down to the floor. And he stayed that way for most of the night.
***
When Ava woke up, she had a headache. At first, she couldn’t remember why she had spent a good part of the night crying, but then, the events of the evening caught up to her. She had been nervous as she sat in the bed, waiting for Brad to arrive, and when he did finally come into her room, he had taken one look at her and went right back to his bedchamber.
She knew he didn’t share her feelings, but she had no idea that the very thought of being with her in bed repulsed him so much. It was the most humiliating thing that had ever happened to her. What other lady could say that her husband had fled from her on her wedding night? Truly, she didn’t know what to do. And she wasn’t sure she wanted to talk to anybody about it. It was just too embarrassing.
Since it was morning, she forced herself to get out of bed and summoned her new lady’s maid to help her get dressed. She used to share a lady’s maid with her aunt, but Brad had seen to it that she had her own now. And though her lady’s maid was very pleasant, her happy chatter didn’t sooth the ache in Ava’s chest. Of all the wives in London, Ava was the most pitiful because she was the only one who had a husband who didn’t want to come to her bed, not even if he only did it to get an heir.
Ava debated whether or not she should go downstairs. After what happened last night, she wasn’t in the mood to see other people. And worse than that, she was sure Brad didn’t want to see her. It was surprising he stayed with her for an hour after the wedding breakfast to show her the townhouse and introduce her to the staff.
Whether or not he chose to come downstairs and talk to her was up to him. She, however, couldn’t stay in her bedchamber for the rest of her life. She had to leave sometime, and that sometime might as well be now. Besides, the longer she waited to go down there, the more difficult it was going to be.
Bracing herself for what was to come, she proceeded down the hallway and then down the staircase. The place was quiet. A little too quiet for her liking. She was used to her brother and sister making noise. The absence of their presence made the silence around her that much more deafening.
She didn’t see anyone. Not even the footman or the butler were anywhere in sight. She made her way to the drawing room, aware of how loud her steps were on the hard floor. If she was dreaming, she would swear that she was stuck in a nightmare.
When she reached the drawing room, she wasn’t the least bit surprised when she saw that no one was there. It was fitting that this room was as empty as the other places in this large townhouse.
Before she could decide whether she should sit or leave the room, someone asked, “Did you sleep well last night?”
She jerked and spun around.
Laughing, Stephen went around her and went to a chair. Once he was sitting down, he said, “I didn’t mean to frighten you.”
She was so relieved that someone was with her that she relaxed. “I am so used to hearing my brother and sister in the mornings. This townhouse is a lot quieter than my aunt’s.”
“I keep telling Brad that living here is like living in a cemetery, but he refuses to understand why.” He gestured for her to sit in a nearby chair. “You might as well make yourself comfortable since this is your home. Brad likes to come down here around nine. We will eat at 9:10.”
Ava had no idea what time it was, so she turned her attention to the clock above the fireplace mantle and saw that there were only five minutes left before nine o’clock. She went over to a chair and settled into it. She wasn’t sure what would happen when Brad came into the room. She wasn’t even sure if she could look at him when he did. This morning wasn’t anything like she had expected it would be. She hadn’t expected Brad to be holding her and whispering romantic things in her ear, but she had hoped there would be a certain level of contentment between them.
“When I say he’ll be here at nine, I mean he will be here exactly at nine,” Stephen told her. “Remember what I told you about my brother not liking odd numbers? That’s why he’s going to be down here at nine o’clock. And it’s why we will eat at 9:10. Those are even. God help him when he realizes there are three of us in the same room. I don’t know if he’ll be able to eat anything.”
Since he was joking, she offered a half-hearted chuckle. She had a nagging suspicion that Brad wasn’t going to be disturbed by the fact that it would be three of them eating this morning. The fact that he had to be sharing a meal with her was going to be the hardest part about the meal. She was glad that Stephen was here. At least with Stephen here, there would be someone else in the room to help ease the tension between them.
“You don’t talk much, do you?” Stephen asked.
Ava shrugged. “I don’t know what to say.”
“I’m not difficult to talk to. You can tell me anything that’s on your mind. Unlike most people, I don’t get offended easily. Feel free to tell me whatever sordid stories you want.”
“I might if I knew any.”
Stephen chuckled. “Then perhaps I will tell you a couple stories. That is, of course, if you don’t blush easily. Do you blush easily?”
She glanced at the clock. Two more minutes and Brad would be here. “I don’t know. No one has told me a sordid story before.”
“Then I shall try to make this quick since my brother will be down here soon.” He leaned toward her and lowered his voice. “Everyone thinks Lady Cadwalader is the very image of propriety, but I happen to know for a fact that she will steal bits of other people’s food off their plates when they aren’t looking. The reason I know that is because I happened to see her doing this for myself. And she doesn’t take fruits or vegetables. She only takes the sweets. You see, her husband is concerned about the amount of food she eats. She’s having trouble fitting into some of her gowns, so she is having a seamstress make her new ones. Her husband is appalled at all the money she’s been spending. That’s why he insisted she stopped eating so many sweets. Her waist is getting too big for his ledger.” He laughed. “He won’t have any sweets in their townhouse. She has to wait until she’s at other people’s dinner parties before she can get her chubby little fingers on them.”
Ava wouldn’t have expected someone of Lady Cadwalader’s high esteem to resort to sneaking sweets off of other people’s dinner plates.
“That story probably isn’t sordid enough to make you blush,” he said. “It’s actually very tame. I could tell you another, if you dare listen to it.”
As much as Ava hated to admit it, she had enjoyed learning something about Lady Cadwalader that revealed she wasn’t as perfect as everyone thought she was. Ava had never cared for the way the lady treated other people. But was it right to encourage Stephen to tell her more gossip? Wouldn’t it be best if she put a stop to this right now? Certainly, Brad would not be pleased if he knew she wanted his brother to tell her more stories.
Her inner debate was quickly squashed because the butler came into the room and said, “Lord Bachman is not here this morning. He gave me instructions to tell you both to have the morning meal without him. The meal will be ready in ten minutes.”
Ava did her best to hide her disappointment. So that was how Brad was going to handle things. He wasn’t going to share meals with her at all, just as he hadn’t shared her bed. She had thought being rejected last night was the most humiliating thing she’d ever been through, but this seemed much worse.
“Oh, for goodness’ sakes,” Stephen said with a roll of his eyes. “He really can’t handle three people having a meal together? It has to be either two or four?” He shot Ava a pointed look. “What did I tell you? My brother is ridiculous. There’s no reasoning with him. When he sets his mind to something, nothing short of a miracle can change it.”
Ava wished things were as simple as Stephen assumed. She wished it was the fact that there would be three of them eating that prevented Brad from joining them for breakfast this morning. But she knew the truth. Brad didn’t want to have anything to do with her. Having to marry her was the worst thing that had ever happened to him.
She thought she could eat this morning, but now she knew she couldn’t. She excused herself and hurried out of the room, pretending she didn’t hear Stephen’s protest. It might be rude to leave the way she was. Maybe she would be in one of his sordid stories he would tell others about, but she just couldn’t do it. She couldn’t pretend that everything was all right when she felt as if her whole world was falling apart.
What kind of marriage could she have if her husband was so repulsed by her that he didn’t even want to be in the same room with her? Tears trickled down her cheeks as she hurried up to her bedchamber. She was going to have to do something about this. She didn’t know what yet, but somehow, someway, she would find a solution to this problem.