Chapter Sixteen
When Ava arrived at the townhouse, the carriage driver followed her, carrying the box that contained the new gown she had just purchased. It had taken her longer to select something, mainly because she wanted to make sure she picked out something that would complement her as well as what she’d bought yesterday without paying more for it. Given Stephen’s warning about how frugal Brad was, she didn’t dare risk spending more than she had yesterday.
Her hope was that she might be able to sneak the gown into the townhouse without Brad noticing. She knew she had to tell him about the expenditure since he would get the bill soon, but she was hoping to put it off until she could tell him she was a member of Ladies of Grace. Only then could she explain that the expense would soon pay for itself.
After she walked through the entryway, she turned to the carriage driver, ready to instruct him to take the box up to her bedchamber. But before she could even get the first word out, she heard someone call out to her. Her eyes grew wide, and she whirled around in time to see Brad heading in her direction.
Oh dear. At once, her hopes plummeted. She couldn’t hide the gown now. To think of all the times she hadn’t seen Brad in this townhouse, this would be the one time she did. She wanted to jump in front of the driver so she could block his view of the box, but doing so would only make her look guilty.
Brad headed over to her, and, just as she feared, his gaze went right to the box. “Did you have a good shopping day?”
Her gaze went to the box. “Oh, well…”
She glanced back at him. He was smiling. She wasn’t sure what to make of it. It seemed like a pleasant smile, but was he really happy to find out she’d spent more of his money?
He gestured to the driver to give the box to the butler. “Take that to Lady Youngtown’s bedchamber.”
As the driver handed the butler the box, Brad returned his attention to her. “We should discuss this in private.”
She tried not to let her apprehension show as he took her by the arm and led her to the drawing room. Well, she supposed it was nice that he didn’t want to embarrass her by criticizing her in front of the servants. But when they reached the drawing room, he didn’t close the doors. He brought her to the settee and sat next to her.
Before he could say anything, she blurted out, “I’m done shopping for the month.” If she remembered correctly, Miss Wilmington had told her Lady Eloise only had her social gatherings once a month, and she had no reason to buy another gown before then.
“I’m not upset that you got another gown,” Brad assured her.
Surprised since he and Stephen had had such a heated argument about money yesterday, she studied him. “You’re not?”
“No. Shortly before you came home, the maid asked me when your aunt would be sending the rest of your things here.”
“She won’t because everything I have is already here.”
“That’s what I thought. I hope you don’t mind, but I took the liberty of going to your bedchamber and looking at your armoire. Your gowns only take up one-third of the space inside it.”
“My aunt has to be careful with her money. Some of it has been allocated to me, my brother, and my sister, but she has to live on it, too. My family is not as well off as some.”
“Yes, you explained that, but I didn’t realize you had so little to wear. I would have allowed you to buy enough gowns to fill up your armoire. You should get more gowns. Get some slippers, bonnets, and other things while you’re at it.”
“I don’t know. Stephen made it clear that you don’t like to spend money, and during dinner last night, I got the impression you weren’t happy with the spending he and Loretta did.”
He rolled his eyes. “If only you understood how much they spent, you would understand why I was so upset. Loretta did get better about her spending over time, but Stephen never did. For instance, this evening Stephen needed two and a half shillings to go out.” He shot her a pointed look. “That’s just for one evening.”
“One evening?” she asked in disbelief. Surely, he’d misspoken.
“One evening. Right before I met you, I was giving him twenty shillings a month.”
“Twenty shillings?” And every single month? Now she could appreciate why Brad was frustrated with his brother. That much money every month should have been more than enough to make him happy.
“The problem with Stephen is that he never appreciates what he has. No matter how much he gets, he wants more. And he can’t keep any of it. As soon as he gets it, it’s gone. This has been going on for two years, and I finally decided I’d had enough. He’s upset with me because I stopped giving him his allowance.”
“I applaud you for doing that. If he’s going to spend all of that money every month, you can’t afford to keep giving it to him. My family never had much money, but at one time, my aunt had a generous dowry that went to my uncle upon their marriage. My uncle was a duke, and he was looking for money. He married her because of it, but they fell in love. My aunt was good at managing money, but my uncle wasn’t. He wasn’t as wasteful as Stephen, but he did go through a lot of the money she provided him. After his death, she’s been careful with everything he left. She spends more on me, Timothy, and Dinah than she does on herself, but she still tries to be careful about it. That’s why she asks if she can get an item for less than what the original cost is. It helps her hold onto the money she still has.”
“Did your aunt take you, Timothy, and Dinah in because your parents died?” he asked.
“Yes. Growing up, I lived in the country. There was one winter that was particularly harsh. Both of my parents took ill and never recovered.”
“I wouldn’t have guessed that your family wasn’t doing as well as other families in London. The gowns I’ve seen you in speak of wealth and affluence.”
“That’s because we don’t want anyone to know the truth about our situation. It’s hard enough for a lady to secure a betrothal in her first Season even with money.” So that he wouldn’t misunderstand her motivation for wanting to be with him, she added, “It was important to me that I be with someone I wanted. There’s no denying that money makes things easier, but my hopes were more aligned with marrying someone I could have a good relationship with. My mother and father didn’t have much in terms of physical things, but they loved each other very much. Growing up, I never felt like I lacked anything important.”
“I can understand that,” he replied. “My parents loved each other, too.”
“They did?”
He smiled in a wistful way. “They were happy. Genuinely happy. You don’t see many couples in London who are genuinely happy. On the surface, it seems as if everything is pleasant, but despite their smiles and laughter, they’re really miserable.”
Ava had been so busy worrying about how she looked and how she conducted herself in public that she hadn’t paid attention to the way couples were acting. She knew that Opal and Lord Steinbeck both enjoyed good marriages. She had just taken it for granted that other couples enjoyed them, too.
“I’m surprised to hear that more couples don’t enjoy their marriages,” she told Brad. “I’ve been more sheltered than I realized.”
“Being sheltered isn’t a bad thing. I wish that Stephen was more sheltered. As soon as he started getting an allowance, he’s sought every bit of pleasure that London has to offer. Those pleasures are fleeting and empty. They don’t last, and they don’t satisfy. I’m afraid it’s changed him for the worse. Believe it or not, there was a time when he and I actually got along. He wasn’t always caught up in his own selfish pleasures. He used to have a good heart.”
Detecting the self-condemnation in his voice, Ava asked, “Do you blame yourself for the way he is now?”
“If you were in my position, wouldn’t you?”
She thought over his question, and maybe if she was in his position, she would. After all, it was difficult to be objective when a person was directly involved in something. But, since she wasn’t involved, she could see things better than he did.
“I probably would,” she admitted. “I’m not you, though, so I can tell that you’re not to blame for the way he is. Everyone has to make their own choices. All you did was give him an allowance. You didn’t make him go out and seek those fruitless pleasures. He did all of that on his own. I know it’s hard to accept because you’re the older brother, and you’re used to taking care of him, but it’s the truth.” Then, in hopes that he would feel better, she continued, “There is a part of that goodness still left in your brother. I saw some of it last night.”
Brad’s eyebrows furrowed in a way that indicated her comment had bothered him.
“I only said that to give you hope,” she hurried to amend. “I didn’t mean to trouble you further. Your brother has some goodness within him, but it’s buried deep down inside of him.” She could tell by the worried expression on his face that she hadn’t succeeded in easing his fears. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what else to say.”
“Do you…” Brad shifted uncomfortably. “That is to say, do you prefer my brother?”
“Prefer him to what?”
Clearly uncomfortable, he cleared his throat, and despite the fact that his cheeks were getting red, he forced out, “To me. Do you prefer him to me?”
“Of course not! What gave you that idea?”
“Well, you were speaking so well of him just now, and you have been around him more than you’ve been around me since we married.”
“I’ve only been around him more because you’ve barely been here at all.”
He looked as if he was ready to comment but then hesitated. After moment, he nodded. “You’re right. I’ve rarely been here since the day we got married.”
“To be fair, that was only three days ago. It’s not like you’ve been away for months.”
He glanced at her as if he didn’t realize they’d only been married for a short time.
She chuckled. “A lot has happened since then, hasn’t it?”
“Indeed, it has. I thought for sure it had been at least a week.” He paused. “I’m sorry that I haven’t been around much. It’s just that I’m not very good with people. It’s easier when my sister is around because she’s a pleasant person to talk to and she seems to know what to say in any given situation. I don’t have her gift. Nor do I have the ability to go up and talk to anyone like Stephen does. I’m afraid that when it comes to people, I don’t do very well.”
“That surprises me because you seemed very confident when we danced at the ball.”
“You made me feel comfortable. Also, you noticed the great care I took in decorating the ballroom. I can’t think of a single other person who’s ever complimented me on it.”
“It’s easy to compliment someone when you mean it. This townhouse is beautiful.”
He smiled. “I’m glad you appreciate it. I know people, especially my brother, think that I’m odd because I like everything to be symmetrical.”
“If that’s your greatest fault, then you are an ideal match for any lady. I might’ve been under the illusion that most married couples were happy, but I’ve heard enough horror stories about rakes to know that there are many unsavory things a gentleman can be. I’m glad you’re not like that.”
“No. As Stephen would say, I’m nothing but a bore.”
“I don’t find you boring.”
“You don’t?”
She shook her head. “No. I never did. From the moment we met, I was fascinated by you.”
“Were you really? You’re not just saying that to make me feel better?”
She offered him a smile. “I mean it. I was enchanted with you from the very first moment you took me to the dance floor.”
Then, because she just realized that she had revealed too much of her feelings to him, she lowered her gaze and pretended to examine her fingernails.
“I thoroughly enjoyed our conversation when we were dancing,” Brad said, surprising her. “I thought we might even make a good match.”
Her heartbeat picked up. He had? She brought her gaze back to his.
“Then you tripped and fell, and I went toppling to the floor with you.” He cleared his throat. “It’s hard to admit this, but I was so embarrassed about falling in front of everyone that I had decided not to pursue a courtship with you.” He winced. “You must think poorly of me after hearing that.”
“Others have been embarrassed when I’ve been clumsy around them. I don’t try to be clumsy, but when I’m nervous, I bump into things. I wish I was graceful like other ladies.”
“Whether or not you’re graceful shouldn’t matter. I don’t like it when people, especially Stephen, laugh at my peculiar habits of eating at specific times or how I don’t like odd numbers. I would rather they judge me based on who I am as a person. I should have offered you the same courtesy. As it turns out, you are as lovely and wonderful as I thought you were while we were dancing. I’m sorry I let my pride get in the way of pursuing a courtship with you.”
“I knew I had embarrassed you when I tripped. That’s why I was surprised when I received an invitation to come over for a visit the next day. I didn’t expect you to ever talk to me again.”
“But you came over anyway because you wanted to see me?” he asked.
Despite the heat rising up in her cheeks, she nodded. “I wasn’t going to decline an opportunity to see you again if that’s what you wanted. I had no idea Stephen was the one who sent the invite on your behalf.”
They grew quiet for a minute. She had exposed more of herself than she wanted to, but there was no sense in lying to him. She was still very much enamored with him. Even if he didn’t return her feelings, she felt better after she got the feelings off her chest. Yes, it made her vulnerable. Yes, other ladies would be appalled to be so exposed. But she was married to him. If she couldn’t be honest with her husband, then she couldn’t be honest with anyone. And besides, now he was assured that she really didn’t harbor any romantic feelings for his brother.
Brad reached out and took her hand in his. His touch was as thrilling as she had thought it’d be, and it took all of her willpower not to swoon in excitement.
“I don’t approve of the tactics my brother used to get us married,” Brad began. “Looking back, however, I don’t think we would have gotten together otherwise. Sometimes I can be too stubborn for my own good. I need to stop worrying about what other people think of me. I can see now that, by doing so, I am robbing myself of the best life has to offer. Years from now, I don’t want to regret the things I never did because I let fear hold me back. I want to start living my life so that when I’m on my deathbed, I don’t have any regrets. I do enjoy being with you. I’d like to see where things will go in this marriage.”
The butler stepped into the drawing room. “Dinner is ready, my lord and lady.”
Brad glanced at the clock, and sure enough, it was exactly six o’clock, which was when he liked to eat dinner. “I hope you’ll join me this evening. Stephen isn’t here, so we’ll have a chance to get better acquainted without him around.”
She couldn’t help but notice that he was still holding her hand. Did he realize he was doing that? Or did he think he had released her hand? Pushing the questions aside, she said, “I’d like that.”
“Thank you for not giving up on me. I know I haven’t been the best husband up to now, but I fully intend to change that.” Still holding her hand, he rose to his feet and gently encouraged her to join him. “My curiosity is getting the best of me,” he continued as he led her out of the room. “How much did you save on the gown you got today?”
“Thirty percent.”
His eyes widened in pleasure. “How did you manage such a feat?”
“I chose a gown that the owner wanted to get rid of. In every shop, there’s always one or two gowns that have been available for far too long. Those are the ones that I can get the best bargain on.”
Such hadn’t been the case with the gown she’d chosen yesterday, but yesterday, her goal had been to look attractive to Brad. She couldn’t care less how attractive she looked to Lady Eloise or the group. The only thing that mattered was that she had a pretty gown.
“I want you to know that you have my permission to buy more gowns and accessories to fill up your armoire.”
She didn’t know if she was ready to go out and do all that spending, but it was nice she didn’t have to feel guilty about buying a new gown every month in order to be a part of Ladies of Grace. What she might do was just buy a new gown once a month. If she did that, then she could easily fill up her armoire in no time.
When they reached the dining room, Brad squeezed her hand and then led her over to her chair. Delighted that she finally had his affection, she sat down, looking forward to the night ahead.