Tuesday 5th December
At Daisy Hill Farm House: Handbags and potato sacks
‘So, you can head off now, Holly. We’re pretty much done here.’
It’s Jules, and if he’s finally called a halt to hostilities, it’s probably because it’s nine in the evening and he’s completely knackered. We’ve seen his famous bounding all day, but for the first time at this wedding he’s come to a complete standstill, by the front door.
To be honest, I can’t remember a day this action packed, ever. Even the year we all went to Glastonbury after A levels, there was time to flop. And today has been one of those weird days that has whizzed by, but it still feels like at least a century since I first wriggled out from under the duvet this morning.
‘If you’re sure?’ I say, hoping that he won’t change his mind. Aidan and Zoe have swayed to their Wonderful World first dance and we’ve spent another half hour taking pictures of other couples, also swaying. As we’re assured there definitely won’t be any Macarena action this evening, apparently this is traditionally the time we photographers disappear. While Jules is going to hang on to do a couple of his signature illuminated outdoor shots with Aidan and Zoe, I’m getting a taxi back to town. ‘If I wasn’t so tired, I’d shout woohoo.’ And phew to me finally getting out of his hair.
Jules can’t hold back his ‘I told you so’ grin as he flips back his fringe. ‘Bad as that, is it?’ All day on his feet and the guy still looks flawless.
I pull a face. ‘One of the most full-on days of my life to date.’ I’m being honest, not ungrateful. And if I’m sounding cheery, it’s probably because it’s finally over. ‘Thanks for letting me tag along. I’ve picked up enough to know that my beach wedding will definitely be my last.’ When it comes to photographic subjects, give me pizza every time. High octane wedding stress has gone straight to the top of my avoid-at-all-costs list. My one lucky break today is that Jules didn’t find out about my pre-wedding puke.
He’s beaming at me now. ‘Great to hear you’ve come to terms with your limitations. I knew weddings weren’t your bag.’ No one gloats quite as much as a man who’s just been proved right, even though I was with him all along. ‘Although you might have a shot or two for me to put in the album?’
‘There’s a couple of a snoring grandma.’ That was all thanks to Kip’s tip. I caught her nodding off, then jolting when the person next to her woke her up. Cruel, but if you look at it from the humorous side, it’s a nice sequence. To be honest, I think that’ll be the sum total of my contribution. Jules really did have this entire day covered. More than that, he seemed to be under the impression he was personally in charge of the whole damned shebang.
‘I’ll call by the shop very soon and we’ll whizz through what you’ve got.’ Despite the hint of a smile, Jules deals in orders not requests. ‘Well if you want to say “bye” to Zoe and Aidan, they’re here now.’ What was I saying about him being in charge?
And that’s it. I grab a quick hug with Zoe, who, despite the all-day make-up, looks as done in as I feel. Then I’m out into the night, rushing off up the cobbles to Poppy’s kitchen, to say goodnight and ring for my ride.
As I hurry out into the frosty night I’m so relieved to be free that I punch the air, obviously being careful not to drop my camera bag. As I stare up at the dusky-blue sky, the star specks are so amazingly bright and wonderful, I almost feel like singing.
The weird thing is, as I go up the courtyard, the tune in my head – Poppy’s favourite, Don’t Stop Me Now – seems to be echoing off the walls of the barns. When I stop and hold my breath to listen, the sound’s still there. But it’s more of a yell now, overlaid with a scuffling of feet. A moment later, a small figure comes hurtling down from the cottages, arms waving wildly. There’s a moment to take it in. From the spangles on the sweatshirt that are sparking off the floodlights in the yard, it’s a girl. Before I know it, she’s banged straight into me and she’s burying her howls in my leopard fur. As I put out a hand to steady her, I hear heavier footsteps thumping down the yard.
‘Gracie, Gracie! Jeez, people are trying to sleep round here.’ The voice is urgent and low. It takes approximately a nanosecond to work out it’s Rory.
I try to ignore the fact that Gracie’s clinging to my leg. ‘Everything okay?’ For nine at night, after a very long day, having just bumped into the person at the top of my ‘best avoided’ list, I’m astonished how breezy I sound.
‘Brilliant, thanks for asking, Holly Berry.’ Rory gives me a ‘what the eff’ look as he shakes back his hair. ‘One’s yelling, the other’s bailing. Life doesn’t get much better.’ He’s got Teddie under one arm, bundled in a Barbour, and he blows as he hitches him up.
‘Sorry, I just mean …’ I don’t want to sound judgemental. ‘Someone doesn’t seem very happy, that’s all.’ Given Gracie’s wellies are cannoning into my shins and her fists are pummelling my thighs, it’s an understatement. I look down for a bit to pat, and when my hand lands on her shoulder it’s bony under the soft jersey of her pyjama top.
‘The feeling’s mutual, okay?’ Rory’s reply comes through gritted teeth. ‘They get me up at four a.m., then run me ragged all day doing kiddie stuff that lasts two minutes max. If I refuse to end the day singing songs from Frozen, that’s too bad.’ As he says the ‘F’ word, Gracie stiffens and pricks up her ears.
‘What’s wrong with songs from Frozen?’ I’m sensing he’s a long way from cracking looking after the kids. But however much I’d like to cut him down to size, I hold back on pointing that out.
He shakes his head. ‘It’s still no reason to leg it at a hundred miles an hour.’ Then he gives a sniff. ‘In a hundred pages of Erin’s descriptions about how to keep her children happy, there’s nothing about singing at bedtime. And no mention of Frozen songs either.’
I stare down at Gracie. ‘How many songs do you want?’
‘One.’ Her voice is small and husky now the yells have subsided. ‘Let it go.’
‘Great song choice.’ I can’t hold in my smile. ‘That’s all?’
Gracie nods. ‘To go to sleep with.’
I’m squeaking with indignation. ‘How’s that unreasonable, Rory? Everybody loves Let it go.’ Okay, it’s maybe not worth leaving home over. But a girl has to have principles. I’m with Gracie on this one. And after what Poppy said earlier, it’s also vital that I fully express my disagreement with Rory on every point.
Rory gives a dismissive shrug. ‘I don’t sing. End of.’
Not strictly true. I’m sure he used to hurl a mike stand around when he played with his teen band. Not that belting Bon Jovi songs at the top of his voice ever counted as tuneful.
‘You’ll have to man up and try, Rory. For the sake of a peace deal.’ As Gracie shudders against me, I put my hand out to steady her. ‘It’s freezing out here. You’d better all get back into the warm.’
‘Unless …’ Rory’s holding Teddie in front of his t-shirt like a sack of potatoes, apparently impervious to the bite of the wind. When I finally tear my eyes away from the sculpted shadows on his forearms, he’s staring at me expectantly.
‘What?’ Shovelling hops into vats must work wonders for your biceps. When I finally re-divert my mind to sensible stuff, my instinct is yelling at me to do a runner of my own.
The floodlights are bright enough to light up the curl of his try-it-on smile. ‘If it’s that easy, then I’m sure you won’t mind doing the honours. Bedtime serenade here we come.’ It isn’t even a question. It’s like he’s been taking lessons from Jules-the-dictator.
I’m opening and closing my mouth, and my ‘Er-er-er …’ is stuck on repeat. I feel like I’m about to be sucked in by a giant vacuum cleaner. And being spat out in the heart of Rory’s home is my number one nightmare scenario. Even if it is only a temporary holiday let, it still counts as the full-blown dragon’s lair. It’s horribly close to this dead-of-night fantasy I had as a very misguided teenager, where Rory would take me back to his house for tea and worse. It probably grew from the night he took me home. Although whatever I said to Poppy, I don’t actually have much recollection of that bit, other than what people have told me. But I’d die of embarrassment if I admitted any of this, even to myself. Even transmitting the thought waves this close to Poppy, I could be dead meat.
‘Okay, Gracie. Panic over. Holly’s going to sing you to sleep. So what are we waiting for?’ That inscrutable smile is as infuriating as ever. ‘As you just said, it’s too damned cold out here to hang around.’
Except from where I’m standing, with Gracie tugging on my sleeve, suddenly the inside of my fur jacket feels like a sauna.
He’s striding ahead. ‘Straight on up the yard. It’s the cottage with the grey door.’ It takes a self-important guy like Rory to miss that all the cottage doors are grey. Luckily for the neighbours who might otherwise have been accidentally gate-crashed, Rory’s door is ajar.
Despite the open door, as I follow him into the hallway, the warmth hits me in the face, then envelops me. Gazing past Gracie to the wide white-painted room beyond, I spot a log burner in the corner, blazing behind a fireguard. In the time it takes to drop my camera bags onto the tiled floor by the entrance and shed my leopard, my cheeks have flushed from crimson to burning beetroot.
I scan the sofas and table for an empty space to put down my coat, and fail. ‘Good to see you aren’t a tidy obsessive.’ If were talking mess explosions, this is on a par with the bridesmaids’ room. Whereas I’m still used to Luc, who liked everything in its place. Although that insistence on order is something I never properly appreciated until I lost it.
Rory clears a space with his boat shoe, slides Teddie onto the rug and throws the Barbour he was wrapped in behind a tub chair. ‘The mess is the downside of having a three-year-old for a housemate.’ As he rubs his forehead with his fist, there’s a disgusting flash of tanned stomach. ‘You wouldn’t believe it but Immie had this place looking impeccable this morning.’
Actually I would. Him leaving the dirty work to someone else sounds exactly right. Which is why I need to get in and out of here like a lightning strike. ‘Okay, time for bed?’ If I wasn’t purple already, I would be after how that came out.
‘Sounds like a plan, Holly Berry Red Cheeks.’ There’s the lowest chuckle in his throat. ‘Bedrooms are straight through, past the kitchen.’
I’m not even going to bother about his jibes. It’s bad enough being in his living room. If I stop to think about being near his bedroom, I might vomit again. From sheer distaste.
As I clamp my eyes onto the sparkly snowflakes on Gracie’s top and march her across the rug, I can’t help noticing. She’s rocking the ‘Courtney Love walking out of a wind tunnel with a hangover’ look. Complete with dark shadows under her eyes and cheeks so white I’d swap with her in a heartbeat. I’m puzzling at how this fits with the super-uncle care package. ‘Have you brushed your hair today?’
There’s another low laugh from across the room, as Rory picks Teddie up and tosses his own hair out of his eyes. ‘You already know I’m allergic to hairbrushes. Fingers work every time for me.’
I can’t quite believe what I’m hearing. ‘It might come as a surprise, but there are other people here apart from you, Rory.’ I smile down at Gracie. ‘Maybe ask Uncle Rory if you can have your hair done tomorrow.’ I turn and look daggers at Rory. ‘Before the tangles get too bad. A week like this and she’ll have dreadlocks.’
He shrugs. ‘It’s all about priorities. There’s no time to sweat the boring stuff here.’
I sniff. ‘I can see that.’ As I pick my way over the mayhem and pass the bathroom, on balance I decide not to mention teeth-cleaning.
Rory’s swagger at his mantra takes us all the way to the kid’s room, where he rolls Teddie down into a travelling cot, muttering as he drops in a soft toy. ‘Instructions page two, cat stays with baby at all times.’
Blocking out his self-congratulatory expression, I step over a tangle of t-shirts and towels as Gracie clambers into bed. Then I get out my phone and I try to sound businesslike. ‘Right, time for Let it go? We’ll have the YouTube version – with lyrics.’ It’s not strictly necessary, seeing as Frozen is one of our go-to films when we have girly nights with Poppy and the crew. Singalong? You bet we do. But there’s no way I’m about to claim I’m word perfect without accompaniment. I’m so tempted to say ‘watch and learn’ but I bite my tongue. ‘Thanks Rory, I’ll take it from here.’ Hopefully he’ll take that as a dismissal. The last thing I need is an audience.
‘I can’t watch?’ His disappointed wail sounds a lot like Gracie’s.
‘Absolutely not.’ I wait for him to move, but he’s still standing smirking, shoulder against the wall. ‘It’s a deal breaker.’
I ignore his disgruntled sigh and wait until he’s shuffled well out of view. Then I perch on the blue-striped duvet and grin down at Gracie. ‘Ready?’ From somewhere in amongst the mess, she’s found both Immie’s snowmen and a teddy, and tucked them under the covers next to her.
As she nods back, her hair’s like a haystack on the pillow, but her eyes are glistening. I grab her hand, press play and we go for it.
‘Let it go, let it go …’ I love this song. It’s the kind that lifts you up and makes your heart burst, all at the same time. ‘I am one with the wind and sky …’ It’s very easy to lose yourself in the moment. After the fourth time through – or maybe the fifth – I suddenly crash back into the room and two things hit me. First, I’m singing at the top of my voice. And second, Gracie’s hand is limp in mine. What’s more, despite my bellowing, her eyes are tightly shut and she’s breathing deeply. When I gently turn down my volume and peer over into the cot, Teddie’s the same. As I turn off my phone and tiptoe back to the living room I’m already missing the noise.
As I make my announcement, I can’t help feeling pleased. ‘Two kids, both sparked out.’ Although, at a guess, they were exhausted. When the pause for his profuse gratitude doesn’t get filled, I carry on. ‘You’re welcome.’ Luckily I bite my tongue before I get to the ‘any time’ bit.
Somehow I’m expecting to find Rory sprawled, beer in hand, looking exhausted enough to have been at a wedding. Instead he’s on the sofa, poring intently over his laptop. It’s only when I clear my throat loudly that he finally looks up from his screen.
‘Great. I’ve got a mountain of Huntley and Handsome orders and dispatches to check. I hope you don’t mind, I made a start.’
I have no idea why I’m opening and closing my mouth. It’s not as if I was secretly hoping he’d be eavesdropping on the singing, hanging around outside the bedroom door. ‘Fine by me. And the clearing up will still be here when you’ve finished.’ More fool me for thinking he’d do that first.
He rubs his fingers through his hair and holds up an unopened bottle. ‘There’s a beer if you’d like one, Pink Cheeks?’
There we go. I knew he’d push it. ‘No thanks, I was already hurrying home when you grabbed me.’ At least this way I have the satisfaction of turning him down.
He sighs and drums his fingers on the keyboard. ‘It’s one of the first-ever bottles of this year’s Bad Ass Santa Christmas brew. I thought you might like to take it with you. You can’t turn down an offer that special, can you?’
My eyes are wide because he’s just wrongfooted me again. ‘Watch me, I just did. Thanks all the same, but I don’t do beer.’ There’s a certain satisfaction in seeing his jaw drop, even if I’m getting the feeling he can’t wait to get rid of me. Although, seriously, I doubt I’d be this sassy if I hadn’t just sung Let it go so many times.
For a guy in shock, he picks himself up surprisingly fast. ‘So, Holly Berry, what are you doing tomorrow? With the pre-Christmas rush at Huntley and Handsome, I’ve got to go into work. But you and Gracie seem to get on so well, I’m sure Immie would appreciate a hand with the kids if you’re at a loose end.’ He holds a bottle up to the light and scrutinises it. ‘These beauties don’t happen all on their own, you know.’
I pull a face. ‘You don’t say.’ As for this ‘hand with the kids’, read a full day’s free child care, without appreciation. Whatever happened to Rory having it sorted? ‘Sorry, I’m tied up all day tomorrow.’
Rory frowns. ‘Aren’t you on holiday?’
Not that it’s any of his business, but I try to sound nonchalant. ‘I’m actually snowed under with computer work.’ That covers editing a few thousand pictures. But he doesn’t need to know that. I dive into my coat and haul my camera bag over my shoulder. ‘No time to lose. I’d better run.’ And no idea why I didn’t just say I’m covering at the shop.
‘Careful you don’t die of boredom.’ Rory’s fleeting grin fades as I move towards the door. ‘You do know I wouldn’t have dragged you up here if it hadn’t been an emergency, Berry.’
It takes a moment for his words to sink in. ‘It was a panic not a crisis.’ If I’m sounding snappy it’s because it couldn’t be clearer. Not only is he desperate to get rid of me, but it’s also obvious he’d rather I hadn’t come at all. ‘Once you crack the childcare, you’ll know the difference.’ No doubt Poppy and Immie will keep him right on that. Because from now on I’ll be making damned sure I stay well away. From Rory, and his kids.
He lets out a long sigh as he rakes his fingers through his hair. ‘Thanks anyway. For hauling me out of the …’
However much I’m dying to know if he’s about to say ‘plop’ or ‘shit’, I don’t wait to hear. A second later, I’m hurrying down the yard, kicking myself for the way my stomach just descended like a highspeed lift when I saw him rub his thumb across his jaw and give that pained look.
I was fourteen when my insides last did that. What you can excuse as very bad judgement from a clueless teenager is totally unacceptable when you’re well past thirty. Especially when I’m in love with someone else. One thing is certain. It definitely won’t be happening again.