Annika typed away to beat the deadline on the edits she needed to finish. In the zone she poured everything she had into her heroine. Without even noticing she sipped her cocoa and kept going. Her publisher was not known for being lenient with deadlines.

"Mom? Mom!"

TJ stood in her office doorway. Annika glanced at the clock. "Hey bud. I didn't realize you were back. I thought your dad had you until six."

"I asked to come home early."

Panic crossed her mind. "Why? What happened? Are you sick?"

TJ giggled and pushed his glasses up his nose. "No. I'm fine. I just wanted to go on our date."

She wracked her brain for something she'd promised him they'd do but that she'd forgotten. She hadn't showered, and was still in her pajamas.

"Our date? Were we supposed to do something?"

TJ's mouth fell open. "The tree ceremony date with Jesse."

Annika swallowed hard. Oh. That. "Bud, you shouldn't have cut your time short because of that. I didn't say we were going."

He shrugged. "No big deal. Dad had a date too."

Jealousy trickled down her spine. "He had a date huh?"

"Yeah. It was with Jennifer again."

Her motherly protection kicked into high gear. She'd never heard of this woman. "Again? How many times had he gone out with Jennifer?"

TJ shrugged. "He's been talking about her for a few months now."

Annika tried to bite back the question she dreaded asking but needed the answer to. "So... have you met her?"

TJ shook his head. "Nope. I’m kind of glad; with how he changes girls every few months it’s hard to keep them straight. So, are we going?"

She hated seeing the eagerness in his eyes and hearing the excitement in his voice. They were in stark contrast to her own feelings about the whole ordeal.

"You know babe, I have a lot of edits I have to finish up before Monday. Maybe we should order a pizza and watch a movie in a couple hours when I'm done for the night?"

Crestfallen, TJ nodded and slumped out.

Guilt raced through her. Annika had promised herself that she would never let being an author interfere with her time with TJ. She'd also promised herself that she wouldn't let her dislike for the holiday season keep her from making it beautiful and magical for him. But something about this year had her in the dumps worse than ever. It was three weeks until Christmas and she still hadn't even put up the tree.

Maybe if she ordered the pizza now it would arrive at six and then she'd take a break until TJ went to bed. They could watch a cheesy holiday movie he liked, then maybe she'd drag the tree out of the basement and they'd decorate it. He'd like that. Conflicted she waffled back and forth and finally picked up her cellphone.

Jesse stood by a cocoa and cider table, watching people mingle. Watching the couples holding hands and move form booth to booth reminded him of when he and Annika had been in college. He'd been a fool to think that money and glamour would be better than what they'd had together.

He checked the clock. Six o' five. He checked his phone for the millionth time. He'd known it was a long shot getting Annika to show up but he'd hoped... If he knew one thing about Annika it was that she was hyper-punctual. If she wasn't there by now, she wasn't coming.

Resigned, he turned to go. His knee shot a pain up his leg; he clutched and rubbed it.

"Dammit, come on," he grumbled.

"It's you again."

The same little girl in a purple sweater stood in front of him. "If I didn't know better I'd think you were stalking me."

Her eyes widened. "Me stalking you? I think maybe it's the other way around. Maybe you're a creeper or something. Should I be worried?"

He laughed. "I think you're safe."

"Well... as long as I only see you in public places I guess I'm safe. How did it go the other day by the way? Did you sneak back to your car?"

"Yes. Thank you very much for your assistance."

She nodded. "It was the least I could do all things considered."

"All things considered?" What did that mean?

She scanned the restaurant. "Are you waiting for someone?"

He rubbed his knee one last time and then stretched it out. "I thought I was but she didn't show."

"When was she supposed to be here?"

"Six."

The little girl crossed her arms over her chest and cocked an eyebrow. "Seriously?"

"Trust me if this woman was coming, she'd be here."

"Well I'd say you should cut her some slack. Maybe she took extra care with her clothes and makeup."

Jesse bent his knee slightly. "So that's your professional opinion, huh? Give her a few more minutes?"

"Hi, Jesse!"

TJ jogged over. Jesse glanced around but the little girl was nowhere to be seen.

"Hey chief. Good to see you. Do you know-" He scanned the area but the little girl was gone again. "Weird." His stomach plummeted when he realized Annika was nowhere in sight. "You didn't come here by yourself did you? I mean, I'm happy to see you but I think your mom would kill me if-"

"Calm down. She's parking the car." TJ laughed and shook his head. "Guys are funny."

A wash of relief buzzed through Jesse. She was coming. "Guys huh? Aren't you a guy?"

"No. I'm a kid. You're a guy. Alistair, the professor from my mom's school who keeps asking her out, is a guy. The barista over there who flirts with her, Benji, is a guy. My dad is a guy. The contractor who-"

Jesse held up his hands. "Got it. Does your mom go out with a lot of guys?"

"Nope. This is the first time she's gone anywhere with a guy since my dad left. And I don't think she went out with anyone else before him. She doesn't trust much. She says it's because of Grandpa and what he did to Grandma but I think it's more than that."

The news punched Jesse in the gut knowing he'd added to that mistrust. "I'm sorry."

TJ shrugged. "It's okay. I overheard her and my dad arguing once. I know what really happened. They hadn't been happy for a long time. Not since-"

"There you are." Annika hurried toward them, pulling off her gloves.

Jesse looked at TJ wishing they'd been able to finish their conversation. "Yeah. You want something to drink?"

TJ puffed out his chest. "I can get it. What do you want?"

It was obvious TJ had taken on the role of looking after his mom.

"Okay." Jesse pulled out a twenty and handed it to him. "I'll have what your mom has."

TJ took the money. "But you don't even know what she wants."

"I'm pretty sure she wants a large vanilla crème with extra marshmallows, extra whipped cream."

TJ turned to Annika. "How'd he know that?"

Annika eyed Jesse suspiciously. "I guess he has a good memory. Though you wouldn't think so considering how many times he's been hit in the head."

Jesse clutched his chest. "Ouch, Anna, that hurt."

TJ grinned. "Only Grandma calls you Anna."

"Yeah, well... Jesse and I were friends back when lots of people called me that."

"That must have been like a million years ago."

Annika ruffled his hair. "Thanks. Thanks a lot. But I doubt they have that kind of cocoa here so I’ll just have a hot cider."

TJ got in line and Annika stepped next to Jesse. "You didn't have to pay. I can pay for TJ and myself."

He nodded. "I'm sure you can." They stared at each other for a long minute. Her cheeks held a tinge of rosiness from the outside chill hiding the freckles he loved, but the silence between them was no longer comfortable the way it once had been.

"This isn't a date," she blurted, before blowing out a huge breath.

Jesse chuckled. "You almost burst from holding that in, didn't you?"

She snorted and shook her head. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean for it to come out like that. I just... I wanted to make sure we were both on the same page."

"Understood."

TJ brought three large cups and three even larger cookies back and handed them out.

"Whew. I didn't think I was going to make it."

"Honey, I would have helped."

TJ smiled. "I can do it. I’m a guy." TJ looked at Jesse and Jesse winked at him.

Annika brushed TJ’s hair behind his ear. The affectionate gesture made Jesse's ribcage squeeze. He still remembered all the times she'd done that to him after a game. "You played well and you didn't die. That's a win in my book." She would always say.

TJ was an adorable kid, and for a moment Jesse imagined what it would have been like if he and Annika had had children. Two boys and a girl. All with her eyes and his hair. The boys would have played football and the girl would have done ballet. He'd played the scenario in his mind a thousand times over the years. They'd have lived in the townhouse, and had a golden retriever named Max. The picture perfect couple with the perfect life.

He wished more than anything that that had been his life. He'd loved his time playing football but he never should have let it come before what he'd truly wanted. A wife. Kids. A family. His gut clenched. He never should have left.

Jesse sipped his cider, unable take his eyes off Annika and TJ as they chatted about the cookies and ripped them in half to share. Jesse wished more than anything that this had been his life.

Annika and TJ walked through the green passing booths with pastries, handy crafts and light toys. TJ stopped at a booth with light up toys and funny, goofy stuff.

TJ laughed and picked up pair of light up Christmas sunglasses and put them on.

"Those are great. Do you think they have them in my size?" asked Jesse.

TJ handed him the glasses. "Here you can have mine."

"No. I couldn’t possibly. But..." He looked over the table.

"I might take a bag of coal."

"Were you naughty this year?"

Jesse glanced at Annika and winked.

"Yup. I’ve done a lot of naughty stuff this year. I... didn’t brush my teeth before going to bed. Twice."

TJ giggled. "That’s not too bad."

"Yeah, well, I also didn’t eat all my dinner before I ate my dessert. And I dropped my clothes on the floor. And I drank straight out of the milk carton, like, every single day."

"Okay maybe you do deserve it."

Jesse looked over the items and picked up a silly Christmas hat and put it on Annika’s head. "Perfect."

TJ laughed and Annika smiled for the first time making Jesse smile.

"So where’s Carrie?" she asked.

The question made Jesse's brow furrow. "Uh... She’s supervising decorating at the house. She’s very efficient."

Annika took off the hat and put it back. She nodded and sipped her cocoa but didn't say anything else.

"Let’s head toward the tree so we get a good spot to see the lighting."

"Mom, the tree is a million feet tall. You can see it from across the street."

Annika took off TJ’s glasses and put them back.

"Can’t I get those?"

"It’s dark out."

"It won’t be in the morning."

Jesse pulled out his wallet. "I’ll get them for him."

He handed money to the vendor and gave TJ the glasses.

"You don’t have to do that."

Jesse smiled. "I want to." He grabbed another pair of glasses and put them on and the hat on Annika. "I’ll take these too."

Annika put the hat back. "Thanks but no."

"Come on. Where’s your holiday spirit?"

Annika opened her mouth but them closed it again. She took TJ’s hand and headed toward the tree.

Jesse wasn't sure what he'd done. "Annika." He walked after her.

"Sir? The extra glasses?"

Jesse turned to the vendor and paid for the glasses. When he turned back Annika and TJ had disappeared.

Annika pulled TJ toward the front of the crowd. She had no desire to be there but if she had to do it she wanted TJ to see it from the front.

"Why did you run away from Jesse like that?"

Annika looked at TJ. The kid was too smart for his own good. "I wasn’t running away. I just wanted to get a good spot."

Annika stopped in the front with TJ as the Dean stood to give his yearly speech.

"Ladies and gentlemen. Thank you for coming to be with us for our thirty sixth annual tree lighting. This tree has been standing in this spot for as long as the college has been open and we are so glad that every year we get the opportunity to light it up as a beacon to remind everyone of the true meaning of the holidays. Christmas isn’t just a time for rushing about and buying things. It’s a time of reflection, of gratefulness, and of giving. May your holidays be full of kindness and charity."

The Dean walked over to light the tree as Jesse approached.

"His speech hasn’t changed at all."

Annika looked up at him. Part of her had hoped that he wouldn't find them in the crowd, but if Jesse Winchester was one thing it was determined. And for some reason he was determined to be at the tree lighting ceremony with her and TJ.

The tree lit up and everyone clapped. TJ’s eyes lit up and he clapped vigorously, hitting Annika right in the gut. Guilt washed over her. She realized for the first time that she'd allowed her dislike of the holidays to start to ruin his.

"Can we go ice skating?" Tj pushed up his glasses, looking as wide eyed and innocent as a Christmas elf.

"Uhm... I have a lot of things to finish up before Monday."

TJ's face fell and he nodded.

Annika hated disappointing him. She pulled him in and hugged him before kissing his head. "I'm sorry baby, you know how it goes-"

"When you're on a deadline for your editor..."

He repeated the words like he'd heard them a million times- making her feel all the worse. She reminded herself that she was an author to help her work from home and be with TJ more, but being a single mom wasn't always easy on either of them.

"Editor?" asked Jesse.

"Mom's an author. She has bunches of books-"

Annika stopped TJ. "Let's not bore Jesse with all that."

"So you’re published." Jesse cocked an eyebrow at her and she could see the wheels turning in his head.

"It's not a big deal. Just a couple of books. Nothing major."

Jesse smiled and crossed his arms over his chest making his bulky muscles look even bigger in his shearling coat. She'd always loved him in flannels and boots.

"What are the titles?" he asked.

Warning bells echoed in her ears. She was not going there. Annika smiled and looked at TJ. "I changed my mind. Ice-skating sounds great. Why don't we do that?"

TJ's face lit up and he turned to Jesse. "Are you coming too?"

Say no. Say no. Say no.

"I don't have anything else going on."

Dammit, why couldn't he just say no?

What did she have to do to give Jesse a hint? She didn't want to hurt his feelings, especially since he'd been so sweet to TJ, but she didn't want him getting any ideas either.

"Honey, why don't you throw our trash away and wait by the tree?"

TJ gave her a skeptical look. "Are you going to talk him out of coming with us?"

Annika opened her mouth, then shut it again and smiled awkwardly. Why did she have to have the world's most intelligent kid? "Please, throw away my cup."

TJ huffed and turned to Jesse. "Will you come to my school play next weekend?"

"I’ll look at my schedule, okay?" Jesse gave him a high five.

TJ noded and walked away. They both watched him go. When he was out of earshot Jesse turned to her.

"So, are you going to try and talk me out of it?"

She couldn't allow this to happen. For her sake and for TJ's. She didn't want TJ getting attached. Annika tried to find the best words. "Jesse, I appreciate the cider but you know that this isn't going any further, right?"

His heavy eyebrows knit together. "Further like... to the ice skating rink? Like a geographical thing? Can it go further as in, say, the school? Can we talk inside the school or is this going to be a strictly college quad only type of thing?"

"I'm serious."

He chuckled and shoved his hands in his pockets. "I can see that. I can honestly say I've never seen you so serious."

Why couldn't he really listen for just a moment? "Yeah well you haven't seen a lot of me in the last fifteen years." She sucked in a breath. "I'm sorry. I didn't-"

"Anna, I realize this is weird. It's been a long time and-"

"And you left me." There she'd said it. As much as she didn't want to do this in a public place, she needed to get it off her chest. Needed him to see that what he'd done... there was no coming back from it.

Jesse nodded and bit the inside of his cheek. "Yes... And that."

She didn't understand what he wanted from her. "You’re acting like we are old friends who just lost touch, but we didn’t. My whole life had been planned to include you and in the span of one week you packed, left me with a ring and a kiss, and never came back."

His expression fell and guilt and shame marred his features. "I get that."

"Do you? You were the first person I truly let in and you broke my heart. That doesn’t get fixed with a cup of cider."

They stared at each other for a moment and then Jesse looked at the ground and kicked at the snow. He nodded and then looked at her again.

Annika glanced around. People looked at them like they'd sprouted an extra pair of arms. Her cheeks heated and she dropped her gaze at her feet. There it was. She didn't want to let him back in. She'd had enough heartbreak for one lifetime. Tears threatened to form in her eyes but she blinked them away. Why? Why did he have to come back this time of year? Why now when she was at her worst? Dammit! Why couldn't Christmas be over already?

"You know, I uh... just realized I shouldn't be ice skating- because of my knee. Will you tell TJ I said goodbye?"

"Jesse..." She wanted to apologize but she didn't want to lead him on either. "Sure," she finally said.

She tucked her scarf around her neck and took a few steps toward the tree. She didn't like leaving things the way they were. She stopped and turned back.

"For what it’s worth, TJ had a great time. Thanks for that."

He smiled, but the smile didn't meet his eyes. "Any time."

Annika walked way, defying every impulse to turn back. She approached TJ waiting by the trashcan.

"You uninvited him, didn't you?"

"Actually, he can't go because of his knee."

"He could watch us."

All she wanted was to get out of the crowd and go home. "How about we just skip it all together and go put up the Christmas tree?"

TJ sighed. "Sure."