Scene 9
New Year’s, Part 2
“Can you fucking imagine?” Eva plopped onto the bed and rattled Nadia where she lay. “Eric Mann is Erica Mann? I never would’ve guessed! I just thought he was gay.”
“You were right, I guess.”
“What do you make of this?”
Nadia ceased applying her moisturizer and shrugged. “I don’t try to guess what you rich people get up to. This is a woman who had her bodyguard knock on my parents’ door on a snowy Christmas Eve night. What happened tonight doesn’t seem like anything compared to that.”
“Should we go for it?”
“You’re the one always looking for new investments. Like with Jenny Bishop. When were you going to tell me you had slept with her before, anyway?”
“Aw, c’mon, it was a long time ago.”
“Not long enough, if you ask me.”
***
“I think you should do it,” Amber said in the bathroom, where she brushed her hair and removed her makeup in front of the mirror. “Then you can say that you’re influential enough that Erica Mann tapped you to be a number one investor in her cute little enterprise for women. And we’ll have a Californian hideaway where I can ride horses and shit.”
Adrienne stumbled out of the shower, consumed with alcohol and travel-induced fatigue. “You’d like that, huh? Riding horses, that is.” She slammed her naked body against the sink and searched for her toothbrush. “I hear you like to go for rides.”
“Only if there’s a saddle involved.”
“Uh huh.” Adrienne squeezed too much toothpaste onto her brush. “I’m financially spread thin right now, though. You should take that money you snatched away from Jenny Bishop and give it to Erica Mann. Much sounder investment, even if it would take longer for you to see returns.”
Amber shuddered. “So awkward having Jenny here after what happened a few weeks ago.”
“She seems perfectly happy with that wife of hers. Jesus. Can you imagine getting married that quickly? The girl is barely twenty. And they call you a gold digger.”
“Honey, I am a card carrying gold digger. That pretty fetus out there is a lovesick fool. She might as well have been a virgin.”
“How do you know she wasn’t?”
Amber fluffed her hair. “Because we have a mutual ex-boyfriend. Trust me, that guy likes to stick it in on the first date.”
“Surprised that didn’t come up during dinner.”
“I don’t think she knows.”
“Keep it that way.” Adrienne took her naked ass to bed. But she didn’t fall asleep until Amber was back in her arms again.
***
Lydia collapsed in exhaustion. She wasn’t the one who drove, nor was she the exact target audience of that night’s excitement, but nevertheless, she plummeted like the dead weight she became as soon as her eyes closed.
She hadn’t even bothered to change her clothes. Maxine blamed that on the alcohol, which had almost knocked her out as well.
“The whole situation is preposterous,” she muttered, as if Lydia could hear her. “If you had told me this morning that the man who risked getting chewed limb to limb in my yard was one of Eric Mann’s bodyguards, I would have laughed in your face. Do you have any idea how bullshit this is? Eric Mann has been a woman this whole time? God. It explains so much.” She nudged Lydia’s lifeless leg. “Like how I was always randomly attracted to him. Her. Whatever.”
Lydia remained unresponsive.
“I said like how I was always attracted to her.”
Lydia poked her head up. “Stop talking about Victoria.”
That was not the reply Maxine had expected. She stood back with an offended gasp and said, “Why are you bringing her up?”
“Because you looked at her every time someone brought up having slept with someone else.”
“No I didn’t! She’s a friend. Nothing more.”
Lydia forced herself to roll over. “A friend you once dated.”
“Years ago! Before she even had that cheating ex of hers. She was one of the first that I… never mind. It never meant anything. We’re much better friends than we ever were lovers.”
“You were going to say she was one of the first ones you fooled around with after your own marriage crumbled, and that’s cool, Max. I’m just making an observation.”
“Well, stop making them.”
“At the same time, I wonder how the hell you managed to only sleep with one other person at that table. You sure you don’t want to confess that you’re in Eva Warren’s black book too?”
Maxine choked on her own spit as she got into bed. “You must be fucking joking. As if.”
“Just saying. You used to get around… she used to get around…” Lydia mimed two women exploding together in bed. “Sluts united.”
“Excuse you, I was not a slut.” Maxine turned off the night. “I was a philanderer. Get it right.”
“Uh uh.” Lydia began to doze again. “So what are you going to do about this offer to invest and be a member of this place?”
Maxine sighed, again. “On one hand, I should do it because it’s my own damn back yard. On the other… I’ll wait and see what the others do. I told Victoria that we’ll take her and Madison to dinner in the city as soon as we get out of here. Trust me, it’s what we’ll be talking about.”
“That’s called pillow talk, Max.”
“I’m gonna spank you!”
“That’s the spirit.” Lydia snuggled up against her blustering girlfriend. “Spank me, baby.”
Maxine would have, but Lydia was out like the lights within five more seconds. Must have been nice to fall asleep after that!
***
“This is way better than Christmas.” Stella, who had changed into her pajamas but was too wound up to get into bed, paced in the middle of the guest room while Jade gave herself over to boredom a few feet away. “This is like… second Christmas! I’ve gotta email Scott all that shit I need him to start researching about Sam Garrett. Can you believe it, Jade? Another high-profile case! Julian Marcus must have referred me. Or maybe it was one of those girls you took a foot to the gut for a few months ago?”
Jade didn’t need any reminding. Sometimes, when she did her morning sit-ups, she still felt that man’s foot slamming into her gut. That’s what happened when the women she was hired to guard faced a kidnapping attempt. Both women were currently asleep in this house, although neither of them were in a hurry to further thank Jade and Stella for their help in Portland.
“Or maybe I should call him!”
“Star,” Jade grumbled, “it’s past midnight. The man is probably passed out drunk from New Year’s or knee-deep in one of those video games he plays.” At work, sometimes. How many times had Jade walked into her girlfriend’s office and found the receptionist / assistant playing WoW at the front desk? Because his greasy manbun wasn’t offensive enough! “Either way, he’s drunk.”
“I should be drunk right now.” Stella hopped onto the edge of the bed. “On your pussy.”
“Har, har.” Jade crossed her legs before Stella got more ideas. She was always her randiest when success came down her pipeline. Jade knew her girlfriend had made a huge break in her latest private investigation case when she insisted on taking everyone out for dinner or buying a new sex toy. Usually, Jade relished in it, but that night she was still uneasy from the goings-on in the countryside manor. Oh, and the fact her uterus currently conducted civil war in her body didn’t help. Not that it had ever stopped Stella’s attraction to her before.
Stella tumbled back off the bed, her shirt almost turning over her head. “Everyone around here is so out of sorts. I love it. When I’m done with the investigation, I’m gonna suggest we come back and see who still has their panties in a twist over who slept with whom and who’s feigning shock that someone’s actually a woman. Then I’m gonna write a book about it.”
Jade groaned. Stella wasn’t illiterate, but her girlfriend had read some of her “work” before and found it… wanting. Specifically, wanting in plot, character development, and any kind of direction whatsoever.
“You’re not into what happened here tonight?”
“I’m still not sure what happened. Far as I can tell, you were invited for a business reason. Everything else is some kind of scandal that completely transcends my ability to comprehend. This is some rich people shit I don’t care about.” Jade rolled over, facing her girlfriend. “I know you’re rich too, Star, but you’re definitely not on that level of wealth.”
She half expected Stella to take offense. But Stella contemplated that with a finger on her chin and lips pursing in thought. “I don’t want to be on that level of wealth. But I greatly desire separating some of those coins from those designer purses. This could be a good start.”
“I don’t recall you being asked to invest in this property.”
“Noooo, but if I impress Ms. Mann enough with my work, I might be able to grease some of those wheels. You saw that spectacle. She’s practically begging the womanly populace to show her what’s what.”
“The fuck are you talking about?”
“I did a little digging while you were in the shower. That girl who started the whole shame-train used to be an escort for some barely-legit agency in New York.”
“So?”
“So, I did some more digging, and it turns out Ms. Mann used to indulge in, um, paid companionship when she was coming to terms with her gender identity. That girl was one of them. But that’s not all I found out.”
“God. You’re going to tell me, aren’t you?”
“It wasn’t just about sex, Jade. Ms. Mann was paying escorts to ‘teach’ her how to be a woman.”
“That sounds like such a great plan.”
“Honestly, though, who else gets the ins and outs of womanhood and how to project it to society like escorts do? It’s pretty much their jobs.”
Jade gave up. She was a part of this conversation whether she wanted to be or not. “Please don’t tell me you’re going to teach her how to be a woman.” Poor Erica Mann wouldn’t know what she was signing up for with Stella’s brand of womanhood. Suuuure, it worked for Stella, but!
“This place isn’t that far away from Chico, either. What if we were able to score a membership here and we could come every year to see my family on the side?”
Jade pulled her pillow over her face. She’d rather talk about lesbian sex scandals than ever be reminded of the home in Chico.
***
Madison came back into the guestroom with wide eyes that searched the room. Victoria lowered her tablet and waited for the inevitable.
“Everyone is talking about me here.” Madison locked the door behind her. “And Lydia is giving Maxine shit about sleeping with you.”
The tablet fell on Victoria’s chest. “You gonna give me shit too?”
“Like I care?” Madison snorted. “You’re talking to a pro here. If I got hung up on your sexual history, I’d be the biggest hypocrite in the world. Besides, Maxine called herself a former philanderer, so it’s safe to say your sexual history isn’t as interesting.”
“Gee, thanks.”
“Just goes to show how good you are at stable relationships, Vic!” Madison opened her suitcase and searched for her travel lotions. “Because I don’t think most of the other people here are.”
“I want to come back here in two years just to see who’s still together and who is starting drama with their ex. Wanna talk about an awkward dinner? That’s it.”
“Technically, Maxine is your ex.”
Victoria rolled her eyes. “She is not. We never really dated. It was more like a friends with benefits thing for a hot minute.” And when she said that, she meant she would get texts at ten PM asking for a desperate booty call so Maxine could feel wanted. They didn’t even agree to stop fooling around. It just happened, because that’s how it was meant to be. Honestly, Victoria would totally forget about it if people didn’t keep bringing it up. “If you wanna play that game, we could say that Erica Mann is your ex.”
“Yeah, my ex client.”
“You never bothered to tell me about that nugget.”
“I don’t tell you about my ex clients for a reason.”
“But you did tell me that you never had sex with a woman before me.” That was the thing niggling at the back of Victoria’s mind as she settled in for bed after a whirlwind party like that. “So, unless you were lying about that…”
“I was not! Hey, listen, I didn’t have sex with Ms. Mann. Or at least what we did wasn’t a mutually sexual thing. I don’t count it at all, especially compared to what I do with you!”
“The fuck?”
“And I never told you because her NDAs are the most ironclad things you have ever seen. But I digress.” Madison popped back up with her lotion. “She asked me sexual questions, but it wasn’t to get off on it. She wanted me to tell her about female sexuality and how to make love to other women. It was honestly kinda messed up.”
“I’m just saying, I wouldn’t be mad if you did offer other services to her, just that you would have lied to me about being your first woman.”
Madison propped herself up on the bed, puppy-dog eyes batting their lashes at her girlfriend. “I would never lie about something like that. Come on, Vic. Don’t let this stupid lesbian drama get to you.”
“Stupid lesbian drama?”
“On the other hand,” Madison squirted some lotion onto her hand and began the arduous task of covering her whole body before going to bed, “it’ll give me more fodder for my memoir.”
“I think there was more than one person there tonight taking notes on the drama.”
“Vic,” Madison began, handing the bottle to her girlfriend with the insinuation that she would finish the job, “if there’s anything I’ve learned in my line of work, it’s that the mix of wealth and boredom always leads to sex.”
“Just sex, huh?”
“Just saying. If Ms. Mann’s plans for this place come to fruition, it’s gonna turn into a dirty swinger’s den.”
“Now there’s the reason you want it to happen.”
“Like I said!” Madison moved her hair out of the way so Victoria could get her shoulder blades, “More fodder for my memoir!”
***
There was more than one woman in that house taking notes on the drama unfolding beneath the eaves. Nicole hadn’t had this much fun jotting her thoughts down since she was in high school and witnessing her friends’ dating drama.
“Do you not know what an NDA is?” Exasperated, Jenny threw down her phone and turned to her wife. “Any details you write in there could get us sued until we die.”
Nicole shrugged. “That’s why I’m writing it down on paper and not backing it up to the cloud, duh.”
“I have no idea what it’s got to do with your blog writing.” Jenny shook her head. “Pretty sure your future readers don’t give a solid shit about lesbian drama. And if they do, they’re weirdos we don’t need in our lives.”
“Who says it’s for anyone but myself? I’ve gotta have some reason to be entertained here. You’re getting work offers and calls to invest in something that should be right up your alley! Meanwhile, any chance I had at networking here was blown out the window when everyone got sidetracked by pussy. Starting with yours.”
Jenny sputtered her next few words. “That was a long time ago, okay? God! She made it sound like we were a real thing! When everyone knows that before her girlfriend she was…” Jenny stopped herself. “Nope. Not getting dragged down into that. If I don’t want people speculating about my old sex life, then I shouldn’t be speculating about theirs!”
“How magnanimous of you.” Nicole wrote that down in her notebook. “You’re forgetting that you’re talking to one of the original gossip girls over here. You didn’t know it when you married me, but I singlehandedly brought down the queen bee reign of Margery Gellar at my old school.”
“Who?”
Nicole started chewing on her pencil. Something her wife would always be further exasperated by. “Margery was this major bitch when I was in high school. She ruled the whole damn place because her father was the president of some bank and she had major moolah. She also had a habit of sleeping with her supposed BFFs’ boyfriends behind their backs. It took a real hero willing to sacrifice her own…”
“Stop telling the story if it ends up with you dethroning Margery so you could take her place.”
“Excuse you! I wasn’t cut out for that kind of life. I dethroned her and let the masses sort it out from there.”
“What kind of monster have I married?”
“One that you want to keep on your good side.”
Jenny crawled onto the bed and slammed her face in her wife’s lap. The comforter was the only thing separating their skin, but Jenny could still smell the sweet body wash Nicole carried with her all over the world. “So embarrassing.”
“You’re probably the only one who thinks so.”
“I’m the only one whose opinion matters about it!” Jenny sat back up. “The only nice thing to know is that it probably was not the host’s intent to drag that shit out. You think she would’ve known, though.”
“What? That women will gab about sex the moment you throw them together?”
“Seriously. It’s even worse when you’ve slept with some of those other women.”
“I’m guessing it’s a small world wherever you go.”
“If ten percent of the population is presumed gay, then does that mean five percent are women?” Jenny sighed. “So, yeah, small world wherever you go. Or maybe I should say small dating pool.”
“At least I hit the home run on my first try.”
Jenny couldn’t help herself. She touched her fingertip to Nicole’s nose and said, “We’ll probably need a place like this to keep our sanity in the coming years. That city life will get to us sooner or later.”
“I did grow up in a house in the countryside. It was pretty nice.” Nicole closed her notebook. “Wonder if they would let us bring kids one day.”
“Don’t start that again.”
“I know, I know… first, buying a house. Second, me graduating college. Then the kid talk.”
“I’ve already robbed you of being single in your twenties. Least you could let me do is let you have some kind of kid-free freedom for most of them.”
“So, you want kids when you’re forty?”
“I want kids when we’re ready for them.”
“According to my mother,” Nicole said, wrapping one arm around her wife, “you’re never really ready for a kid. They just kinda happen.”
“Your mom is a heterosexual woman who was inclined to bed people who could knock her up in a ‘kinda happened’ fashion.”
“Never know, Jen! That turkey baster might slip between us one day!”
“Don’t even. I’m so grossed out right now. Mortified and grossed out.”
“This sounds like the perfect place for that.” Nicole patted Jenny’s butt before turning back over with purpose. “But if it turns into an orgy den, I guess we won’t be bringing the kids here. Just ourselves.”
Jenny groaned so loudly that the neighbors probably thought they were starting up that orgy by themselves.