Danny is furious when he realizes I really am going to work instead of spending the day with him and the honorable Nira Blum. I drink my coffee and smoke my cigarette on the patio, ignoring them as they leave the house without me. Then, I spend the day visiting some new galleries and updating Sarah about one of the exhibitions, which I think she should see.

Danny sends me a furious text in which he warns me that I’d better show up at the restaurant he chose for supper. I take a leisurely shower, go down to the basement to get dressed, and wait for him to call me when everyone is ready. Maybe it’s not such a bad idea, going to a restaurant. My mother knows how to perform in public, and I prefer her acting to the terrible conversations she has with me.

I’m not wrong. My mother giggles the entire evening, and I wonder if John is buying the impressive show she’s putting on in his honor. My smiles are phony as I’m forced to listen to her endless chatter about her work, her friends, and their daughters.

I know she’s trying to make a point when she tells me about those girls who study and are successful. But I don’t fall for it. I continue smiling and don’t say too much. I promised to make an effort, so I’m sticking to my word heroically.

Back in the basement, I collapse from exhaustion on the open sofa and fall asleep surprisingly quickly.

I slip out of the house at nine o’clock on Saturday morning before anyone else wakes up. I’ve decided to go shopping and to cook lunch for all of us. I wander down the aisles at Tesco, taking my time as I fill the trolley with groceries. I’m not in any hurry to get home.

I’m very well aware that my mother hasn’t had her say yet. And, knowing her as I do, she won’t miss the opportunity to tell me exactly what she thinks. The truth is she’s put on an amazing show since the moment she got off the plane. So now I’m not too sure what’s going to happen.

Maybe I’m just being defensive. Maybe the distance between us has paid off and I don’t have to be so nervous about her visit. But I’m afraid. Past experience won’t let me lay down my defenses. That woman has the ability to hurt me and open old wounds, which have taken ages to heal.

My phone beeps. It’s an incoming message from Danny, who’s looking for me.

I type quickly.

He replies immediately.

My mother opens the bottle of wine I bought and pours four big glasses. I smile at her and realize it’s less strained than yesterday.

Maybe she really has missed me. Maybe she’s also trying to make an effort to rebuild the cracks in our troubled relationship. I put the food I’ve been preparing for the past couple of hours in the oven—mushroom-filled blintzes with béchamel sauce and lasagna—and go out to the patio, delighted with the weather.

John is lying on the sofa and I grin at him, proud of myself for having managed to avoid unnecessary dramas.

Maybe I’m not doing it just for Danny. Maybe, also, I’m doing it for myself.

“How are you surviving so far?” John smiles at me. I sit down on the sofa and light a cigarette.

“So far, so good,” I reply. “Are you enjoying the show?”

“I’m prepared to watch it for as long as necessary if it means you’re getting along and Danny is calm and cheerful,” he answers happily. “She’s something special, your mother.”

“Yes, she’s definitely something special. Nira Blum, diva extraordinaire.” I chuckle, fully aware my mother and Danny are close by.

“So, do you think maybe you were worried for nothing?” he questions me, and I frown.

“She hasn’t gone yet,” I state the obvious, not yet willing to let my defenses down.

“Give her the benefit of the doubt.”

“She hasn’t earned it,” I reply. “So, Danny’s happy, huh?”

“Yeah. I was worried about this week, with it being the anniversary of your dad’s death. Your mum’s visit gave him something else to think about.” John is serious as he inhales his cigarette.

“He misses him a lot,” I almost whisper.

“Yes.” John looks at me with quiet eyes.

“Okay, should we set the table and buy tickets for the matinee?” I smile, feeling more relaxed. I put out my cigarette and get up.

“After you, young lady.” John extinguishes his cigarette in the ashtray and comes in after me. He takes out plates and sets the table.

“Oh, Talia.” I hear my mother’s familiar sigh and my body flinches immediately. I know that voice. It doesn’t bode well. “You’re still smoking.”

And so it begins.

“Yes, mother, I’m still smoking,” I answer sarcastically. John gives me a quick look.

Okay… I won’t make the situation any worse…

“I was so hoping you’d stopped with that filthy habit.” She sighs quietly as she sits on the high bar stool in front of me and gives me a look full of disappointment.

“I’m sure you did,” I murmur. I’m not going to get drawn into this. I move my glass of wine nearer and take a small sip.

“I thought that with Dad’s death, you’d realize what a terrible habit it is.” She closes her eyes and shakes her head impressively.

I was waiting to see when she’d bring it up—Dad’s death. She hasn’t said a word on the matter since she arrived, but there wasn’t a chance she wouldn’t bring it up eventually. Certainly not this week.

“I don’t understand what it has to do with him. He never smoked,” I point out.

“Well, you know that smoking and heart disease…come on, I don’t have to tell you.”

“No, you don’t.”

“If your father were alive…” The words I’d been expecting have arrived, and I roll my eyes.

Come on. If my father were alive. He isn’t, and we all know that, so she can just drop it.

“The food is ready,” I announce, changing the subject so that she will cease her sighing. John smiles at me, grateful that I wasn’t tempted to fight with her.

My mother rises slowly and settles in her chair, as though she’s carrying the weight of the entire world on her shoulders. I roll my eyes again.

Seriously, she’s such a drama queen.

I bring the food to the table, take my wine, and sit down next to John, leaving the chair next to my mother for Danny.

“The food smells wonderful.” John smiles pleasantly at me. At least he’s on my side.

“Talia always knew how to cook.” My mom smiles at John, then turns to me and I force a smile. She hasn’t finished. “It’s a pity you never did anything with it.”

I take a deep breath. Here we go. Tomorrow morning she’ll be boarding a plane and getting the hell out of here, so she doesn’t have a lot of time left to say everything she wants to.

“What exactly am I supposed to do with it, Mother?” I ask sarcastically, knowing very well John and Danny would prefer I shut up.

“You know, learn to cook professionally. I don’t know, it’s just an idea,” she answers with a sigh.

It’s not just an idea. With Nira Blum every word is calculated.

“Okay, I’ll think about it.” I try to end the discussion.

“You don’t really mean that,” she murmurs and takes a sip of her wine.

Danny stares at me, begging me to let it go, and I glare at him, making it clear I’m not happy. He puts a large piece of lasagna on his plate and passes me the dish. I put a piece of lasagna on my plate and take a sip of wine.

“Is that all you’re taking?” My mother checks out my plate.

“Yes,” I reply without looking at her. “John, would you like some more wine?”

“I’d love some.” John gives me an I-think-I’m-going-to-need-a-lot-of-wine-to-get-through-this-evening smile. I fill up his glass and mine.

“Are you going to drink all of that?” My mother’s tone doesn’t leave room for any discussion.

“Yes, Mother. This is all I’m going to eat and I’m going to drink all of that,” I reply firmly.

“You don’t have to get mad at me. I’m only worried about you.”

“You can stop with your act. If you have something to say to me, say it and let’s get it over with already!” I glare at her with fiery eyes.

“Talia…” John lays a soothing hand on mine and squeezes it warmly. I’m still glaring at my mother.

“I’m just trying to understand what’s going on with you. You know, with your painting in the basement and that thing you’re doing in Danny’s company,” she answers in a completely fake apologetic tone.

“That thing I’m doing? It’s called a job, Mom!”

“Come on, Talia, what kind of a job is that? Getting dressed up and running around the city. Why can’t you study something serious, get a real job?”

“A real job?” I raise my voice. “And what is my job, a game?”

“You know what I mean.”

“No, I don’t know what you mean. And I’m not interested in your opinion.”

“I was so hoping you’d settle here, in London, maybe meet a nice guy.” She closes her eyes and shakes her head.

Seriously? She’s taking out the heavy ammunition?

“Talia has a boyfriend, Mom.” Danny is staring at our mother, shocked by her behavior.

“Really?” She opens her eyes, clearly unprepared for this piece of news.

Not really, Mom. Talia doesn’t have a boyfriend. She’s head over heels in love with Danny’s boss, who is now her boss, and she does things with him that would make Danny go ballistic if he ever found out.

“Yes. Tom,” I answer with a forced smile.

“Tom? Danny never told me.” She’s trying to absorb this new bit of information.

“I haven’t met him yet.” Danny sounds disgruntled.

“I told you, he’s very busy. I’m sure you can understand.” I shoot Danny a penetrating look.

“What does he do?” My mother collects her thoughts.

“He’s an investment advisor at a bank.” I’m starting to enjoy myself. What have you got to say about that, Mother?

“Wow.” I can practically see the dollar signs in her eyes.

Relax, he doesn’t actually exist. And yet, I’m enjoying the moment.

“Yes. Wow. Actually, you saw him that time at the pub, remember, Danny?”

“Yes, an impressive guy,” Danny replies and steals a glance at John.

“Definitely impressive,” John agrees.

Okay, we get that Tom is good-looking. Now calm down, both of you.

“Maybe invite him over for supper? I’m sure he can find the time for your mother, who has come all the way from Israel.” My mother is trying to integrate herself into my life.

“I don’t think so.”

“Why not?”

“Because I don’t know what you’re capable of saying to him,” I blurt out.

“Talia! What an awful thing to say.”

“Sorry, but it’s the truth,” I grumble.

“Why? Because I don’t make things easy for you? Because I want to see you making something of your life?”

“I don’t know what you want,” I answer, worriedly. I don’t know what else she’s planning on saying.

“What can I possibly want, Talia?” she asks earnestly. “For you to be happy? For you to be all right? You ran off to London. You and Danny are pretending everything is wonderful—”

Danny cuts her off mid-sentence. “Pretending?” He’s stunned.

John loosens his grip on my hand and gets up from the table. He won’t stay to witness a Blum family explosion. He goes out to the patio. Danny still looks shocked.

“You know what I mean.” My mother looks at him, trying to entice him to join the dark side. “We both know it’s just a matter of time before—”

“A matter of time before what?” He sounds livid.

“You know, until Talia starts acting like herself again. Have you thought of what you’ll do then? She’s not taking her pills, do you know what could happen?” She stares at Danny.

What is she doing? Trying to convince Danny to send me home?

“Come on, Mom, you’re really overreacting,” he rebukes her.

“I’m not overreacting. You can carry on thinking everything is wonderful, but we both know that can change tomorrow.”

She turns to me with a piercing look.

“Really, Talia, I thought you’d come to London for a holiday, make some decisions, and then to come home and do something with your life.”

“What are you talking about?” I raise my voice. Blood is coursing and bubbling through my veins. My body is shaking with frustration and anger.

“You’re not a little girl anymore! Do you know that Rosenstein’s daughter is already finishing her M.A.? And Klein’s daughter is getting married in two weeks? And you’re running around in London, acting like an irresponsible teenager. Haven’t you had enough? Maybe you should start doing something useful with yourself.” She looks upset and disappointed.

“Something useful? I’m doing something very useful! I’m staying as far away from you as possible! And I’m happy!” I shout.

“Happy?” She’s exasperated. “Do me a favor, we’re familiar with your ‘happy,’ it’s usually a reason to start worrying.”

“You’re unreal! Nothing I do is good enough for you!” I yell.

My mother turns to look at Danny. “Do you see what I mean? Talia’s reverting to her old behavior.”

“Don’t talk about me! Do you hear me? You have no right!” I point my finger at her, my heart pounding.

She looks at me with burning eyes.

“I am your mother! And I will tell you whatever I want.And if I think that you’re wasting your life, and that you’re wasting your and Danny’s precious time until the next time you break down, then that’s what I’ll tell you!”

“That’s it!” I get up from the table in a fury. I shove the chair back so wildly that it crashes back noisily. “I’ve had it up to here with you!” I raise my hand above my head. “It’s a shame you came because nobody wants to hear what you have to say. As far as I’m concerned, you can go to hell!” I holler. Then I spin around in anger, breathing quickly, and go down to the basement without anyone stopping me.

I crash down onto the open sofa and lift my knees to my chest. My entire body shakes, until the tears start falling.

I can’t stop them. They pour down in waves, drawing terrible noises out of me. The old scars open up. I’m a failure. It doesn’t matter what I do, it’s never good enough. And more than anything, I miss my father. It never mattered to him what I did; I always knew he loved me. But he’s gone and has left me to deal with that witch, who came all the way to London to hurt me.

I lie cocooned in the blanket for hours, sobbing tears of longing and rejection. All I want is a hug. For someone to embrace me and to tell me I’m not as bad as my mother thinks, not as bad as I think. All I want is the embrace of the only man who can take this pain away.

I try, unsuccessfully, to stem the flood of tears on the way to the white, familiar door. When I left, Danny’s house was dark, although I really don’t care if someone saw me leave. I don’t even know if Ben is at home.

It’s Saturday, ten p.m. I don’t even know if he’s in London.

God, please let him be at home and please let him invite me in. All I want is a hug and to surround myself with his scent.

As I stand before the door, I make one last attempt to stop the tears. But the scorching words keep coming back to me again and again.

You’re not doing anything with yourself…wasting your time…pretending…it’s only a matter of time…

I reach out and knock twice softly.

Maybe I shouldn’t have come. It’s not what he wants from me. The last thing he needs is my problems.

I see the door handle going down and the door opens. The welcoming smile on my man’s face disappears as soon as he sees me.

“Oh, shit! What happened?”

Without hesitation, he pulls me inside, his strong arms embracing me comfortingly as he closes the door behind him. Being close to him just brings on more tears.

“Talia, what happened?” He’s distressed by the weeping creature in his arms. “You look like you’ve been crying for hours.”

“My mother…” I manage to get out exactly two words between my sobs.

“Oh, Talia…” He speaks softly, holding me close to him as he rocks me gently. “Shhh…”

“I didn’t know where to go,” I sob. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. You can always come here,” he answers soothingly, and his words are the most wonderful thing I’ve ever heard. I can always come to him.

His embrace is warm and tender. “Shhh…”

The body-wracking sobs calm down eventually to a soft crying.

“Let’s make you a cup of coffee and calm you down.” He strokes my hair and I succumb to his touch.

“I need a cigarette,” I whisper apologetically.

“Do you want to go out to the patio?”

“Yes,” I answer and look up for the first time to see a comforting smile and beloved green eyes.

“I’ll bring you your coffee outside. And stop crying!” His smile grows wider and I finally manage a weak smile in return. I’m in his house. I am safe here, and protected from the world.

I slowly free myself from his embrace and stumble outside, feeling weak. I allow myself to sink into the small sofa, light up a cigarette, and take a deep breath.

He let me in. I can always come to him.

“Your coffee, you crybaby.” He smiles at me and I smile back. I really am a crybaby, and he knows it. I take the coffee from him and he sits on the sofa, turning toward me. His hand goes back to stroking my wild curls.

“My hair is a mess…” I disheveled and puffy.

“Your hair is wonderful.” He doesn’t take his eyes off my brown curls. “Now can you explain to me what happened?”

“My mother,” I utter the word. “She finally said everything she had to say to me. It was painful.”

“Painful?” he repeats.

“Yes, no matter what I do, I’ll always be a failure. My work, my job, nothing is good enough.”

“Your job?” he questions.

“You don’t want to know.”

“Do you want me to exchange a few words with her and tell her what a wonderful job you’re doing?” he offers.

“Never. You have no idea who you’re dealing with.”

“Talia, why do you allow her to affect you like this? Don’t you like your life?”

“I love my life,” I say quietly, taking another sip of coffee.

What’s there not to love? I write, I paint, I have a perfect job, and I have him.

“Well then, what difference does it make what she thinks?”

“I don’t know. I don’t know why I care.”

“You have to stop trying to please everyone. If your mum doesn’t want to see what an amazing daughter she has, it’s her problem.” His hand plays with my hair. He told me I’m amazing—again.

“I know,” I reply. That’s exactly what I do. I try to please everyone. “She can be so cruel. I’m really sorry for showing up like this.” I look down at the cup of coffee I’m holding. “I just wanted…”

I stop myself. I just wanted a hug. And I just wanted to see him. And there’s no way I’m going to tell him that. I extinguish my cigarette in the ashtray and look at him, at a loss.

What happens now? He calmed me down and I must look like a scraggly, stray cat. If he tells me to go home, I’ll completely understand.

Ben looks at me grinning. “Are you staying?”

No doubt he’s definitely the most amazing man in the world.

“Do you want me to stay?” I ask, still not believing he isn’t sending me away.

“I want to take you to the shower to wash the smell of cigarette off you, and then finally find out what obscene things you were talking about…” His grin is huge and I melt.

“Okay then, I think I’ll stay.” I’m happy, knowing without a doubt that my awful mood will soon be forgotten under the flow of the warm water and the closeness of his body.