ZACH

 

I'm not going to pretend that I have my life together. Hell, that's why I went to the edge of the cliff. It's there where I can find my safe place, where I can actually think. It's the one place in the world where I can hear my own thoughts over the loudness of the world around me. It’s a world that makes less and less sense as time goes on.

Lola being alive was only the first of many revelations. Her father also being alive is a revelation that shook me to my very core. He is a man that I have been running from for almost a year now. And that's when I thought he was dead. To now know that he is alive changes everything.

I have been afraid of a dead man's ghost; to find out that that man is alive, I'm shaken to my core. I have dealt with many bad people in my life. I have dealt with many evil people in my life. Nobody has ever gotten under my skin like Seth Grimm.

Nobody except Lola, but she has gotten under my skin in a different way. I know she's dangerous. I know that following her down the rabbit hole again is only going to lead to a dangerous situation that I'm not cut out for. It is only going to lead to more heartbreak and pain and yet, for some reason, I can't stay away from her.

On top of both her and her father being alive, the other revelation was that Dom is not the man I think he is. But he's not the man that anyone thinks he is. He's a man that has always been shrouded in mystery and secrecy, but he's always been a good man. In my eyes anyways.

She didn't go into much detail about who Dom really is, and I can't exactly trust her word. Trusting her has led me astray before and most likely it'll lead me astray again. No matter how much I want to believe her, no matter how much I want to trust her, I know I have to think with my head. I know I have to think with my right head. The head that's on my neck and not the head that's on my penis.

And that can be a difficult affair with someone like Lola standing in front of me.

I sigh heavily as I approach Zane’s front door.

It almost seems surreal to be standing on his front porch of his suburban home. For as long as I can remember, after we both returned from the war, we had lived together in shared apartments. When he moved out, it's like a part of me died. It's not that I need his companionship. It's not that I can't survive on my own without him. It's just that it's always been him and me against the world, and now he has Anna and it's like he doesn't need me anymore.

But I still need him.

He's my brother. He's my twin. He's my best friend. And right now, I feel more alone than I ever have before. Since he’s been gone, I've been trying in desperate vain to forge my own identity, and it doesn't seem like I am finding much success.

I knock on his door and swallow nervously, knowing that most likely he is not going to be receptive to the information I am bringing him. I know that he will scold me like he always does, because he was born twelve minutes before me and he believes that he is my older brother, when in fact we are twins. It's always been that way, and though I've never exactly had a problem with it, I'm not in the mood for him to talk down to me right now. I don't need an older brother; I need my partner in crime.

When he doesn't answer the door immediately, I knock again. This time harder and with more vigor than before. He finally peels the door open and peeps through the small crack in the door before he opens it just enough so that he can step out on the porch and close the door behind him. He crosses his arms over one another, as if he knows already what I'm about to say.

But there's no way he could possibly know what I'm about to say. Seeing Lola up on the cliff was something that completely blindsided me because I was lead to believe she was dead. And in no part in my heart or soul did I ever think she was alive. Never did I think that her father was alive. Never did I think that I would find myself distrusting my mentor, Dom, from something someone like Lola would say to me.

But that's life, I suppose. It’s always throwing curve balls at me. It’s always trying to knock me on my ass when I'm trying to stand up straight.

Zane steps to the edge of the porch and peers out into the suburban neighborhood around us. He leans against the white railing and sweeps his eyes over to me. "What brings you to this neighborhood?"

I shrug my shoulders with apathy and pretend for even just a moment that I'm not here for the reasons I am. "What's up? Can I not just come see my brother to visit him?"

"I know you better than that." He wags his finger at me and cocks a grin. “There's something on your mind. And I'm all ears, so what's up with you?"

I shake my head gently and then stare out into that picturesque neighborhood of his. I can't imagine ever resigning myself to a life out here in the burbs. It's too quiet, and not quiet in a good way. It’s not like it is on the cliff. It's quiet in an almost malevolent way. Quiet like The Stepford Wives. “What do you want out of life, Zane?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean…" I sigh again, this time more heavily than before. I bite my bottom lip, almost to the point of drawing blood. Out of the corner of my eye, I see his gaze travel to me. And it's like he's judging me from above as I am hunched over the ledge of the rail. "I mean, is this your life now? Do you still want to be the same person you've always been?”

"I'm afraid I still don't understand what you are trying to say, which is weird because we have always known what is on the other’s mind without saying a word."

“Yeah, but I don't know if that is us anymore."

It's so weird, almost frustrating, how changes in my brother’s life can seem to affect me so much. It's as if the choices he is making are also choices that I must face too. If his identity is changing, then it's almost like mine is too. And while he might know where he stands in this world, it almost feels like he’s leaving me behind as he discovers himself.

He sighs and shakes his head once more. "From the moment I opened that door, I saw it in your eyes." He twists to me so that his elbow hangs off the edge of the railing. "I can see that haunted look on your face as if you’ve just seen a ghost. So tell me, who is the ghost?”

“You wouldn't believe me if I told you." I push my tongue against the inside of my cheek, contemplating if I should even say anything to him. He's going think I'm crazy or he's going to overreact. And I'm not sure which one is worse right now. "Let's just say that there have been multiple resurrections lately."

“You're starting to scare me, little bro. And you know me, I'm not afraid of anything."

"That's not exactly true though, right?" I roll my eyes and take a step back. "Off the top of my head, I can list multiple things you are afraid of. And though you won’t admit them because of your pride or your ego, I know that there are things that still keep you up at night."

He swallows, almost nervously as he glances back at the door. And then when he looks back to me, it's almost as if he understands exactly what I'm saying. “Look, Anna is inside sleeping peacefully. And that's my life now. Nothing keeps me awake at night anymore. I've got a good life, and I'm not going to ruin that by getting lost in the past or whatever it is that is bothering you right now."

“So you're saying that you don't want to be who you’ve always been?"

His tongue bats across his bottom lip, wetting it. "Look, I haven't told anyone this, but I'm thinking about retiring from the security game. I've had a good run with it and I've managed to survive up until now, but Anna is pregnant and I need to start thinking about my family. I need to start thinking about the kid that we are going to have. I don't want him or her to go through what we went through. I want my child to have a real family, and that involves me being alive. And I'm just not sure if the reward is worth the risk anymore." He drops his head lowly. “You’re right. I've changed. And I'm actively working to erase all the things in my life, whatever keeps me awake at night. What happened in that tower just a few short months ago changed me. For the first time in a long time, for the first time since the Seth Grimm incident, I was actually afraid for my life. But more than that, I was afraid for Anna's. I don't know if I can go back to that life."

Well, this is the absolute worst thing he could be saying to me right now considering the circumstances that brought me here. More and more I'm feeling like he is not going to be receptive to what it is that I need to ask him to do. And what I need to ask him is for him to be in this with me. Because I can't do it alone. I've never been able to do it alone. I've never been able to stand on my own two feet and I have enough pride and self awareness to know that it’s true. My ego can't be strong right now; a strong ego is not something I can afford. Knowing that Seth is alive changes everything. Just when I was about to finally be able to sleep at night, he reared his ugly head once more and I'm sucked back into that world of fear.

And nobody has ever made me afraid before, not like Seth anyways. There was just something about him that shook me to my very core. And I think that’s because for the first time, I saw a man who was as evil as a storybook villain. It's not often in life that one comes face-to-face with that kind of malevolence. It's not often in one's life that you run across someone who is so evil at their core that it's almost like there's no humanity left behind their eyes. And that's exactly what’s hiding behind Seth Grimm’s eyes; pure, unadulterated evil.

“You're right.” I push forcibly back, away from the rails to take a major step backwards. And then I punch one fist against an open palm, shake my head, and bite into my lower lip. "I did come here for a specific reason and I know you're not going to want to hear it, but I need you to listen."

He looks back at the front door once more before grabbing my arm and pulling me sideways until we are racing down the few front steps of the porch. He drags me around the front of the building and to the side so that we are against the white paneling of the exterior of his house.

“You are starting to scare me," he says to me quietly, almost in a whisper so that Anna cannot hear from inside. And that's probably a good thing. "If you are into some kind of trouble, then you need to tell me."

"That's what I've been trying to do…" I look away from him for a brief moment and take notice of birds singing in the trees. And then I look back to him with a severe, grave look. "It's about Seth Grimm."

He swallows nervously.

"He's alive," I continue, lock my eyes with him. "And I know that sounds crazy—”

“Yeah, it's insane,” he cuts me off with gritted teeth. “What the hell has gotten into you?"

"See!” I wag my finger in his face and break away from him. "I knew you wouldn't believe me."

"Damn straight. You're talking like a crazy person.”

“It’s not just him, either.” I drag the back of my palm over my forehead and chuckle lowly. If he’s not going to believe that Seth’s alive, he’s most definitely not going to believe that his daughter is alive as well. “Lola—”

“Stop.” He throws a finger up in the air and tenses his throat. “If what you’re saying—”

“It’s true.” I purse my lips, shake my head. “And I don’t know how it’s true, but it is. And there’s more.”

“Jesus,” he scoffs. “How could there be anything else?”

“That woman that kidnapped you and Anna? She said she was Lola’s sister and Seth’s daughter.”

“That woman was a psychopath.” He points squarely at me. “The story she was selling, that she was Lola’s sister and that her name was Lola Grimm as well, it was all bullshit.”

I shrug with apathy, there’s not much I’m going to be able to say to convince him that all of these things are true, but I’m going to try anyway. “There were two Lola Grimms.”

He doesn’t say a word, only chuckles uncomfortably under his breath. He chews into his lip like he’s trying to stop himself from saying something he might regret, or perhaps it’s because saying anything at all in the moment just might give credence to the fact that I’m telling him the truth.

“I’m just going to assume that Lola is the one who gave you this information,” he finally begins, “and I’m only assuming that because despite what I think about her, I can’t believe you’d lie to me. That being said, again assuming she’s actually alive, how can you trust a word she says? How can you trust that her father is alive too?”

“I don’t know.” I shrug. “I just do.” I scratch nervously at the back of my head. “Trust me that this is weird for me too, scary even, but if she’s alive, I have no reason to believe that her father isn’t alive too. And I can’t exactly make sense of how that happened, but I’m looking to get more answers.”

He cocks his head towards me with a curious hook of his brow. “Why are you here?”

“Because I needed to tell you,” I point out, confused because I thought I’ve made it clear why I’m here.

“Yeah, but why?” He takes a careful step backwards and gestures with his hands outwards. “I don’t want anything to do with this, just so we’re clear.”

“Come on, Zane.” I force a smile, but it’s anything but happy. “You know I can’t do this alone.”

“Or how about you don’t do it at all?” he questions defiantly. “How about you leave Lola and Seth Grimm in the past where they belong?” He looks away for a split second to catch his breath and find his thoughts before shaking his head gently. “You need to make peace with the Grimm family, accept that they’re alive or whatever you need to do, but it’s been almost a year and he’s not exactly a patient man. He has a thousand enemies and he’s probably not even thinking about us, so my advice is to just let it go.”

“I can’t do that.” I chew into my bottom lip and shake my head furiously. “And you shouldn’t be able to, either.”

“Dammit, Zach!” He yells and then moves to immediately correct himself so his pregnant wife inside can’t hear. He approaches me cautiously, places a calming hand on my shoulder and looks me dead in the eyes. “These people almost killed you.”

I purse my lips and sigh softly, drop my head just a little so that I’m not staring into his judgmental eyes. “You’re not in this with me?”

“I have people to think about,” he says as low as a whisper.

“What about your brother? Am I not one of those people?”

He nods gently, takes his hand off my shoulder, and takes a measured step backwards. “I trust that you’re capable of putting an end to this… Don’t allow yourself to be dragged back into that world. Whatever she says she wants from you, there are strings attached. Just like last time. You cannot trust that woman.”

In the deepest level of my gut, I know that he’s right when he says that I can’t trust Lola. No matter the circumstances that led to the downward spiral of events that occurred, trusting her almost got both me and my brother killed the last time. There’s just something about her though, that equally, I can’t resist.

And maybe that weakness is going to be the death of me.

But knowing that he’s not going to help me in any shape or form, I decide to not tell him anything about what Lola said about Dom. Not only because I don’t know exactly what she’s talking about but also because he obviously doesn’t care.

I just nod at him as he does the same, and in the silence, it’s like we reach an understanding. Maybe it’s a twin thing, but he knows that I don’t have the ability to choose to walk away from this and I know that he’s not going to go back down the rabbit hole with me, not when he has a child on the way.

I don’t exactly blame him, but it’s going to be weird doing this without my brother at my side.

He’s always been there from the time we were babies, and I’ve been there for him just the same. When he first said he was going into the service, I made the split-second decision to do the same. And that’s just what happened, the two of us were sent away to basic training on two separate dates but ended up in the same unit and were deployed together three times.

More and more, I’m finding that I need to mark my own path in this world and just maybe this is the beginning of that.

But before I make a decision one way or another, I need more information.