Chapter 31
When I awoke, Rafael and Antonio slept in the pull-out chairs in my room. I looked around wondering what time it was. It was only a couple of minutes later that Javier came walking in with Javi. They had McDonalds bags filled with breakfast sandwiches with them and the smell was delightful.
Javier smiled when he walked in. “Good morning, darlin’.” He leaned over the bedrail and kissed me.
“Good morning,” I replied with a smile. “How’s Javi?”
Javier picked up the little boy so he could see me.
“Good morning, little man. Did you bring breakfast?”
“Yep.” He still looked scared.
I tried to look as happy as I could. “Go wake up those snoring boys.”
Javier set him down and Javi went over to Rafael and nudged him.
Rafael opened his eyes and saw the little boy staring at him. “Well hello, handsome. What is that fabulous smell?”
“Food,” Javi stated plainly.
We all laughed as we watched Javi. I pushed the button on my bed and sat it up slowly. Javier handed everyone breakfast sandwiches and coffee. Javi climbed on his daddy’s lap and I noticed he had McDonald’s pancakes and eggs. I smiled as he enjoyed every bite.
A few hours later, Ricardo walked in with my sister. I hadn’t expected she’d drop everything and come out here.
“Hey there, trouble.” Dawn kissed my forehead and took my hand in hers. “I was frantic when Javier called me last night.”
“I'm fine. Really.”
“I know, but I was still scared.”
“I'll be put together by the wedding. I promise.”
“I wasn’t even worried about that. I'm just glad you're okay.” She looked around the room and then introduced herself to Rafael and Antonio. She saw the little boy who’d stolen my heart. She knelt down and smiled at him. “You must be Javi.”
He hid his face behind his dad, suddenly shy.
“Say hello, Javi,” Javier pulled him out from behind him.
Javi looked up a little. His voice was small and sweet. “Hi.”
“I heard you love Transformers,” Dawn said to him.
He nodded.
Her question reminded me that he had his Optimus Prime with him when we left for food last night. “Javi, did you lose Optimus in the car last night?”
He nodded at me.
“We’d better make a call to Santa and see if he has another one,” I told him.
He grinned at me with a sparkle in his eye at the thought of Santa coming soon.
Dawn stood up and looked at Javier. “I can see why she’s so crazy about this little guy. He’s as handsome as his father and we all know how she feels about you.”
Javier smiled at her. “You think she is crazy about me?”
“Just a little.”
“Um, I’m right here, and I can hear you.”
They both laughed, but neither one of them looked over at me.
“Please say the parental units aren’t coming out here too.”
This time she turned and looked at me. “No. I didn’t tell Mom about the accident because I knew you wouldn’t be in any shape for her guilt trips. I told her I was visiting you so we could do some last minute shopping before the wedding.”
“And Dad? What does he think?”
“I'm sure he thinks the same. I don’t talk much with him, but you know Mom keeps him in the loop.”
“So all is forgiven as far as Dad’s bad behavior is concerned?”
Dawn looked at me with sadness in her eyes. “Kayla, Mom doesn’t know how to live without him. Why do you think she turns her head when there’s a new girlfriend in the picture?”
“She knows about Dad’s affairs?” I said, completely surprised I wasn’t the only one aware of my dad’s indiscretions.
“Kayla, really. She isn’t stupid. She turns her head and makes excuses, but she knows.”
“What about what he did to me and Javier? Will she just turn her head to that too?”
“I don’t think she forgives it, but I know she’ll shut it out rather than risk losing the only life she has ever known.”
“And you? How do you feel about Dad?”
“Disappointed and angry, but I can’t continue holding onto all of this. I need to look at my future and all the good things to come.” She sat on the side of the bed and took my hand.
I thought about what she said, but I still had trouble moving forward and letting the past live in the past. I knew my sister. She had difficulty not seeing the good in the people around her. Even when she is mad. I told myself that Dawn wouldn’t go back on her word about Dad.
~ ~ ~
A few hours later everyone left except for Dawn. We talked about the wedding. I told her when she got to the condo to check out the dress Antonio made for me. As we chatted, my sister’s face glowed when she talked about Bradley. I was happy for her and even looked forward to her wedding.
“So, what’s the problem?” Dawn blurted out after we exhausted talk about her wedding.
“What do you mean?”
“Well, I understand why Steven had a hard time with this situation because when you and Javier are in a room together, everyone feels the electricity.” Dawn paused and looked at me. “So, what’s keeping you two apart?”
I looked down at my hands. “We're taking things slow. It’s more complicated now.”
“Complicated. Are we talking about Javi?”
“Yes.”
“He seems like a good little boy.”
“He is. He’s adorable.”
“So which part is complicated?”
“All of it.”
“More words, Kayla.” Dawn had a stern tone I didn’t even know she possessed. Actually, she’d started to sound like my shrink.
“It’s not just me and Javier anymore. He has an ex-wife and a child.”
“Lots of people have ex-wives and children, Kayla. What’s the real problem?”
“I don’t know. I guess it’s me.”
“You how?"
I shrugged my shoulders and I felt frustrated. “He already had a life with someone else. I just feel so sad that none of it was with me. Nothing will be with me for the first time.”
“I believe he was your first.”
“But, I wasn’t his, and nothing else will be a first with me and only me either.”
“If memory serves, it didn’t really matter that you weren’t his first time. In fact, there were probably some significant benefits to that.”
I sniffled and laughed a little. “True. Good point.”
“Is it fair to consider that maybe other things in life are better with a little experience as well?”
I shrugged my shoulders. “I don’t know, maybe, I guess.”
“If I remember correctly, you were someone that lived life regardless of what rules were set down in front of you. That’s why you have so many amazing memories with Javier. You know better than any of us how fragile, and sometimes short, life can be. Don’t waste time on semantics and rules. Just be happy.”
Dawn sat on the side of the bed and I rested my head on her shoulder. How did she get so wise? She was right. I was caught up in what’s supposed to be right and wrong, not on what made me happy.
We sat quietly as I replayed our conversation in my mind. “I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to get back what I lost.”
“You’re not getting back what you lost. You’re participating in what is already there.”
I fell asleep still considering everything my little sister said. When I woke the next morning, it was to an empty room. I looked out the window and realized the sadness I felt right now came from missing my friends and family.
The only thing keeping me away was myself. The fear of being hurt again, but life always held some pain and disappointment. I heard my door open and I glanced over to see who it was. Javier walked in. He stood at the doorway for a minute, giving me a sideways grin. I smiled back at him.
“Good morning, carina.”
“Good morning. Shouldn’t you be at work?”
“I’m the boss. I come and go when I want. Besides, the grand opening was a huge success and we had record sales.”
“Wow, that’s great.”
Javier pulled up a chair and took my hand in his. “How are you doing?”
“Physically, I'm doing well.”
“And emotionally?”
I paused for a moment. “Emotionally, I miss you.”
He smiled at me and kissed my hand. “I’m right here.”
The door opened again and Dr. Hernandez walked in. “Good morning. How are you feeling today?”
“Better. How much longer will I have the chest tube?” I asked, anxious to have it removed so I could go home.
“I’d like to turn it off and take it out today. If you do well and the lung stays up, we can let you leave tomorrow.”
“Great.” I said with relief.
“How’s your little boy doing?”
I paused, not expecting to be asked about Javi. “Um, he is doing well.” I looked at Javier who was still grinning at me.
“Good, I'm glad. I thought you were going to wrestle with all of us to get to him the night you came in.”
Javier’s smile increased. “It’s a good thing you calmed her down. She’s pretty tough, you know.”
Dr. Hernandez smiled and nodded in agreement. “I'm going to get your nurse and some supplies and we’ll take out the tube.” He turned and walked out of the room.
“Do you want me to step out?” Javier asked.
“No, I want you to hold my hand.”
He kissed my hand. “I won’t move.”
The doctor returned with the nurse and supplies. They set up and cleaned the site and draped it with a sterile cover. He then pulled out the tube. I closed my eyes not wanting to see anything. I felt Javier squeeze my hand letting me know he was right there. It didn’t hurt as much when they removed the tube as it did going into my chest.
“We’ll have you get an x-ray to document if you have any remaining pneumothorax. If you have any pain or difficulty breathing, let us know right away.”
“I will. Thank you, doctor.”
They left the room, but Javier stayed there still holding my hand.
“Thank you for staying with me.”
“You're welcome. I'm glad it didn’t hurt too much.”
“Where’s Javi today?”
“Hanging out with Ricardo and Veronica at home.”
“What did you get him for Christmas this year?”
“I haven’t shopped yet.”
“You’re kidding me. Christmas is in three weeks. What are you waiting for?”
“Honestly, I don’t know what to buy or how much to buy. In the past I just got him a gift, but now I have to figure out the Santa thing.”
“Did you take him to see Santa yet?”
“No. Should I? He hasn’t asked to go.”
“Javier, he’s three. You just take him and get his picture taken, and then ask him what he wants from Santa.”
“What do you think he wants?”
“You definitely need to replace Optimus Prime for him.” I stated with conviction. “He loved the iPad in the playroom the night of the opening. You should get him one.”
“An iPad? Seriously? He’s only three.”
“I know, but you can load learning apps and movies for him. I think he needs a swing set too. A big wooden one with a fort and slide.”
“Really.” Javier said, with the sarcasm usually reserved for me to display. “Isn’t that a lot?”
“No.”
“No?”
“No. I think I'll get him the Hot-Wheels tractor-trailer and fill all of the slots with different Hot-Wheels cars.”
“Oh really, you’ve already thought all of this through?”
“Of course. I’m going to design his bedroom too.”
“You’re out of control.”
“Maybe a remote-control car or truck. Which does he like better, cars or trucks?”
“Trucks.”
“Interesting. You’re not a truck man.”
“I know.”
“Rebellion is good.”
“I know.”
I smiled at him, remembering all of the things we weren’t supposed to do, but did anyway. Yes, rebellion is truly good.
“When do you leave for Dawn’s wedding?”
“I'm supposed to go on Christmas Eve.”
“The wedding is New Year’s Eve?”
“Yes.”
“Is she having a big wedding?”
“Oh yeah, there are thirteen attendants. It’ll take us a half-hour to get down the aisle.”
Javier laughed. “I'm sure it will be everything she envisioned.”
“I guess. That’s not for me though.”
“What’s not for you? Marriage?”
“No, just the huge wedding thing. First of all, I don’t know enough people to have a wedding that size.” We both laughed. “I think small weddings are more romantic, that’s all.”
“I see.”
“Where are they going on a honeymoon?”
“Europe, of course.”
“Of course,” he snorted.
“I’m happy for her. She glows when she talks about Bradley.”
We were quiet for a few minutes and then I asked, “Are you taking Javi to see his mom for Christmas?”
“Yes.”
The air sucked out of me at the thought of him with Cecilia. Would the holidays stir up old emotions? When I came home, what if things had changed and I couldn’t spend time with them anymore? I tried to push back tears, but I felt Javier’s stare on me.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
“Why don’t you tell me the truth when I ask how you feel?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean if I ask you what’s the matter, it's because I want to know.”
“I just got scared.”
“Scared about what?”
“That I’d come home and everything will have changed.”
“Changed how?”
“With Cecilia.”
He looked at me before answering. “My feelings for you won’t change. Not because of Cecilia, and not because of anyone else either for that matter.”
“What are you saying exactly, Javier? How can you be so sure?”
“I’m saying I love you. I loved you six years ago, and then I tried to hate you for making me go away. I tried to hate you when I found you and I wanted you to feel the pain I felt. The more I tried to tell myself I didn’t love you, the more I realized how much I did love you. I was secretly happy that Steven didn’t have the stamina to stick it out with you. I knew when I saw your face in the office that day, you had no idea I was alive. I knew you weren’t lying. Finding you in the mountains was incredible and I’d have stopped time there if I could. I know it's hard for you to accept my past, because you never stopped loving me and it feels like a betrayal to you, but I’m asking you to give us a chance.”
I smiled at him. “I’d like to do that.”