Niki

I have never known more than I do in this moment, right now, where I want to be and who I want to be with.

Knocking on the door, I stand here, vulnerable, waiting.

His footsteps pad across the floor in time with the beat of my heart.

Thump! Thump! Thump!

“You have a key. Use it.” Gavin swings open the door and walks away.

“I didn’t have it with me.” I walk over to the couch and take a seat.

“You left me! You left me at Spotlight!” He walks over to the fridge, grabbing himself a beer. After twisting off the top, he takes a long pull. “I thought we had plans to…I thought we were going…Fuck! I don’t even know anymore.” He continues to talk while keeping busy in the kitchen.

“Gavin, we need to talk.” I hang my head, shielding my face from his sight.

“Yes, we do.” He stands at the end of the kitchen island, watching, waiting for me to say something. “I just wish you wanted me as much as you want him,” he confesses, his head hanging low. Defeated.

I stand, walk up behind Gavin and wrap him in my arms. “I’m not going to lie, Gav. I wanted Aiden, but that was before I realized something. I. Need. You. It’s always been you. I love you, Gavin Shaw, and I’m tired of being afraid of taking chances. Right now, I’m going to take a leap of faith because I know you will be the one to catch me.”

His body relaxes, and he turns in my arms to wrap me in his embrace. “I have wanted to hear those words for so long.” He tilts my chin up, and I wait to hear the words I’ve been longing to hear repeated back to me.

“What the fuck!” Now, he has me by the shoulders, examining my face. I wince. “Oh shit! You…are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” I touch my hand to my eye and feel dried blood caked on.

“I’m going to kill the fucker.” He grabs his keys off the table and heads for the door.

“Gavin! No…please, don’t,” I beg, knowing that Aiden is not well. He is a lonely guy, desperate for someone to understand. I just can’t be that person for him. Aiden will never be able to be happy with his life until he is happy with himself. Maybe that is with his wife, and maybe it isn’t, but it will not be with me.

“I’m not going to let him get away with this.” He has one hand on the door, ready to leave.

“It was an accident, and I don’t mean as in an ‘I fell down the stairs’ type of excuse.” I try to crack a joke, but it fails. There is nothing funny about this. Nothing funny about abuse…and that is exactly what it was. Both physically and emotionally, Aiden Alexander got to me.

“There is nothing accidental about this. I would never lay my hands on you, or any other woman, for that matter.”

Walking over to him, I put my arms around his waist, soaking up everything he is willing to give me, and begin to cry. It’s all I have. In this moment, I just need him.

“Kid, I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.” He picks me up and carries me to the bathroom.

“I didn’t mean for this to happen.”

“Here you go.” He sets me on the counter, coming to stand between my legs. The softness of his jogging pants caresses my thighs. “Let’s get you cleaned up before infection sets in.” He reaches for the first aid kit and opens it up.

“I slapped him first.” I blurt it out, not sure if I want to go into detail about why I did.

“I’m sure he deserved it.” He takes a washcloth and runs it under warm water. “We need to get this cleaned up first.” He dabs a little at the cut. “I don’t think you need stitches, but I got a feeling this is going to be a pretty big shiner tomorrow.”

“That’s just great. Do you think it will be gone before school starts?” I’m mentally calculating the days left before we go back. The teachers start a couple weeks before the kiddos.

Tilting my face to each side, he shakes his head. “Nah, I think it will disappear by then.”

“I should have never gone with him, Gavin.” The tears start back up. “How could I have been so stupid?”

“Nik, you didn’t make this happen. Nothing you did could have possibly caused this.” His voice is so gentle and soft. “Stay right here. I’m going to run you a bath.” He turns around, reaching over to the faucet and adjusting the temperature. “How hot?” he asks, looking over his shoulder. “Pool warm or coffee hot?” he teases.

“How about in between?”

“Done.” He reaches under the sink, grabbing my favorite bubbles. His tub is enormous compared to my tiny apartment tub. So every now and again, I pop over and sneak in a little tubby time.

He knows all these little things. They matter to him…I matter to him. And I hope after tonight, that hasn’t changed.

“I think it’s exactly the way you like it. Just be careful when you step in. I poured a little extra in there, and the bottom is slick.”

“Stay with me,” I whisper.

“You sure?” He seems a little hesitant.

Hopping off the counter, I lift my arms up in a silent plea, inviting him in, not only baring my body but my soul.

Slowly reaching down, he lifts the hem of my dress, dragging his fingers up my body, removing the fabric as he goes.

My nakedness is just a shell of who I am hiding the bruises that decorate my body, but I need him to see who I really am, but he refuses to look at me.

Hanging my head, I climb into the tub, sinking into the warm depths, and start to let it all wash away.

“Ahhhhh!” I lie back, closing my eyes. “So good.”

He walks to the tub’s edge and reaches behind his head, dragging his shirt off, dropping it in the hamper. The movement catches my attention.

“What are you doing?” My voice is barely audible as he kneels next to me. My mouth waters at the sight of his perfectly sculpted chest.

His hand drops into the water to wet the cloth, the back of his hand brushing my thigh. “What I do best…taking care of you.”

I’m speechless. And tears sting the corners of my eyes at his confession.

“Can you lean up?” he asks.

So for once, I do as I’m told, no questions asked. The feel of his hand brushing the cloth down my back, the trickle of the hot water, is so relaxing and comforting.

Loving the feeling of being taken care of, I almost fall asleep, but his hands on me cause a slow ache to build between my thighs from the slow, lazy circles Gavin is making across my back and shoulders.

There is nothing sexual about what he’s doing, at least not intentionally. But anytime his hands are on me lately, I want more. Need more. A tiny moan escapes me lips. Opening my eyes, I look over my shoulder to find him watching me, his eyes clouded with desire.

He’s being tender in his touch, but I feel anger rolling off him in waves. I know deep down it’s not me he’s angry with.

“Gavin, I’m so sor—” I start to speak.

“Don’t. Okay? Just please, don’t apologize. Just relax.” He leans me back and begins to bathe the front of my body, washing my neck, working his way down, spending an equal amount of time on each breast before he drags the cloth lower to where I need him most. But then, he bypasses my aching center and travels the length of my legs.

“Gavin, I think you missed a spot,” I tease him, bending my knees and drawing my feet up to spread my legs. The bath is making me feel a little more bold, more like my normal self.

Dropping the rag in the water, his hungry eyes drink me in. I up the ante and rise up to my knees, the bubbles no longer hiding my body from him.

“Screw it,” he says, pulling me to my feet. Water sloshes everywhere as he helps me from the tub, wrapping me in his arms and placing the most tender yet erotic kisses on my mouth, face and neck.

I reach around the back of his neck to pull him further down to me so I can claim his mouth. Desperately attacking it, I gently bite down on his bottom lip. He brushes his hands on the sides of my face.

“Ouch, easy.” I wince and regret the words the minute they leave my mouth.

“Shit. I’m sorry.” He pulls away abruptly. “Let me get you a towel.”

And just like that, we’re back to kid gloves.

I stand still, and he wraps a towel around me, his gaze never leaving mine. A simple yet intimate gesture.

He lifts me into his arms, carrying me into his bedroom. “I’ve got legs you know.” I attempt to banter with him, but I feel like the carefree playfulness that is a huge part of our relationship is cast under the shadow of this evening’s events.

“I’m aware.” His eyes hungrily roam down my long, bare legs as he sits me on the king size mattress. Turning toward the closet, he steps away, and I suddenly miss the warmth and safety of his embrace.

He rummages around and comes back out, handing me a worn, grey T-shirt. I can’t help myself; bringing it to my nose, I inhale deeply and smell the scent that is uniquely Gavin. Fresh, masculine and a little woodsy.

I set the T-shirt aside and drop the towel. “Niki, it’s been a long night. I shouldn’t have...I just want you so damn bad. And I’m trying to be the stand-up guy here. But fuck if you’re not making it hard, sitting there in bed looking at me, begging me with those fuck-me eyes.”

He rids himself of his now wet clothes as he tries to explain what he’s feeling. But the more he wants to do the right thing, the more I need him inside me.

“I’m afraid I’ll be rough. I’m trying to calm down. I don’t want our first time to be like this. I’m so angry. Not at you, at myself. And that fucker who put his hands on you.” He begins pacing.

Climbing off the bed, I go to him and take his hands, drawing him back to the bed with me. I lie back and pull him on top of me. “I don’t need you to be a gentleman; I just need you to be you. I know you would never hurt me.”

He lowers his forehead to mine, barely touching. Our breaths mingle, his eyes staring into mine to see if I’m really okay with this.

I know he wants me to be okay with it. His hard length rests between us, pressed against my center with only his boxer briefs separating us. I rub myself against him and feel the involuntary flex of his hips.

I place the gentlest of kisses on his mouth and caress his face, and his anger starts to fade. “It’s just me and you here. Be in this moment with me. Okay?”

He nods.

“I’m not made of glass, Gavin. I’m not gonna break.” But I was lying to us both because I’m pretty sure I already had. Still, I need him to put me back together.

Baring my soul snaps something in him, and in a flash, he begins to move. He’s off of me and removing his boxers in a swift motion. Confused, I sit up.

I see that he has lit a candle and is grabbing something from his nightstand. Even in the heat of the moment, he’s thinking about safety and trying to be romantic.

I flop back onto the pile of pillows, my eyes never leaving him.

His walk back to me is a slow and torturous one. Like a lion stalking his pray.

The bed dips under his weight as he crawls his way up my body, kissing and licking as he goes.

“My god, you are beautiful,” he murmurs as he reaches down to take a nipple into his mouth. Sucking, pulling.

The sensation is too much. I need more.

Pulling him closer, I arch into his touch. I lie back down, wrapping my legs around his waist, rocking, urging him on.

“Gavin!” His name is a gasp, falling from my lips.

He pulls away enough to begin kissing his way down my bare stomach, stopping just below my navel, then licking a wet trail down my skin to a place that needs some attention.

“Whoa,” he says in awe.

“What?” I prop myself up on my elbows and take in the sight of this gorgeous man, the man I love, his face framed between my open thighs. The sight alone increases my wetness.

“You’re waxed.” He licks his lips in approval. “I — wow.” He clears his throat and lowers his head.

The minute his mouth is on me, my legs fall open wider, and I’m crashing back onto the bed, my hands everywhere. The sheets, a pillow and finally grabbing hold of his hair.

He blows and nips, sucks and licks. And he eats me like a starving man. My thighs instinctively squeeze, and he slides his hands under my ass and lifts me up to him.

Holy hell. That’s hot.

My back is bowed off the bed, my arms releasing his head to fall above mine and grip the headboard as my first orgasm crashes though me. A tsunami of desire.

“I need you now,” he rasps as I come down. His eyes find mine as he lowers me to the bed and licks his lips, looking like the cat who ate the canary. But it sure as hell wasn’t a bird he was just eating. I pull him to me, our mouths tangling in passionate kisses. Tasting myself on him is hot.

I reach between us to return the favor, but he stops my hand.

“Kid, as much as I want your hands on me, you touch me right now, and I’ll embarrass us both by blowing like a sixteen-year-old on prom night.”

A giggle escapes my throat.

Holding up a condom, he says, “Latex free.” Rolling it on, he lines himself up at my entrance. “I need to be inside you.” And the laughter is replaced by pure desire.

I wrap myself around him and open up. His kisses are gentle. I can tell he’s holding back, so I rock against him. “Please! Gavin!”

Urgency overcomes us as our bodies intertwine, and as he thrusts inside me, I see stars. The pressure builds again, so quickly.

He rests his forearms on either side, and his eyes never leave mine as he rocks himself into me.

My hands snake their way under his arms, pulling him closer, needing to be one with him. The pace is slow and steady. Deep and intense. He’s claiming me from the inside out. Putting the pieces back together.

It’s like nothing I’ve ever felt before.

“Me too...me too.” His voice is a breathless whisper. And I realize I’ve said that last part aloud.

This moment is so powerful and passionate it brings me to my release, and he follows.