Walking to college, I groaned at the feel of the biting cold against my cheeks. I was wrapped up with my scarf, hat and gloves that Joy had given me before Christmas. She was due to come home today. I was excited to get her home.

Johnny and I had agreed to wait until Joy was back on her feet before breaking the news to her. I was excited to move in with the boys. Logan and Sammy had become like family to me. It was just Chunk I hadn’t fully connected with, but I guess that would come with time.

Moving across campus, I was shocked to see Bex walk over to Lucy and her friends. That was new. As far as I knew, Bex hated them. I stood beneath one of the trees, trying not to make it obvious that I was gawking. Lucy stood up before Bex could get to her. They spoke for a few minutes before Bex shoved her finger in Lucy’s face before walking away.

What the hell was that about?

Lucy re-joined her friends, laughing loudly. Whatever it was that Bex had said to her, she hadn’t seemed to care.

I was determined to catch up to Bex later and to find out what that was about.

Hours later, I entered the cafeteria where I was hoping to catch up with her but for the first time, she wasn’t in her usual spot.

Sitting next to Johnny, peeling my orange, my eyes kept going over to Bex’s table, but there was still no sign of her.

“Everything okay?” Johnny asked, rubbing my leg.

“Just looking for Bex. I need to talk to her.” I frowned, sucking on a piece of the juicy fruit.

“What’s the problem? She okay?” he asked, concerned.

“I don’t know.” I shook my head. “I saw her this morning talking with Lucy and it didn’t look like a happy conversation.” I shrugged my shoulders, feeling defeated. My eyes went to Lucy, watching the way she laughed amongst all her followers.

“I thought she didn’t like her.”

See? Even he knew how much they hated each other. There is no reason why Bex should have been talking to her unless Lucy had done something to Bex.

“Do you think I should ask Lucy what’s going on?”

“No!” Johnny, Sammy and Chunk yelled, making me jump.

“I don’t want you anywhere near that poisonous bitch.” Johnny seethed, taking my hand in his and resting it on top of the table. “She’s a nasty piece of work.”

I nodded, dropping the subject. One of my classmates waved me over, with a piece of paper in his hand. I shrugged Johnny’s arm off gently and headed over to him. Apparently, there was an art show we could submit animation pieces to. It wasn’t my thing, but he seemed super excited about it.

I left him to get to class and made my way back over to Johnny. I froze in my tracks, shocked when Sammy raised his voice at Johnny.

“What the fuck! How could you have not said anything?” He sounded angry and looked a little red in the face.

“Keep your voice down!” Johnny snapped. “I don’t need you making this shit any worse?”

“Is everything okay?” I asked, moving to stand next to Johnny. I looked between Johnny and Sammy waiting for an answer.

Johnny cocked his eyebrow at Sammy, waiting.

“It’s nothing.” Sammy’s tense shoulders drooped before leaving. “See you later.” He marched off, never looking back.

Johnny smiled down at me, taking my hand in his and leading me toward my next class. I wouldn’t see him until that night due to his practice schedule.

“Come and see us later?” I asked, giving him a quick kiss.

He winked, leaving me to go in.

My eyes went straight to Bex’s chair. It was empty. It was her favorite class and she wasn’t there. Bex and Sammy were now both acting strange.

I shrugged my shoulders, taking my seat. I was determined to focus on this stupid subject. I was crap at the practical side of animation, but I hoped my theory essays would get me through it. After a lot of note taking, the class finally ended.

I left campus, not having the time to worry about it, and, checking my phone, I saw I had a text from Joy. She had arrived home from hospital. Damn it! I had wanted to be the one to take her home. Due to no car though, I guess it had been safer for her to get the ambulance drivers to do it.

I ran most of the way home, excited to see Joy back home where she belonged. Running through the door, I laughed at the smell that wafted through the house. She probably hadn’t been home long, and I could already smell cookies baking.

I dropped my bag at the bottom of the stairs and headed toward the kitchen, but I froze when I got near the doorway.

“How do I tell her?” Bex whispered, her voice breaking. “I can’t hurt her, Joy.”

“Sweetie,” Joy replied, sounding concerned. “You’re hurting her by not telling her.”

I couldn’t take it any longer. I hated secrets and right then, one of the most important people in my world was keeping something from me. Secrets destroyed. There was a reason people kept them, right?

I moved into the doorway, surprising them both. Joy moved to leave the kitchen, but I shook my head.

“You can stay, Joy.” My voice sounded strong, but inside I could feel my walls beginning to crumble. Bex had a look of devastation on her face that I knew was going to break me. I just hoped it wasn’t going to break the both of us. “Where were you today?” I asked, directing my question to Bex. “Why weren’t you in class? I looked for you at lunch. Where were you?”

She turned to me, taking a deep breath. “Don’t hate me for what I’m about to say.” Her eyes filled with tears.

“Why would I hate you?” I choked out. I tried swallowing past the lump in my throat, but it didn’t work.

“I was hanging out with some junior students last night.” She cleared her throat before continuing. “We got talking and… uh…” She looked away, staring at the floor.

“Just tell me, Bex. Whatever it is, we can get through it.” I tried to be supportive, but I just really needed her to tell me whatever it was that was bothering her.

“A few of them said that Lucy was a bit of a whore.”

Seriously? That’s what we were talking about? Lucy and her sluttish behavior. I shook my head, confused.

“She slept with Johnny,” Bex blurted out, freezing me.

As soon as the words were out, my blood ran cold. “They’re lying,” I replied. Why would people spread such bullshit? “Johnny and I already talked about this. Nothing ever happened between them.”

“He lied to you, Tillie.” She looked at Joy, defeated. “He’s been lying to you from the start.”

I shook my head, not believing her. “No! He wouldn’t. You’re lying.”

“Why would I lie to you?” she defended, stepping closer to me. She took hold of my wrists, pulling me closer to her. “You are my very best friend and I would never do anything to hurt you!”

“Well you are!” I shrieked, pulling my hands from hers. “He would never lie to me! He loves me!” Tears leaked over my eyes and I wiped them away roughly. “We’re going to move in together!” I yelled. “He wouldn’t… he wouldn’t do this to me.” I was sobbing now, and I hated it. I shook my head, turning around and walking away.

“Sweet girl, where are you going?” Joy asked from behind me.

“To get some answers,” I sobbed, leaving the house.

I ran toward the field, needing to calm myself down. It wasn’t true. The quicker I spoke to Johnny, the better it would be. Walking into the arena, I spotted Sammy and Logan talking on the bench. Sammy turned toward me. He looked tense, but he still gave me a wave. I waved back hesitantly, keeping my very cold hands in my hoodie pocket.

Johnny looked over, grinning when he saw me. He wasn’t wearing his helmet today. They seemed to be split into groups and working on catching the ball. Jogging over to me, he bent down to give me a kiss, but I couldn’t.

I turned my head, his lips pressing against my cold cheek.

He pulled back, a look of hurt crossing his face. Straightening up to his full height, he frowned down at me. “Is everything okay?” he asked, sounding hesitant.

I walked over to the stands a few feet away before taking a seat. Johnny sat next to me, taking my hand. I let him, squeezing his hand in response.

“I was told something today and I…” My voice shook, dreading this conversation. “I just need to hear it from you.”

He nodded his head, looking tense. His hair was soaked in sweat and this wasn’t the perfect location to do this, but I had to know. I couldn’t go home with no answers.

“Did you have sex with Lucy?” My eyes filled with tears, but I was determined not to cry. Not here. “Before me?”

He sighed, looking away from me. His fingers tightened around mine. His face was filled with disappointment and regret.

I sobbed, the tears spilling from my eyes. I yanked my hand back and stood. “How could you?” My chest felt tight and the tears were flowing. I was so angry. At her. At him. Most of all at myself for believing him. “How could you lie to me?”

“Tillie, I…” He got up, beginning to spew what was no doubt excuses for his behavior.

I didn’t give him the chance. My hand shot out, slapping him across the face. I wanted to hurt him. Make him hurt like he had hurt me. I just didn’t have the energy. I could feel the stares of every single person on that field, but I couldn’t care right now.

I was numb. I was broken.

“It didn’t mean anything. I swear it didn’t. It was just sex.”

“I don’t care that you had sex with her. You’ve slept with half of the town!” I shrieked at him. “What matters,” I sobbed, “Is that I asked you to be truthful and you told me you hadn’t. You knew, and you still lied to me.”

He looked defeated. He knew what it meant to lie to me and yet he had still done it.

“I loved you.” I wiped my wet cheeks with the sleeve of my hoodie. “So much.”

I turned away from him and walked home. I couldn’t look at his house. That was going to be my home too. We were going to be a family. I was so stupid.

I grabbed my keys, ignoring the additional one that Johnny gave me. My hands were shaking so much I couldn’t get it to fit in the lock. The handle turned, and the door opened. I fell into Joy, wrapping my arms around her and allowing the tears to fully fall, finally allowing myself to break.

She led us over to the sofa, sitting down and pulling me tighter to her. I continued crying into her shoulder.

“Tillie,” Bex whispered from behind me, rubbing circles in my back. She was trying to console me, but it was pointless.

I was broken. Nothing was going to fix it. He’d lied to me and I’d fallen for it like the stupid, nerdy, insecure idiot that I was. It felt like my heart had been ripped from my chest. In its place was nothing, just a black hole filled with hate.

After an hour of nothing but crying, I looked up at Joy. Her bruises had faded over her time at hospital and she looked like she was back to herself. She pressed a kiss to my forehead, keeping her lips there longer.

“What happened?” Bex asked from behind me

I shook my head, not knowing what to say. “You were right, Bex. He lied to me.”

“I’m so sorry.” Her voice broke.

I nodded, accepting her answer. I couldn’t talk about this now. I didn’t have the energy for it. Right now, I just wanted to disappear.

Bex turned the television on, settling on The Simpsons. She lifted my legs into her lap, rubbing her thumbs against the soles of my feet.

I closed my eyes, not interested in the program but thankful for the added noise. She gave a good foot massage. If I hadn’t been feeling like this, I’d have been moaning in pure bliss.

Minutes later, I tapped Bex on the thigh, getting up, and giving Joy a quick kiss on the cheek. I went straight upstairs, determined to lock myself away. Disappearing into sleep sounded like a good idea right then.

Changing into my pyjamas, I climbed into bed, turning off the lights and pulling the blanket over me. I didn’t want to be there. I just wanted to run away. I guessed I could go and visit my father, especially as I didn’t get to see him this Christmas.

I jumped in shock as a loud knocking noise came from downstairs. It sounded again a few seconds later, not really being patient. I crept to my door, peeking my head around the corner.

“What do you want?” Bex shouted through the door.

“Open this door, Bex!” Johnny shouted back.

She did as he requested, blocking the route to the stairs.

“Where is she?” he asked. “I need to see her.”

My eyes filled seeing him standing there. My body wanted nothing more than to go to him but my heart… my heart was in broken shards, lying at his feet.

“Well, tough shit!” Bex snapped, defending me. “You had one fucking chance, Romeo, and guess what? You screwed it!”

I would have smiled and beamed with pride at the way Bex defended me if I wasn’t feeling that way. She would put all knights in shining armor to shame.

“Bex, get out of the way.” He squared up to her, still above her height even with her standing a few steps higher than him. “I need to see my girl and I’ll move you if I have to.”

I would have been scared if someone of Johnny’s build was staring me down like he was at her, but not Bex.

She crossed her arms, standing firm. “Joy!” she called, giving him a cocky smirk.

“Now, Johnny,” Joy said, bustling in from the kitchen. “Not tonight.”

He looked at her in shock. He expected her to side with him, but Joy wasn’t like that. She knew that if I had to have him in my face, I’d most likely crack.

“She needs time, Johnny. When she came home…” She shook her head. “She was broken, sweetie.”

His face fell at her words.

Well, what did he expect? He lied to me, about something huge. It wasn’t something I could just brush off and sweep under the rug.

“I didn’t mean it.” His shoulders slumped, looking defeated. “I knew that if she knew I had slept with Lucy, I would have lost her before I even had her.” He lifted his arms up, running his hands roughly through his hair. “I love her. There’s no one else. I can’t be without her.”

He looked lost.

“Give her time, Johnny,” Bex interjected. “She gave everything to you and she needs time to process this.”

He nodded, turning his back and leaving.

Closing my door, I went to the window and watched him walk back to his house. He looked like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders, but right then, I couldn’t care. I didn’t want to care.

I crawled back into bed, tossing and turning the whole night. His scent was all over my pillow and blankets making it ten times worse.

Climbing out of bed the next day, it felt like I couldn’t breathe. I had to get out of here. Tossing some clothes in a travel bag—enough for a few days—I grabbed my cash and sketch pad and changed into a fresh tee and jeans. Picking up my hoodie, I left the room, needing to escape.

Joy didn’t look surprised when I met her in the kitchen. She just opened her arms for me and cocooned me in the tightest hug. Rocking me from side to side, she pressed a kiss to my temple. “Come back to me, sweet girl.”

I nodded, hugging her tighter. “I will. I just need a break.” I smiled, trying to ease her worry. “I’m going to go and see the old man.” I giggled at the term of reference, knowing he wouldn’t be impressed by that. “I’ve booked my train and he’s going to meet me at the station.”

She let me go, and, after a quick kiss on the cheek, I was out the door.

Walking down the path, the taxi was idling at the curb. Throwing my bag in the back seat, I looked up just in time to see Sammy standing on his doorstep. I lifted my hand, offering a silent wave before getting in the car and letting the driver take me away, hopefully to some place where my head wouldn’t hurt as much.

Several hours later, the train finally pulled into the station.

I smiled when I saw my father waiting. Getting off the train, I grinned, jogging toward him until he was right in front of me. Holding his arms wide open, he crushed me in the biggest bear hug, squeezing me until I felt like my ribs were going to burst.

“Welcome home, darling.”

I inhaled his scent, loving the way that he smelled of old spice. He never changed.

“Thanks, Daddy.”

He picked my bag up, slinging it over his shoulder. “It’s good to be home.”