Getting back into town, I felt a little lighter than when I left. I smiled thinking back to the father/daughter talk I’d had before leaving. We had cooked a delayed Christmas dinner. We always used turkey and this one had been no different.

I moved the sprouts around my plate with my fork, refusing to eat them.

“Are you going to tell me what’s wrong? You haven’t been right since arriving.” He frowned at me, looking frustrated. “I’m not psychic or female and I can’t help unless you say something.”

“It’s nothing.” I shook my head. There was no way I could tell him about Johnny.

He cocked an eyebrow at me, not accepting that answer.

“It’s a boy.” I rolled my eyes. “We kind of broke up.”

“What does ‘kind of’ mean?” He looked even more confused. “Do I need to get my shot gun?”

I giggled. “Dad, you don’t have a shot gun.”

“So, what did he do?” He had a serious expression on his face. I wasn’t sure whether it was because of the fact Johnny had done something or that I was even dating at all.

“He lied to me.” My eyes filled up and I quickly wiped them away. “He slept with a girl before we started dating and he lied to me about it.”

“Ah.” He nodded his head. “And you broke up with him?” He sounded concerned, but the crazy thing was, his concern seemed to be pointed at Johnny. He stood up, taking a seat next to me. He took my hand in his, squeezing it between his palms. “Sweetheart, do you love him?”

I nodded, not really recognizing this man in front of me. What had happened to the hard and serious man that my father had always been?

“Then it doesn’t matter. If he didn’t betray your trust by cheating, can’t you see past one little lie?” He shook his head. “I will be the first in line to whip that boy’s ass if he hurts you, but if you love him—if you truly love him as much as I loved your mother—then there is no wrong or right. One lie doesn’t change your love for them.” He patted my hand, consolingly. “If you let it, it can make you stronger.”

After that there were tears and hugs before we spent our last night having a Die Hard marathon. It was nice to spend time with him, just the two of us. He’d given me an oil paint set and I’d given him a voucher for the fishing rod he’d wanted to get. It was more expensive than his usual rods, but he really wanted it. He had taken up fishing after my mother died and I think it helped him to relax.

Getting off the train, I laughed at the sight before me. Bex was standing there, bouncing on her feet. As soon as I was on the floor, she was on me, squeezing the life out of me. I hugged her back just as tight, happy to be back.

We took a taxi home and walked up Joy’s garden path. It was nice to be home.

Looking over at Johnny’s, I immediately wondered where he was and what he was doing. Was he missing me as much as I missed him?

Walking inside, I smiled at the way Bex led the way through to the kitchen.

“Hey, Joy, there’s a parcel here for you,” Bex loudly announced.

I hid to the side of the door, wanting to surprise her.

“For me?” She walked straight past me, her eyes on Bex in the middle of the lounge.

I tapped her on the shoulder, grinning at the way her face lit up at the sight of me. Rocking me from side to side, she laughed, squeezing me extra tight. I noticed Bex on her phone texting someone but no clue who. “I missed you, sweet girl,” Joy enthused, pulling back. She took my hand and led me to the sofa. “Tell me all about your visit home.”

“It was good. I hung out with Dad and we went to visit Mom’s grave and took some flowers.” I nodded, happy I had been home to have a visit. “We talked about stuff.”

“Stuff like dickhead across the road?” Bex asked.

I nodded. “Yeah. A little.” I frowned. “I just want to settle back in first.”

“Sounds like a good idea to me,” Joy interjected. “Time for some tea, I think.” She got up, walking into the kitchen.

Suddenly, the front door swung open and Logan and Sammy came bustling in, laughing loudly.

“There she is!” Logan cheered, bending down and giving me a hug. He waved his ass in Bex’s direction. She rolled her eyes, but I saw an unmistakable flush on her cheeks when she looked at Sammy. What was that about?

“Alright, loser. Move over,” Sammy ordered. “Don’t hog the Tillie hugs.”

I laughed as Logan took a seat next to me, letting Sammy give me a hug.

“We all missed you,” he whispered, giving me a quick kiss on the cheek. He emphasized the word ‘all’, causing butterflies to take flight in my stomach. “Where did you go?” he asked before taking a seat on the other side of me.

“I went home to see my dad.” I smiled up at him, trying to act nonchalant. “We had a Die Hard marathon.”

“Nice!” Logan and Sammy both said.

I giggled at how alike they were before Joy came in with tea and biscuits for all. Bex moved from the armchair for Joy to sit before taking a spot on the floor. I laughed listening to the boys talk about practice. They were hoping to get to play this term.

After an hour of non-stop talk, the boys got up to say goodbye.

“Sammy,” I said, before walking over to the corner and going into my backpack. I pulled a letter out. “Will you give this to Johnny, please?” My voice cracked when I said his name.

Sammy nodded, taking the envelope from me. “You’re not going to go and see him?” He looked disappointed.

“Not yet. I need to…” I sighed, frustrated at myself. “I’m scared to.”

“You never have to fear him, Till.” He tapped me on the arm. “He’s crazy in love with you.”

A couple of hours later, I was upstairs, unpacking. I could see Johnny moving around his room. I was constantly thinking about what his reaction had been to my letter. Was he hurt? Angry? I didn’t write the letter to hurt anyone. I just needed him to know how I felt. I was hurting. Mostly though, I was afraid he would realize his life would be better off without all this drama. I didn’t know how I would cope if he threw what was left of my heart away.

Walking over to my desk to grab my pencil, I froze when my eyes hit my desk. It was in a mess, as per usual, but there was a new item on it, one that had not been there before—one that wasn’t mine.

I picked the photo up, my hand shaking. It was a beautiful photo of Johnny and I. I was kissing his cheek, but his smile was so goofy as we posed for the camera. He looked so happy and so loved. I turned it over, gasping at the words written on the back.

Me and my girl – November 2017

Me and my girl...

Was that what I was? Was I still his girl? Could I still be his girl?

Taking a seat in my comfy chair by the window, I rested my sock-covered feet on the sill and began sketching. I had to submit my life drawing sketch at the end of the month and it was still only half completed. Adding some shading to his hair, I smiled at it, images of our time flashing through my mind.

It was then that I decided to focus on his actions, on the time that we’d had together.

They say actions speak louder than words, right?

His actions told me that he loved me—that he needed and adored me just as much as I did him. Grabbing my pastels, I began adding color to his shirt and the background. I was oddly proud of my sketch but unsure if it was because of the subject or my feelings for him.

Putting it down, I looked across the street, surprised to see darkness was already setting in. I must have stood at my window for far too long as Logan standing on his deck took my attention. I giggled when he theatrically bowed, swinging his arms to the doorway of his house. I must have looked pathetic standing at my window.

Rolling my eyes, I grabbed my hoodie, resigned to my fate.

I guessed it was time to have that talk.

Trudging downstairs, I rubbed my pastel covered fingers against my jeans and opened the door.

“Good luck, sweetie,” Joy called from her armchair.

I smiled, giving her a small wave before starting my walk. It may have only been across the street, but it was a hard walk.

“Decided to face the music?” Logan asked, swinging on the deck chair. He had his earphones hanging from his ears and a notepad of scribbles on his lap.

“Yeah.” I put my hands in my pouch pocket, nervous as hell. “Is he in?” I nibbled on my bottom lip, feeling tense.

“Upstairs.” He pointed his pen upstairs. “You know the way.”

I turned and took a deep breath before walking in.

I waved to Chunk and Sammy playing on the Xbox before slowly making my way upstairs. I knocked quietly on Johnny’s door, waiting for him to open it. Half a minute must have passed but no answer came.

Did he not want me there? Was he ignoring me?

Doubt started to rear its ugly head but before I could turn away, Sammy appeared at the top of the landing. “Just go in, Tillie. He’s been waiting for you.” He gave me a supportive smile before disappearing into his room.

Taking a deep breath, I did as Sammy said, hoping he was right. Peeking my head in, I saw the room was lit by the lamp on his desk and I smiled at the mess his desk was in. He never cleaned it. Books were in piles on the other side by his closet.

On the bed was Johnny. He was fast asleep, hugging the football I bought him close to his chest.

I wanted to cry at him lying on his bed. He had bags beneath his eyes and he looked so tired. On the floor where his arm had dropped was the letter I had given him. The bottom had a few wet marks on it.

Had he been crying?

I smoothed the few loose strands back from his forehead, unable to stop myself from touching him. He always looked so peaceful when he slept. He groaned, softly stirring from his sleep. I hated disturbing him, but I just couldn’t help myself. His eyelids slowly fluttered before looking up at me.

“Hi,” he croaked, looking surprised to see me here in his room.

“Hi,” I replied, unsure what to do.

Before I could completely freak out, he leaned his hand toward me, gently touching my fingers. “Lay with me?” he asked, turning his beautiful green eyes on me. He didn’t pull my hand or try to force my decision. He just waited patiently, never taking his eyes from mine.

I nodded, kicking my shoes off and climbing onto the bed. He shuffled over a little, tucking the ball behind him, spreading his arm out across the rest of his pillow. I nestled my head onto his upper arm, letting him wrap his arms around me.

Squeezing me to him, he sighed, dropping his head to rest on mine. He breathed against my hair, inhaling me. Much like I was doing to him.

Pressing my face into his chest, I wrapped my other arm around him, breathing him in and rubbing my hand up and down his back slowly. I loved the way that he always smelled of fresh air.

No words passed between us. We just lay there, holding each other and breathing the other in. Closing my eyes, I tried turning off my thoughts, wanting to enjoy this one moment. Just me and him.

“I missed you,” he whispered, pressing a kiss to the top of my head. “So fucking much.”

“Me too. I’m sorry I haven’t…”

“Shh, it’s okay.” Another kiss. “I’m so sorry for what I said. I never meant to hurt you or push you away from me.”

I nodded, accepting his words for the truth. Turning my head up, I looked into his eyes, wanting nothing more than to move on from all of this.

“Don’t ever lie to me again,” I whispered. It was like we were in our own little bubble and I never wanted it to pop.

“I won’t, baby. I swear.”

I nodded my head, tilting my chin, waiting for him to kiss me. He moved his lips down to mine, pressing softly.

“I love you,” he whispered, pulling back and pressing his forehead against mine.

“I love you, too.” I rested my head back on his chest, closing my eyes. Listening to his heart beat had become my favorite sound. It was so comfy. I slowly dozed off to sleep.

Waking up, I groaned when I saw it was morning already. Reaching for my phone, I smiled when I saw a text from Sammy telling me that Joy knew I had stayed the night. He was so thoughtful.

“What are you smiling about?” Johnny asked from behind me. His voice was raspy in the morning and sexy as hell.

“Your brother,” I replied, snuggling my head back into my pillow.

“Babe that is not what I want to hear.” He didn’t sound happy.

I giggled at his jealousy, both of us knowing he had nothing to be jealous about. I froze when he tightened his arm around my waist, holding himself tighter to me. He was pressing himself against me and it would have been impossible for him to hide his condition.

“Sorry,” he apologized before pulling away from me. He gave me a quick kiss on the cheek before leaving the room.

Staring up at his ceiling, I smiled, so happy that our dramatic episode was over. I was no fool and knew that Lucy wouldn’t be happy that I was back in Johnny’s life but that’s where I planned to stay. No matter what it cost.

* * *

We were on our way to campus and I was cuddled into Johnny’s arms, hating the cold air biting against my cheeks.

“You guys are disgustingly pathetic.” Logan rolled his eyes at us.

“I don’t care.” I groaned when Bex nodded her head toward our building. I leaned up on my tip toes, giving Johnny a quick kiss before following Bex. I would have given anything to have stayed in bed a little longer this morning.

By the end of the day, I was finally ready to leave campus. Working through lunch wasn’t my most favorite task of the day but it had to be done to catch up on some of the notes I had missed.

Walking home, I smiled when my phone rang. “Hi, Joy.” I smiled, wondering what she had been doing all day. I knew she had a church trip coming up that she was looking forward to. I was beginning to notice that she looked forward to these day trips.

“Hi, sweetie. How was school?” She sounded so serious when she asked that. “I was thinking it would be nice to invite the boys over for dinner tonight. How does that sound?”

“It sounds good. Want me to swing by their house and ask them?”

“Thank you, sweetie. Have them here in an hour okay?”

I bid her goodbye and dialed Logan’s number. He was the one of the group most likely to pick up his phone.

“Hey, Till. What’s up?” His cool and calm voice echoed down the line.

“Is Johnny with you?” I asked. Logan would probably be busy but as long as Johnny came, I’d be happy. Joy was important to me, and I just wanted to make sure that my two most important people here were getting on.

“No.” He cleared his throat, sounding a little worried. “He never showed up for practice. I just assumed the two of you were shacked up in his bedroom.”

I stopped on the sidewalk. What the hell? He missed practice. I was now standing outside his house. I frowned when I saw most of the lights were on. What could he be doing?

“I—I’ll go and check on him. I’ve been in classes all day and only now just getting home. Is Sammy with you?” I was really worried. This was completely out of character for Johnny. “No.” His tone was deadly serious. “I’m on my way home.” I clutched the phone tighter, hearing rustling in the background. “Do not go in there without me!” he ordered. His tone sent a chill up my spine.

I nodded before stupidly realizing he couldn’t see me. “Okay,” I choked out.

Maybe there was a problem at home with their mom and they’d had to go back. I shook my head at that. Even if there was, there was no chance they would go without Logan. They were brothers. Just as close as blood. Even more so.

I was resigned to wait for Logan—to wait for him to go in and see what the problem was. I would have stayed on that sidewalk and waited but unfortunately, fate intervened, making my decision for me. My feet carried me forward, sending me running to his house before I could think.

“Tillie! No!” Logan shouted down the line before I quickly hung up.

I tucked my phone in my back jeans pocket and snuck down the path at the side of his house, choosing to go through the back door. I was hoping it was just my hyperactive imagination but the chill that covered me, causing goose bumps to spread over my skin, told me otherwise.

Sneaking in the back door, I cringed at the creak that came from it. I got down on all fours, hiding behind the worktop. I remained as quiet as possible. Only silence greeted me, making me think that no one was there.

I tip-toed into the lounge, hating how dark the house was.

I froze in shock when I saw a pair of sneakers sticking out by the side of the sofa. I shot forward, shaking Johnny by his shoulders. He was on the floor, his breathing low and even.

“Johnny!” I hissed, shaking him harder. “Johnny! Please wake up!”

He opened his eyes, slowly and hesitantly. His hand shook as he pushed the hair back off his forehead before his eyes settled on mine. He froze for a few seconds before sitting up, his eyes zigzagging all over the room.

I gasped when I saw blood in his hair and dropping down on his forehead. He’d obviously been hit over the head by something heavy before he went down.

He grabbed me by my upper arms, gently pushing me back to make room for him to get up.

“We need to get out of here.” He looked terrified. It was not a look I ever thought I’d see on Johnny, but he kept looking at the doorways behind me too much. “Lucy’s here with a gun.”

My jaw dropped in shock. I knew she wanted Johnny all to herself, but this was fucking crazy behavior. I nodded quickly, needing to get him out of here. “What about Sammy?” I asked.

“What do you mean?” He looked down at me. “He should be at practice.”

“Logan said he never turned up,” I whispered back.

Where the hell could he be?

“Well, look who’s here!” Lucy taunted as she walked into the room. She must have been hiding on the other side of the staircase in the dining room. They kept a snooker table in there and it was obviously the perfect place to hide if you wanted to stay out of sight. “I thought you’d never get here.” She smirked at me. She clearly knew she held all the power here.

Johnny placed his hand on my hip slowly and pushed me back a little so that he could stand in front of me. I let him do it, trying to make it easier for him. I had faith that Johnny would get us out of here safely.

“Tut tut,” Lucy mocked sarcastically. “No need to hide her, Johnny. I have a bullet right here for your little bitch.”

She was fucking crazy!

My eyes went to the front door as it slowly opened silently. Sammy stepped over the threshold, his finger going to his lips, urging me to remain quiet. He turned into the dining room, most likely planning to make his way to the other side of Lucy.

“You don’t have to hurt her,” Johnny defended “She’s got nothing to do with this.”

My hands tensed on the back of his tee, hating that he was in the way—hating that he was willing to take that bullet for me.

“She’s got everything to do with this,” she replied coldly. There was no emotion in her voice. Lucy didn’t care who she hurt here today. She cocked the pistol.

Johnny tensed in front of me, raising his hands in surrender.

“I love you, baby,” he stated, his voice choking with emotion.

Before I could blink, Lucy pulled the trigger and in that exact moment, Johnny was swiftly knocked to the side, his body narrowly missing the damage that Lucy had fired at him. Johnny went crashing into the coffee table. Sammy grabbed my arms, leaning his weight on me before standing upright.

I was relieved for a few seconds before the trigger sounded again, hitting Sammy in his back. My eyes shot down to his chest, gasping when I saw blood begin to spread over the front of his t-shirt. My own chest felt tight with pure emotion and fright before I realized I also had blood on me.

Looking down, my head began to feel woozy when I realized that there was a lot more blood on me compared to him. It’s silly to make that comparison but it’s just something you notice.

“Sammy…” I whispered, before my legs went from beneath me, crumpling to the floor.

My eyes remained open long enough to see Johnny crawl over to me, taking my face in his hands. I closed my eyes, my body giving in before another bang sounded. Darkness then took me, and I gave in, allowing it to swallow me whole.