Chapter Twenty-Two

"How was the party?" Gavin asks.

It's nine and I just got home. Gavin called as soon as I walked in my room.

"It was fine." I pause. "I met your grandma."

"My grandmother was there?"

"I served her champagne. Where did you say she lived? In New York?"

"Yeah, but not in the city. After my grandpa died she moved to the Hamptons. I'm surprised she went to the party. It's a long drive and she's not exactly friends with the Kensingtons."

"Meaning she doesn't like them?"

"My grandma and Eleanor Kensington don't get along."

"I kind of got that feeling. They were talking at the party but they didn't seem to like each other."

"Was my grandmother..." He pauses. "Was she drunk?"

"Um, yeah. I think she had a little too much."

"Shit," he mutters.

"What?" I ask, but I already know why he said it. His grandmother has a drinking problem, just like his mom. Like mother like daughter.

"That's why Eleanor doesn't like her," Gavin says. "She always drinks too much and makes a scene."

"Then why do you think she was there?"

"The same reason any of them were there. They donated money to whatever charity this was for."

"The children's hospital."

"Yeah, so my grandmother donated a lot of money which meant they had to invite her. That's how these parties work. You're forced to invite people you don't like because they donated money. It's their ticket into the party. In fact, some people only make a donation so they can get access to a party they want to go to."

"Why would you want to go to a party with people you don't like? Or who don't like you?"

"It's about being seen with the right people. Not being there could hurt your social standing. So anyway, how did you know she was my grandmother?"

"I overheard her saying that her grandson is dating me."

"But how would she know that? She's never met you."

"When I was serving her champagne she asked for my name. When I told her, she asked if I was dating someone. I'm guessing your mom told her you're dating someone who works for the catering service, so when she found out my name she put it together."

"Guess that makes sense. Did she say anything else to you? Besides ask for your name and introduce herself?"

"She didn't introduce herself. She just asked for my name then looked me up and down. I got the feeling she doesn't approve of me."

He breathes out a sigh. "I'm really sorry, Kate. I hate it when she's rude like that. It fucking pisses me off, and now I'm even more pissed knowing she was that way with you. If I was there I would've made her apology."

"It's fine. She was probably just surprised to see me there and didn't react well."

"Don't make excuses for her. She was being rude on purpose and you shouldn't have to put up with that."

"I take it you two don't get along?"

"We get along but we're not close. I see her at holidays and that's about it."

"You don't ever call her?"

"I used to, but the conversation always turned into her telling me what I should be doing. Nothing's ever good enough for her. Like my dad, for instance. After all these years he's been married to my mom, my grandma still doesn't like him."

"Because he didn't come from money?"

"Yeah. Can you believe that? You think she'd get over it by now, especially since he's been so successful. I mean, shit, he was the freaking governor and soon he'll be a senator. What else does he have to do to get her approval?"

"Well, she'll definitely never like me then."

"I don't care. I don't listen to her. Like I said, I rarely even talk to her."

"Bishop, we're leaving," I hear some guy say.

"I'm gonna pass," Gavin says.

"C'mon. Just have a drink and then you can go."

"I'll think about it."

I hear his door close and say, "Where are you going?"

"Some girls on the floor below us are having a party. They invited us to come down there."

"Girls?" I feel a pang of jealousy. More than a pang. More like a deep stabbing pain. After being cheated on, I'm always worried it'll happen again. Gavin is hot, smart, and rich—that rare combination that has girls dying to be with him and make him their boyfriend.

"Are you going?" I ask, trying not to sound jealous.

"I might stop down for a minute or two. Jacklyn will be there. She's in my study group. She's been asking me to go to this party for a week now so I feel like I should at least show up for a drink."

Just as I'm about to ask who Jacklyn is and why he's never mentioned her, he says, "Why don't you come over? We can go together. I can introduce you."

"Okay, but I need to take a quick shower."

"Bring an overnight bag."

I smile. "I wasn't going to spend the night."

"If you're here, I'm not letting you go. I miss you. I haven't seen you all day."

"I'll be there soon."

I hadn't planned on seeing him tonight but I can't have him going to a party on a girls' floor without me. I trust Gavin but I don't trust those girls, especially if they're drunk.

And I want to see Gavin. I miss him. And need him. I need to hear his calming voice. Feel his arms around me. I'm so stressed out right now. And scared. Confused. Gavin would normally be the first person I'd go to when I need to feel better, but I've stayed away from him because I'm too afraid I'll let something slip. But it's hard to stay away. I really need to see him.

When I get to his dorm he's waiting outside his room, wearing dark jeans and a faded red t-shirt, looking hot as ever. And he smells good. I caught a whiff of his cologne as I approached him. I wonder if he would've worn cologne if he was going to the party alone. I thought he only wore it with me but maybe he wears it all the time.

"Why are you waiting out here?" I ask.

"Because if we go in my room," he says, taking my hand as he kisses me, "we won't come out until morning."

"Good point." I hold up my overnight bag. "But what about this?"

He takes my bag, tosses it inside his room, and shuts the door.

"Aren't you going to lock it?" I ask.

"We won't be down there long." He presses his lips to mine. "Fuck, I've missed you. I can't even go a few hours without missing you."

I needed to hear that. It makes me feel more assured that he won't cheat on me. I really don't think he would, but given my past, it's something I still worry about sometimes.

He starts walking to the stairwell.

"Do you wear cologne when I'm not around?" I ask.

He laughs. "Yeah. Why?"

"I just wondered."

He stops and turns to me. "I get the feeling you don't want me to."

"I just thought maybe it was a date thing. Like you wore it just for me."

"I wear it because I like it. I don't wear it to get girls, if that's what you're thinking."

"Actually, I was thinking more about other girls, like maybe that's what they think. That you're wearing it to attract them, not that you need cologne for that, but..."

He leans down and kisses me. "You don't ever have to worry about me with other girls. They can flirt with me or ask me out, but it'll be a waste of time. I'm not interested in them. I want you, and only you."

"Do they?"

"Do they what?"

"Flirt with you? Ask you out?"

"Kate, c'mon." He opens the door to the stairs. "I just told you it doesn't matter. Now let's go, so we can come back up here and be alone."

By not answering, he's admitting the answer is yes. Girls flirt with him and ask him out. I was pretty sure they did but we've never talked about it.

We go to the first floor and into a room that's right next to the stairs. There are four girls in there and three guys, four if you count Gavin. So one of these girls was planning to have Gavin for herself tonight. My stomach knots thinking about that. What would he have done if I wasn't here? Would he turn around and go back upstairs?

"Hey, Kate," Dave says, giving me a wave. He lives in the room next to Gavin's. I've talked to him many times when I've been over to see Gavin.

"Hey, Dave."

The other two guys also give me a wave. They live on Gavin's floor and I've met them but just once so I can't remember their names.

"Want a drink?" a girl asks, coming up to Gavin. She's gorgeous, with long dark hair that's shiny and silky like the kind you see in shampoo ads. I've tried those shampoos and my hair never looks like that.

"Jacklyn, this is Kate," Gavin says. "Kate, this is Jacklyn. She's in my speech-writing class."

"Nice to meet you," Jacklyn says, offering me her hand. "Gavin's told me all about you."

Her eyes meet mine and she smirks like she's telling me that Gavin will soon be hers. She gives my hand a tight squeeze before letting it go as she backs away.

She definitely wants Gavin, and she's determined to get him.

Gavin doesn't even notice. He motions to the other girls in the room. "That's Nicole, Milani, and Cherise. And you already know the guys."

"Hey," the girls say in unison. I notice they're each sitting next to a guy. So they're all paired up, except for Jacklyn.

Gavin walks over to the mini fridge and opens it. "Water or soda?" he asks me.

"Vodka," I say, realizing I need a drink. Between Jacklyn and the secret I'm keeping, I need some liquor.

"Vodka?" Gavin asks, laughing a little. "You sure?"

He's asking because I usually don't drink around him, mainly because he doesn't drink very often and I don't want to be the only one drinking. But tonight, I need it.

"Vodka," I say, confirming it. "Straight up."

He holds up a can of club soda. "How about we mix some of this in?"

I shrug. "Okay."

It's probably a good idea. After going so long without drinking, straight vodka might have me drunk after the first couple shots.

Gavin divides the soda into two red plastic cups, then adds the vodka. I'm surprised he's drinking, but it's probably because I am.

We take a seat on a wicker trunk by the window. Jacklyn sits on the bed, crossing her legs and swinging the top one back and forth like she's hoping it'll get Gavin's attention. She's wearing a short skirt so if he wanted to look, he'd have plenty to look at. But he's not looking. His eyes are on me. He threads our hands together and smiles at me.

Ha! Take that, shiny hair girl!

"So Gavin," she says in her smooth, sultry voice. "Who's going to be at the campaign event on Tuesday?"

She knows about that? How would she know? Gavin would've had to tell her. Do they talk enough for him to mention that? I thought they only had class together. How much time is there to talk in class? Or maybe he sees her outside of class. Maybe they have meals together in the dining hall. I always assumed he ate with other guys but maybe he doesn't.

I need to stop this. Gavin is not Kurt. The two of them are nothing alike. Gavin is not going to cheat on me, no matter how much this girl flirts with him.

"I'm not sure who's on the list," Gavin tells her. "I'd have to look it up. My dad has three events this week. I can't keep them all straight."

"Are you going to be at any of them?"

"I'll be at the ones on Wednesday and Thursday."

"You will?" I ask, then wish I hadn't. As his girlfriend, I should already know this. And since I didn't, Jacklyn will think Gavin and I aren't that serious. I attempt to correct myself. "I mean, I knew you were thinking about going, but I didn't know if it was for sure."

It's not true. I had no idea he was going. We haven't talked about it. Why didn't he mention it?

"My dad really wants me to be there. And I knew you were working those nights so I thought I'd go."

"Yeah." I smile. "You definitely should."

"Would you mind if I tagged along?" Jacklyn asks. "I'd love to see what one of those events are like. And I'd love to meet your father. He's such an inspiration."

Oh, please. Like she really cares about meeting Gavin's dad. She wants to be with Gavin. Alone in the car with him, then at his house, in his room.

"Yeah, he is," Gavin says, in reference to his dad. "Thanks for saying that. My dad doesn't get nearly enough credit for what he does."

My jaw almost drops hearing him say it. Killing people? Yeah, Niles doesn't get nearly enough credit for that. He didn't get any credit for it. He got away with murder, thanks to me not saying anything that night. But I was too scared. I couldn't do it. And now I feel like it's too late.

"What do you think of him, Kate?" Jacklyn asks, like she's challenging me to say something that will impress Gavin the way she just did with her comment about his dad being an inspiration. "I assume you've met him."

"Yes, and I thought he..." I pause to think of the right words. "He has a commanding presence. He's very sure of himself. Confident. Someone who gets things done."

All of it's true but not in the way they're thinking. They assume I was listing all positive traits, but in my mind, they were traits Niles used to silence me, intimidate me. And when I said he gets things done, I meant that he got rid of a man he didn't want around for a reason I'll probably never know.

But I can't tell anyone that so instead I just smile, then take a big swig of my drink.

"That's what sets him apart," Gavin says. "My dad isn't one of the those typical politicians who's all talk and no action. He actually does what he says he'll do. As governor, he lowered crime. Made communities safer. Enacted policies to better people's lives."

"You're such a good spokesperson for him," Jacklyn says. "He's lucky to have you." She smiles. "So what do you say? Would you mind if I went with you to one of the events this week?"

"Sorry, but it's invitation only." He lightly squeezes my hand. He finally gets what she's up to, or maybe he did all along but was just ignoring her flirting.

"I'm sure you could get me an invite," she says.

"Get a clue, Jackie," one of the guys says, his eyes on the TV which is playing some movie I've never seen. "He doesn't want you going."

"You're such an ass, Trevor." She tosses a pillow at him.

He takes the pillow and shoves it under his head. "Thanks. I needed that."

Jacklyn rolls her eyes, then looks back at Gavin. "If you're able to get an invite, let me know. I'd really love to be there."

"Yeah, sure," he says, trying to be polite.

We stay for an hour, much longer than I thought we'd be there, but we started watching the movie and then had to finish it. During the movie, I helped myself to two more vodka drinks, going heavy on the vodka. But it worked. I feel much more relaxed now. I also feel a little woozy.

When we go into Gavin's room, I collapse on the bed. "I think I'm drunk."

Gavin kicks off his shoes. "I think you are too."

"How come you're not drunk?"

"Because I had two drinks. You had four."

"Did I? Huh. I thought I only had three."

"Four." He takes off my shoes. "And you poured a lot of vodka in that last one." He lies over me on the bed and starts kissing me, but then stops. "Maybe we should wait before we do this."

"Why would we wait?"

"Well, for one, I'd like you to remember it. And two, I don't want you to throw up."

"I won't throw up, but yeah, maybe we should wait."

He moves aside and I sit up and lean against the wall.

"What are you doing?" Gavin asks.

"The room was spinning a little when I was lying down. It's better if I'm sitting up."

"You want a bucket?" he says, sitting next to me. "The girls' bathroom is a long ways from here. You'll never make it."

I laugh and swat at him. "I'm not going to throw up. You have any water?"

"Yeah." He gets up and goes to his fridge and comes back with a cold bottle of water.

I hold it against my cheek and then my forehead.

"I thought you were drinking it," he says.

"I will, but right now this feels good."

"You're completely wasted." He doesn't say it like he's joking but more like annoyed. He reaches around me for the remote and turns on the TV.

Looking up at him, I ask, "Are you mad at me?"

"No."

"You seem mad."

"Why would I be mad?"

"Because I'm drunk. Like..." I don't want to say it.

"Like my mom? And my grandmother?"

I bite my lip and don't answer.

"Yeah, I don't like seeing you drunk. But it's not like you do it all the time."

"I'm sorry," I say, dropping my head.

"Come here." He puts his arm around me and I fall back onto his chest. "I'm not mad at you. I just don't like seeing you this drunk. You're not you when you're like this."

"What do you mean?"

"You seem sad. Tired. You don't smile. You don't have that spark that makes you you. Does that make sense?"

It does, but I'm not that way because I'm drunk. It's because I'm so stressed about this secret I'm forced to keep. A secret Gavin needs to know.

"Why don't you take a nap?" He kisses my head. "Sleep it off."

"Maybe I should just go back to my apartment." I try to sit up but the room spins and I wobble a little before falling back on Gavin.

"Just rest." His hand curls around my arm and he tugs me closer. "I love you."

I lift my head to look at him. "Even when I'm drunk?"

He smiles. "Even when you're drunk." He gives me a kiss.

I rest my head on his shoulder. "She wants you."

"Who wants me?"

"Shiny hair girl."

He laughs. "I don't know who that is."

"Jackie. Jacklyn. Whatever her name is."

"She wants every guy she can't have. That's just how she is."

"She wants you, Gavin. More than anyone else. Didn't you see how she was acting? She couldn't stop flirting with you."

"It doesn't matter what she does. I'm with you. We've already talked about this."

"I know. It's just that she was so aggressive. Are girls always like that with you?"

"I don't know. I don't pay attention."

"Yes you do. You just won't tell me."

He lightly rubs my arm. "Go to sleep."

I close my eyes. "She has really shiny hair. It's like it's not even real. Maybe it's a wig."

Gavin chuckles. "Kate, you need to sleep." 

"I'm not sleepy," I say with a yawn. My head slides down to his chest. "I've never seen hair that shiny. I wanted to touch it but I knew she'd get mad if I did. She'd let you touch her hair. She'd let you do anything you wanted to her."

"Kate. We're done talking about her." He rubs my arm while flipping through channels.

"It was so shiny. Like a horse's mane. Or maybe a horse's coat. What's shiny? The coat or the mane?"

He chuckles again. "You're not going to sleep, are you?"

"I might." I yawn, and when I close my eyes, I see Niles holding a gun. Aiming it at that man. "Why did he do it?"

"Who are we talking about?"

"Niles." The room is spinning again. I feel like I'm getting even drunker, my mind not sure if I'm asleep or awake.

"My dad?" I hear Gavin say. "What are you talking about?"

Is Gavin really talking or am I dreaming? I think I might be dreaming.

"Why did he do it?" I mutter.

"Do what?"

"Why did he kill that guy?"

"What the hell are you talking about?" I feel Gavin yank his arm out from under me, and as my back hits the wall, I realize I'm not in a dream.

I'm awake. And I just told Gavin the truth. That his father killed a man.