It has always been my dream to go to college. And not just a college, but a real four-year university. Preferably, an Ivy League school. Yale. So, what happened? How did I - a straight-A student all throughout high school, taking nine Advanced Placement courses - end up in a dead end, minimum wage job with no career prospects? Well, life happened, I guess.

“Hey, Lexi!”

I stopped and whirled around automatically when I heard someone call my name. It was Elise, one of my friends from school. I hadn't even noticed I’d walked right past her, but I was in a hurry.

“Hey,” I called back tentatively, waving a hand.

She broke into a wide smile. She was with a group of other kids from back then. People I’d known but hadn't had much contact with. I had even less reason to talk to them now, all of these years later.

“I almost thought you were trying to avoid me or some shit. I’ve been waving at you since before you walked right past me. How could you not notice?”

My only response to that was an awkward smile. Elise was one of my closest friends, but I hadn't told any of them the current problems I’d been facing.

With high school over, all my friends were going off to college. A few of them were already accepted into some schools and were all ready to move once the summer was over. We were halfway there already. I wanted to go to college as well, but… I’d hit a snag.

My mother.

“Sorry about that,” I said in place of an explanation. “I was kinda lost in my thoughts I guess.” I glanced at the people behind her who were waiting for her. “Um, you guys look like you’re going somewhere?”

Elise glanced over at them as well, as if she’d forgotten they were there, to begin with. “Oh, yeah. We were gonna get something to eat. Would you like to join us?”

“Oh! No, I’m sorry, but I can't,” I said, apologetic. “Maybe we can meet up some other time, though?”

She laughed. “You’ve been saying that for ages, though, and we haven’t met up in a while. We should hang out as much as we can before we go to college, you know? We’ll probably end up in different schools, after all.”

I felt an ache in my chest, but I didn’t let it show on my face. All Elise would see was me smiling.

“Yeah,” I murmured. “I just need to go home and talk to my mom real quick, all right? I’ll call you later, and we can set something up.”

“I’ll hold you to that,” she warned, pointing a finger at me.

I just chuckled. She reached her arms out for me, and I leaned forward to return the offered hug. It was quicker than I would have liked, but I didn’t want to clue her in to anything.

“I need to go now, but I’ll call up the others, and we’ll see when we can all meet up, all right? I’ll see you later, Lexi.”

“Bye, Elise,” I said quietly, waving a hand at her.

She turned away, back to her other friends, and I watched as they all walked off, talking and laughing among themselves. If only I could be so carefree.

When they were out of sight, I sighed and turned around, my expression dropping into sadness as I continued on my way home, only slower. I didn’t want to get there, because I knew what would be waiting for me at home.

What am I going to do?

It was something I’d been thinking hard about since graduation. I wanted to go to college. Unlike a lot of people I knew, who were going because it was expected of them, and their parents would be paying for them. I used to hear them complain when school was winding down, and plenty of times, I’d wanted to walk up to them and complain right back, let them know just how lucky they were to have parents that were sending them off willingly.

My mom didn’t want me to go. Because she thought it would be a waste and because there wasn’t any money.

I’d thought about getting a part-time job to make up some funds, and I’d done that the day after school was over. It wasn’t a lot of money, considering I only had to waitress for a few hours a day, and I’d been let go since I was only there to take the place of someone who’d left for family reasons. She was back, and I was out of a job. Still, I had some funds. But of course, it was nowhere near college level.

But I need to get way more, somehow.

My building was up ahead, and I braced myself for what I would be walking into. I paused with my hand on the door handle for a minute before turning it. I walked inside, my nose wrinkling instantly at the heavy smell of alcohol in the room. I sighed, then locked the door behind me and walked further into the small apartment.

“Mom, I thought I asked you not to drink too much. It’s barely lunch time, you know,” I muttered, matter-of-factly. My words hid the pain I felt in my chest seeing my mother, seated on the floor in front of the coffee table, with empty cans and bottles of alcohol all over the living room, and some still on the table.

She threw a glare at me as she picked up an open can and tipped her head back, drinking the last of the contents of the can, all the while keeping our eyes locked. Then, she crushed the can and tossed it, not caring where it landed. I watched as it bounced off the wall near the TV, then fell to the dirty floor.

“I don’t remember you being the boss in this house,” she slurred at me, eyes narrowed. “Where have you been?”

“Out,” I said brusquely.

I went around the room, picking up the cans and tossing them in the trash, taking the bottles to the kitchen and sticking them inside a cabinet. I glanced in the fridge and grimaced at all the beer that was in there. I went back to the living room where mom had another bottle open and was staring at something on TV. It was some old drama that I didn’t bother paying attention to.

“Mom,” I called. She didn’t answer, and I frowned. “Mom,” I called her louder.

“What,” she snapped without looking at me.

“Where did all the beer in the fridge come from? I thought you told me you didn’t have any money.”

She didn’t answer immediately, and I narrowed my eyes at her. I watched her, but after a minute, I couldn’t control my suspicions. I ran to my room, going to where I’d hid all the money I’d made. I usually waited for the cash to reach a certain amount before I deposited it in a bank account I’d opened up myself when I hit eighteen. So, I’d still had some cash at home, what I’d earned for the past two weeks. I was going to go to the bank to deposit it tomorrow.

It wasn’t there.

My heart skipped a beat when I found the money missing. I had more in my bank account. But every little bit I got, what I didn’t use to help with groceries and house bills, went to my savings. And she’d just taken a chunk of it like it was nothing.

I ran back to the living room, glaring at the woman I’d grown up with as a mother.

“Why the fuck did you take my money?” I growled.

She glanced at me lazily, unrepentant.

“Mom!” I shouted. “I wanted to save up that money for college! You know that already, so why would you just take it?”

My breathing was ragged, my whole body trembling with the force of my anger. My hands were tightened into fists at my sides.

Why are you doing this to me?

After a minute of staring at each other, me in anger and she with indifference, mom broke out in laughter. It started in small chuckles, then grew into loud guffaws. She laughed until tears were pouring out of her eyes, and she had an arm wrapped around her stomach.

“Oh, that… that was so funny,” mom said in between giggles. “Honey, I already told you to give up on college, didn’t I? There just aren’t the funds for it. You know that.”

“That was still my money,” I growled. “You didn’t have the right to touch it. I can do whatever I want with it, and you know I want to go to college.”

“And I’ve told you to forget it plenty of times,” she said, laughing. “Either you have a hearing problem, or you’re too stupid to know what that means. College would be a waste then, wouldn’t it? Should I say it again?”

I just stood here, body still trembling. It wasn’t just anger, though, because I could feel hurt creeping in. I’d known college would be a stretch for a while. Mom had trouble getting me through high school, so it was damn near impossible. I hadn't been surprised when she told me she didn’t have the money to send me off to college after school, and while my grades weren’t bad, I wasn’t smart enough to get a scholarship. So, I’d known I would have to work for it.

But… mom. Why are you doing this instead of helping me?

The tears came unbidden, and because I didn’t want her to see me crying just so she could laugh at me again, I turned away from her. I went back to my room and made a quick decision. I’d thought of doing this before, but I hadn't had the courage until now. After this latest let down though, there was no reason for me to stay.

Mom could take care of herself like she always had. I took out the little cash I had and left my bedroom for the last time. I had a purse and a jacket on me, so I was good to go.

“Hey. Where are you going with that bag, huh, Lexi? Going to a friend’s house?”

I ignored my mom’s voice as she called out to me. I walked out of our house with no intention of going back.

The trip into the city was mostly blank, my body moving on autopilot. I remembered walking to the bus station, paying for a ticket with cash from my account, then getting on, and the ride there. But, it all seemed so far away, like I was watching someone else’s life and not my own. When the bus reached the final stop, I got out.

Then I realized… fuck. I’d never been to the city before, born and raised in my small, boring town. I was lost. I had my phone in my purse. I knew, if I could just reach out to my friends, I could find someone willing to help me out.

But I didn’t want to tell them I’d run away from home like I hadn't wanted to tell them I wouldn’t be going to college with them.

Because I was so fucking ashamed.

I stood here on an unfamiliar sidewalk, at night, and let the tears fall. I’d have to think of something to do later, but right then, all I wanted to do was cry.