Sunday, June 19
Do yoga.
On Sunday morning, Miranda and I get up extra early to go do yoga. She was right. Yoga isn’t as easy as it looks. And afterwards, we rush home to get a shower for church. After church, we all go to my mom’s house for lunch. Kale’s mom and dad are supposed to come over, too. Dad, Jason, and Kale are out back by the grill. Miranda and I are in the kitchen with Mom getting a few things together.
Miranda looks nervous, as she fills the glasses with ice.
“We changed our wedding date,” Miranda finally says to my mom. “To August sixth.”
Mom drops the bowl in her hand. Thankfully there is a lid on it. “What do you mean you changed your wedding date? You can’t change the date. We have the church rented and all the flowers ordered.”
“We can change it,” Miranda says. “I’ve already called a lot of places and haven’t had any problems with changing the date.”
“Why would you change the date?” Mom asks.
Miranda glances at me, and licks her lips nervously. “Um... well...”
“She’s not pregnant,” I say, before my mom can ask. “Mom seems to think everybody is pregnant.”
“Not pregnant,” Miranda says. “But we love each other so much that we don’t want to wait until January. Plus, who wants to have an anniversary in January. There aren’t even cool places to honeymoon.”
“Exactly,” I say. “June second was the perfect day to get married. We can go on our anniversary trips any...”
Anniversary trips.
I won’t be having any anniversary trips, because Kale and I won’t be married for a year before...
Miranda turns the attention away from me before my mom can notice that I’ve stopped in the middle of my sentence. “Juliet is right. August is a great month to get married. In January we will probably have three feet of snow on the ground. You know how Idaho winters are.”
“Hmm... I wish you guys had made your mind up before now,” Mom says. “Not to worry, though. We can make this work.”
The doorbell goes off.
“I’ll get that,” I say, knowing it will be Kale’s parents.
I’ve known his parents my whole life, but I’m nervous. This is the first time I’ll be seeing them as Kale’s wife. They know that we eloped in Vegas. I just hope they don’t hate me. Kale is their only child, and they missed his wedding. I can’t be their favorite person right now.
“Hey, Becky. Tony,” I say.
“Juliet,” Becky says, putting her arms around me. “I always knew Kale and you would end up together someday.” She pulls back. “I’m upset that I wasn’t there to see the wedding, but I forgive you. I remember what it’s like to be young and in love.” She sighs. “I wanted to elope in Vegas, but Tony talked me into a wedding. I regretted it, of course. Tony’s mom was so controlling of wedding details. I ended up hating everything about my wedding, even my dress.”
“She’s still sore about it,” Tony says, giving me a side hug. “Congratulations, kid. Welcome to the family.”
“We need to go shopping,” Becky says. “Are you two going to be living here or in LA? You know what, it doesn’t matter. I’ll come to LA. I need to buy you a nice housewarming gift. What is the color scheme in your living room?”
I laugh. “My apartment is small. The living room, dining room, kitchen, bedroom, and office are all in the same room.”
“Oh, honey, you don’t need to live in such a small place.”
“Los Angeles is expensive,” I say. “I mean, I make good money, but I want to save. Someday I’d like to buy a home.”
“We will help you,” Tony says.
“Yes, we will,” Becky says.
“You don’t have to...”
“We want to!” she says, cutting me off. “I’ll be coming to LA and I will help you two find a nice place. Maybe a three bedroom. That way you can have an office, bedroom and guest room. That would be nice. A big place, so there is plenty of room to film. Lots of windows. Natural lighting is so much better than stage lighting.”
Becky knows a lot about YouTube videos. She used to help Kale, and me, film some. The lighting at their house is amazing. I miss making videos over there.
“Kale is out back, helping with the grill.”
Tony takes off out to the back deck, knowing exactly where they are.
What is it with men and grilling out? If you asked them to cook something in the kitchen, they’d be running away. But if you ask them to cook outside, they love it. I don’t get it, but then again, I’m not a man.
Becky follows me into the kitchen.
“I just hate the thought of you and Kale living in a studio apartment,” Becky says.
“I agree,” my mom says. “You’re married now. You should get a bigger place. You need an office. And a guest room. And someday, you’ll have a baby. You will need a nursery. Hopefully you guys can move back here if you have a baby.”
Oh.
My.
Gosh.
I mouth ‘Help’ to Miranda.
“You know, Jason and I will probably have kids before Kale and Juliet. Juliet is only nineteen. And they both have the whole YouTube thing going on,” Miranda says. “They don’t have time for kids.”
“You plan on having kids right away?” Mom asks, now looking excited.
“Maybe after a year or so,” Miranda says. “I just got my teaching job. I’d like to work at least a year before having to take off. Plus, I want to enjoy being married a bit first. Maybe after two or three years.”
“Oh,” Mom says, looking disappointed. She looks at me. “How long are you and Kale going to wait?”
“I don’t know,” I say, now feeling frustrated. “We haven’t talked about it. And I’d like to discuss it with my husband before I talk about it with you guys. And, like Miranda said, I’m nineteen. I’m still a teenager.”
“Fine,” Mom says, clearly disappointed.
“I’m okay with waiting,” Becky says. “Tony and I waited until we were thirty before having Kale. It was a good decision. We were ready then. Or as ready as you can be when it comes to having a child.”
“Thirty? Good Lord, woman. I want grandchildren before she’s thirty,” Mom says.
I clear my throat. “I think I’m just going to go outside with the guys.”
“Ugh... me, too,” Miranda says, following me out onto towards the back deck.
“Moms,” I say, rolling my eyes.
Miranda laughs. “At least we have willing babysitters when we actually do decide to have kids.”
I don’t respond.
“Oh, crap. Juliet, I’m sorry. I forgot for a minute there,” she says.
“It’s okay,” I say. “I want everybody to forget. It’s just hard to listen to them talk about a future that I don’t have.”
Before we walk out the door, Miranda stops and turns to me. “Juliet, whenever Jason and I decide to have kids, you should know that they will know all about you. I’ll show them your videos and make sure they know how amazing you are.”
“Thank you. That means a lot,” I say, then turn my head so she can’t see the tears. “I... ugh... I’m going to go to the bathroom. I’ll be right out.”
I turn around and go into the small half bath. I hate how much I’ve been crying lately. No matter how strong I’m trying to be, dying is depressing.
As I dab under my eyes, I hear a knock on the door. The person doesn’t wait. They just walk in.
It’s Kale.
He shuts the door behind him, locking it, and then he wraps his arms around me.
“Are you okay?” he asks, holding me against his chest.
“No,” I say, crying even harder now. “Your mom and my mom keep talking about grandchildren. And even Miranda. I keep thinking about all the things I’m going to miss out on. They’re planning my future when I don’t have one. We’ll never have our first anniversary. Or our first child. Or our first anything past my stupid bucket list.”
“We should tell them,” Kale says.
“No. I can’t. Then they’ll be miserable too. I can’t do that to them. It’s good enough for Jason and Miranda to know right now,” I say. “I’ll tell them when I have to.”
He kisses the top of my head and rubs my back. “I support whatever you decide. I’ll be here always.”
“I know. Thank you.”
I pull back, wiping away the tears. “Maybe we can go back to LA for a while. Being here with everybody is hard. We can come back for the fourth of July.”
“Okay,” he says. “I will book a flight for in the morning. And I’ll try and get Jason and Miranda to help our moms cut back on the grandchildren talk for a bit.”
“Sorry I’m being such a girl.”
“I like that you’re a girl,” he says. “And besides, you have a right to cry, Juliet. You’re so strong. Stronger than I am.”
“No, I’m not. If our roles were reversed, I would be falling apart every single day,” I say. “I don’t even want to imagine a world without you in it.”
“I do fall apart every day,” he says. “Just not in front of you. This is killing me.”
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked you to marry me. It is too much,” I say.
“You didn’t ask me. I asked you,” he says. “And I would do it again. I will celebrate each and every day that I get to spend with you, whether it’s a lifetime, or a few short months.”
“Just remember, you promised not to fall in love with me.”
“I’m pretty sure I fell in love with you a long time ago, so it’s too late for that,” Kale says.
“Don’t say that.”
Because it breaks my heart to hear him say that.
He opens the door without responding. “Let’s get back out there.”
I really hope Kale isn’t in love with me. Because, that will make all of this harder. It’s bad enough leaving behind my mom, dad, and brother. Now I’ll be leaving behind a grieving spouse.
Yet, I can’t make myself regret the decision to marry him.
I love him.
Too much.