Wednesday, July 6
Normal.
Kale is holding my hand while we’re at the doctor’s office.
They’ve already done x-rays, and now we are just waiting for my doctor to come in. He is usually pretty fast, but we’ve been waiting a little while today.
“Are you nervous?” Kale asks me.
I shake my head. “What’s there to be nervous about? He’s already given me an expiration date. I already know I’m dying. So, there can’t be anything else that I should be nervous about.”
“Yeah,” he says. “I guess I’m just hoping something will happen and you won’t die. Like, maybe they’ll come up with some kind a cure for cancer.”
“I don’t think that is going to happen,” I say.
The door opens and Dr. Stevens walks in. He’s got an unreadable expression on his face as he sits down.
“Is something wrong?” I ask.
“No.” Dr. Stevens takes a deep breath. “Miss Summers... Mrs. Johnson,” he corrects. “The type of cancer you have is severe. Melanoma is one of the nastiest kinds of cancer there is. The five year survival rate is around fifteen to twenty percent, but even then, most people still die. This is the kind of cancer than keeps coming back, no matter what we do. It's rare for somebody to survive long term. And even in survivors, I have never before seen cancer do what yours has.”
I wait for him to continue, but he doesn’t.
“So, you’re saying that even if I end up surviving past the five year mark, it will come back eventually, and I will die?” I ask. “I mean, it’s not like I have to worry about the five year mark. I was told six months to begin with. So, honestly, I’ll be happy with a year.”
“You might have longer than a year,” Dr. Stevens says. “I can’t explain it, but your cancer is still shrinking.”
“How?” I ask. “I mean, I haven’t done any kind of treatment.”
“That’s what I wondered. When I got the scans from the hospital in Arkansas, I was curious. I looked at your file, and I saw that you’re a vegan. Is that still correct?”
“Yeah,” I answer. “I mean, I thought about not being a vegan anymore, since I’m dying, but I feel so much better eating this way. I figured I may as well have as much energy as possible while I still can.”
“There are studies on cancer treatment on a vegan diet,” he says. “About how eating certain kinds of foods can actually reverse diabetes, heart disease, cancer, and many other incurable diseases.”
“I’ve seen a few studies, but I wasn’t sure,” I say. “I mean, if it were true, wouldn't more people know about it?”
“Well, I’ve been skeptical myself. I’ve had a couple of patients of mine go to an all natural doctor,” Dr. Stevens says. “They weren’t as severe as you, but still, there wasn’t much hope. It worked with one of the patients, but not with the other. Seeing your scans, I’m amazed. I can’t deny the proof that is in front of me.”
“So, you’re saying I might live longer than a year?” I ask.
“I think if you continue doing whatever it is you’re doing, you could live for a while,” he says. “I don’t want you to get your hopes up, Mrs. Johnson, but I think you could live a long, happy life.”
My heart leaps at his words. “Seriously?”
“There are a few things you need to do,” he says. “Limit time in the sun. When you do go in the sun—use sunscreen. The highest SPF you can get. No lying in tanning beds or lying out in the sun to get a tan. Continue eating whatever it is that you’re eating, because it’s working.”
“I don’t go out in the sun anyway,” I say.
“Good,” he says. “I want to keep a watch on your cancer. I want to see you once every two weeks for a while. If this cancer continues to get better, you will still have to come to the doctor twice a year for scans.”
“I understand,” I say.
“You’re a very lucky girl,” Dr. Stevens says.
“You really think I’m going to live a long, healthy life?” I ask. “Like a normal life?”
“I do,” he says. “Your cancer is literally reversing itself. It’s truly a miracle.”
Wow.
“I am going to give you a referral to a doctor here in LA. He helps treat cancer patients without using any chemo or radiation. You’ll still be seeing me, but I’d like you to talk to him,” he says.
“Okay,” I say. “I’m willing to do anything as long as I get to live.”
Dr. Stevens smiles.
Living sounds pretty great.
4 p.m.
Grow old together kind of thing.
Kale and I have been in shock since we left my doctor appointment. I know I have to call Jason and Miranda, but what do I say?
I was planning for six months to a year of life. Now I have longer. Of course, there are no guarantees in life, and I still have cancer. But the fact that the cancer isn’t killing me is a miracle.
“Let’s fly to Idaho tomorrow,” I say to Kale. “I want to tell Jason and Miranda face to face.”
“Okay,” Kale says. “What about the rest of your family? Are you going to tell them?”
“Yeah, I should tell them. And YouTube. I think it might be good to release the videos I made when I thought I was dying,” I say. “I want to tell them about everything. The whole journey.”
“Good,” he says.
“Also, I want to finish my bucket list. And add to it,” I say. “Now that I know I have more time, there is a lot I still need to do.
“I completely agree,” Kale says.
“I’m going to live.”
He wraps his arms around me and kisses the top of my head. “That means you’re stuck with me.”
“And you’re stuck with me,” I say, feeling a little nervous. Kale and I got married on a whim. I’m not dying now. What if he feels trapped? What if he regrets marrying me? I mean, he’s only twenty-one. And I’m only nineteen. We’re so young to be married. “Do you regret it, yet?”
“I already told you, Juliet. I want a lifetime with you. I want as many years as I can possibly get,” he says. “I want everything with you—a house, kids, a white picket fence. All of it. I haven’t changed my mind. I love you. I always have. And I always will.”
“And you don’t regret marrying me so young?” I ask.
“No way,” he says.
“I was thinking... maybe we could have a small wedding for my family,” I say. “Our families. You’re an only child. And I know it would mean a lot to your mom if she could see the ceremony.”
“Put it on the bucket list,” Kale says. “We will do it. Whenever you want. I’ll even wear a tuxedo if you want me to.”
I pull out my list. “It doesn’t have to be anything extravagant. I just want them there to see, you know?”
33. Get married so my family can see.
“My mom will be happy,” Kale says. “I know it hurt her feelings that she didn’t get to watch us get married.”
“Now that we’re going to tell them about... me... maybe they will understand,” I say. “I just hope my mom isn’t mad at me for not telling her. I was going to, but after your mom and my mom were talking about grandchildren, I couldn’t.”
“We might get to have those grandchildren for them, after all,” Kale says.
“You really don't regret marrying me?” I ask.
“Never,” he answers. “I love you, Juliet.”
“I love you, too,” I say. “But I wouldn't blame you if you wanted to get an annulment. I mean, when we married, you though I was dying. And we haven't consummated the marriage yet, so...”
“I already told you, I have been in love with you for a long time,” he says, then pauses. “Did you want to get our marriage annulled?”
I shake my head. “No.”
“Good,” he says.
“So... this is really a ‘grow old together’ thing then, huh?”
Kale smiles bigger than I've ever seen him smile. “It looks like it is.”
Which completely blows my mind.
“Juliet, I am in love with you,” Kale says. “And I know I’ve told you a hundred times before, but I feel like right now, it’s more important for you to know than ever. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want another sixty years with you. But even that won’t be enough, because it’s never enough with you.”
I don’t know what to say, so I just look at him.
“Let’s get married again for all our families to see,” he says. “Whatever it takes to prove to you that I love you, I’ll do it. It’s not just because you’re Jason’s little sister. You’ve never been just his little sister to me.”
Which makes me smile.
Oh, my gosh.
He really is mine.
Forever.
It doesn’t get any better than this.
“Maybe I am a little selfish for marrying you in Vegas. You deserved a lot better than that and I knew it,” Kale says. “But I wanted to make you mine before you could change your mind. And even though it was selfish, I can’t bring myself to regret it. I hope you feel the same way.”
“I do. Feel the same way,” I say. “Kale, I don’t want this to be just a bucket list item anymore. I just want to be your wife. Completely. We don’t have to have a huge wedding in front of our families for me to want that with you. I want it now.”
As soon as the words are out of my mouth, Kale kisses me. And I mean, he really kisses me. Not like he did on the beach—all soft, like he was going to break me. He kissed me the way a man kisses the woman he’s in love with. And with that kiss, I gave him every single piece of me that I had been holding back.
And it was amazing.