Tuesday, June 7
Mississippi.
Kale and I are somewhere in Mississippi, on our way to some place called Mountain Home, Arkansas. Kale says we are checking a few things off the list there. I have no idea what’s there. I’ve never even heard of it. He says we’ll be driving through Tennessee, too, but only for a very short time.
He is in the driver’s seat and I’m sitting on the passenger side. I have the cooled seats on. The humidity here is suffocating. I feel like I’m swallowing water every time I take a breath, which is not something I’m used to in Idaho and Cali. I had to take a shower last night after walking to our hotel after dinner. Even at nine o’clock at night, it’s still hot.
I called my mom and dad last night, finally. I told them the same thing I told Jason—that I’m madly in love with Kale. I feel bad lying to them, but what else can I do? I’m not ready to tell them the truth. I don’t want them to watch me die. Letting Kale watch it is hard enough. I also told them I was having a lot of fun on my honeymoon. They let me know that they’re watching our videos that we post every night. That scares me a little bit. Can they tell that we’re pretending to be in love?
They said they loved the video of Kale and me doing karaoke. They told me they were proud of me for stepping out of my comfort zone, which nearly brought me to tears. They’re wondering when Kale and I will be visiting Idaho, which I couldn’t answer. I’m not sure how long this road trip will take, but we still have a long ways left.
I pull out my list, proud that I can mark another one off.
25. Visit French Quarter in New Orleans.
“Can I have at least a hint about what we’re doing,” I say, pouting a little bit.
“The only thing I can say is that we are going to mark three things off your list while in Arkansas,” he says.
“Fine,” I say. “Don’t tell me.”
“I won’t,” he says, laughing. “Don’t pout. That might work on your brother, but it doesn’t work on me.”
“It doesn’t work on Jason.”
“Does too,” Kale says. “Jason is like putty in your hands. He just doesn’t want you to know that.”
“Huh,” I say. “And to think, I could’ve been using it to my advantage all those years.”
“That’s why I didn’t tell you. Whatever Jason does, I do,” he says. “But you can always talk me into doing whatever you want anyway.”
I see a sign; it says we’re in some town called Grenada, Mississippi. It’s a small town, but I see a Walmart off the side of the interstate.
They have a lot of Walmart stores in the south.
It’s weird.
“Kale, I’ve never been able to talk you into anything in your life,” I say. “Besides marrying me. And you only did that because I’m dying and you feel sorry for me.”
“You’re crazy if you think that’s the reason I married you,” he says.
“Then why did you?” I ask.
“Let’s just say, you could’ve talked me into marrying you at any point,” he says.
“Why?”
“Why not?”
“Kale, you know the real me,” I say. “The me that I don’t portray myself as online. On there, I’m confident. With the makeup and clothes, I’m beautiful. But off camera, I’m not confident at all. I’m not pretty. You saw me in high school. I was that nerdy girl obsessed with YouTube.”
“You’re still that nerdy girl obsessed with YouTube,” Kale says. “But you’re wrong. You’re beautiful on and off camera. I just wish you could see yourself the way I do.”
I don’t respond. I just look out the window at the town we’re going through.
I’m too scared to ask him anything else.
6 p.m.
Go camping.
We are in the middle of nowhere, and by the time we get there, I am a little carsick. We got off the interstate at some point, and I lost service on my cell phone for over an hour, which freaked me out. What if we had a flat?
But when we arrive at our final destination, I smile. I pull out my piece of paper while Kale sets up the camp.
6. Go camping.
We’re at a lake called Lake Norfork in Mountain Home, Arkansas.
I’m camping!
We even stopped at Walmart, I think the only grocery store in town, and got stuff to make hot dogs and smores. I love campfire food. It's the best.
“I rented us a jet ski for tomorrow,” Kale says, once the tent is up. He starts to work on getting the fire going.
I let out a squeal. “I’m so excited! What’s the third thing we’re marking off the list?”
“You’ll see tomorrow. I don’t want to tell you yet, because then you’ll be nervous all night,” he says.
“Please, nothing can be more nerve racking than doing karaoke in front of that huge crowd.”
He laughs and almost sounds nervous. “We will see.”
“Is it something you’re scared to do?” I ask.
“No. Definitely not.”
I should’ve known better. Kale isn’t scared of anything. Except maybe my brother right now, because my brother is probably going to beat the crap out of him when we see him again.
“The internet on my phone is so slow here,” I say. “It’s going to take forever for this video to upload.”
“You’re just spoiled by nice hotels with fast WiFi,” he says.
True.
“Still have to stay in a five star hotel,” I say.
“Already booked the room,” he says.
“Seriously? Where at?” I ask.
“Hey, this trip is about me surprising you,” Kale says. “You will find out when we eventually get there.”
I’m glad he’s done that. He knows I love surprises. And even though I’m impatient and hate waiting for it, I know it’ll be worth it.
“So, you have every day planned or something?” I ask.
He nods. “We’re on a schedule.”
After the fire gets going good, he sits on his camping chair beside me.
“I feel bad. I’m making you do all the work,” I say.
“Don’t feel bad,” he says. “I like doing this.”
“I feel like I should fight you over this, but it’s really sweet,” I say. “We still haven’t had our first fight as husband and wife.”
“Don’t worry. It’ll come,” he says, laughing.
“I don’t think you and I have ever had a fight. Not even when we were kids,” I say.
“You were too busy fighting with Jason to fight with me.”
“Kale, you were just too nice to fight with me.”
“I had a crush on you when we were younger. That is why I never fought with you. I pretty much thought that you were perfect,” he says, shocking me.
“No way! But I’m two years younger. When did you have a crush on me?” I ask.
“I guess it started when you were twelve and I was fourteen,” he says.
“And when did your crush end?”
“It never did.”
I laugh.
Because, surely he’s joking with me.
“So, how do you feel?” Kale asks me. “I mean, what made you go to the doctor?”
“I had a weird looking freckle on my toe, which sounds weird, but I watched this documentary online about skin cancer,” I say. “So, I went to the doctor. They removed it and did some tests. And then they knew it was cancerous. They told me not to freak out, because there are a lot of different types of skin cancer. Most types won’t kill you. They did more tests and scans. When I went in that afternoon, I thought everything would be fine. I wasn’t even nervous, you know? But then they told me I have stage four melanoma. It’s spread in a few places in my body. I don’t have any symptoms or anything, though. I feel completely fine, which makes this all weird.”
“Where is the cancer?” he asks.
“My stomach and intestines,” I answer. “I’m not having any stomach problems, though.”
“You would tell me if you were in pain, right?”
“Yes,” I answer. “I promise I will keep you updated on everything. I know that at some point traveling like this won’t be an option. Eventually I’ll be hooked to machines and having morphine pumping through my body to handle the pain. That’s why I want to enjoy this while I can. I just hope that I can finish this road trip before it gets too bad.”
“You will make it through this trip,” Kale says.
I nod.
But I’m not so sure about that. I don’t know how things are going to turn out.