Coming Soon
In It’s Our Time, you’ll meet up with Ian and Sydney where things left off for him in Because It’s You. It’s Our Time releases June 8, 2017. Below is the blurb followed by the first two chapters of It’s Our Time.
Ian Rhett has made mistakes when it comes to the only woman he’s ever wanted, and all he wants is a chance to show her that he can be the man she needs him to be. He’s determined to make things work between them and he’s stubborn enough that he won’t be giving up.
Sydney Jarvis trusts Ian with her friendship and her body, but she made the mistake of trusting him with her heart once and she isn’t so sure she should trust him again. She wants him in her life, and he’ll be there one way or another, but she isn’t sure she can let go of the past to move forward.
Secrets are discovered that strain their relationship even more, but these two have never been able to stay away from one another. Will their history help hold them together as they work out their kinks as a couple or will it be the very thing that causes their relationship to end?
How did I get here? That’s a question I ask myself often, but more and more here lately. How did I get here?
Where Ian still doesn’t know about Savannah, our daughter.
Where it took all of six months of talking before Ian said he was in town on business and wanted to know if we could meet. I met with him and we ended up at his hotel, naked in his bed.
Where we’re just friends who happen to sleep together whenever he’s in town. I still don’t know what he does for work because we never talk about it.
Where he’s seeing me more often and he’s wanting to see me during the day. As in, he wants to take me out on a date. No. Not happening. Yet he keeps asking, no matter how many times I turn him down. I always despised how stubborn he could be.
Not to mention, I need to tell him about Savannah. There is no right moment and she’ll be turning three soon. I’ve waited too long. Next time I see him, I’m going to tell him if I have to slide him a piece of paper with it written on it. Is it bad that a tiny part of me is hoping that’s enough to make him stop asking me out on dates, so I can stop rejecting him?
Ian: I want to see you. Meet for lunch?
Ian: Don’t say no.
Ian: Babe.
Ian: Damn it, Sydney. Just answer me with a yes.
I sigh. He’s so insistent lately. The more I turn him down, the more pissed he gets and the quicker he is to get annoyed. Not that I can blame him. I understand it. That doesn’t mean I’m changing my answer.
Me: I’ll meet you at the hotel tonight, but that’s it.
Ian: That’s such fucking bullshit. What’s wrong with lunch?
What’s wrong with lunch is it would be a date. I gave Ian my heart once and he trampled on it like a stampede of a thousand horses. If it wasn’t for Savannah, I would wonder if there’s anything left of it.
When I don’t respond, Ian sends another text.
Ian: Fine. Be there no later than nine.
More and more often he finds himself in Raleigh. I refuse to think about whether that has anything to do with me or if it’s pure coincidence. Some nights, I meet him early like around nine at night. Others, it’s closer to midnight before he tells me to come over. I don’t know what he’s doing to make the time vary. I don’t ask. I assume he’s working or something related to that.
He’s tried to come over to the apartment, but I always shut that down. His hotel room is a much better choice. It helps remind me that we’re just friends who fuck. I hope that it also reminds Ian of this, but for the past year, it hasn’t mattered. He’s been seeing me more and more, wanting to see me outside of that hotel room. We can’t do that.
Ian: I’m getting tired of this, gorgeous. I can’t help but love you anyway. Won’t you at least seriously consider it?
The thing is, I have. It’s why whenever he brings it up, I either ignore him or turn him down. It worries me that he’s getting tired of this. He wants more. I don’t. What happens when he decides keeping me isn’t worth it anymore? We have the perfect setup, I think. We’re closer than ever, but there’s a line drawn in the sand that I refuse to cross. I get the intimacy I want from him while keeping my heart all to myself. It’s perfect.
If Ian would just leave things alone!
And again, I still haven’t told him about Savannah. When I finally knew I was going to have to just spit it out, he started this shit about wanting to see me more and take me out on dates when he was in town. For some, that would be the exact reason to go ahead and tell him what I haven’t managed to do since he reentered my life, but it just scared the hell out of me too much. My procrastination only worsened.
The day, as they normally do when I know I’m seeing Ian, passes as slow as Moses. I double check that my stepbrother and one of my roommates, Logan, will be home tonight to be with Savannah. After I pick her up from daycare, we go to the apartment. We play for a bit, have dinner, get her a bath, and I read to her. Soon, it’s time for my own shower.
My excitement builds because I know what’s to come. Although Ian has been so persistent, he usually isn’t when we’re together. It’s more about sex first. Possibly talking afterward. Mostly, this is where things are normal. Where we’re the us I’ve become used to over the past two years and the us I like the most.
Ian: Room 859.
I swear to you, my heart skips a beat. Finally ready, I return to the living room where Logan and Savannah are sitting on the couch, watching TV.
“Be good, buttercup. I love you.”
“Love you, Mommy.” She smacks a loud kiss on my cheek.
I say goodbye to Logan and leave. The drive to the hotel takes about thirty minutes. Once I get there, I have to sneak into the bathroom and change my clothes. Logan and Carey, my best friend and my other roommate, have never liked that I talk to him, but even more so since I haven’t told him about Savannah yet and that’s supposed to be the only reason I do talk to him. Carey and Logan don’t know I’m sleeping with him either. Whenever I meet with him, I lie and say I’m going to work. Since my waitress uniform isn’t exactly what I want Ian to see me wearing, I have to sneak clothes into my purse. Thank goodness for large purses.
At least now, I’ve been here often enough that the receptionists don’t give me a funny look when I come out of the bathroom in different clothes anymore. However, I do feel a little dirty because it’s like they know why I’m here. They’re so familiar with me I don’t even have to say my name anymore. They have the key waiting for me when I come out of the bathroom.
I wonder what Ian tells them. Does he refer to me in any sort of way that would make them think I’m something other than a prostitute? I feel like sometimes, that’s what they think I am. I mean, I come in, go to the bathroom to change, grab a key, and spend hours with a man. I always leave before he does and drop my key off when I go, changing back into my work clothes. It’s suspicious.
I shove these thoughts out of my head as I step off the elevator and walk down the hallway toward room 859. The key slides easily into the slot, the light turns green, and I turn the knob. The only light is coming from around the corner where I know I’ll find Ian. Sometimes, he meets me at the door. Sometimes, he’s already naked in bed. Tonight, it seems to be the latter.
The sheets are gathered around his waist. He’s lying down with one arm behind his head. I drop my bag at the foot of the bed and crawl up the mattress until I’m straddling his lap. How often does he work out to keep his body in such good shape?
“Good day, babe?” he asks while I run my hands up and down his chest.
“Yeah. You?”
“Be better if you’d go ahead and kiss me.”
He doesn’t have to ask me twice to put the talking to an end and get to the good stuff. After reaching over to turn off the light, pitching us into complete darkness, I pull my shirt off. Ian’s hands are sliding up my back to unhook my bra when he hears it hit the floor. I lean down to deliver the kiss he wants.
How can something that is so routine thrill me as if we’ve never done it before? Lights go off and we attack each other with such a need it’s as if we’ll die if we don’t reach that high we bring to one another. We’ve known each other for so long, have been doing this for what seems like forever, that he knows exactly what I like and I know exactly what he likes. Our bodies move in sync. His hands constantly move over my body like he can’t decide which part he likes most.
This is what I love. This is normal for us. Slinking into a hotel room and enjoying each other without any more commitment than our friendship is what I like. It’s what works. I won’t let him change things between us because he’s decided that now he should complicate things by wanting more.
“God, I love you,” he grunts as he comes. The high of my own orgasm diminishes just a little. He’s started throwing around that phrase lately, too. I ignore him. To say something means risking hearing him say he doesn’t mean it as one friend to another. Ian kisses me hard before rolling over to go to the bathroom. I switch on the light long enough for him to go and come back and then do the same myself. He pulls me tight against him, leaving no space between my back and his chest.
I lace our fingers together. These quiet moments are the best. It’s also when I feel the most guilty. I said I would tell him the next time I saw him, so I need to spit it out. Tell him about our daughter and how I went down the rabbit hole for her to be approaching her third birthday and him to not know anything about her all this time. I turn around to face him, but he speaks before I can.
“I meant it, Sydney. I’m tired of just this. Babe, give me more.”
My eyes squeeze close and I find an escape by pressing my forehead against his chest. “Please don’t,” I whisper. “Besides, you don’t even live here. Let it go for tonight at least.” Because that’s all I can realistically ask for. Anything more would be hopeless, but that’s something he might do. He doesn’t need to ruin our night by demanding a relationship from me. The idea terrifies me and Ian doesn’t seem to understand that. Does he not remember our past? Because I do. All too well.
“Promise me we’ll talk about it next time.”
“Fine.” Next time, I’ll tell him about Savannah and tell him we absolutely aren’t going to be more. By the time I finish letting him know he has a daughter, he probably won’t want a relationship with me. Not even the one we have now. That’s just as scary as the thought of having more with him. I want him in my life, but under certain conditions. It’s not fair, I know, but it’s better than not having him at all or risk getting my heart broken. Heartache looks like it’s on the horizon anyway.
I shift, moving on top of him. I need to enjoy him every minute tonight because I have a feeling my time with him is coming to an end.
“Come on. We’ve already missed some of the game.” Tom takes my hand and leads me down a short tunnel-like walkway. A lady is waiting at the top of the stairs. He shows her our tickets, but she makes us wait until there’s a stoppage in play before we can head down to our seats.
I didn’t sign up for a hockey game. Aren’t guys at least supposed to make sure I’m somewhat interested in what we’re doing for our date? I don’t know a thing about hockey. The most I know is that our team is the Carolina Rebels. That’s it. That’s the extent of my knowledge. Tom acts as if we’re late because of me. No, we’re late because he didn’t pick me up on time.
Come to think of it, I didn’t want to go on the date, but Carey insisted, so here I am.
Tom is a huge hockey fan, apparently. We’re sitting in the third row from the glass to the right of the goalie. He starts talking, explaining the game, but I’m only mildly paying attention. Hockey makes me think of Ian since he used to play. That’s not who I want to think about tonight.
I keep my eyes on the big bodies on the ice, trying to keep up with the action while hoping it’ll keep my mind off of Ian. There’s a huge hit as two players slam into the boards in front of us. Fans immediately jump to their feet, shouting and cheering as gloves fly off the players’ hands. I stand, too, caught up in the moment. It’s a blur of fists until the refs pull the players apart. I stop breathing as I catch sight of the Rebels player’s face.
Ian.
Fans start to sit down, but I’m frozen in place. Ian leans down to pick up his gloves and when he stands upright, he sees me. His eyes widen, his jaw drops, and I’m so confused. He mouths I’m sorry before being ushered to a box.
I fall back into my seat as Tom starts to go on and on about Ian Rhett, who happens to be his favorite player. How is he even here? I thought he lived out of the country. How long has he been here? He’s a professional hockey player? He never told me that.
“How long has he been on the team?” I interrupt Tom’s long-winded explanation of why he loves the man I’ve been sleeping with but refusing to be with.
“He was traded last February.”
Around the time Ian started visiting me more regularly and asking if he could see me more. How could he keep this from me? Then again, I have my own huge secret, so I can’t truly be justified in how I feel, but this is huge. No wonder he’s been pushing for us to meet. It feels like my world has fallen apart. It actually hasn’t yet, but it’s going to. I don’t know how to process this information.
I’m so lost in my own head that I barely notice that my date has stopped talking to me and is now talking to a girl sitting on the other side of him. All I can do is watch Ian. He flicks his gaze my way every so often when there’s a stoppage of play or when he’s on the bench.
When Ian scores a goal, the arena erupts. I’d say they’re cheering, but the noise is so loud, it sounds like a roar. I’ve never seen or heard anything like it. Then again, I’m not a sports fan. All I want is to go home. I don’t care that the Rebels win with Ian’s lone goal. I can hope all I want that Ian won’t show up at my apartment tonight. While I usually meet him at the hotel since he was supposedly in town on business, but he does have the address for where I live since he started to send me gifts again when we reconnected. I can only hope that he won’t show up. He’s going to come. I just know it.
What is his reasoning for not telling me he became a pro player? That he moved here? God, this is fucked up in so many ways and it’s only going to get worse.
Tom takes me home and drops me off. He doesn’t even try to act as if there will be another date. He doesn’t say he had a good time. He just says we’ll talk soon, which is highly unlikely since I was a bad date.
I walk into my apartment and relieve Logan from his babysitting duties, wondering how long it’ll be before Ian is here. I don’t know what happens after a game and if it’ll take him a while or not. I know nothing about his job. He never mentioned it specifically. Why? Why would he keep that away from me if we’re supposedly so close and he wants to be with me? When that’s been his lifelong dream?
God, he’s going to find out what I’ve kept from him. This is not how I wanted to tell him. I walk down the hallway and peek into my bedroom. Savannah’s sleeping soundly. Hopefully, she’ll stay that way.
“How’d the date go?” Logan asks.
“Terrible.”
“Sorry. I’m heading out for my own late-night date. Carey picked up an extra shift, so it’ll be a few hours before she gets home.”
“Okay. Thanks for letting me know.”
He heads out. With a sigh, I return to the living room and sit in a chair, which will force Ian to keep his distance since it’s a single-person seat. He needs to stay out of reach. One touch will weaken my resolve. That’s how this mess started. He took a chance and kissed me when I was sixteen; I’ve been hooked ever since.
Ian has become something to me that I don’t know how to explain. I’ve never wanted to lose him, but I’ve never wanted to be put into a position where he could hurt me again, which is why I’m so hesitant about doing anything more than fucking. This allows us to maintain our friendship and occasionally have sex to fulfill that need. It’s more than sex, but it’s not. Is it any wonder why I’m so fucking confused?
Ian doesn’t knock when he walks through my door an hour and a half later. “Sydney,” he says softly when he sees me. I don’t say a word. Hell, I’m scared to even look at him. He starts walking my way, but before he can pass the couch to come too close, I speak.
“Don’t come near me, Ian.” My voice is calm. Maybe I should’ve sounded more pissed because he ignores me, dropping to his knees in front of me and resting his hands on my thighs. I keep reminding myself that there’s a little girl down the hallway and she’s the reason I can’t be pissed. When this is all over, Ian will have way more to be pissed at me for.
“I was planning to tell you tomorrow,” he begins.
“You should’ve told me when you moved here!” My voice rises and it pisses me off that he doesn’t look guilty! He just seems worried. “Why didn’t you tell me? What would you have done if I bumped into you when I was out running errands? You should’ve told me! Instead, I had to find out while I was on a date!” I shake my head because I can’t be pissed at him, but god, I am!
His eyes darken at finding out I was on a date, but I don’t care. “Babe, you know I love you,” he says quietly. Those words spur me into pushing him away and standing to gain some distance. That’s what he keeps telling me. I’ve been so certain that he meant he loved me as his best friend. I’ve done everything I can to convince myself of that because it’s the safe option. Ian doesn’t give me time to panic. “Every time I tell you, every time I mention wanting to meet when the sun is shining, you pull away from me. I didn’t tell you because I was scared I’d lose you if I did, that it would be too much for you. I thought if we met up more often, you’d warm up to the idea.”
“Bullshit! You didn’t want more from me until after you moved here. So, what? You want a relationship because it’s convenient now that we’re in the same city?”
“That’s not it! I tried dating other girls and I kept coming back to you, wishing they were you. I was ready for a relationship before I got traded, but since you’re so fucking content with how things are, I didn’t mention it. I took it as a sign when I got traded that it was time to act. I want you!”
“You lied to me! You’ve been here all this time and you haven’t said a word!”
“You would’ve freaked the hell out!” he shouts back at me. “Just like you are now. I’d bet all the money in my bank account that this is more of a problem because I’m here than because I lied. Don’t you love me, Sydney? Don’t you want to see how much better we’d be together if we were to take things further? Why is a relationship with me so terrible?” he finishes as he closes the distance between us, grabbing my hips.
“What’s so terrible about what we have now?”
“Don’t you want more? Don’t you want a relationship? A boyfriend? Someone to love you?” I squeeze my eyes closed as if that could keep his words from getting to me. “Babe, what are you so scared of? Come on. Tell me. Let’s get it all out right now.”
I stay quiet, not wanting to confront my fears. Ian pulls me against his chest, wrapping those strong arms around me. “I’m sorry I kept something like that from you. I promise it won’t happen again. I don’t want to lose you, so I’ve been cautious. I want you, Sydney, in every way possible. Please, explain to me why you don’t want the same thing.”
I knew if he touched me, I would lose my resolve. It crumbles so easily, it’s as if it was barely holding itself together to start with. “I don’t want to lose you,” I whisper.
Ian rests his hands on either side of my neck, placing his thumbs on my jaw to tilt my head back. “Being in a relationship with me is the opposite of losing me, gorgeous.”
“You don’t get it.” I try to look away, but he doesn’t let me.
“Then make me get it.”
“I’m supposed to be mad at you.” Maybe I can change the subject.
“Sydney.” One word in a low, warning tone that lets me know he’s not budging until I confess. The man is about as stubborn as they come.
I don’t get the chance.
“Mommy?”
Ian swivels around at the sound of Savannah’s voice. I pull away from him to go to her.
“What’s wrong, buttercup?”
“Who dat?”
I glance over my shoulder at Ian. He’s staring at her in wonder. “That’s Ian. How about we watch The Little Mermaid and see if you can fall back asleep?”
She nods, rubbing her eyes with one hand while I take the other and lead her to the couch. I switch over to the movie that stays in our DVD player. We get settled on the couch, Savannah leaning into me as she gets comfortable, and Ian still seems baffled.
“I don’t understand,” he says.
“Sit down.” I pat the cushion next to me. “It’s going to be a long night.” My hands tremble as he sits. It’s good that he’s going to know, but I’m so not ready to confront my issues and the consequences of my actions.
“You never said,” he says quietly.
“I know.”
“Is her father around?” he whispers.
God, he hasn’t put it together. Tears begin to fall and I take a deep breath. Looking him in the eye, I say, “He just found out about her.”
Understanding dawns in an instant. “Fuck. Sydney.”
“Ssh. Please wait until I can get her back in bed.” She’s already half asleep, but if I move her now, she’ll wake up again.
Instead, he stands and walks out of my apartment.
The tears fall faster and I hold my daughter closer to me. I should’ve told Ian the moment I reconnected with him, but I didn’t and the longer I didn’t tell him, the harder it was to find a way. It’s going to hurt Ian worse when he hears the full story. It’s such a cluster fuck.
Just as I stand to put her in bed thirty minutes later, the door to my apartment opens. He came back. Relief floods me. He’s worse for wear than when he left, however. Ian follows me to my room, watches me tuck her into one of the twin beds, and shakes his head in wonder.
The moment we’re back in the living room, he demands, “Start from the beginning.”
“You’re not going to like any of it.”
“I don’t fucking care.”
We sit on opposite ends of the couch. I angle toward him and take a deep breath. Ian refuses to look at me. He stares at the movie still playing on the TV.
“It happened the last time we were together, when you came to see me before my graduation. When I first found out, I was terrified about what I was going to do. I didn’t know what you would say or how it would work out, but I knew that you had to know even though we weren’t talking anymore. I had deleted your number from my phone, so I didn’t have that. Dad got your dad’s number for me.” Ian tenses. “I called him and asked him if he would get you to call me. That it was important because I was pregnant. I told him that if you didn’t want anything to do with the baby, then that was okay, but I wanted you to know. I never heard from you. I called him two more times and the second time, he said he told you. But I hadn’t heard from you, so I took that to mean that you wanted nothing to do with her. He even apologized to me.”
Ian starts shaking his head. “He never told me.”
“I realized that when you came back and wanted to talk to me. I thought that maybe you wanted to be a part of her life, but when you never mentioned her and only wanted us to be friends again, I knew he didn’t tell you. Then we started sleeping together whenever you were in town and you seemed like the same Ian to me. You hadn’t changed and you were living in a different country. I knew I needed to tell you, but I never managed to say the words. It didn’t help that you were wanting more from me and I didn’t know if I could trust you.”
“That’s no reason to keep my daughter from me!” he explodes. “Does she even know about me?”
“Well, she’s two—almost three. It’s hard to tell her she has a father and her to really understand the concept.”
His shoulders slump and he nods. “What’s her name?”
“Savannah.”
“Pretty.”
“Thank you.”
He nods. “She’s why you always meet me at the hotel, isn’t she?”
“Yeah.”
“You should’ve told me.”
“I know. I’m sorry, but I thought your father did and when you didn’t get in touch with me that you didn’t want anything to do with us.”
“You should know me better.” He finally looks at me.
“Well, I thought I knew your father enough that he would’ve told you I was pregnant, too. Why didn’t you tell me you became a pro player?”
“Fuck,” Ian curses. “My first season would’ve been when you called Dad to tell him. He probably thought I would fuck up my career.”
“Would you have?”
“No,” he immediately answers. “You could’ve come live with me; I’d just have to convince you to move to another country.” Ian sighs. “Fuck. Who would’ve wanted to move to another country alone with a new baby while her boyfriend would be working and traveling? Anyway, you never cared for sports and it’s just a job. It’s my dream job, yeah, but it’s just a job. I didn’t figure you’d care all that much.”
“Are you kidding me? Of course I care. That’s something huge that happened to you, Ian, and I missed it.” He’s living his dream and he didn’t think I would care? God, that hurts.
“Welcome to my life,” he mutters. He finds my gaze again. “Is she why you don’t want to be with me?”
“No.”
“Then why?”
“Does it matter? Can you honestly say that you still want a relationship with me now? I didn’t tell you that you have a daughter, Ian.”
He clenches his jaw. “No, I can’t say that because I’m too fucking pissed, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want an answer.”
I sigh. He’s too stubborn for his own good. “You hurt me, Ian. You cheated on someone else with me. I told you that I loved you and you were adamant that you didn’t love me back. That fucking hurt! And for a long time, you hurt me worse by rejecting me and my child until I figured out that you didn’t even know. It wasn’t easy to be friends with you again and then to start sleeping with you somewhat regularly. I’m comfortable with what we were because I got to have you without worrying about getting hurt. Anything more is too risky.”
“And you hate risks,” he supplies. “You do know that our entire relationship as it is right now is because of risks, right? The risk of talking to a stranger in an airport. The risk of continuing to talk and getting to know one another. The risk that that person would change over time. The risk I took when I kissed you and you kissed me back. The risk we took to sleep together and to continue that every time I was in town. We’re built on risks, gorgeous, and you know what? They all turned out to be worth it.”
“But it’s not just about me anymore, Ian.”
“Yeah,” he says with a nod. “We have a daughter.”
Oh my goodness. My heart just exploded. Good. Maybe it can stop giving me problems. “Do you want to get to know her?”
“Yes,” Ian answers immediately.
“If I introduce you to her, there’s no walking away. Whether we’re together or not in whatever capacity, you can’t walk away from her.”
He nods in understanding. Ian glances over his shoulder toward her room. “I don’t know how to be a father,” he says quietly.
“You’re in luck. I don’t know how to be a mother. I wing it.”
Ian laughs. “That shouldn’t comfort me, but it does.”
I smile and for a moment, it’s like we’re normal. Or, our version of it. It’s too much. He’s still pissed. I’m pissed, though his lies are nowhere near as bad as mine. Looking away, I take a deep breath. “You should go home. Absorb your new role in life. We’ll work something out for you to officially meet her.”
“Do you think she’ll like me?”
“Absolutely. I was going to tell you the next time I saw you, by the way.”
“It’s been almost two years since we started talking again, Sydney. Two years of you keeping it from me and not just my dad.” Ian shakes his head. “Pretty pissed at both of you.”
“I know.” Ian missed so much of Savannah’s life and part of that is my fault. “Stay right here.” I get up and go to my bedroom. A few moments later, I return with three photo albums. I set them in his lap. “You’ll see her grow up. There’s also her weight when she was born and that kind of thing.” I pause. “Her full name is Savannah Lynn Jarvis. I didn’t think you wanted anything to do with her, so I gave her my last name. Plus, without you there to sign the birth certificate, she got my last name anyway. We can get you added, I’m sure, if you want. I don’t know what we would have to do, but we could look into it.”
“Okay, thanks. I’m going to head home.”