Chapter 21
The next morning when Lissa woke up, Tank was gone, but the bed next to her was still warm and his scent clung to it.
She didn’t know what to make of that, or what to do. She and Tank had bared their souls, but she didn’t know how he’d feel about it his morning. She gathered up her clothes and walked across to the cabin, slipping in the back door near Tank’s room. She kind of hoped he wouldn’t finish hooking up the tiny house shower—then she wouldn’t have an excuse to use the fabulous billionaire bathroom any more.
She’d barely made it to the bathroom door when suddenly he was there in front of her, filling the hallway, blocking her way with one hand against the wall.
“Hey,” he said softly.
“Hey.” She didn’t know what to say to him. Was he going to pretend nothing had happened, like before?
He was looking down at her, his face scruffy and tired-looking, those gorgeous green eyes soft and concerned. “Say something,” he said.
She looked up at him. Flynn had said not to give him too hard a time, but she couldn’t keep worrying about everything she said being wrong.
“I’m afraid you’re going to get mad again. Or stop talking to me.”
He bit his lip, looking lost and unhappy. “I won’t.” He sighed, and amended it to, “I’ll try not to.”
At least he was being honest.
“Okay,” she said. “When stuff happens between us, good or bad, I can’t pretend like it never did. And I hate walking on eggshells around a guy, trying to figure out if they’re going to explode or not. I did enough of that with my stepfather, and I saw my mother doing it too—looking to him all the time for clues about how she was supposed to be, no matter how she felt or what she needed.”
His eyes were worried, then ashamed. “I didn’t mean to do that,” he said.
“I know,” she said. “But you did. I get you’re going through stuff,” she added. “But either we go through it together—as friends, or…something else—or I don’t think I can stay here.”
He looked down at her, then reached out slowly and touched her cheek. “I don’t want you to go,” he said. “Thinking about it scares me. It scares my bear.”
Relief flooded through her. Despite her words, she didn’t want to go. And her bear didn’t either. “Then what?” she asked.
Tank stroked her cheek with his fingertips, very gently. “I don’t know what this can be,” he said. “I think…I want to be more than friends. But I don’t know how. Angie was my true mate. I don’t—I don’t know what this is.” He trailed his fingers down her neck. “Can we just take it slow?”
She nodded. When he looked at her like this, when he touched her like this, she’d agree to anything, just to keep him close.
She said, “Does that mean I have to take a shower by myself?”
His eyes grew smoky, and his breathing quickened. His gaze dropped to her breasts, and they flooded with heat, her nipples contracting.
He took deep breath, his chest expanding, and then blew it out noisily. “I think probably you’d better. But come out to the kitchen after. Flynn’s making pancakes.”
He dropped a quick kiss on the top of her head, and then walked away, turning once to look back at her. She watched his tight, muscular ass in his low-slung jeans, and sighed.
Take it slow.
For the next few days, that’s exactly what they did. They both stuck around the compound—Flynn had decreed that he wanted them there until he was sure their bears had settled enough to be safe out in public.
Tank spent the time working with the crew upgrading the others’ shelters, making sure everything was snug for the winter. It was getting near Thanksgiving, and the weather had turned cold for real. Lissa helped where she could, though her construction skills were minimal. Tank seemed to like having her near him, though, and he taught her some of the basics. He was a good teacher, giving clear instructions and explanations, and patient with questions and mistakes.
He also finished the tiny house, sealing the deck and getting the plumbing all hooked up, although Lissa still used the billionaire bathroom at every opportunity. Every time she entered her little jewel of a tiny house, though, she was filled with gratitude that she wasn’t living all alone in her cold, dark squat anymore, hungry and desperate.
Tank had given her so much more than he could possibly understand.
But taking it slow was sometimes torture. Tank was affectionate and attentive—even bordering on clingy. He was always touching her—a brush of shoulders, a hand at her waist, fingers brushing back her hair. At night they’d talk or read or watch TV in the living room of the cabin, or in her tiny house loft, and he always wanted her snuggled up close to him, sharing a bowl of popcorn or a tub of ice cream.
It was nice—nicer than any relationship she’d ever had—but Lissa wanted more. Being so close to him, feeling those hard muscles and breathing his scent, remembering the feel of his hands and the taste of his skin, him filling her with his hardness, made her feel like she was wet all the time.
She knew Tank thought about it too. Sometimes he’d look at her with that dark, smoky gaze, and it sent shivers right down between her legs. Other times she could see his boner filling his jeans, pressing up against the zipper, and she knew he wanted her too.
But he always let the moment slip by, and despite what she’d said to him in the hallway, she was scared to push it further.
Flynn also rescinded Rule Six, refusing to let Lissa try to Change until they could figure out what kind of magic Brother Damien had put into her. Flynn had put a call in to someone he knew—the man who’d given him his blue alpha magic—but he was on tour in Europe with his wife, country singer Ashley Silver, and he wouldn’t be back until after Thanksgiving.
Everything in her life seemed to be on hold.
She was just starting to go stir-crazy, when on the fifth day Tank came bounding into the tiny house while she was running a load of wash with her few clothes in it.
“Get your city duds ready, little lady,” he said, in a pitiful rendition of a cowboy twang. “Flynn says we can go shopping today.”
Lissa’s eyes went wide. “Really?” As much as she loved her itty bitty house, she wasn’t used to being tied to the same tiny circle of land. Even in the cult, there was the big house, plus fields and barns and gardens and apiaries. It wasn’t quite so…claustrophobic.
“Yep.” Tank grinned at her, his smile melting her heart as usual. He had on a nice pair of jeans—not his construction clothes—and a gray knit shirt that clung to his chest in a way that made her want to run her hands over it. “We’re going to get you some clothes, and boots, and a winter jacket, and…”
“Whoa,” Lissa said. “Not too much.”
“Just what you need,” Tank said. “I have the list here.” He tapped the pocket of his shirt, where Lissa could see a corner of yellow paper sticking out. She eyed it suspiciously. That pocket looked really thick, like there was more than one page of paper folded up in there.
She’d have to keep an eye on him. She didn’t want to be too beholden to anyone. It always came back to bite you in the end.
Tank was feeling way too good at the thought of spending the afternoon shopping with Lissa, buying her everything she needed and lots more she didn’t. Even Flynn’s last-minute admonitions barely dampened his spirits.
“If any growling starts, come home. Red glowy eyes, ditto. Raging desires to attack some kid flipping burgers and take over his grill, come home. And take these.”
He handed each of them a small hinged box. Tank knew what it was, but Lissa opened hers to look. Inside were two needle-sharp darts.
“Tranquilizer darts,” Flynn said. “One is enough to take either one of you down, but better to have spares.” He looked from one of them to the other. “No fucking around,” he said. “If something starts to go sideways, just jam the dart into whoever is losing it and pretend they passed out.”
“And then what?” Lissa asked, looking like she didn’t know whether to be amused or appalled. “Tank can carry me to the truck, if he has to, but I’m just going to be stuck with a passed-out Incredible Hulk Man in the middle of a mall, with people trying to take him to the hospital.”
“Fucking hell, don’t let them do that,” Flynn said. “Tell them you belong to some religion that doesn’t believe in science, and medical treatment is forbidden.”
“I’ll tell them he’s the Bear God Incarnate, and cannot be touched by hands other than those of his worshipers,” she said wickedly. “Like me.”
Tank grinned, and Flynn facepalmed. “I don’t know why I’m letting you do this,” he said. “Worst. Alpha. Ever.”
He was doing it because Tank had begged him to. He’d spent days sticking close to Lissa, spending time with her, until all he could think about was stripping her naked and pleasuring her body until she was a quivering mass of multiple orgasms, and then plunging his cock into her until she came again.
He needed to take her on a date. Buy her things. Someplace where making love to her until she clawed his back and screamed his name wasn’t an option.
Because he didn’t know if his bear could handle that. And he didn’t want to hurt her again by seeming to promise her things he couldn’t give her.
The mall was the perfect choice—especially when he saw her face. She looked around at the glittering scene, all bright lights and colorful window displays and metallic sheen signs, and her eyes sparkled like a kid on her first trip to the candy store.
His bear hummed in pleasure. Protect. Provide. Basic instincts, along with “procreate,” which he didn’t want to think about right now, because the very scent of her made him so horny he felt like he had a constant boner.
Shopping. List. Right.
They went from store to store, both of them giddy with freedom. Tank bought her jeans and tops and sweaters and pajamas and shoes and boots and a whole crapload of stuff from the Bath and Body store. Every time she protested, he claimed Flynn had okayed the list, and was going to ream Tank out if she didn’t have everything she needed.
Which was only a little true, because Tank was way exceeding the budget, kicking in his own money because every time they added another bag to the huge assortment he carried, his bear felt a little lighter and happier.
She balked at the electronics store, saying she didn’t need a cell phone because she didn’t know anyone to call but the crew, and she could do that by shouting from the porch of her tiny house.
“Flynn’s orders,” Tank said smugly, and it was even true. She flat-out refused the laptop computer, even though he could tell by her eyes how much she wanted it.
“You have to have it,” he said. “You know we all have to get jobs and contribute to the crew finances, and you need to brush up your web production and marketing skills. I’ll talk to Flynn about signing you up for online classes.”
“Really?” she said, stroking the sleek computer. “I guess if it’s to get a job…”
The computer joined the other purchases.
“Flynn says” worked fine until they got to the store that sold winter coats and boots. They’d already bought her work boots and hiking boots, but when Tank insisted on getting her the bunny boots with the faux fur, along with a hot pink hooded winter jacket with matching faux fur trim she obviously adored, Lissa dug in her heels. “That’s totally impractical. How am I supposed to do construction work in that?”
“Right,” Tank said. “You need a durable, dark-colored one too.”
Lissa stopped dead, hands on her hips, her gorgeous blue eyes narrowed. “Tank. Stop. There is no way in hell Flynn okayed all this. There are NO bunny boots on that list.”
Tank held the list out of her reach. “You don’t know that.”
The blue gaze grew narrower. “Don’t make me go glowy-eyed on you.”
Tank gave up. “Okay,” he said. “I might be slightly guilty of budget-busting. My b—” He broke off, glancing around the store at all the people within earshot. “I mean, Jiminy Cricket likes buying you stuff. It makes him happy.”
Lissa rolled her eyes at the code name. “And who’s going to pay for all that? I don’t want to be in debt to Flynn before I even get a job.”
“I’m paying,” Tank said. “I wouldn’t run up debt for you without asking.”
“That’s exactly what you’re doing. Except to you, not to Flynn.”
He faced her, cupping her face with one hand. This was important. “There’s no debt here, Lissa,” he said. “Not between us.”
She shook her head. “I don’t like to owe people,” she told him. “Trust me, out on the streets, it never ends well. They say there’s no strings, but they always want something back when you least expect it.”
Tank didn’t know if he wanted to hug her up tight, or bear-smack all the people who’d made her so wary that she only felt safe relying on herself.
Instead, he said, “Look, I admit I don’t know how to do this relationship thing. Maybe I’m doing it wrong. But you need the things, and it hurts me to see you making do with inadequate clothes when there’s something I can do about it.”
He brushed back a strand of her curly hair, the way he loved to do. He felt her lean slightly into his touch. He said softly, “Taking care of you, making sure you’re happy and have everything you need, it settles…Jiminy. Please let me.”
She dropped her eyes, fiddling with the zipper of the pink jacket. He could see her fighting with herself, taking deep breaths, and he waited her out. He couldn’t force her to trust him.
Finally, in a low voice, she said, “Okay. But this is it. No more. Promise.”
“Okay, promise.” He tilted her chin up and kissed her lightly. “Thanks.”
“Why are you thanking me? You’re the one bankrupting yourself.”
He just grinned and tweaked her nose. “Because I’m having so much fun, Little Bear.”
She smacked his hand away, but he’d managed to make her smile. “That’s Little Jiminy to you, Hulk,” she said.